Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Rage
I should be back pedaling, but for some reason, I refuse.
Somewhere deep down, I knew from the moment she told me about her plan that I would offer myself up.
The idea that some jerk who has no idea how to handle a woman like her is going to be the one to get her pregnant is ridiculous.
More than I can stand. She’s a hell of a woman and this Roger prick doesn’t deserve her.
Obviously, there’s a lot to discuss, and I haven’t thought that far ahead, but she’s not taking me seriously.
“This is a joke, right?” She demands. “We barely know each other!”
“Well, I guess that’s going to have to change.
“Rage, we can’t just randomly make a baby.”
“That’s what you were going to do with Roger,” I point out.
“Roger and I were actually in a relationship, even if it turned out not to be a good one!”
“You said it didn’t have to be the perfect guy, and I can’t promise you perfection, but I’ll be a giving lover, a good provider, and an even better co-parent.”
She frowns and I have the strangest urge to kiss her. Her lips are wet, like she just licked them, and her pretty blue eyes are trained on mine.
But this isn’t the right moment.
If we’re going to make a baby, there will be plenty of opportunities for kissing.
She has to agree first.
“Okay, stop fucking with me. This is ludicrous.”
“Why?”
She throws up her hands. Luckily, this time she’s not holding a pair of shoes with heels thick enough to leave a mark if they hit me. “Because you don’t just walk into the office of a coworker and announce it like it’s just another day.”
“I didn’t. We’ve been talking about the situation on and off all night. It’s perfectly reasonable.”
“It’s not.”
“It doesn’t have to be complicated.” I perch on the edge of her desk again. “You get pregnant, I make sure you have everything you need, and then we figure out how to co-parent. Maybe figure out if we like each other in the process.”
“Of course we like each other!” She glares at me. “But this…I mean, it’s insane. Who does this?”
“Us?” I cock my head curiously.
“Even if I didn’t think this was crazy…what about the getting pregnant part?”
A laugh rumbles out of me. “Princess, that’s the easy part.”
Her face is serious as she slowly shakes her head. “Actually, it’s not. It’s probably going to be the hard part for me. That’s why it’s so important for me to start now. Before I get any older. And then there’s the part about the sex.”
The sex? What on earth is she talking about?
“I’m not sure I’m following,” I say slowly. “All kidding aside, are you worried that the sex is going to be bad or that the necessity to have sex regularly is somehow a problem?”
“Would you even want to have sex with me?”
“Princess, I’m pretty sure I’ve answered that question multiple times tonight, just by virtue of how beautiful I think you are.”
She frowns but then seems to deflect. “We’d want to maximize our chances by keeping track of my ovulation, which doesn’t happen often. So, when it does, we’d have to—”
“Get right to it.” I nod. “That’s only a problem if I’m out of town, but that’s one part of this we can’t control because you occasionally travel too.
I can request that I only take local assignments short-term, but some of the other guys have families, so we’re going to have to split the travel among all of us. ”
“Yeah.” Despite saying yes, she’s shaking her head. “But what will we tell our friends? Our co-workers? Oh yeah, no biggie, Rage and I barely know each other but decided to have a baby…that sounds crazy. It is crazy.”
“That’s not what we’d tell people,” I say patiently. “We’re dating. You get pregnant. Guess we’re going to be serious. What we say or do privately is none of anyone’s business.”
She stares, eyes narrowed as if she can’t figure me out.
“You know you’re going to agree,” I say. “So why all the posturing? Just say yes and let’s get into the nitty-gritty.”
Her eyes widen. “Here?”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Not that nitty-gritty. The part where I should get a physical and some bloodwork done before we start getting naked without protection.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks are a delightful shade of pink. “Rage. Elliott.”
Uh oh. She’s pulling out my real name. Whatever’s coming should be interesting.
“This is a lifelong commitment. Child support might only last eighteen years but he or she will be your kid forever.”
“I can afford it.”
“And it might get messy. What if I don’t get pregnant for…a year?”
“I think we’re circling back to the whole thing where sex is fun. I mean, do you think you’re not going to enjoy the getting pregnant part?”
“I don’t…always.” Her expression is guarded, like she’s embarrassed about this.
But of all the things to worry about, her pleasure isn’t even in the top five.
“You will,” I promise gruffly. “That’s one thing I can promise you.”
“Well, you can’t go out with other women while we’re together!” she blurts.
“Believe me, I don’t have time to be jumping into bed with different women. I’m still pretty damn good, but I’m not seventeen.”
“Maybe not, but what if you get bored…with… me?”
There it is—the vulnerability she keeps so well-hidden most of the time.
“Princess, there isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to get bored. Can you at least try to believe that?”
She nods, but I can tell she’s still hesitant.
I don’t know what I have to do to make her agree because the more this sits with me, the more I know it’s the right move.
I said it as a joke earlier but it stuck with me, and when the words slipped out a second time, it instantly became real.
Imagining her pregnant with my child gives me a semi.
The thought of Roger—or anyone that isn’t me—knocking her up is physically painful.
I literally can’t even imagine it now that this idea has taken hold.
“Just tell me what’s on your mind,” I say finally. “The truth. Whatever it is. If you don’t like guys with muscles. If you think people are going to talk shit about us. Whatever it is, spit it out.”
“I like who I am,” she says carefully. “I’ve come to accept my body and the hormonal things this disease does to it.
I’m extremely intelligent and hardworking, but I’m also quirky as fuck.
My hair will probably never be the same color—well, until I get pregnant.
Then I’ll stop dying it until the baby comes. ”
I don’t comment, waiting for her to get out whatever it is that’s causing her hesitation.
“And I love sex. I’m down for almost anything with a serious partner, but since we wouldn’t be in a romantic relationship, I’m already uncomfortable thinking about you seeing me naked.
And—” She continues, lifting a hand to stop me when I open my mouth.
“—I have a past. I’m not talking about body count, either. ”
“We’ll get back to your body in a minute,” I say. “But what kind of past?”
“The kind that got me arrested. That got my records sealed. That forced me into bankruptcy. And a lot of other things you don’t know.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t murder anyone.”
She gives me a wry smile. “No. This is about my past as a hacker.”
“I already know about all that. Not the details but that you have a checkered past. It’s irrelevant.”
“Elliott.” She says my name like she’s being patient with me. As if I’m a little slow on the uptake. “You’re familiar with the dark web, right?”
“Yes.”
“They used to call me the Cipher Whisperer. I could find anything. Hack anything. Other hackers wanted to be me. Security experts hated me. Law enforcement was desperate to find me.”
“And they did.”
“Yes.”
“Did you go to prison?” My chest tightens at the thought of it, but she shakes her head.
“Almost, but no. The FBI gave me a choice—work for them or never work with computers again. And I chose the latter.”
“Why?”
“Because…” She blows out a breath. “It’s way too complicated to get into tonight.”
“Does Daniil know?”
“Daniil knows everything. In fact, he came looking for me. And that’s another thing. On paper, I am Shadow Security’s administrative assistant. Technically, I’m still not supposed to be working on computers.”
“Why weren’t we told?” I ask abruptly. “What if something had come up when the feds were here because of Allora and the sex trafficking ring? It could have outed you!”
She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “They wouldn’t easily recognize me. I don’t look the same, and back then my name wasn’t Luna.”