Chapter 9 #2
“It is a fake marriage, remember, Danae,” she said softly. “I know you are endlessly the romantic, but you must remember this.”
She pushed aside thoughts that she must remember it too. The duke was already under her skin with that foolish kiss of his. She would have to do her utmost to avoid anything of that sort in future.
It was a mistake. That’s all.
“I don’t understand,” Danae said with a huff, plopping herself onto Cordelia’s bed.
Cordelia turned around and leaned against her dressing table.
“This man has never spent a night alone, but now he has chosen you. He is going to marry you! Certainly, there is something to that. And do you think that you can resist his charm forever?”
Cordelia’s ire rose. “I do not find him charming at all. He may be handsome, but he is a loathsome, odious brute, far too conscious of his own pleasing face and practiced charms. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took another to his bed as soon as we are wed.”
“Cordelia, surely you don’t think that,” Emma told her, looking surprised.
Cordelia grit her teeth. Her sister Emma was the most prudish of all three of them and hated discussing things of any sort of a romantic or sensual nature. She would have to find a way to explain it to Emma.
“I know this man. I have known him for three years, and I know, as Danae said, that he has hardly spent a night alone. He is only marrying me for the sake of the children and to do a bit of honor by his old friend. It does not mean that he will forever be loyal to me. I am sure that once the newness of the marriage has faded, then well, he may return to some of his old mistresses. I only hope, as I’ve asked him, that he should not humiliate me in public. ”
She turned away and returned to sitting in front of the dressing room mirror, pulling out the necklace she would wear that day and holding it against her chest. It was better to think of foolish things than to think of this.
Besides, he doesn’t want me to think of him as honorable. Therefore, I will not.
“Well, while I understand that he is a rake in every sense of the word, you must find a way forward. Surely, there is some good in him if he is willing to do this. I cannot understand why he would do it otherwise, even for a bit of meager honor.” Cordelia could see Emma looking to Danae for aid.
She grimaced, fastening the necklace but feeling the rage pool within her. It was a sudden thing, something she did not recognize fully until it settled in her belly. She swallowed, trying to retain her composure.
“Perhaps, if you gave him a chance –” Danae began, but Cordelia burst forth.
“Do neither of you remember Father?” she asked, far more starkly than she had intended to.
“The most benevolent and kind man that ever lived?” She spun around from the dressing table to look her sisters in the eye.
Danae had sat up on the bed, her expression surprised, while Emma looked on with calm understanding.
“He loved our mother more than he loved life itself. You saw how they were, how their love was. There was nothing like it. I could never expect to find a love such as they had. It was so rare compared to what we see around us, men keeping women in cages until they have become old and fragile and afraid.” She shook her head and rose to her feet, the energy rising in her so greatly that she had to move.
“Can’t you see? The duke is nothing like our father – he is vain and prideful.
He has not an ounce of decency. And I wouldn’t dare disgrace the memory of our dear father by allowing myself to be swayed by a dishonorable rake.
” She blinked at herself in the vehemency of her words, but she was frustrated and afraid.
It doesn’t make a lot of sense. The man I’ve known all these years hasn’t a decent bone in his body! I would be just like all the other foolish women if I allowed myself to be swayed by him.
And yet, he is marrying me and taking the children in, and not taking the money for himself, her conscience prodded.
With fists clenched, she was about to say more aloud when she heard a soft knock at the door.
“Cordelia?” Fiona asked and then opening the door, smiled. “Oh, you look wonderful, dear.”
“Thank you.” Cordelia tried to bring herself to heel.
She straightened and took a breath, hoping that her sisters would not bring up the matter in front of their mother.
Her path was now planned. She would marry this dishonorable rake, but especially upon his insistence, she would think him nothing more than that.
A rake without honor. She would never hope for anything more from him or any sort of love in her marriage.
And even if I thought such a thing for a brief moment, it is gone now! That is the only way to think of him, in order to keep my peace. I must keep a clear head.
“We are soon to leave for the church, you know.”
“And the children?” Cordelia asked, glad that she’d not heard the sound of crying since she’d begun to speak to her sisters so fervently.
“Jenny has everything well in hand.” Smiling, her mother took Cordelia’s hands. “Emma, Danae, could you give us a moment? I have a few bits of wisdom I wish to share.” She winked at them. “You will get the same when it is your turn.”
They looked dubious at first, but they left then on their own, and Cordelia sat down on the bed, unsure that she wanted to hear her mother’s words.
All she wanted was to get through the wedding and then focus on the children.
That was her new duty after all, and it was her compass north, to keep her focused while the rest of her world crumbled about her.