Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rage
It takes a few seconds for her words to sink in.
“Ten years? In prison? For outing a bunch of fucking rapists?” I’m having a hard time understanding this.
She nods. “And when it was all said and done, after I spent every dime I had and a bunch I didn’t have on attorneys, they buried the list and I got a choice—work for the FBI, and essentially protect those awful people, or go into witness protection and never work in computers again.”
It’s hard to think of something to say because that had to be an impossible choice for her.
“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t imagine having to make a choice like that.”
“It was a dark time in my life.”
“I’m confused—isn’t rape illegal? Even if you still went to prison, why aren’t all the rapists in prison too?”
I snort. “Yeah, I’d like to know the answer to that as well.
Here’s the thing, there were thousands of names on that list. I recognized a handful, movie stars and politicians and European royalty, but it was thousands of names.
I didn’t read every single one. But the one that was the biggest problem was Albert Rifkin. ”
All I can do is stare. “He’s…isn’t he the Secretary of Health or some shit?” I ask. “Part of the President’s cabinet?”
“Yup. And as soon as the list came out, the FBI started scrubbing it from the internet and covering up the whole thing. Remember when we got involved in that skirmish in Qatar?”
I nod.
“They did that to give the public something big to focus on. Not a war but some bombs and whatnot, enough to distract everyone while they paid off who they had to and made me the scapegoat.”
“Jesus Christ.” I shake my head. “I had no idea. I guess I wasn’t paying attention.”
“You and almost everyone else. They worked fast. I mean, everything happened within hours. I sent out what I uncovered at midnight, thinking I’d wake up to it being a huge headline. Instead, I woke up to the FBI at my door, arresting me at eight in the morning.”
“Fuck.” I reach for her hand. “I’m sorry that happened.”
“By the time I agreed to go into WITSEC, I’d lost everything. I didn’t care where they sent me or what job they got me. I just didn’t want to be involved anymore.”
“Of course.”
“Does that make me a coward?”
“No. It makes you human.” I squeeze her hand tightly.
“Do you think less of me?”
“Why would I think less of you? You were in an impossible situation and parts of our government are obviously corrupt as fuck.”
“Yeah.” She sighs, staring off at nothing. “So Luna Gallagher isn’t a real person.”
“Of course she is! You’re you. Your name, whether it’s Shawna or Luna, doesn’t change who you are as a woman. Or who you are to me.”
She lifts her head and her gaze pierces mine. Like she can’t quite believe what I’m saying.
“What? Did you really think that story would change anything between us?” I lean down and brush my lips across hers, watching as her eyes flutter closed. “Honey, there’s nothing you could tell me that would do that.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Thank you. Hearing you say that means so much.” She leans over and rests her head on my shoulder and lets out a huge breath of relief. As if she’s been worried about this.
“Have you been worried about this? Like, legitimately afraid to tell me that story?”
“Not afraid but definitely concerned. I worry about a lot of things. Sometimes I wish I could turn myself off,” she admits softly.
“You can. When you’re with me, you should absolutely turn off. Let me do the heavy lifting when we’re together.”
“I’m not used to letting anyone help.”
“What about your parents? Are they still in your life?”
She shakes her head ruefully. “We had a falling out when I got arrested. They were embarrassed, their daughter was a criminal, shit like that. And unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to discuss what I knew, what was in those documents.
I only got my new identity by leaving everyone and everything in my past behind.
Including my parents. I got to say goodbye, but that was about it. ”
“That would be a lot for anyone. And you were, what? Twenty-five?”
“Twenty-seven.”
“How long have you been in witness protection?”
“Nearly six years. It took a while for everything to go down. In the meantime, I had to file bankruptcy because my legal fees wiped me out. I lost my job, my parents wanted nothing to do with me, and I never had a lot of friends in the first place. That’s why I’m so happy here.
Daniil and Courtney saved me in ways I can’t even explain.
And now I’m afraid that my past may screw up everything I’ve worked so hard to rebuild. ”
“Nothing is going to happen to you,” I say firmly. “Especially not when you’re with me.”
“I know, but you can’t stop the past from coming back to haunt me.”
“Why would it? You think Rifkin knows who you are?”
“He probably knows about Shawna but not necessarily where I wound up or my new identity. But there were thousands of names on that list. And they buried it so fast no one had time to get the details. The only good thing that came out of it is that the whole thing was shut down. The website and the whole organization. There was no way they could get back in business once that breach happened. They just wanted it to go away so all the powerful people on that list could deny everything.”
“Assholes.”
“But now you understand why I get nervous when weird things happen, like my accounts getting hacked and packages arriving.”
“Yeah, I can see that, but you know shit happens, right? You can’t get worked up over every little thing. My credit card got hacked last year. It sucked. I had to cancel everything, wait for a new card, change all my passwords…and I’m not in witness protection. Bad things happen to lots of people.”
“I know. But when they happen to me, I can’t help but start overthinking everything. It’s hard not to. Mostly because I have so much to lose now.”
“Eventually, you’ll get past that. And I’m always here for you, honey.
If you’re feeling nervous, scared, whatever it is—call me.
I’m usually no more than twenty minutes away.
If I’m traveling, call Allora or Grim. No one is going to think less of you because your past trauma occasionally haunts you. ”
“I’ve spent my entire adult life not being able to rely on anyone but myself. It’s hard to change gears like that.”
“If you’re going to be with me, you’ll have to get used to relying on someone because that’s how I roll. Also, because I’m crazy about you.”
I dip my head to capture her lips even as I see the look of amazement in her eyes. Like no one’s ever said that to her before. I’m just not sure if it’s the part about relying on someone or the fact that I’m crazy about her that has her so surprised.
Her lips part for me, and I let my tongue drift in to meet hers.
There’s an urgency that’s tempered by how out of sorts she’s been tonight.
I want to take her to bed and do every dirty, naughty thing I can think of, but I need to make sure she’s feeling more like herself first. Her comfort will always come before my libido—even when I know she wants me just as badly as I want her.
“Don’t you want to eat dinner?” I whisper against her mouth.
“I just want you,” she whispers back.
“Once I take you to bed, we might not come out for a while.”
Her eyes light up, and the worry I’ve been watching for the last hour disappears.
Okay, so maybe a few orgasms is the best way to distract her from her demons.
Without breaking our kiss, I lift to my feet with her still in my arms.
“Rage!” She gasps but I just carry her into the bedroom.
“Holy shit,” she says when I dump her on the bed. “This bed is huge.”
“I’m huge,” I respond, pulling off my shirt. “Last one to get undressed gets a spanking!”
She actually laughs, throwing back her head, and it’s exactly the lighthearted sound I enjoy from her.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, big guy.” She kicks out her foot and pokes me with her toe. I grab her foot and yank her toward me, leaning down to kiss a trail along her calf.
“I guess you lose,” I murmur between kisses, letting her skirt slide up her legs.
“Gosh darn it, I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to get a spanking.” She sighs dramatically and fans herself.
I chuckle, enjoying this playful side of her.
I’m also excited about the prospect of spanking her.
It’s yet another aspect of sex that I’ve always had to be cautious about because of my size.
I’m always hyper aware of my strength when I’m with a woman and sometimes the restraint can be a distraction.
With Luna, though, I don’t think I’m going to think about it beyond the obvious.
We already discussed consent—she knows she can tell me to stop at any time—and I would never hurt her.
“Who said you should get undressed?” I ask, sliding off my jeans. “You’ve already lost so you might as well let me have the privilege of doing it.”
“By all means then.” She flops back onto the mattress and raises her arms over her head.
With a grin, I crawl across the bed and straddle her hips with my knees. She’s wearing a pretty white lace top with big red decorative buttons and I take a moment to run my fingers over them.
“These are the same size as your nipples,” I say.
“That’s why I bought the shirt,” she deadpans.
We both snicker.
Then I slip my hands beneath her shirt, letting them skin the soft, warm skin of her torso.
Her stomach flutters ever so slightly and I lower my head so I can kiss the area around her belly button.
I can see the bottom of a white lacy bra but I’ll take that off soon enough.
First, I need to finish what I’m doing with her stomach.
She’s so soft, I can’t resist gently rubbing the side of my face against her skin.
She threads her fingers into my hair, caressing my scalp and the side of my face.
I lean into her touch because it’s become addictive in the short time we’ve been together.
I don’t just enjoy touching her—I really like how it feels when she touches me. And she’s not stingy about it.
I may take the lead in bed but she gives me what I need from a woman.
Attention.
Sweetness.
And the big thing for me—the lack of fear.
Never once has she winced or flinched or any of the things women often do just being around me. It’s not about being preconditioned, because I’ve never laid a hand on a woman in anger in my life, but more of a reflex reaction to someone so large being in your space.
Luna doesn’t have those reactions. Not once.
Not when I put my hand on her throat the other night while I was inside her. Not when I threaten to spank her. Never.
That, coupled with everything else I adore about her, tells me I was right all along—she’s it for me.