CJ
Sitting in the den on the sofa, Ryan hated how much he missed Harley.
Even though he ignored her, he’d gotten so used to her presence.
All her things still there made it even worse.
Her departure had been as unexpected as her arrival.
He couldn’t believe how much he’d changed since she’d moved in.
Then, he never would’ve thought he’d mourn the day she left. But he did.
“You okay, Ryan?”
Not lifting his head at Devon’s question, Ryan nodded.
“How’s your face? Does it still hurt?”
“That motherfucker always could punch,” he said, brushing his fingers over the spot where CJ’s fist landed.
Devon pointed to the swelling. “What did Mom and Dad say?”
“They haven’t seen me.”
“What are you going to say?”
Before Ryan responded, the front door opened and footsteps clipped down the hall.
“Hey, Dev,” Mom said, still out of sight.
“Hey, Mom,” Devon responded, smiling.
Unsure how he’d explain the state of his face, Ryan tensed. If he’d known she wasn’t at work, he would’ve stayed in his room.
“Later,” Dev, that motherfucker said, chickening out and leaving Ryan alone to explain shit to Mom.
“Ryan, I need to talk to you…” Her voice trailed off as she walked into the room and saw Ryan. “What happened to you?”
Floundering for an explanation, he pursed his lips, unsure what the fuck to say.
He definitely couldn’t explain all that he was responsible for.
What he’d done to Molly was a tragedy. His role in Harley’s misery was a travesty.
He even felt a little responsible for Rule’s breakdown and Mattie’s attack.
The only reason CJ hadn’t broken his jaw was because he couldn’t prove his suspicions that Ryan gave up Molly’s location.
“Answer me, son.”
Just months ago, he would’ve responded just to get her off his back.
He thought she didn’t love him so he’d pretended not to love her.
He’d felt ignored, neglected, and overlooked.
Right or wrong, he’d justified his actions and his hatred.
He never would’ve thought he’d ever fear losing his mother.
Truly losing her, instead of in the way that he’d created in his head because of jealousy.
It was just easier to be a fucking asshole. When she discovered the truth, he’d lose her anyway. Wanting to cry, he stiffened instead, pretending he wasn’t falling apart inside “CJ happened to me,” he snapped, refusing to look at her.
“What did you do?”
That question did trigger him. He’d always been the villain in every interaction with his brother and cousins. It didn’t matter if he usually instigated shit. He didn’t have to be the fucking go-to bully, while CJ was the fucking angel.
He heaved in breaths, panting, angry and hurt. He still wouldn’t look at his mother. She was smart. Something in his expression might give him away. She wouldn’t stop loving him if he was an asshole. But what he’d done went well beyond assholery.
“Why did you take those pictures of Harley?”
He should’ve known she knew. Nothing remained a secret in the club for very long.
“Answer me!” she ordered.
He wanted to confess and tell her the truth.
He wanted to ask Pops to help him to remove the cameras in Rebel and Mattie’s rooms, ask what to do about Harley’s online bullying.
But he’d violated their privacy, crossed so many lines, and stripped away their dignity.
Harley’s situation with Nardo was almost over.
Molly’s was, too. Rule was getting help. But the other two?
His burden heavy, his guilt eating him alive, he glared at Mom, unable to believe his mother was such a fighter when she was so pretty and delicate with thick chestnut hair, a slender, fit build, and creamy skin.
He’d never really paid attention to her looks, until he started listening to how proud Rory and CJ were of their mothers.
And until Mom pleaded for Ryan’s life and then fought Eliza Bart because she’d hurt him.
Mom’s strength and warrior spirit amazed him. Even though she was 5’6 or 5’7, he was taller than her. That didn’t matter. Her presence was huge.
“I’m counting to fucking three so you’ll have a chance to explain yourself, Ryan,” she spat. “Answer me or I’m knocking your fucking teeth out.”
Not knowing what else to do, he smirked at her and flipped her off.
Her whiskey-colored eyes narrowed. “You fucking asshole,” she said, charging him and swinging, clipping his jaw.
Ryan jumped to his feet and she kicked his fucking leg, bringing him to his knees.
“How could you violate her like that?” she yelled, walloping his jaw again.
“I didn’t violate Harley,” he barked, dodging another punch.
“You won’t tell me what the fuck happened. You must have.”
“I was trying to help her!” It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the full truth. He was trying to save her from Nardo. He had yet to figure out how to save her from Willard without getting himself killed. “Mortician doesn’t like me, so I went to CJ.”
Mom socked Ryan in the fucking mouth. “That’s Uncle Mortician to you and don’t fucking forget that.”
“I don’t see him–”
Instead of allowing him to finish his sentence, she punched him again.
“If you disrespect him ever again, I will sew your fucking lips shut. He’s your father’s good friend. He’s my friend. More than that, he’s our family, motherfucker. I will stomp on your goddamn liver if you ever disrespect him again. Am I fucking clear, Ryan Matthew Taylor?”
Fuck, she was hitting him with his full name. He was so fucked.
“Mom–”
She hit him again.
“Don’t fucking ‘Mom’ me, you little asshole. Say yes ma’am and be grateful I don’t make you write a fucking apology booklet.”
“A booklet?” he asked incredulously, wiping the blood from his mouth. “That should be a letter. And I’m almost seventeen. You couldn’t make me–”
Her punch to his stomach doubled him over.
“You’re my son. I’ll make you do handstands. You do what the fuck I tell you or I will fuck you up. It’s as simple as that. I’m telling you to respect Mortician. I’m not interested in anything else, but ‘yes ma’am’.”
“Even if I don’t agree?”
She gasped and stiffened. He expected another hit, but the hurt in her face was even worse.
“I’ll call him uncle,” he told her.
“Why, son?”
He wasn’t sure what she meant, so he looked at her warily. “Why what?”
“Why do you feel the way you do about Mortician?”
Ryan flushed.
Shoving her fingers through her hair, she cursed.
“I loved my grandfather once. But he ended up being the vilest motherfucker ever. I know why you feel as you do about Mort and I’m so fucking disappointed in you, Ryan.
” Her eyes glistened and she blinked, holding in her tears and horrifying him. “Why didn’t you talk to me or Val?”
“What was I supposed to say?”
“The truth. When we hold things in, especially if we are conflicted with what your fucked up friends are filling your head with as opposed to your upbringing. And what you know is right.”
“He was always about CJ, Mom. Mortician never saw me,” he said, realizing his mistake when she fucking hit him again, bloodying his nose as she had his lip. “This is child abuse!”
“Fuck you. I never fucked you up as a fucking child,” she said through gritted teeth and sank her nails into his arms.
He screamed.
“Is that why you took those fucking photos of Harley? Because of how you feel about Mortician?”
“What? No!”
Her kick knocked his legs from underneath him and he fell on his ass. “So you did take those photos without her permission. I knew Harley was just protecting you.”
He froze and looked up at her. “Harley protected me?” he asked stupidly.
If he hadn’t seen the movement of her leg, she would’ve kicked him in his face. He darted away from her.
“How could you? No, I know why, motherfucker,” she yelled, stalking him. “Because of how you feel about Mortician.”
“That isn’t true! Harley’s Black,” Ryan protested, crawling to the other side of the sofa, screaming when he met her legs and reeling back so fast he hit his chin on the floor.
She plopped on the sofa, placed her elbows on her knees and cradled her head in her hands.
“I’m sorry,” he told her, losing his steam. “I’m so sorry, Mom.”
He was apologizing for so much more than he could ever admit. “I just wanted to help her. I swear I didn’t do the pictures for any other reason,” he whispered. “I didn’t think about anything except her. That’s why I called CJ, Rory, and Grant over. I never meant to embarrass her.”
He expected another ass-beating. Instead, she slid onto the floor, drew him into her arms and hugged him tightly.
“Harley told me why you did it,” she said, not letting him go.
Harley didn’t know why or how Ryan made those images. “She did?”
“Bailey was losing her fucking mind and Harley said you did it to protect her. I wanted that to be the truth. You wouldn’t tell me what happened, so I thought she lied to protect you, but I know you. My son. You’d never hurt a girl.”
Her words shamed him so much, he wanted to run and hide. “Mom.”
She pulled away and smiled, laying her hand on his jaw as if that was the only part of his face that had been abused. “CJ is like Christopher. Very protective. I guess he misunderstood the situation. And I owe you an apology, Ryan. I…”
“For kicking my ass?”
“You deserved that,” she said, laughing, then drew in a breath and told him what she’d said to Harley. “I’m sorry. I victim blamed and shamed. That was so unworthy of me. So hypocritical, considering what I went through.”
Ryan wanted to know the story, but his tumultuous emotions and overwhelming guilt left him at a loss on how to broach the subject. “Mom, it’s okay. I swear.”
“Thank you. Always remember what that bitch did to you wasn’t your fault,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t think about it.” It was the only way to deal. “I’m fine.”