Chapter 16
I’d dismissed Chadwick when I left to confront Vaughn, asking him to clean up the mess he’d made on the floor before he left, with a soft “please.” I was appreciative to see that he’d acquiesced to my request, despite the state of him.
Other than the steady hum of the engine, my office was quiet, leaving me alone with my thoughts…such a dangerous place to be after how I’d left things up on the bridge.
I stared at my blank comm screen for an indeterminate amount of time while I replayed that fucking kiss over and over and over again.
This attraction to Vaughn was becoming a problem.
I hadn’t meant to dry hump him like a dog in heat, but his hands were everywhere, and the way he kissed me absolutely lit me on fire.
At certain points, it almost felt like an out-of-body experience, surrendering to how he made my body physically respond to him.
I was completely out of control of my actions.
I should have been embarrassed, but oddly, I couldn’t find it in me to feel any sort of shame. I wanted to kiss him, and so I had.
A knock on the doorframe pulled me from my reverie.
I looked up to find Cassidy’s bottle-green eyes darkened, his brow pinched in concern. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, taking slow strides into my office before sitting in the chair across from me.
“Yeah.” I nodded, my voice not coming out as loud as I had wanted it to.
He held out his hand expectantly across the desk.
I glanced down at it and then back up at him in confusion.
“Can I see what happened?” His palm twitched.
“No—it’s okay—” I looked down at my hand and the delicate bandaging that Vaughn had placed around both wounds. “I’m fine.” I glanced back up at him.
Cassidy pursed his lips but pulled his hand back, placing it into his lap. “The captain made a bad call,” he told me. “He shouldn’t have ordered you to do that—he shouldn’t have put you in danger.”
“We’re in the middle of space,” I reasoned. “Shit happens.”
“Maybe someone should report him—”
“Don’t!” I snapped.
His jaw ticked. There was so much he wanted to say, but was holding back.
“I’m not Xavier’s little shadow anymore. I can take care of myself,” I retorted.
But when Cassidy’s expression faltered, I regretted the harshness of my tone. I hadn’t meant to wound him.
“I know you mean well,” I clarified. “It’s just par for the course in this line of work.” I shrugged.
“I just—” Cassidy paused, mulling over his next words. “He’s been increasingly reckless, and I would have thought with you on board—being granted an exception, for fuck’s sake, that he would dial it back a notch, ya know?”
I sighed. The thing was, I didn’t know.
“I just don’t know what you see in the guy—you always needed stability and order,” he observed.
“I still need that, but my entire life has been nothing but chaos,” I argued, not really understanding why this topic was getting me heated at all.
“All I do is play catch-up, and adjust to whatever shit the universe throws my way. I know he’s not perfect, but I care about him.
” The words were meant to be a white lie, but as they passed my lips, I found that maybe there was more truth in them than I’d realized.
Cassidy leaned back in the chair, exhaling a loud breath as he studied me, trying to make sense of why the girl he used to know would ever deign to be with someone like Vaughn.
But I wasn’t that girl—I hadn’t been for a long time, and in reality, Cassidy didn’t know me any better than Vaughn did because he hadn’t been there when I’d needed him most.
“He’s not good enough for you,” he grumbled, finally saying what I knew he’d been waiting to tell me since he discovered I had an exception with Vaughn.
I was tired and I didn’t want to fight anymore. “It doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “We have an exception. What’s done is done.”
Cassidy took a beat before pitching forward, over the desk. “I need you to tell me if he’s ever been violent with you,” he whispered, his eyes pleading with me.
“What!?” I sputtered, taken aback by the accusation.
“I thought I heard someone get hit when you were in his office.” He swallowed.
“Oh.” I couldn’t help but half laugh.
My reaction confused Cassidy.
“I—” I could feel my cheeks heat. “I slapped him,” I admitted.
“Not my proudest moment, and I owe him an apology. I don’t think I’ve actually ever hit someone before today, come to think of it.
” The shame of what I’d done rushed through my body, coming to rest in my chest, which felt uncomfortably tight.
“Okay.” He didn’t seem quite appeased by my answer.
“Listen, Vaughn has never gotten physical with me. But I know if I was ever uncomfortable, I could confide in you,” I offered.
He gave me a solemn nod before getting up from his chair. “I’m always here for you, L,” he said softly, using my childhood nickname intentionally to articulate his point, before sauntering out of my office.
Exhausted at the end of my shift, I felt myself going cross-eyed looking at ship schematics. When I’d repaired the engine, I’d noted something that was off, but it had been during the worst of the panic, and I couldn’t remember what it was.
I just knew that something in the engineering bay wasn’t where it was supposed to be, according to the schematics loaded onto my comm, and it had been eating at me since Cassidy left.
I closed out the program on my comm and pushed back from the desk, tidying a few things before I left to head up a level to the mess hall to grab a quick bite before going to bed.
Oh…fuck, bed…
But before I could go down that rabbit hole, my ears perked up as I thought I was hearing male voices singing from down the hall.
And sure enough, when I made it to the mess, there were Ethan and Rion, sitting on top of the table, with a suspicious half-full bottle of clear liquid positioned between them.
“LARK!” Ethan hollered the moment he saw me lurking in the doorway.
My eyes widened at his exuberant greeting.
He scrambled off the table and grabbed me, pulling me back to Rion. “This woman saved our hides today, Ri.” Ethan’s words were slightly slurred.
Rion’s cheeks were bright pink—I assumed from what they’d been drinking. “Thank you.” He reached forward and grabbed my uninjured hand, shaking it up and down for much longer than socially acceptable, before I kindly pulled away.
“We’re going to drink to you, Chief.” Ethan half stumbled to the cabinet and pulled another glass before pouring out three servings for each of us.
“I’m good, and you both look like you’ve had enough,” I half-laughed.
Ethan sidled up right next to me, holding up the fresh glass he’d poured for me. “You’ll break my heart if you don’t share one drink with us.”
His breath was heavy with the scent of the alcohol, but this was the best interaction I’d had with him so far, and I hadn’t been terrible at holding my liquor while working covert ops, so I didn’t think that a double of whatever this was would cause too much of an issue.
“Fine,” I gave in. But the moment I got a whiff of the liquor as I pulled the glass up to my lips, I reared back. “This smells like ship fuel.” I glanced between the two of them, wide-eyed.
“We’ve named it starshine.” Ethan gave me a big toothy grin, slapping one of his big paws on Rion’s shoulder, causing a bit of the liquid to slosh out of his glass. “Ri’s been perfecting it since our maiden voyage. Don’t tell the cap.”
I had a feeling Vaughn already knew, but I saved that little tidbit.
I looked down at the glass. This was not going to be pleasant, but it was the best shot I had at ingratiating myself with them.
“Bottoms up.” I grimaced before swallowing every last drop of the horrid spirit in one go. I coughed and sputtered, but it all made it down.
“Now that’s my kinda girl!” Ethan crowed, nudging me with his shoulder in camaraderie.
The effects of Rion’s starshine were almost immediate. A burning warmth began to spread from my throat to my stomach and back up to my cheeks, which surely must have been blazing not a moment later.
“We should invite Natalie up here to join us.” Ethan grinned at Rion, clearly cajoling him.
“She’s sleeping; don’t bother her,” he insisted, his tone and expression immediately gone serious.
Ethan smirked, pleased he’d gotten the reaction he wanted. “When are you going to do something about her?” He leaned over the table on his elbows, toward Rion, showing his eagerness for a response.
Rion gulped. He was easy prey for Ethan. “I’m not. I mean—I don’t—we’re just friends. She’s my best friend,” he stuttered.
Maybe it was the starshine, but I couldn’t help but voice an audible “aww” at his sentiment. “Don’t listen to Ethan. If you and Natalie are meant to be”—and they definitely were—“it’ll happen when the timing is right.”
He gave me an appreciative nod.
Ethan wasn’t happy I’d taken his side. “If you’re not interested, maybe I’ll shoot my shot.”
I couldn’t help but let out a strangled laugh at his arrogance.
“What!?” He turned on me. “She’d be lucky to have me. I’ve gotten excellent feedback from every chick I’ve banged.”
Rion and I took the opportunity to break into a fit of laughter.
Ethan’s facade slipped for a moment before he was back to his regular bluster.
“You’re not Natalie’s type.” I smiled. “Better shoot your shot elsewhere.”
“Oh yeah? Then who’s her type?” He rolled his eyes.
Without uttering a word, I pointed at Rion. He shrank back, not wanting the attention from Ethan, but I could see a gleam of vindication in his eyes that Ethan surely missed.
“Fine, then what’s your type?” Ethan turned the tables on me.
I gave him a pointed stare. Of course the correct answer would be to say that Vaughn was my type, and truthfully, he really was. It was terrible how handsome and rugged and muscular I found him to be, and how everything about him, even the way he fought with me, turned me on. It wasn’t fair.
“Well, you have terrible taste, especially considering you slept with the captain practically the second you met him,” Ethan grumbled.
“Ethan.” Rion smacked his arm in protest.
But according to the story we were peddling, that was what we’d insinuated. “What can I say, I know what I like.” I gave him a wide smile. If I showed even a hint of embarrassment, he would jump on it.
There were bits of Ethan that reminded me of Xavier, and despite how close we had always been, he’d been merciless with his teasing, but just as ruthless of a protector.
“You can be honest with me, Mrs. Vaughn—”
I guffawed at the title.
“It was supposed to be a one-night stand, wasn’t it?” Ethan continued.
Now I knew the starshine was most certainly kicking in. The room and my senses were beginning to slightly blur around the edges in the most delightful way. But the other typical consequence of my own inebriation was kicking in, and all sorts of amorous thoughts were taking flight in my mind.
Ethan’s mention of a one-night stand sparked this awful and likely delusional train of thought that maybe if I offered Vaughn a one-night pass to fuck me seven ways until Sunday, no strings attached, that he just might take me up on it.
He was definitely interested; that much was clear.
I didn’t think it would really be so difficult to coax him into a quick tryst with me.
If we hadn’t been interrupted in his office, who knew what would have happened.
It felt so good to be in his lap and feel how much he needed me even through the thick layers of our uniform fabric.
Giving up on teasing me, Ethan turned the topic to Vaughn.
“You know, we thought he might not be interested in anyone after a while. He’s had plenty of men and women and everyone else in between throw themselves at him at port after port, but he always came back to the ship alone.
Then he showed up with a fucking exception.
” Ethan shakes his head in astonishment.
“I’m assuming the sex must be amazing for him to give you the time of day, especially since he got married to the first girl he—”
“That’s enough, O’Malley,” Vaughn’s deep voice boomed from the door to the mess.
“I was talking you up, Cap.” Ethan grinned.
I could feel Vaughn bristling behind me. The heat rolling off that muscular body of his, and getting a brief whiff of his musky aftershave, had me melting.
I looked up at him when I felt his hand settle at the small of my back.
His gaze met mine, that molten chocolate always assessing. “You’re drunk.” It came out as a statement of fact.
A sudden bubble of laughter erupted from my lips, because yes, I was drunk. I felt good. And I wanted to make him feel good.
“It’s called starshine.” I giggled.
Vaughn scoffed before scooping me up and throwing me over his shoulder, like an absolute caveman.
“Vaughn!” I screeched, struggling in his hold.
“Let’s get you to bed, Trouble.” He punctuated the sentiment with a quick slap on my ass, eliciting a squeal from me.
“Show ’em who’s boss, Lark!” Ethan hollered after us.