Chapter 14 #2
Sebastian stiffened but held her tight rather than pulling away. “You’re his long-lost love?”
“Phfft. No. We had sex once, m-months ago. I mean, maybe it was better than average, but he wanted more, and I didn’t. H-he’s finding it hard to b-believe I’m not interested in a r-relationship with h-him.”
For the first time since he’d set eyes on the curly-haired motherfucker, he felt sorry for the guy. Once with a woman like Nora would never be enough. “How come?”
“I d-don’t do r-relationships.” Her gaze hid from him, then she snuggled back against his chest.
“Why not?” He suspected he knew why.
She shrugged but said nothing.
What would it take for her to trust him with her secrets?
To open up? Was that her issue? The inability to open up that always kept her apart from others?
Was that why he felt this weird fascination and kinship with her?
Because he, too, had secrets he never shared?
Or was it a purely physical thing? Attraction?
He didn’t know. It had been a long time since he’d been interested in anyone and never anyone like Nora. Even before he’d researched her background, she’d appealed to him and not simply because of her grit, but it was her grit that destroyed him.
Did she feel warmer? She was still shivering but not as violently.
“What about y-you?”
“Me?” Sebastian asked in surprise.
“Yeah, you. Do you have a w-wife or girlfriend you’re g-going to have to call and beg forgiveness for getting almost n-naked with a-another woman?” She reared back and squinted at him. “Or a boyfriend?”
“You think I’m gay?”
“Not really, but I have to ask. I mean a g-gay man would invite a colleague for coffee. I know because I have many gay friends, and we drink a lot of coffee together, but that wasn’t the vibe I got when y-you asked me.”
Vibe? What vibe?
“I’m not gay.” Christ, please don’t let his dick get the wrong idea about this conversation. He was trying so hard to treat this like the medical emergency it was rather than a rare opportunity for a hookup. “I don’t do relationships either.”
“Why not?”
It was his turn to shrug.
“Hmm.” She stared up at him again. “So c-coffee—that was just a ‘thank you’ then?”
He didn’t know how he’d lost control of this conversation. She was supposed to be in recovery, and he was supposed to be orchestrating their survival. Instead, he felt like he was in an interrogation, and after everything else that had happened today, he already felt raw and bloody.
He also thought she was one of the most interesting and attractive people he’d ever met.
She’d almost died out here today, in these fucking hills she seemed to love so much.
And he knew she’d been lucky to survive as a twelve-year-old.
She could have become one of those mysteries that haunted everyone involved for the rest of their lives. A statistic.
How many near misses did one person get?
He pushed a piece of damp hair up under the hat she wore. His hat. “I would like to get to know you better on a personal level, and coffee seemed like the option that would freak you out the least.”
She gave a whole-body shudder, but she was definitely warming up. Her speech was better too.
“Hmm.” Her bloodless lips pressed together. “Even though neither of us do r-relationships, I’d like that too.”
He gave a wry smile trying to lighten the mood. “I know one thing for sure.”
“What?”
“Max Pasdeckie isn’t going to like it.”
She snorted against his chest. “Max is a good guy, he’s just…”
“Territorial? Full of himself? Egotistical? Bossy?”
“Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black,” she murmured against his skin.
It was his turn to shiver. “I’m not—”
“Oh, yes, you are.” She reared up again, and he got a flash of her breasts, which he was trying so hard not to think about. “You’d just phrase it differently. ‘Confident. Capable. Professional.’”
He couldn’t argue with that. He was confident, capable, and professional—usually. She might be freezing, but his body felt on fire. He could feel himself begin to grow hard. Told himself to concentrate on individual flakes of snow as they spun out of the sky and landed on his forehead.
He felt her move against him, this way and that, trying to get warm.
She froze. Shit. “I guess there’s nothing wrong with the blood flow to your extremities.”
The desire to laugh was wrong on too many levels to contemplate. “I apologize.”
“It’s nothing personal. I get it. Close contact. Almost naked.”
Dear God. She was going to kill him. “You’re trying to warm yourself up after plunging through the ice into a river.
I’m not thinking anything except that and,” it was imperative for her to know this, “I would never take advantage of a situation like this for my own sexual gratification. Never. You are completely safe with me.”
“Drat. There go all my fantasies.” She pulled a face.
His throat closed, and he couldn’t swallow.
“It was so much nicer to think about how incredibly well-shaped you are and how freaking hot than remembering what it felt like to fall into that river.” Her fingers tightened on his skin.
Then she stiffened. “Shit. I’m sorry. That was completely inappropriate.
I think I lost my mind for a few minutes there.
You must think I’m a lunatic, but I promise I’m not usually like this.
” She went to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Fear can do that to a person,” he said gently.
“In the moment, it’s often easier to avoid thinking about the real danger you faced and divert your attention to something completely inane.
” Not that sex was inane. “The fact that you are feeling warmed up enough to think of me as anything but a hot water bottle is a good sign. A really good sign.”
“Forget I said the other stuff.”
He’d never forget she said the other stuff. He lowered his chin, grateful when she met his gaze. Her pupils were reacting to the light more now, and even though her expression was full of embarrassment, her color was better. Less icicle, more popsicle.
“In the long run, it helps to acknowledge the gravity of something that happened.” He smoothed his hands up and down the sleek muscles of her chilled back.
“I really thought I was going to lose you today, Nora. I thought we were both going to die, and that sucked, especially as I consider your safety my responsibility. I’d have let my team down, I’d have let you down, and I would have let Summer down. ”
“No. I asked you to trust me, and I messed up.” She shook her head.
“I was distracted by the idea Summer might be in those mines.” Her brows pinched.
“I thought I saw something in the snow on the other side of the river and wanted to check it out. I should have taken more time to assess the ice and not assumed it was safe. I know better. I pull out people every spring who are unlucky or stupid. I was almost one of them. Unlucky and stupid.”
He felt her swallow.
It was surreal to lie here in the snow with this woman in his arms.
Death was something he faced every day. HRT trained with real bullets.
They flew in and fast-roped out of actual helicopters onto actual roofs.
He’d recently lost a beloved teammate to a trap set by a serial killer.
They regularly faced armed assailants, militia, terrorists.
He’d come to terms with his own mortality a long time ago.
Today had been different.
Nora falling through that ice had made his reason for existing shrink to saving her from being stolen away by that river.
He didn’t want to remember the fear that had consumed him.
He cleared his throat. “We both made mistakes, but there’s always unforeseen dangers in conditions like these.
Please don’t blame yourself. I think we may have made it through the other side.
I’m going to get dressed, build up the fire, pass you some dry clothing—I didn’t bring much to spare and that decision was on me.
A mistake I made. A miscalculation. Then I’ll start on digging out the quinzhee. ”
“I could make food—”
“Nope.” He squeezed her tighter, unable to resist the feel of her smooth skin against his—likely for the one and only time. “You stay under these layers. You concentrate on getting warm. That is your only job.”
The snow had started to thicken, and the sun was going down, although it was hard to tell the difference right now.
“You’re sure?” Her voice trembled.
“I’m absolutely positive.” He resisted the urge to kiss her. Dammit. The attraction and connection had deepened with the events of the day, but they were still professionals who worked together. Not lovers.
He wanted to ask about her past, confess he knew about her abduction, but he couldn’t bring it up.
Not now. Maybe over that coffee date he planned to take her on as soon as this was over and he had a day off.
And, sure, he was hoping the coffee date turned into something more, but not until he knew she trusted him, not just with her life, but with her secrets.
Until then, he was determined to keep things strictly business and act like the squad leader he was supposed to be.