Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Luna
Secrets are dangerous. I know that and I’m sure Rage does too, but as he sits there, still perched against my desk, he doesn’t seem overly concerned.
“You’re Luna to me,” he says quietly.
“You have to understand that I’m in witness protection and—”
“I don’t care,” he interrupts. “I kind of figured. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is who you are now.”
I stare for a beat.
I never dreamed someone like Rage would be willing to do this with me.
Not just making the baby but it sounds like he wants to date?
I need to clarify, because this is overwhelming.
And hell, I was willing to settle for Roger.
Rage is a million times better than him, in every way that matters.
A gorgeous man who’ll hopefully get me pregnant and then stay around to be a father to the baby.
Maybe even…be a real couple? How is that possible? Rage couldn’t want me like that.
Would he? It almost sounds like it, which is baffling. It can’t be possible.
Of course, I thought working cyber security would be impossible too, but look at me now.
When Daniil found me, my luck changed in so many ways. I was working at a big chain electronics store, selling computers. I didn’t have anything to do with coding—it was all about the quality and quantity of RAM and CPUs and graphics cards.
He bought me a cup of coffee and told me I was infamous in Europe.
That his friend who used to be in the CIA heard good things about me.
Because even though I broke the law, I did it for all the right reasons.
If I wanted to work for him, to continue the work of taking down bad guys, he would protect me.
And pay me more than I’ve ever made before in the process.
Essentially, he invited me to be part of something important.
Because Shadow Security isn’t just about protecting rich people—it’s about protecting the poor, the underrepresented, and the vulnerable. Women who need to get away from abusive husbands. Runaways who desperately need help getting started in life. Sex workers who are ready to make a change.
That’s the work we’re going to be doing behind the scenes once we’re fully operational. The big clients will pay to run the business—everything else is about making changes in the world, in whatever way we can.
I took a leap of faith to come work here.
And now it seems like I’m about to do it again.
“I don’t know how we do this,” I admit finally. “Like, do you just show up to my apartment ready to have sex?” I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t think I’m built that way.”
He nods. “Of course not. We’d spend time getting to know each other.
And the timing is fortuitous. I need to make an appointment with my doctor and get bloodwork done anyway, which probably won’t happen for a week or so.
Then it’ll take the lab a few days to send the results. That gives us a little time.”
To my horror, my eyes fill with tears. He’s not just gorgeous and sweet, he’s thoughtful. And he’s serious about this. Which is absolutely flabbergasting. This beautiful, powerful, hunk of a man wants to make a baby with me.
“You’re sure?” I whisper, trying to keep the tears puddling in my eyes from falling.
“Of course, I’m sure.”
“What happens if you change your mind? We can break up but the baby will still need its daddy.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not going to happen. If we make a baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
“If we do this, I want to be sure to sign something saying I’m not entitled to any of your assets, and you aren’t entitled to mine. If you want to start a trust or something for the baby, that’s a separate thing, but we both need to protect ourselves.”
He nods. “Of course. I’ll help with whatever you need—from the basics like diapers to the bigger things like a college savings account that we contribute to equally. I know you have health insurance but I’m willing to put the baby on mine if you want.”
“There are a lot of details,” I admit. “But I’d like both of us to be protected legally. Just in case.”
“Just in case what?”
“What if you meet someone and fall in love?”
He shrugs. “If I didn’t think we’d be good together, I wouldn’t have offered. You’ll need time to figure this out, but you can trust me, Luna.”
“I want to. I just don’t have a lot of good experiences with men.”
“I understand that. All I’m asking for is a chance to show you otherwise.”
How can I say no?
The truth is, I can’t.
“I guess we can talk about this some more, while we get bloodwork done and all that.”
He smiles. “Then I’d like to take you to dinner one night this week. Let’s figure out the schedule once Daniil and Courtney are back and we’ll go from there.”
“I’d like that.”
I watch him gather up the remnants of our breakfast and take it all out, and then I drum my fingers on the desk. The night didn’t start or end the way I expected it to.
I’m potentially going to have a baby.
With Rage.
With Rage the Cage.
With Elliott.
He’s so good-looking it hurts. As far as I’m concerned, he’s perfect. I’ve always found him handsome and a little bossy, but it never occurred to me he might be interested in me as a woman. I never dreamed my thoughts about him could ever be more than a fantasy.
The truth is, I’ve never had trouble getting dates. Relationships have proven to be a lot more difficult but dating is easy. I just don’t typically enjoy it. And sex is tricky because a guy has to know what he’s doing to get me off. That’s secondary, though.
The biggest obstacle, aside from my weight being a deterrent, will be the plethora of secrets I harbor.
I’ve told him the basics and that Daniil found me through high-level government channels. And if Daniil found me, that means other people could too.
Because of that, and myriad other reasons, it’s been easier to refrain from getting close to anyone, but here at Shadow Security we have to trust each other. And anyone doing even a rudimentary background check would discover that the real Luna Gallagher was born and died at four days old in 1990.
I was fairly certain Roger would never do any type of background check, so he only needed to know Luna, but it’s different with Rage. I don’t want to keep secrets from him but I’m not sure if it’s safe to tell him the rest.
Which means I’m going to have to talk to Daniil.
I’ll wait until he and Courtney have had a week or so to settle into being parents of two, but that will give us time to get our physicals and talk to an attorney.
At that point, if everything goes according to plan, I’m going to start sleeping with Rage the Cage.
I almost giggle at the thought.
I’m not a big fan of boxing or UFC or even MMA, but when Allora started talking about Rage the Cage, I had to look him up. I winced every time he took a punch, but man, he was absolutely intense when he fought. It was mesmerizing, even for someone like me who doesn’t know anything about the sport.
Something tells me my life is about to change in ways I never considered.
The real question, though, is whether or not I’ll actually get pregnant. That’s what scares me.
PMOS is a hormonal issue that affects the ovaries, but it can also impact other parts of the body.
Essentially, the body doesn’t make enough of the hormone needed to ovulate, and when ovulation doesn’t happen, small cysts form on the ovaries.
These cysts produce androgens, which are normally found in men.
Women have them in small amounts, but when you have PMOS, you wind up with an abundance.
It causes problems with my periods, weight gain, oily skin, and infertility. There are other, more serious symptoms, as well, like thinning hair or extra hair, and a much higher chance of ovarian cancer.
Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any of that, but my periods are a hot mess. Sometimes, I’ll go six months without one. Then I’ll get one that lasts for four or five weeks. And I bleed heavily, which is so uncomfortable.
I’ve managed my symptoms for a long time with birth control pills, but once I decided to get pregnant, I stopped taking them several months ago.
And the disease has wreaked havoc on my body ever since.
My OBGYN said she’ll do everything she can to help me, but there are things I should be doing too.
Like working out and eating healthier.
I try but it’s hard to find time to exercise when I work so many hours. It’s equally hard to take the time to make healthy meals. I’m better than I used to be but I know I have to keep working on it.
Maybe now that I have someone like Rage in my life, I’ll have the motivation I haven’t had in the past. Of course, watching him eat this morning, I don’t think he’ll be helpful in that regard.
Everyone here eats a lot. All the time. I kind of hate them—they eat whatever they want and still stay slim.
Yes, they work out, but I’ve worked out on and off for most of my life and I rarely lose more than five pounds.
I’d like to be in better shape before I get pregnant.
Suddenly, I have an idea.
Maybe Rage could teach me to fight.
Not the kind of fighting he does, but the kind that helps you work up a sweat and get stronger. After what happened to Allora, getting kidnapped and almost sex trafficked, we’ve discussed self-defense classes, but this would be more than that. Something Rage and I could share.
Beyond sex.
And a kid.
I don’t know if he’d be willing but I’ll ask. It can’t hurt and maybe it will help us get to know each other better in a way that has nothing to do with work, procreating, or even parenting.
Just two people sharing something important to both—he loves to fight and I need to learn how for myriad reasons.
Hopefully, I won’t make a fool of myself in the process.