Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Now
Raine
M y world is falling apart and I don’t know how to stop it.
It’s been three days since Mamaw’s funeral, and I haven’t had the energy to do anything but lie in an uncomfortable hotel bed, drinking metallic-tasting water from the bathroom sink and snacking on vending machine food. I desperately need a shower because I can smell the musty scent of myself.
I’m thankful that my job has given me bereavement time off along with a few personal days that I used when I traveled here. I know that I can’t stay like this forever. I need to collect whatever pieces I have left of myself in order to be there for my Papaw.
I’ve called him each day to check in on him, keeping things short and simple, understanding that we both need some time to accept reality. I’ve ignored every other call and text message I’ve received since the funeral. I’m not ready to talk to anyone about it. I might not ever be.
I roll over to my left side, reach down toward the rough carpet that looks like it was designed in the early ‘70s, and grab the cord to my phone charger. My phone died a few hours ago, so I plug it back in and watch as the Apple logo pops into view. I place it face down so I don’t have to watch all the notifications pop up at once.
Exhaling, I flop back onto the bed. Even doing that simple task seems to drain my energy. Grief sucks the life out of anyone within its grasp. I’m pretty sure I passed through three of the stages of grief within the past few days. The first day after we said our goodbyes, I was in denial that it even happened.
It felt like a dream and that I would eventually wake up, and there Mamaw would be, sitting at the kitchen table, folding dough to bake a fresh batch of sourdough bread. However, each day I wake up to the reality that she isn’t here. How could God allow my Mamaw to die like she did? He gave me peace! Why would he give me peace and then just take her away?
The second day, I entered the bargaining stage and pleaded with God through my tears. I felt so alone, and that peace he once gifted me never returned. And so, I slid right into depression, which is where I feel stuck currently. I’ve ignored the alerts on my phone. I’ve ignored the knocks at my hotel door. I’ve ignored reality. But I know I can't stay like this.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
A knock on the hotel door sends me jumping and sprawling onto the floor.
The sound is loud and impatient. Someone is going to beat down the door. Is it an intruder? The second they catch sight of my mess, I guarantee they will turn around and walk right back out—I hope, anyway.
“Raine! Open this door right now!” Olivia’s voice shouts through the wood.
I’m too scared to get up. When she gets mad—which is very rare—she’s terrifying. The angriest that I’ve ever seen her was in eighth grade after she witnessed a boy bullying Luke. She went up to him and said, “I don’t know how to say this nicely, so I won’t,” and then punched the kid in the throat .
“Don’t make me break the door down! You know I will give it my best efforts!”
I take a deep breath and sniff my armpits for good measure. She’s probably seen me in worse shape, however I’m still embarrassed. Before I can reach the door, I hear the sound of a key being inserted into the door, the doorknob twists, and I’m blinded by the sun. I want to hiss like they do in vampire movies and pull the covers over my head, but the sight of Luke’s large form coming toward me has me halting in place.
Really? She had to bring him? Fully dressed in his police uniform, might I add.
Olivia must read my expression, because she says, “What? I didn’t want to go to jail for breaking and entering, so I called in backup.”
Her face softens once she takes me in, and then her green eyes scan the hotel room. I peer up at Luke, who is doing the same, and I cannot contain my embarrassment. I place my hands over my face, not wanting to see their pity.
“Come here,” she says softly, and I peek through my fingers to see Olivia extending her arms open for a hug. I oblige and walk into her embrace, glad that she has stopped yelling at me. However, when she pulls back, she scrunches her nose and adds, “I love you. But you smell.”
I know I do, but I still give her an unamused expression.
I look at Luke, who has a hand running through his dark hair, leaving it a mess. He reaches over and takes one of those bags that hotels leave for ice and begins picking up my pile of wrappers off the floor. My friends are always there, ready to pick me back up when I’m a complete mess —literally.
“I know. I’m gross.” My voice sounds foreign, like grief transformed me into someone else. Maybe it has. I certainly don’t feel the same.
“Did we know she was this messy?” Luke asks, looking over at Olivia.
“Unfortunately, yes,” she replies with a smirk .
“You both know I’m standing right here, right?”
“You know, if she would have just answered our calls—” she adds, but I interrupt her with a loud groan, earning a chuckle from them both.
“I know I suck right now. But I won’t apologize. I can clean up my own trash,” I proclaim and reach for the— now full —bag in Luke’s hands. He moves the bag away from my grasp and ties a knot before tossing it toward the door. Behind me, Olivia is grabbing my suitcase and packing everything she can find. “What are you doing?”
“You’re leaving this disgusting hotel room. Then, when we get back to my place—which you will be staying at, by the way, and how dare you not even think to ask me if you could—you’ll be taking a nice hot shower because, girl, you smell like you’ve been laying in onion juice and look like one of those goblins from Harry Potter .”
I shake my head in protest, but the look I receive from her quickly shuts me up. She makes a face at Luke, and before I have time to react, he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. I’d hit him in protest, but he could throw me in jail for assaulting a police officer—not that he would do that, but he could if he wanted to.
“She wasn’t kidding about that shower.”
“Shut up. I don't stink that bad! Wait. Are you serious?” I shout as Luke places me into the backseat of his police cruiser.
There are a few people walking down the sidewalk, who turn their attention our way, and my embarrassment grows. A frown spreads across my face when the door is locked and won’t open. There are also bars that prevent me from climbing into the front seat and escaping. Luke’s lips pull at the corner in a smirk that I’d love to smack off his face.
“She’s rubbed off on you! You know that, right?!” I shout, but he ignores me and returns to the hotel room.
A few minutes pass, and I watch as my friends take the trash to the dumpster, check me out of the hotel, and drag my belongings behind them and place them into the trunk. Olivia giggles as she slides into the front passenger seat. She looks back at me and snaps a photo with her phone. I make a mental note to steal her phone later and delete it.
“I never thought I’d see the day that you’d be sitting in the back of a police car. I take that back. We pulled a close one that time we stole Ms. Johnson’s lawn gnomes.”
“ You . You stole them. And you were planning to blackmail me if I didn’t help you,” I add, biting my lip to hide my smile. I’m supposed to be angry with her right now.
“Wait a minute. That was you two?” Luke snaps as he shuffles into his seat.
“They were creepy. We did the citizens of Covewood justice.” Olivia shrugs her shoulders while snapping her seatbelt into place.
“But you placed them all throughout the school. One in particular in my locker, which scared the crap out of me!”
Olivia’s shoulder’s bounce as she laughs hysterically. Luke looks back at me as if I betrayed him and points a finger at me, adding, “You earned your place back there for causing me nightmares after that.” His words only feed into Olivia’s laughter.
“Olivia was the one who suggested we pull a senior prank and that we mess with you in the process. You should have never shared your locker combination with her.”
“I didn’t,” he adds, giving Olivia the stink-eye.
“But Raine was the one that picked Mr. Gnome Chomsky for the job! He was the scariest of all forty-seven gnomes.”
Luke shudders at the memory and points a finger at Olivia. “I’m about to stick you back there with her if you don’t stop laughing. It was traumatizing. I expect some comfort food to help me cope with this traumatic news.”
“You already get comfort food for free all the time!”
“That’s the only reason why I’m not shoving you back there with Stinkalicious.”
“You both are unbelievable! You didn’t have to drag me out of there like I’m a crazy person!” I hiss and twist my arms together in a pout.
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” Olivia makes a judgy face and points toward what I suspect is the bird’s nest of hair I have on top of my head. “Don’t make that face at me!”
“I am not responsible for what my face does when you're yelling at me.”
“You’re the one yelling!”
“Alright, calm down, ladies, or I’ll handcuff you together.” Luke growls as he puts his car into drive and pulls out onto the highway.
“Wait! My car! Can’t I just drive to your house?”
“No. That takes away from our fun,” Luke announces as he turns on the red and blue lights and begins speeding in the direction of Olivia’s house.
“Now, this has to be breaking some sort of law,” I snap and wish I could reach through the bars and smack him in the back of the head. Olivia giggles and lets out a joyful squeal as she blasts the “Bad Boys” song from Cops through the car speakers. I hate them right now. But I also love them so much for making me laugh as we speed down the road.
It doesn’t last long, unfortunately. Luke turns off the lights and returns to normal speed once we’re on the main road. A quiet spreads throughout the car, and I’m reminded that they’re hurting too, and guilt fills my heart as I realize I abandoned them the last three days.
I look out the window and watch as we drive through downtown. Lining the street are colorful dogwood and redbud trees starting to bloom. The brick buildings look the same and yet different all the same time. I notice new businesses lining the streets as we pass by.
Before I know it, we’re at Olivia’s house. Luke jumps out first, making his way to open my door. I step outside and admire the cute yellow bungalow that I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t seen in person yet, even though Olivia moved in several years ago.
I place my hands onto the porch railing, taking the steps, and admire the twin white rocking chairs I’ve seen her sit in during our FaceTime conversations. Underneath each window sits matching flower boxes that hold several different herbal plants. On each of the four corners of the porch is a large plant that I don't know the name of.
I place my feet onto the welcome mat, bold and colorful to match my best friend, and the tears hit me again as life’s heaviness seems to sit on my shoulders. I turn around and see Olivia standing a few steps behind me, blinking in confusion, and studying me. “What is it?”
“I, uh…” I take a breath, hoping that it’ll help steady me. “I feel awful for never seeing your house in person before. It’s so cute.”
As the words leave my mouth, a sob follows, and Olivia is quick to swoop in and wrap me into a tight embrace. There’s no snarky comment this time, only the sound of her shushing in my ear.
“It’s okay. Don’t start beating yourself up over it. You’re here now. Let’s focus on that, okay?”
We pull away from one another, and I wipe my eyes as I nod my head. I want to agree with her, but the guilt seems to keep building the longer I’m in Covewood. Maybe things would be better if I go back to Rockdale soon. But not before I make sure that my Papaw is going to be okay.
Olivia opens the bright-blue door, the smell of sweet baked goods fills my nose, and my stomach growls, reminding me that I haven’t eaten real food in days. Behind us, Luke carries my bags. He places them next to the couch and sticks his hands into his pockets.
“Is there anything else you need from me?” he asks and shifts on his feet. “I, uh… I need to get back to the station. ”
“Nope,” Olivia says, making the P pop as she says it. “We are all good here.”
She gives him a salute, and he rolls his eyes in return. He walks over to me and wraps me into a big bear hug, one that I didn’t know I missed so much until I feel the warmth of his arms around me. I have always felt safe with Luke around, even before he became a cop. He smells like fresh air, pine trees, and aftershave. I breathe him in and squeeze him back and then let go.
Olivia has been my best friend since elementary school. Once Luke moved to town when we were in seventh grade, Olivia and I kind of claimed him as our own after the whole Olivia-throat-punching-a-bully-for-him thing. It was always the three of us, until Ryland joined our crew freshman year of high school. Luke was once a chubby kid with a messy black mop of hair on his head and round black glasses.
I watched him grow up a lot during high school. Literally, the guy bulked up like the Hulk after the summer of eighth grade. He didn’t have any issues with bullies after that, but we always made sure to stay close. The man that stands before me is still the same Luke and yet so different. It pains my heart, knowing I missed a big portion of him growing up into the Luke I see now.
“Are you going to be okay?” He tips his head down toward me to get a better look at my eyes.
I do my best to give him a reassuring smile. He pats my shoulder and seems to accept it as my answer. “Sorry if we had a little too much fun today. We were just trying to take your mind off…you know. And if you’re worried about running into Davis, he’s not coming back to Covewood. I made sure of that. I promise that you’re safe here,” he says before kissing the top of my head, which I’m sure is a giant mess. It doesn’t seem to bother him. His words are comforting and I finally allow myself to relax.
Olivia tosses a muffin toward him, and he catches it effortlessly. “Let me know if you need anything—both of you,” he says. “I will come back after my shift, okay?”
His eyes are on me, and I reply with a nod.
Once the door closes behind him, I look towards Olivia, who is still looking at the door with a grin on her face, and say, “In that uniform he looks so…”
She returns her attention to me, the grin falling from her face, and she sighs. “They grow up so fast,” Before clapping her hands together and stepping towards me. “Ok, grab some comfy pajamas and go take the longest, hottest shower of your life. When you’re done, I’ll have some lunch made and we can finally watch Bridesmaids since we didn’t the other day.”
“Have I told you how much I love you?” I say, grinning at my best friend.
“Not lately, and I will gladly take all the praise from you, but right now, you must shower before I lose my appetite, okay?”
“Okay, okay! I’m going! Do I stink that bad?” I ask and grab one of my bags.
“Yes! Now go!” She chuckles before making her way toward the kitchen.