Chapter 9 #3
Calmly, her mother took a seat as well and folded her hands in her lap. “I know children think their parents know nothing, but while I was outside the door, I heard what you said.”
Cordelia looked down at her own hands in her lap and fiddled with her fingers.
One of these fingers will soon wear a ring, and it will be a lie.
She didn’t want to think about that, and she hated the thought of what her father might think of such an arrangement. She was almost grateful when her mother began to speak.
“I know that this is not ideal; it is not the way you would have wished things to happen. But let me tell you this, Cordelia. You are my eldest and strongest daughter, and I know that you will put yourself through trials because you believe you can bear it. But I believe that often makes you blind to the goodness of things.” She took a breath, and Cordelia did not dare look up. Not yet.
“We lost your father; that is true. I will mourn him until the day I die. But that does not mean that no others deserve love, that no others can find a love such as ours. It is my greatest wish that my own children could find such great love. Hear this – love is not one thing nor does it only look one way. It can wear different clothes and speak different languages and still be love.”
“I know that,” Cordelia said suddenly as she looked up, eager to not appear as though she were a child. Was she not being wise in being wary of the duke? “I know the love I feel for Helen and the children is a strong one, and I know the sacrifice of that love. I am doing this for them.”
Sighing, her mother shook her head. “You are strong, Cordelia; I will not deny it. But you are being pigheaded, and I must stop you from doing it.”
Cordelia stiffened. Hardly in the whole of her life had her mother spoken to her in such a way, so she knew that her mother was in earnest.
“Love is so many things, my dear, and it comes in so many packages. I understand that you have known this man for years, and you have no faith in him, but here we are now in this situation. He is making this choice, and you are making this choice, and so we must live with this choice. I spoke to him, and it is as if…” her expression turned distant, and Cordelia understood that feeling entirely.
To define the duke was a job that no one could do.
He seems desperate to be…unknown.
“It is as if he is pretending to be something he is not for some mysterious reason. Whatever the reason is, he is doing this now. I think that for the sake of your own sanity and your own future, you open yourself up to the possibility of hope. That you may be surprised.”
“I think I will surprise you at every turn.”
Nicholas’s words came again to Cordelia’s mind. She took a breath, threading her fingers together, wanting to fight with all her might, but her mother’s wisdom was sage. It always was, even if it irked her.
“You mean that I should try to expect something good from the duke? Until he should prove to me that he is something other than admirable and honorable?” She could feel her voice rising and her cheeks reddening.
Even when he was not here, the duke made her feel crazed. And even thinking of allowing him to surprise her made her body tense, and she wanted to continue to resist with all her might.
“Well, I should think we are wise to expect good and honorable things from every person, but yes.” Fiona grinned.
“It is better to begin with hope in your heart than to start a venture with all hope lost.” She rose to her feet and walked to Cordelia, pressing a finger under her chin.
“I love you, my dear. Truly, I have a feeling that there is something good about this. I would not give you such advice if I didn’t feel it. You’ll see.”
Cordelia looked into her mother’s eyes. She had so much fear in her, so much hesitancy. She was to be the strong one forever, that to give into something foolhardy was a sign of her own weakness. But for her own mother’s sake, she would try to do as she asked.
“Mama, how can I allow myself to hold such hopes when I am convinced, from all my time of knowing him, that disappointment lingers just around the corner?” She could feel her resistance waver but only slightly.
“No hope means no disappointment. I am to be strong for the children as well, not be foolish and allow the sugared words of a profligate rake to woo me. Surely, it is better to keep my focus on the children?”
She looked at her mother expectantly, wishing her to say only what she wanted to hear.
Her mother sighed but still with a smile on her face.
“You are no longer a child, Cordelia. One cannot avoid disappointment in this life no matter how one tries. People are flawed too, and we mustn’t expect perfection.
Therefore, if disappointment is certain in this life, then what’s the harm in hope?
Sometimes, things turn out just as they ought. ”
“I will attempt it. He enjoys not being capable of decency, but I am –” she took a breath. “Willing to be surprised.”
“Excellent!” her mother kissed her on the cheek. “That is all I ask. Now, let’s get you into that gown.”