Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Now
Ryland
N ormally, on Sundays after church, Mom, Zane, Annabelle, and I go to Matty’s Meats and order their “Mighty Matt Burger” in memory of Pops. We all split the humongous burger and reminisce on our favorite memories and stories of my grandparents. We started the tradition shortly after we lost Pops. We're still learning how to cope without my grandparents in our lives.
I love a good tradition. However, today, I don’t feel like participating. After the church service this morning, I felt drained. Everyone around me seems to be carrying a heaviness with them, knowing it was our first service without Johanna.
When I mentioned to my family that I wanted to head home, Annabelle didn’t want to leave my side. I try to limit how much screen time she has, but today, I turn on Bluey and snuggle up on the couch with her. She fell asleep a few minutes ago, and yet, here I am, continuing to watch the show.
I secretly think this is a cartoon for parents too.
I shake myself out of a Bluey trance, especially since it’s the episode where Bluey and Bingo’s aunt visits, and it always tugs at my heart. I need some fresh air, so I gently move away from my sleeping daughter, successfully not waking her as I do, and make my way onto the porch.
I take a seat on one of my rocking chairs, and the creaking fills my ears as I rock back and forth. I peek through the glass of the back door and see that Annabelle is still sleeping peacefully on the couch. Her mouth hangs open just a little bit, reminding me of how her mother would look while she slept. I ache for Annabelle anytime I think about Maggie. I’ve had seven years to try to understand her reasoning for leaving us, but even so, it still breaks my heart for my daughter.
After Raine left Covewood, I started drinking heavily and partying every chance I could. It was the most broken I’ve been in my life. Two years after Raine left, I met Annabelle’s mom. Maggie’s family rented the cabin next door one summer. Maggie and I ran into each other at one of the bonfire parties people held at the lake, and we hit it off. Our shared brokenness drew us to one another, and we became the perfect distraction for each other.
One thing led to another, and she ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t know for months. After summer ended, Maggie and her parents returned home to Colorado, and even though we’d exchanged phone numbers, we had a silent agreement that things would end after that summer. Three months later, she called me and told me she was pregnant.
Her parents weren’t supportive, and after a pep talk with Mom and Pops, we all drove to Colorado and picked Maggie up to come live with us. I should have known that she wasn’t doing well mentally, with how she seemed unattached during her pregnancy. I tried everything that I could think of to excite her and assured her that I would always be there for her and our child.
After Annabelle was born, Maggie’s postpartum depression took over, and a few months later, she told me she was leaving. When I begged her to at least keep in touch with Annabelle, she suggested signing over her rights so that she wouldn’t have anything keeping her tied to us. At the time, I thought that burying my Nan or losing Raine was the worst pain that I would endure. But I was wrong.
Knowing that my daughter’s mother wanted nothing to do with her completely destroyed me. I reached out to Maggie’s parents and asked for help, but they only turned away from us. They, too, wanted nothing to do with Annabelle. I was so angry and originally refused to allow Maggie to sign over her rights. But finally, my gut told me to let it be done.
Once everything was finalized, she returned to Colorado. I gave it a few years before I felt brave enough to reach out to Maggie again. Her phone number had changed of course, but I was able to get a hold of her parents, who informed me that they hadn’t spoken to Maggie in over a year and, sadly, still showed no interest in Annabelle. They told me to not call again and hung up.
I let it go after that and decided that, in order to heal from it all, we needed to move on. Now, if Maggie were to show up tomorrow and want a relationship with Annabelle, I wouldn’t say no. What kind of a father would I be to take that away from Annabelle? But until that day comes, it’ll just be her and me. And I’m content with that.
Annabelle changed me for the better. She helped me grow into a much better man and find my faith again. She’s my little angel, and I feel so lucky that God chose me to be her father. I know that when the time is right, he will bring us someone who will be willing to step up and be the mother figure Annabelle needs.
We just haven’t found her yet.
“There you are,” I hear Zane say from my right.
I jump slightly, ripped away from my deep thoughts, and throw an empty cup toward my little brother. He dodges it and paints a smirk across his face .
“Did I almost give you a heart attack, old man?” He chuckles when I scowl at him.
He takes the empty rocking chair next to me and lets out a sigh. “We missed you today. I think it was the first Sunday you’ve missed since…”
He doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t have to. I shrug and exhale some of the weight that’s been sitting on my chest.
“Yeah, I know.”
He reaches over and gives my shoulder a comforting pat. Zane might give me a hard time some days, but he has a heart of gold. I’m thankful to have him as my brother.
When we were younger, especially back in Utah, we would fight so much. We had to share a room back then, and because we spent so much time together, it caused a few issues between us. Once we moved to Covewood, we not only gained our own spaces, but we also kept the fighting to a minimum, thanks to Nan and Pops. They wouldn’t tolerate it.
Once we grew up, so did our friendship, especially after Annabelle was born and Zane became “The World's Coolest Uncle” as he likes to claim. He even bought himself a coffee mug that says so. He helped me a lot during those first few—very hard—years of raising a child all on my own. I learned just how important family is during those times.
I still do.
“I’m sure it’s a lot. Losing Johanna. Running into Raine. I’m here for you. You know that, right?”
“I appreciate it,” I reply.
He claps his hands together and leans back into the wooden chair. The sound of it creaking fills the silence as we both peer out toward the lake. After a moment, he seems to remember Annabelle and looks through the back door.
“She’s taking a nap,” I tell him, and he relaxes next to me.
“I brought her some leftovers.” He holds up a plastic bag I hadn’t noticed before. He plasters on a goofy grin as he sets the bag onto the small table next to me .
“Are you trying to sneak her some sugar?” I question accusingly.
He widens his eyes innocently, but I know better. “I would never.” He proclaims.
My family thinks it’s funny to sneak Annabelle sugar behind my back. Now, don’t get me wrong, I let my kid enjoy treats from time to time. However, when Maggie was pregnant with Annabelle, she had gestational diabetes, and I started doing a ton of research. I became a bit of a health nut after that, maybe a tad bit protective.
Raising a tiny human on your own will do that to you.
That doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy junk food from time to time. There’s a time and place for it. I take pride in knowing what my child is ingesting. After all, food is medicine.
Zane loves to poke fun at me for it, but I’m the parent, not him. He just gets to be the fun uncle who sneaks my kid what looks to be a chocolate chip cookie in the bag. I reach inside and pull out the very large cookie and hold it up to my face for size reference. Zane shrugs his shoulders as he chuckles.
“Does a seven-year-old really need a cookie that is the size of a human skull?”
“Absolutely not,” he says, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back in the chair. “I intended for her to share it with you, unless you’re scared of gaining some weight and not being able to impress Raine. Newsflash, brother: your massive Santa beard will already do the trick. Might as well gain the jolly belly to go with it.”
“Don’t you know to never disrespect a man’s beard?” I roll my eyes and shove a piece of cookie into my mouth, not missing the way Zane’s eyes twinkle with glee when a piece falls into said Santa beard.
I run my hands through my long facial hair. Maybe I should shave? At least trim it a bit.
“I’m jealous that you can actually grow a thick one, is all.” He smiles, but it doesn’t touch his eyes. After a beat, he says, “So…”
I glance at him, raising a brow in question, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. “So…?”
He watches me for a moment, the smirk slowly dripping away from his face and is replaced with a hint of concern. I don’t like it. The pressure from his gaze has my skin buzzing.
“Are you doing alright? Really?”
It’s a loaded question, one I’m not sure how to answer. I exhale, hoping the knot in my chest will go away with the breath. I lean back in my chair and run my fingers over my beard again.
“I’ll be fine,” I manage to say, but with the way he tsks at me, I can tell it isn’t what he wants to hear.
“But—”
Just in the nick of time, Zane is interrupted by the sound of a police cruiser beeping in the driveway. I turn and see Luke’s large form moving out of the driver's seat and give him a wave.
“Hey.” Luke huffs as he stomps up the porch steps, swinging a paper bag in his left hand, and reaches out to shake my hand.
“Hey, bud,” I reply and gesture to the empty chair to my left.
He nods at Zane before sitting down. “Where were you this morning?” Zane cuts to the chase.
Luke lets out a breath and runs a hand through his jet-black hair. His dark eyes snap to mine, the look making my stomach do one of those back-flip things.
“I was at Olivia’s this morning, making sure Raine was getting settled. I ended up staying.”
Raine.
One word. One name. That’s all it takes to grasp every ounce of my attention and cause my chest to constrict.
“She’s still here?” I’m puzzled, shocked even, that she stayed .
“Yeah. Olivia and I had to remove her from the hotel she was at and talked her into staying with Olivia for the time being.”
Zane’s brows raise as he asks, “Remove?”
“Uh, yeah. It had been days since anyone had seen her, and we were worried. I literally had to pick her up and carry her out of the room and stick her into the back of my police cruiser.” Luke smirks and points behind him toward his car.
A frown takes over my face at the thought of Raine being forced to ride in the back of a police cruiser, and Luke catches my disappointment. “It was all a joke. She was totally cool with it.” He holds his hands up like he’s the guilty one—ironic, with him being a policeman.
“Some people never grow up,” Zane utters, and both Luke and I whip our faces his way and glare at him. “What?”
Luke exhales loudly next to me. He shakes his head, and I can see the worry written on his face, deepening the lines by his mouth. He looks exhausted.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, the question pulling him from his thoughts.
“I just hate seeing her like that. She clearly hadn’t been taking care of herself, and I wish there was something that I could do to help.”
“Like forcing her into the back of your police car?”
“It lightened the mood. She laughed about it.” Luke waves a hand at me.
“So, she’s staying at Olivia’s? For how long?” The question comes out fast, my need to know overtaking me.
Luke shrugs his shoulders, his eyes moving toward the back door. I hear the sound of it sliding open before a small squeal leaves Annabelle’s mouth. I turn and open my arms for her, but she completely ignores me and rushes toward Zane.
“Uncle Z!!!”
I glance over at Luke, whose outstretched arms drop beside him, and a look of defeat washing over his face. I chuckle, but it's cut short with his fist on my shoulder. I rub against the skin, frowning at my best friend.
“There’s my girl!” Zane howls with joy, wrapping Annabelle into a tight hug. “Guess who brought you a cookie.”
Annabelle’s face lights up as she begins to jump up and down. Zane gives me a smug look that I wish I could wipe off his face. She searches for said cookie in Zane’s hand and turns at the crackling sound from the plastic bag I hold.
“Yes, he did, but you have to wait until after dinner.”
Zane and Annabelle groan in defeat. Luke, however, beams and holds up the bag in his hand. “Aunt Liv made you an organic, naturally sweetened muffin that I’m sure Daddy will approve of.” He looks at Zane, lifting a brow that says I win .
Annabelle’s squeals return as she runs toward Luke, leaping into his arms, and his smile spreads like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland . Zane huffs in defeat as Annabelle peeks into the bag.
“If I let you have half of it, do you promise me you’ll eat all of your dinner?” I say, giving in to the pouted lip she has mastered.
“Yes, yes, yes!”
“Uncle Luke, break off half for her please.”
Luke does as I ask, but he gives Annabelle the piece that is bigger before placing the rest back into the bag and handing it to me. I roll my eyes at the pleased look on his face before going into the house to hide the treats. I check inside the crock pot and see that the roast I put in this morning is just about ready.
I jump at the sight of both Zane and Luke peeking their heads inside the back door, both of them sniffing the air. Annabelle skips her way inside, grabbing Zane’s hand and pulling him into the living room.
“Is that roast I smell?” Zane asks, his mouth practically watering with the question.
“Yup.”
“Is there enough for me?” Luke asks, slipping past me and raising the lid to get a better sniff. I swat him away and shove him out of the kitchen.
I did, in fact, make plenty in hopes of having some for leftovers this week. If I’m going to share my food, they will have to earn it. A thought crosses my mind, and now I’m the one with a Cheshire Cat smile. Luke’s brows draw together in question.
“Hey, Annabelle. This is the perfect time for you to use your new nail polish set I got for you. I’m sure your uncles won’t mind helping you practice.”
“You traitor,” Luke whispers as Zane releases the hold Annabelle had on him, as if her hands are on fire. She giggles and claps her hands together before running down the hallway toward her bedroom.
“Come on now, it’s an uncle's job to keep the princess happy. Don’t you want to win at this little game you two are playing for the title of favorite uncle?” What I don't say is how my toes are currently painted bright yellow and it’s time for someone else to be Annabelle’s canvas.
“Oh, it’s clearly me, seeing that I’m blood-related and all,” Zane proclaims and takes a seat at the dining room table.
Luke takes a seat next to him, shoving him a bit with his elbow, and adds, “Yeah, but blood doesn’t always make you family.”
I keep myself busy in the kitchen to avoid having my nails painted again. This is going to be entertaining. I welcome the distraction, knowing that once they leave and Annabelle is in bed, my mind will be wandering back to its usual dark spiral.