Chapter 2 – Rebel #3
“I stopped using coke. That accounts for something.”
“Jesus Christ, that bar is in the fucking gutter if that’s what you’re measuring all your fuckery by.”
Although he fell silent, she knew he was still behind her. She hadn’t turned because she’d wanted him to walk away. The more they engaged, the more they hurt each other.
“So if I OD’d tonight, you wouldn’t give a fuck?”
“CJ overdosed and he survived. Someone will revive you,” she said coldly, on the verge of a breakdown at Diesel’s tactics. He was so fucking unfair.
“You’re a vicious little bitch,” he spat.
Gritting her teeth to try and hold back her tears, she elbowed him.
“What do you want from me, Diesel? Jesus, what? You got your stupid happy birthday. You’ve gotten me to not only accept Jana, but want to protect her, too.
Do you want me to say how devastated I’d be if anything happened to you?
You win with that one, too. I’d be crushed.
Do you want me to congratulate you for not using drugs?
Another win. Congrats. Do you want me to say I love you?
I do. Do you want me to say that fucking painting was from me?
It was. I wanted to do something special for your milestone because you mean so much to me.
But what the fuck I’m not saying is you’re worthy of me.
Not as my brother and not as anything else.
You’re a vile motherfucker and we both fucking know it.
I don’t give a fuck who else thinks you’re the greatest thing on earth.
You aren’t to me. You were fucking proud of how deeply you hurt me, so fuck you, motherfucker.
Fuck you for the rest of your miserable fucking life.
Fuck you from the bottom of my heart. I’m my mother’s daughter and I’ll jump in boiling oil before I allow anyone or anything to defeat me. ”
Pretty words that she’d repeat until she believed them again.
The tears blinding her barely allowed her to see the gate code to punch in. If she wouldn’t have brushed off Kaia, Diesel wouldn’t be torturing her.
“I love the painting of my mother, Rebel,” Diesel said after she finally punched in the gate code. “It…I will cherish it forever.”
“Jana will be happy to hear that,” she said thickly.
“You’re crying again.”
The observation held an accusatory note. But she reinstituted her silence. He was determined to bring her to her knees. All because she hadn’t wished him happy birthday.
She darted through the gate, hoping to catch him off-guard, so the metal clanked closed before he realized she’d escaped.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” Diesel demanded as if he had the right, hot on her heels.
“I am talking to you. Be grateful and go back to your fucking party.”
“I’m where I want to be.”
“Good for you. I don’t want you with me.”
“That hurt.”
She walked faster. “You’re still breathing, so not enough.”
He was bigger than her with longer legs, so he easily caught up to her, yanked her into his arms and wrapped her in a bear hug. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and leather washed over her.
He buried his nose in her neck and brushed his lips over her skin. Goosebumps shivered through her and she sagged against him.
“All the years you insisted on giving me a birthday present and made a production out of it went from amusement to annoyance for me. The last three or four years and your demand that my birthday come to a complete fucking halt until you gave me your birthday wishes pissed me the fuck off.”
“I didn’t even see you on your birthday last year.”
He ignored her comment. “You’re so fucking determined. Tonight, I’d give anything, do whatever you tell me to do, just so you’d give me that present and my birthday hug.”
She was in his embrace, closer to him than ever, wrapped in his arms much longer than any birthday hug she’d ever given him. “Do you know what I’ve learned, Diesel?”
He kissed her ear. “Tell me.”
“That life is fragile and our existence is fluid. We should cherish the here and now, especially the good here and now since there’s more bad.”
“Rebel—”
“Don’t patronize me by saying something asinine. I won’t care anyway because my feelings are my own.”
She twisted around to face him, but the darkness hid his features, shrouding him in mystery. She smelled his cologne, though. It was spicy and dark. Wicked. Like him.
He took her face between his hands. “You’re too young to be so cynical.”
Rebel shook her head. “Am I cynical or realistic?”
A noise escaped Diesel as if he planned to respond.
“Show me the good,” she inserted before he spoke.
“Here. Now. You and I.”
“As brother and sister, yes? Because there isn’t anything else. You have a fiancée and I have a boyfriend. And I’m still illegal, which tells me everything I need to know. You’ve seen one of the videos, if not all of them, so you think I’m easy and…and…stuff.”
“I haven’t seen not one of those fucking videos,” he snapped, releasing her so abruptly that she stumbled. “You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think I have.”
“Fine.” She didn’t necessarily believe him, but she didn’t want to get into a detailed discussion either. “Go back to your fucking party, Diesel. Jana is there. She’s probably wondering where you are. Stop being such a fuckhead to her.”
“I don’t want to talk about Jana. I want you to forgive me.”
“Fuck you. You wanted a happy birthday from me. You got that. I’m not giving you more.”
“Jana is a non-issue in this.”
“Yeah, because she’s made herself into one and you do nothing to tell her not standing up to you isn’t cool. It makes her look weak and pathetic.”
“You’re talking about her to ignore the problems between us.”
“No, fuckface, I’m talking about her because she exists.
Kaia exists. I want a chance with him. I care about him so much and I’ve treated him so unfairly.
I wouldn’t want to live as his stand-in for a girl he really wants.
It isn’t fair that I made him yours. You and him couldn’t be more different.
He has a heart. You’re Frankenstein’s monster. ”
He sucked in a breath and stiffened.
“I still fucking dare you to get your ass on your shoulders when you fucked over me.” Angry suddenly, she balled her fist and clipped his jaw.
“How could you do that to me?” she demanded, starting to cry again, completely gutted at what he’d done.
She’d had so much faith in him, more than anyone other than her mother.
“I trusted you. I trusted you above everyone.”
His hands settled on her waist, but before he tightened his hold, she pulled away, turned and ran.
By the time she arrived at the gate to the Caldwell mansion, she was winded, sweaty, and sobbing. She didn’t care. She’d outrun Diesel.
One day, she’d outrun her demons.