Chapter Twenty-Two – CJ
After a nap, CJ awakened with a slightly better perspective, even though he was still so fucking disappointed that Nardo, Ned, and Wally, Jr. were still on the loose. Instead of dwelling on those three motherfuckers, he texted Diesel and asked if he could borrow his Mercedes to visit Molly.
I’m in the rose garden.
That was a choice. CJ kept that to himself, grabbed his wallet, and headed downstairs. Laughter floated up the staircase. As he reached the second-floor landing, he halted and listened.
“That’s so cool, Harley,” Axel gushed.
“Even though you won again, it is, Harls,” Mattie agreed.
“What do you say, Huahua?” Rebel asked. “Do you think Harley is cheating?”
“How can she cheat at darts, Chi?” Kaia asked.
Ignoring the validity of Kaia’s question, CJ rolled his eyes. Chi and Huahua. Whatever. If Kaia wanted to be a corny motherfucker that wasn’t CJ’s goddamn business.
“Kaia’s right, Rebel,” Harley said tentatively. “I’m not cheating. Daddy taught me to play.”
“Uncle Mort’s so cool,” Axel said. “He can put out a cigarette with his fingers.”
“Daddy can, too,” Rebel said.
“Uncle Mort’s way cooler than Dad,” Axel declared.
CJ didn’t have time to continue spying. He wanted to get to the hospital and back home in time for dinner. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to go to school until Monday. New week, fresh start. But he needed his mind straight even if Mom announced he’d attend tomorrow.
Harley laughed and CJ smiled, finishing his descent to the first floor and heading to the rose garden. He glanced at the natatorium door. One day he’d go back in there. Today wasn’t that day.
When CJ walked into his mother’s rose garden, he found Diesel sitting on one of the wrought iron benches, smoking a cigarette, his car keys next to him.
He refused to look at CJ.
Shaking his head, CJ walked over and snatched up the keys, then turned on his heel, intending to leave Diesel alone.
“You’re a fuckhead.”
The words halted CJ and he faced Diesel again. He didn’t even pretend not to know what he meant. “Did I fucking lie?” he snapped. “Rebel wants what she wants. The only fucking thing that’s stopping a catastrophe is your decency.”
“Are you trying to get me fucking killed?”
“You’re attempting that on your fucking own, dickhead.”
“The fuck I am.”
CJ was so sick of the constant arguing with the motherfucker. He took offense to everything CJ said. “Diesel, if you don’t know how the fuck you tipped your hand earlier, who the fuck am I to clue you in?”
“I’m not a fucking predator.”
“Since those words didn’t cross my lips, you’re revealing how you feel about yourself.”
Diesel laughed bitterly and discarded his cigarette in the ashtray. “How the fuck does it feel, my perfect little brother? Nothing to worry about but showing your fucking face at school and smiling.”
“I resent that.”
“Do I look like I give a fuck?” He glared at CJ. “Perfect world. Perfect life. Perfect boy.”
CJ clenched his jaw, ignoring the hurt he felt at Diesel’s derision. Axel was direct and said whatever was on his mind, but only Diesel, Rebel, and Dad struck below the belt with such cruel words.
“You’d never dream of fucking up,” Diesel continued, taking CJ’s silence as license to spew more bullshit. “You’re afraid of your own fucking shadow because you’re trying to protect your flawless reputation.”
“Do you know what your fucking problem is?”
Diesel’s smile was chilling. “The beauty of being so fucking blemished is I don’t give a fuck how you feel about me.”
“Lies, motherfucker. Lies. If you didn’t give a fuck, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“I’m just a fuck-up in your eyes. A needy, whiny, pathetic charity case.”
“You aren’t a fucking charity case. Get that through your thick fucking head. The rest of it? Right the fuck on target.”
Anger burned in Diesel’s gray eyes. “I’ll never live up to your fucking immaculacy.”
“Why is Jana here, Diesel?”
“I want her here, so she’s here. Didn’t we cover this already?”
“That you want her here, but you don’t want her?”
“Of course you have something to add to that. Why don’t you sit the fuck down and figure out your own fucking life? You have the motherfucking world at your feet and you’re still a whiny bitch.”
That Diesel wasn’t high made his words even more painful.
“You have feelings for Jana, you fucking asshole. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have lost your fucking mind when you saw Kaia with her. But the way you treat her is so fucking low.”
“I missed the date you received your psychology degree, little brother. When did that auspicious occasion happen?”
“No matter how it seems, I’m on your side.”
“Please leave that motherfucker, CJ. It’s too easy for you to stab me in my fucking back.”
“Did I fucking lie? Answer that, fuckhead, and then come at me like a miserable motherfucker if I spoke out of turn.”
“You know how Aunt Meggie feels and you had the fucking gall to tell her Rebel wants to fuck me and would if not for me.”
“Instead of blaming me, give me fucking credit for trying to keep you in the fucking family and protect Rebel.”
“Yes, because everything is black and white with you.”
“You’re the fucking attorney,” CJ snapped. “That’s your forte.”
“Then, by all means, tell me your fucking gray area. What I fucking heard was I’m either a predator or a savior. Rebel is either a deserter or a martyr. Kaia’s a saint and Jana’s a victim.”
“I’m tired of going round and round with you over this fucking situation. If you had even a little regard for Jana, you wouldn’t treat her like she’s a statue.”
A humorless smile tipped Diesel’s lips. “Didn’t you just say I had feelings for her, Dr. CJ? Which is it?”
“For the record, Diesel, I wasn’t talking about now for you and Rebel. I was thinking about when she turns sixteen. Her birthday. Her prom.”
“How the fuck would I look taking her to prom?” Diesel snapped.
“Exactly, fuckhead,” CJ yelled. “How would you look? You chose Jana as your shield. Even if Kaia and Rebel have a future, Rebel isn’t going to be happy until she’s with you.
She’s as fucking miserable right now as Jana.
If you don’t have feelings for her, what fucking harm is it if Kaia gets close to her? ”
“Kaia thinks he can have Rebel. I’ll rip his fucking head off before I let him befriend Jana, too.”
“Answer this. Rebel’s eighteen. You’re married to Jana. Rebel wears you down and you decide you want her instead of Jana. What do you do? Rebel would never agree to sneak around with you. And if Jana gave into temptation because she thought you left, what happens if you actually leave?”
“I don’t know,” Diesel admitted, glancing away.
CJ cocked his head to the side. “You’d kill her, wouldn’t you?”
“Wouldn’t that be better than her living her life in the depths of hell?”
“Motherfucker, she wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t invited her. The hell is living with you.”
Diesel jumped to his feet and stormed to CJ, shoving him hard enough to make him stumble back and fall. Not trusting Diesel, CJ scrambled to his feet and raised his fists, determined to say what the fuck was on his mind.
“If Jana falls off the fucking bandwagon, get her help, fuckhead. You have the resources. Mom has resources and connections. But you don’t want to really help Jana.
You like her as is: damaged, needy, and grateful to have the privilege of even looking at you.
You might not be a pedo, fuckhead, but you sure the fuck are a motherfucking predator. ”
Diesel struck out, because why wouldn’t he? That’s what the fuck he did. Fought when a nerve was struck and ignored everything else.
CJ blocked Diesel’s first two blows. However, he knew if he turned, the motherfucker would either shoot him or knock him out.
His only fucking chance was to try and disable the fuckhead, still a couple inches taller than him and way more muscular.
He hit Diesel’s stomach. Insane as he was, he didn’t even fucking feel it and responded with a punch that would’ve broken CJ’s jaw if he hadn’t jumped back and turned slightly and allowed his bicep to absorb the hit.
Pain washed over him and he gritted his teeth.
“Stop!” Axel ordered, running between them. He was huffing and puffing. “Didn’t I tell you two motherfuckers to behave?”
“Move, Axel,” Diesel snapped.
“No! Punch me, fuckface. Then, Dad will kill you and Mom will still be upset. You want to die and make Mom leave again?”
That teary question seemed to penetrate Diesel and stole his anger. Even CJ felt like a jackass for being so jealous of Axel without considering the toll the entire situation had taken on his little brother.
“I’m sorry, big head,” CJ said, ashamed of himself. He eyed Diesel. “You, too.” He wasn’t sure if the apology was sincere or if he was just saying it for Axel’s benefit. Diesel’s words had hurt him deeply. “I’ll ask Mom to borrow her Lexus.”
“No, you won’t,” Axel said stubbornly. “She’s with Dad and I told you two motherfuckers earlier to behave. A man can’t even rest after putting all his plans in motion. I heard you two motherfuckers trying my fucking patience.”
Frowning, CJ glanced over his shoulder and considered the door.
It gaped open. Although he didn’t think he’d closed it, the “room” was more of an enclosed garden.
Even if the weatherproof door was opened during Diesel and CJ’s argument, their voices would’ve had to travel down the hallway, through the breezeway and the East Hallway if Axel had been in the den or kitchen.
Had he still been on the second floor, then the argument would’ve had to float up the back staircase and under the sill of the closed door that led to the second-floor hallway.
Diesel folded his arms. “You have fucking listening devices in here, Ax?”
“How else do I get to know what I got to take care of for Mom?” Axel grouched, glaring at Diesel. “You’re stupid. You’re stupid too, CJ. And Dad’s just fucking senile. I’m the only man with fucking sense.”