Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Thirteen Years Before
Ryland
I t’s my favorite time of year. The turning point between summer and fall. The days are long with hints of warmth still clinging to the air. However, anytime a breeze flows by, it sends goosebumps over my skin with the reminder that autumn is near. As I walk along the stone path that leads to the dock, I notice the leaves are starting to show a hint of color as they begin to die. They sway in the wind as if dancing for one last time.
Even so, it does nothing to lift my sour mood.
“Ryland.” Pops’ raspy voice stops me in my tracks.
Oh, how I would love to have the option to ignore him. Instead, I loudly exhale and turn to face him. We had an argument earlier this morning and again just moments ago when I went inside to grab some snacks. Apparently, he isn’t going to let things go. My jaw clenches as I mentally prepare for more lecturing.
“I won’t tolerate you walking out when I’m still speaking to you. I’m not trying to be hard on you. I just?—”
“Yeah, I know, you want what’s best for me. I get it, Pops, but having you nag at me over every little thing sucks. It feels impossible to live up to your expectations of ‘the perfect grandson,’ and no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever become who you want me to be.” I ball my fists and look at him, silently begging him to back off.
His face falls as the words leave my mouth. He blinks, running his hand over his thick white mustache, and then places the same hand onto the back of his neck. He struggles with finding the words he wants to say, and as badly as I want to turn and storm away for a second time, I fight with myself to remain in place. I might as well allow him to finish what he needs to say so I can get back to my friends who are waiting for me on the dock.
“Is that what you think? That I have expectations of you being perfect?” he grumbles, dropping his hands to his sides, the movement making me flinch.
I hate that it’s my first response to the quick movement of someone’s hands. It’s a side effect of my relationship with my father that I desperately wish I could get over. Pops has never threatened me. Although his tone can be harsh at times, I know he means well. I can’t seem to control my defensive reaction.
He notices the flinch, and his brown eyes soften with realization. He takes a step toward me. My instincts tell me to step away, but I ignore them. I allow my grandfather to place a hand onto my shoulder. He bends his face down so he can look into my eyes better, and all the anger he held for me a moment ago disappears. He reaches up and gently places his other hand onto my cheek.
Every nerve in my body is screaming at his touch, but I force myself to stay frozen in place. My father’s approach toward Zane and me was always heavy and cruel. He treated Mom the same. Pops has been working hard to show us that he is the opposite of our father. And because of that, I allow him to touch me and remind myself that, even though he’s tough on me, he’s nothing like my father .
“I know what you’re going through. I experienced both verbal and physical abuse from my father and my grandfather. When I had a family of my own, I vowed to never be like them and worked hard to break the generational curse or whatever they call it.”
He’s never told me this before, and neither has my mom. My jaw drops at his confession, and in a strange way, it brings me comfort knowing that if he could end up unlike his own father, maybe I can too. My shoulders relax, and the buzzing within my skin starts to calm down.
His brows pull together, and he shakes his head. “It’s hard for me to understand how your mother ended up with a man who was just like them. But she removed you all from the situation, and we should focus on being grateful for that.”
He releases his hold on me but not before giving my cheek a soft pat, and then he takes a step back. He exhales before continuing, “Listen, the hard work I give you and the respect I demand is how I discipline. Think of this discipline like I’m training you. I want to help you grow into…not a perfect man, but a better man. In this process, I’m going to help you break some of the habits you’ve learned with your father, and sometimes it’s going to be tough, but I can promise you that if you stick it out, you’ll be grateful. You just have to work with me, and I promise to be more patient with you. Does that sound like a plan?”
I give him a nod, allowing his words to sink in, and I do my best to release the anger that lives rent free within my heart. The sound of crunching gravel catches our attention. We both look up toward the road and see Earl’s green truck pulling into the driveway.
Earl hops out of the truck, and before he goes to close his door, he pauses for a moment, peeks his head back into the truck, and says something to Raine before I hear the thump of the door shutting. I can feel it in the air. Something is off. Earl looks over and sees Pops and me standing in the path and gives us a wave.
Pops returns his attention to me. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
“Alright,” I reply, paying more attention to Raine, who is still sitting in the truck.
Pops walks up the path, gives Earl a handshake, and they make their way toward his cabin. I stand and wait a few seconds before I see Raine’s long hair bounce around as she hops out of the truck. She slams the door, and I see Earl tensing from the sound, but he doesn’t turn around.
She catches sight of me and practically drags her feet down the stone path until she is at my side. I watch her for a moment, expecting her to stop and tell me what’s wrong, but she doesn’t. Instead, she walks past me and makes her way toward the dock.
I take two large steps and twist in front of her, blocking her path. She blinks a few times, as if I broke a trance, and looks up at me. Her eyes look sad today, their bluish-gray color looking like the storm brewing behind them. I place the basket of snacks onto the ground and reach for her hands.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Raine’s nose scrunches up as she blinks quickly and bites her lip. Her hands are shaking within mine. She’s been a little distant the past few weeks, and I hate seeing her like this. I raise a brow, a silent plea for her to tell me what's going on.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asks instead, averting her attention onto me.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me,” I add, giving her fingers a squeeze.
She exhales and nods, pulling her hands away from mine, and wraps her arms around herself. “Okay, you go first.”
I rub at the tension in the back of my neck. “Pops and I got into an argument. You know how intense it’s been between us ever since I started working for him. But we’ll be alright. It’s just hard to listen to him complain every time I do something.”
When I first arrived in Covewood, I carried so much anger within my heart, and unfortunately, it’s something I am still working through. It’s not just Pops who knows how to push my buttons. It’s also my mom, who loves to stay on top of everything I do, making sure I’m not falling back into my old ways. And it’s also Zane, who acts like a typical little brother, wanting to be around me every second of the day.
Life can feel heavy sometimes. But not when I’m around Raine. Anytime I’m with her, my worries evaporate. It’s been like that since the first time I met her. She has no idea how she has impacted my life.
If I had the guts, I would man up and tell her how I really feel about her. But I want to show respect and follow her lead. I’m not sure if she’s interested in turning our friendship into something more. Maybe she just wants to be friends, and I’ll take whatever she’ll give me.
“I’m sorry he’s been hard on you,” she replies softly.
“I can handle it. Now, what’s wrong with you ?”
She exhales again, this time allowing tears to gloss over her eyes as she says, “Honeysuckle died.”
“What?” I whisper, the shock feeling like it's squeezing my throat.
“I went to clean out his pool this morning, like I always do, and usually like clockwork he would quack—” her voice cracks, and a lip quiver follows. I reach up and use the pads of my thumbs to rub away her fresh tears.
“He wasn’t waiting on me this morning, and when I went into his house, he?—”
I don’t let her finish. She doesn’t have to. Instead, I wrap her into my arms and rub circles against her back. Her sobs vibrate against my chest, and if I could absorb her pain, I would. Instead, I know that comforting her is all I can do right now.
She loves the duck so much, and I have grown to love him too. He was a friendly face to see anytime I visited the farm, and it was adorable how he’d always waddle next to Raine no matter what tasks we were doing. The thought of him being gone breaks my heart for Raine.
“I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved him, and he loved you too. You gave him a good life.”
“Mamaw said the same thing.” She sniffs and pulls away from me to wipe her face with her hands.
She looks down toward the dock, and I answer her question before she asks. “Luke and Olivia are down there. Do you feel like going? We can?—”
She holds up a hand. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” She wipes her face a second time and takes a deep breath. “Let’s head down there.”
“I have snacks,” I say and pick up the basket, feeling my chest warm at the sight of her smile.
“Emotional eating is just what I need,” she admits. I look down and double-check the basket to make sure I grabbed enough snacks. I knew Raine was on her way, so I made sure to have a bag of the fizzle Skittles she loves so much, a Milky Way bar, and her favorite soda, Ale-8-One.
“Thank you,” she says softly, peeking up at me quickly before looking down at her light-blue dress, “for always being here for me.”
When Raine is at school, she dresses differently. She wears mainly t-shirts and jeans with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. But anytime she’s staying with her grandparents, she wears long flowy dresses or skirts. She keeps her hair down and welcomes her natural waves. Most of the time, she is barefoot and keeps her toes painted bright colors. Like this, she’s her true self—wild, free, and joyful. I haven’t told her before, but I prefer this version of her best.
“You’re welcome,” I reply and fight the urge to hold her hand. “That’s what friends are for.”
Once we make our way to the dock, Olivia’s face lights up at the sight of Raine. She bounces onto her feet to give her a hug and lets out a squeal. Luke is sitting on the edge of the dock, and as he sees Raine, he is quick to dodge her eyes.
That’s weird.
Raine seems to notice but returns her attention back to Olivia. “It’s about time you showed up. Luke has been killing my vibe, and I need to tell you about Derick!”
Raine looks over at Luke, who's still avoiding eye contact with her, and a frown pushes against her pink lips. Olivia takes Raine’s hand into hers, bringing Raine's attention back to her.
I plop down next to Luke and nudge his shoulder. “Snacks?” I ask, and he hums in approval.
He reaches into the basket and pulls out a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and tosses them to Olivia. She doesn’t even break her conversation or look his way. She turns and grabs the bag while keeping her eyes on Raine as she continues to tell her how Derick called her last night and asked her to meet up next weekend. Luke rolls his eyes, which causes me to smirk at him.
I hand Raine the bag of fizzle Skittles, another feeling of warmth spreading in my gut at the smile she gives me. I also hand everyone an Ale-8, and as tradition, we pop off our tabs and clink the glasses together, yelling, “Cheers,” before downing its ginger-citrus goodness. Luke lets out a large burp, earning a, “Gross,” from the girls and a high five from me.
“I’m so glad she can talk to Raine about Derick. I was about to lose my mind,” he whispers to me before shoving a handful of sour-cream-and-chives potato chips into his mouth.
I nod in agreement before popping M&Ms onto my tongue. Before I can ask him what his deal is with Raine, Luke strips his shirt off beside me, tosses it at the girls, and jumps into the water.
I’m jealous of how buff Luke is. When I first met him freshman year, I was told that he had lost close to thirty pounds over the summer. He lost a bit more when we both started working out together at each other’s houses. Pops has some standard workout equipment in his garage, and Luke’s mom has a basic set of weights that we use.
However, since I started working for Pops, my workouts have slacked a bit, but Luke has kept going. He makes me feel lanky when I’m next to him, and so I decide to keep my shirt on. Luke pulls himself up onto the dock, and I glance over toward the girls, who are both staring at him. Raine is rolling her eyes and popping a Skittle into her mouth while Olivia’s jaw drops for a second before she corrects herself, a small blush spreading across her cheeks as she looks away from him.
Luke gives them a brilliant smile before leaping backward and diving into the water, creating a huge splash that hits the three of us. I laugh as the girls shriek and try to shield themselves.
“Luke! You jerk!” Olivia shouts and kicks her legs in the water, splashing him back. He swims over to her, and before she has time to escape, he grabs her legs and tosses her into the water. He goes to grab Raine, but she raises a warning brow that sends him away from her.
They’re acting weird. Luke and Raine have been friends since middle school and have always been really close. I always thought they had a brother-sisterly bond with how protective they’re over one another. There is a clear distance between them today, and I don’t like not knowing why or how my mind wonders if maybe I read them wrong. That maybe they were something more, and that’s what has created the tension.
I try to push the assumptions out of my head.
Olivia, however, is oblivious to their tension and hops onto Luke’s back, attempting to dunk him into the water but fails. He grabs her again and slings her over his shoulders. The water is shallow enough that his feet can touch the bottom, and the water comes up to his chest. “I bet Derick can’t do this.” He laughs.
“No, because he isn’t a jerk.” Olivia squeals before splashing into the water .
“We need more mature friends,” I say and scoot over to Raine.
She hums in approval while laughing at Luke and Olivia. I reach into her bag of Skittles and pop one into my mouth with a smile. The powder coating on the candy begins to fizzle in my mouth, and I try not to make a face. She giggles and pops one into her mouth.
My eyes are naturally drawn to the powder it leaves behind on her lips and how her tongue is quick to clean them off. I swallow loud enough to hear and have to avert my eyes. A heat spreads up to my ears.
“I don’t understand why you like these things so much,” I say and reach in her bag for a second one just to be closer to her.
“Because they’re one of the greatest candies ever invented!” she snaps and holds the bag up for effect and points to them.
“It’s like a rainbow explosion in your mouth!” Olivia exclaims as she climbs onto Luke’s shoulders. “Who wants to play chicken?”
“I was about to take Raine out on the pedal boat,” I say quickly, wanting to have her alone to myself again.
“Yeah. That'd be nice,” she replies and waves at Olivia, who jumps off Luke and floats on her back.
“Whatever, you’re just avoiding being beaten again,” Olivia adds before splashing us with water.
Luke laughs, but I can tell it is forced. His dark brows are pushed together in concern as he looks over at Raine, but she pays no attention to him. He’s quick to recover, placing a smile onto his face as he looks up at me and gives me a salute before diving into the water.
I hold Raine’s hand to steady her as she places a foot into the small boat. I follow close behind her, and within minutes, we are in sync with our feet as we push against the pedals. She’s silent, keeping her focus over the water.
The wind picks up as we move farther out onto the lake. Her hair begins to blow across her face and into her mouth. I laugh as she spits it out, and more pieces fly into her mouth. “Here,” I say, tapping her shoulder and nudging her to turn around. Once she has her back to me, I take her hair into my grasp and start braiding.
“Since when do you know how to braid hair?” she asks, moving her head, and I place my hands on either side of her head to keep it still.
“Maybe some things are still a mystery between us.” I reply, teasing her because we tell each other everything, and wrap the hair tie she keeps on her wrist onto the end of her hair.
She turns back around, placing her feet back onto the pedals, and we move through the water again. She’s quiet for a moment before she adds, “Yeah, maybe so.”
“What’s up with you and Luke?” I blurt, feeling heat raise into my cheeks as the words leave my mouth.
She twists her face toward me and tries to act innocent, but I see right through her mask. “What?”
“You and Luke have been avoiding each other. Are you two—?” I can’t finish my sentence. Instead, I pray silently that it has nothing to do with them secretly dating each other or having deeper feelings for one another.
“We don’t have those kinds of feelings for each other, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she admits and rolls her eyes. “He’s like a brother to me, Ry—even more so now.”
I wait for her to elaborate, watching her closely as she bites her lip and stares out onto the lake. After a moment, her shoulders drop, and she returns her attention to me.
“Things have been a little weird between us since his dad moved in with my mom. Now, Luke is living with me every other week,” she confesses.
I know that Raine’s mom is dating Luke’s dad, Davis, but I had no idea they were planning on moving in with each other. Although, they’ve been dating for almost two years. From the dread on Raine’s face, I can tell it bothers her, and in return, it does me too. Davis is a hateful and controlling person .
Davis reminds me a lot of my father. I’ve witnessed how he treats Raine a few times. It doesn’t take much for him to snap at her. He demands to know what she’s doing at all times when she’s with her mom. Raine has told me that her mom’s drinking problem has become worse since they started dating.
Luke informed me of his dad’s life of crime and how he has control in every part of the town. The police turn their heads anytime Davis does something illegal, and he walks around as if he runs the place. In a way, he kind of does. I can’t stand the guy and pray daily that he gets served justice.
A frown takes over my face. Raine knows how I feel about Davis, and the idea of him living with her unsettles me. “Why didn’t you tell me Davis moved in?”
She shrugs her shoulders, keeping her eyes on her lap where she picks at the skin by her thumb nail. “I don’t know. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Of course I’m going to worry. He causes problems in your life already—Luke’s too. I don't like to think about how living with Davis must be for you.” I huff and run a hand through my hair. “I’m glad Luke can be there for you, but it sucks that it’s only every other week, since he goes to his mom’s.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, he’s lucky that he has an escape. I guess I resent him for it, and he’s picked up on it.”
“But you have your grandparents. Have you thought about living with them?” I add, seeing the worry that flashes in her eyes as she lifts her head toward me.
“I have. Many times. Before Davis, I wanted to keep an eye on Mom and make sure she was okay. But now…I just want to run away.”
“We’ll find a solution. It’s going to be okay,” I promise her, praying that my words will become true.
“How do you know it’ll be okay?” she asks as she runs her fingers along her braid.
The thing is, I don’t know. But there is one thing that I am a hundred percent sure of. “Because you have me, and I’ll always make sure that you’re okay.”
She drops her braid, eyes finding mine, and gifts me with a beautiful smile. The kind that lights up her whole face. Being the reason for that smile sends a surge of confidence running through me.
A boat nearby is playing music loudly, distracting us for a moment, and an idea hits me. I place my hands onto the side of the boat and do my best to balance myself as I stand up. Raine watches me, raising a brow in question.
“What are you doing?”
I ignore her question and sway a bit as I turn to face her. I extend my hand to her, and she looks at it with concern. “Grab my hand.”
“What?”
“Just grab my hand, Raine!” I snap playfully and give her a winning smirk as she grabs my hand and slowly pulls herself to stand. “Now, dance with me.”
“What?” she repeats, and it takes everything in me not to laugh at the look on her face. “They’re playing a rap song. I can’t get low on a pedal boat—or anywhere. I can’t dance.”
Although I would love to see her attempt that, I place one hand onto her hip and the other in her hand. “Just dance with me.” I look at her with a grin.
“You’re crazy.” She chuckles, the tension releasing as she removes her hand from mine and places her arms around my neck. “Who dances in a pedal boat?”
“Us. We do.”
“We’re officially crazy, then,” she adds as she places her head onto my chest, and I pull her closer by placing a hand onto the back of her head.
I’m crazy about you, I want to say, but instead, I tighten my lips together and place my cheek onto the top of her head. We stay like this for the rest of the song until the boat is far enough that we can’t hear their music anymore. The tightness in her back relaxes as she snuggles into me more and begins humming a song for us.
I rub circles on her back, silently telling her that everything is going to be okay. I can’t take away her grief from losing a pet or remove the worry in her heart of knowing Davis is always going to be at home waiting for her. But I can distract her for the moment and take her mind away from it all.
We are both so wrapped up in one another that we fail to hear a boat speeding by us. It’s close enough that the waves push against the boat, yanking us apart and sending us both into the lake. Panic hits me as the sound of water bubbling around me fills my senses. I reach out to search for Raine in the water before I push my way up to the surface.
I find her clinging onto the boat with her back to me. My arms push through the water until I’m at her side, and once she turns to face me and I see the smile on her face, relief washes over me. We both start laughing as we work together to get back into the boat.
We’re both soaking wet, our clothes clinging to us, and my laugh evaporates and is replaced with nerves as I try to avert my eyes from looking at her. I can hear the splash of water hitting the bottom of the boat as she wrings out the fabric of her dress.
“Thanks for making me feel better—even though you almost killed us,” she says softly as we put our feet back onto the pedals and begin making our way back to the dock where our friends are waiting for us.
“That’s what friends are for,” I say, but the word friends comes out a little hoarse this time. Because in my heart, Raine is much more to me than just my friend. And I wish I knew how to tell her that.