Chapter 20 #2
He swore quietly under his breath and was forced to move even further downstream to avoid another downed tree.
He hoped Summer was sensible enough to do as she was told and not wander off. She wouldn’t get lost because he’d track her progress, but he didn’t want to waste time, and there were very real dangers in these mountains.
His ski boots skidded noisily on the ice, and he lost his footing again. His silver thermal blanket flapped around him, and he tore it over his head as sweat started to rise on his skin.
Impatient, he shoved the thin plastic blanket into his pocket and finally crawled the rest of the way to the opposite bank. He looked out over the valley, and his insides turned to water.
Out on the ice, less than a mile away, sat two helicopters not far from the disused NPS cabin.
Shock swept through him.
He pulled out binoculars from his pocket and raised them to his eyes.
Thin strips of light were visible through the slits at the edge of the windows. Someone stood near the choppers, as if on guard. Another person was heading behind the cabin into the woods on the other side of the wide valley.
Are they here for me?
His pulse raced. Breath constricted in his chest. It didn’t make sense.
Why would the authorities put this much effort into tracking him down?
All the cartel leaders in the world. All the gang members terrorizing entire cities.
All the rapists free to roam the streets?
All the evil billionaires plundering everything from data to minerals on the fucking moon—and he was the person they decided to chase? A patriot? A vet?
Are you fucking kidding me?
He almost sobbed, but he got himself under control.
They wouldn’t find him. They wouldn’t steal his child.
He was smarter than they were, right under their fucking noses.
He tested his ankle and found that it held.
Tugged the sled up the bank on the other side of the stream, fighting the deep snow, fighting the despair that wanted to rage inside him. He climbed back up the hill.
“Summer?” he hissed as panic started to climb. Where the hell was she? “Summer?”
“Here, Papa.” She stood up from where she sat on the downed pine tree, swaying like a reed in the frigid air.
He set up the sled in the direction he wanted to travel, pulled out his poles, and patted the base. “Come on, baby. Get on, and you can sleep again.”
She came over and climbed awkwardly on top of the bags. He tucked the blanket around her and placed the space blanket over her once more.
“It’s okay, Papa.” She gave him a sweet smile though her cheeks were ruddy, lips cracked. “I’m not cold anymore.”
He gulped.
“Good girl.” He pulled her hat lower over her brow then snapped on his skis. He drew his cloak around his shoulders, grabbed his poles. “Trapper. Come on, boy.”
The dog immediately joined him and loped at his side. Those assholes weren’t taking his baby from him. Not now. Not ever. They’d have to kill him first. They’d have to kill them both.
Sebastian went over to speak to Cas, but the other guy was frowning at the door.
“What the hell happened out there yesterday? You two have a fight?” Cas asked him in a low voice.
Sebastian looked behind him and realized Nora had left the cabin. He swore and wanted to lie but couldn’t, not to Cas. “You could say that.”
“Go and apologize.”
Sebastian stared down into his reconstituted pasta. “She’d rather be left alone.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought about Delilah. I was wrong.”
“This isn’t like you and Delilah—”
“I know what I see, Sebastian.” Cas grasped his shoulder and leaned close to his ear. “Whatever you did, however you fucked up, go grovel and beg forgiveness. Even if you didn’t do anything—”
“Oh,” he looked at the floor and nodded, “I did something all right.”
“Then get out there and find her.” Cas’s grip tightened.
Sebastian shot Max Pasdeckie a look. “She might prefer if someone else comforted her.”
“And you’re just gonna roll over and give up like some loser?”
“I’m trying to do what’s best for Nora. You don’t understand—”
“Details don’t matter. The past doesn’t matter. Apologize and promise to do better. Then let her decide.”
Sebastian stared at the door wishing he’d never given into the temptation of snooping into Nora’s background. Now he’d never know if one day she might have trusted him enough to tell him herself. And that was on him.
“Don’t let it simmer, Sebastian. Trust me. It doesn’t make problems get any better.”
Sebastian handed off the food he didn’t want to the other man and headed to his bedroll, which Cas had set up next to Nora’s.
Subtle.
He pulled on his boots and jacket. Went outside and felt the lash of wind against his bare skin.
Maybe she’d gone to the outhouse, and he was going to look like a damned stalker following her out here.
Ryan sat on the porch and hiked a thumb toward the woods to the south. “What the fuck did you do to her? I said hi, and she told me to fuck off.”
Crap. Sebastian jammed his fingers into his hair. “Sorry. My fault. I told her we both knew about what happened to her. She wasn’t happy about it.”
“Shit. Want me to go find her. Apologize?”
The very last thing Sebastian wanted was his charming, handsome friend to find and comfort Nora.
“No, I’ve got this. Where’s Donnelly?”
“She headed over to check the helicopters.”
“One of these days the two of you are gonna need to learn to get along.”
“We get along fine. We just like to argue.”
Sebastian shook his head. Chewed on his bottom lip.
“Why are you so nervous…?” Ryan frowned. “Did you…” Ryan came up out of his chair. “Fuck, Sebastian Black did you actually f—”
“Do not finish that sentence if you value your life.” Sebastian gripped the wooden rail.
Ryan grimaced. “Before she discovered you knew about her past—or after?”
Sebastian dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes. “Before.”
“Oh shit. Well, I’m definitely not going after her. And if I hear a gunshot, I’ll send Donnelly to investigate.”
“Great. Thanks for all your help.” The words were clipped as he headed down the steps onto the well-trodden path.
Ryan pointed again toward the forest as if Sebastian was too dense to have gotten it the first time.
Unlike the area around the front of the cabin and the outhouse, this snow wasn’t trampled down, so it was easy to spot her footprints. As he plowed onwards, knee deep in fresh snow, he wished he’d brought his snowshoes.
Concern for Nora reared up in his mind. What if she’d fallen? Or gotten stuck in a tree well? Or if Eastman had decided to attack them and came upon her alone…
He forced himself to relax. She knew what she was doing. She was a Park Ranger. She had a dog who was devoted to her and would bark for help if she got into trouble. She was armed.
Knowing all of this didn’t help.
He reached the trees. “Nora?”
He heard her resigned groan from about five meters to his left. “Go away.”
“I will, but first I need to say something to you, and I can’t do it in front of everyone else because I know how much you value your privacy.”
“Fine.” The grumpiness encapsulated in that one word almost made him smile.
Almost.
She came into the open. The moonlight reflected off the snow and lit her up like a ghost.
“I know you’re angry with me. You have every right to be.
I am so fucking sorry because I should have told you what I knew immediately and given you the chance to deal with it however you decided was best.” He stared up at the sky through the naked branches.
“You should probably forgive Ryan, though. He’s the one who persuaded me your past experience was not something Novak needed to know about. ”
Her mouth opened in silent outrage.
He raised his hands, palm out. “I know how bad that sounds. I do. But at the time I didn’t know you, and I needed to determine if you might become a liability to the search or to my team’s safety.
Obviously, I figured out pretty damned quick that you’re an asset, not a hindrance, and would never do anything to jeopardize this mission. ”
She shut her mouth, but the sudden gleam of tears in her eyes almost took him out at the knees.
He swallowed with difficulty. “After I realized how unfair it was to have researched you, I also figured out it wouldn’t be fair to tell you the truth when you were deployed with a bunch of strangers in a situation you couldn’t easily escape and where I had to believe you were reliving some of the worst experiences of your life.
” Memories of her screams from the night before echoed through the silence.
“I believed I was protecting you, and I realize that was wrong because it wasn’t my choice to make. ”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “It’s my default to take control and try to fix things.”
A tear spilled over and streaked her cheek in silver. “You don’t get to decide what I need protecting from.”
He took a step forward. “I know that, but…”
“What?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
It was his nature.
“It’s hard to stop. I know it’s a shortcoming.
I’m working on it, and I am very aware I’m not perfect.
” He stared at her tortured expression and felt his own tears swim close to the surface, but he wasn’t the sort of man to cry in front of anyone else.
His father had beaten that out of him early.
“When I was a little boy, my mother told me I should always take care of things that couldn’t take care of themselves.
That I had to stand up for people and animals in trouble.
My mother was a sweet and gentle soul who never hurt anyone. ”
He looked over at Chance who was sniffing the snow. He’d never told another soul these things about his mother, but Nora didn’t know that. Didn’t know this was a secret ripped from his bones, a pain he’d buried deep within himself. “I tried to protect her from my piece of shit father.”
Nora took a step forward, concern etching her features. “You don’t have to tell me this.”