Chapter 2 – Rebel #2
Rebel’s tension returned and her shoulders slumped. He seemed determined to spend the evening kissing her, but she wasn’t sure about that either. She just wanted to talk to him, ask him to make up a poem for her.
Rebel: I’m waiting for you so we can walk home. I really need someone to talk to tonight. That’s it. Nothing more.
Kaia: I understand, Chi.
He was such a good guy.
Rebel: Thank you. I promise I’ll make it up to you.
Kaia: When?
Rebel: I don’t know. Soon, though.
Kaia: Promise?
Rebel: Promise.
Kaia: But not tonight?
Rebel: No.
Kaia: Come back inside while I finish my beer. Maybe you and I can dance to one song. I’ll whisper sweet things in your ear and you’ll let me kiss you later.
Biting her lip, Rebel reread Kaia’s message twice. Just because she was miserable didn’t mean he had to be.
Rebel: I’m waiting for Axel. Once he comes out, I’m going home. Not in the mood to dance. But I want you to stay, my drone. Enjoy yourself.
Kaia: R u sure?
Rebel:
Kaia: Sleep tight, babe. If it isn’t too late when I get to my room, I’ll text u.
Rebel: Ask Jana to dance. Diesel is paying attention to everyone but her. Have fun.
Kaia: Will do, babe.
Wondering if she made the right decision, she shoved her phone back where she got it from.
She didn’t want Kaia to think she didn’t care about him, but her heart felt so shattered.
Her head wasn’t in the right place to take such a monumental step.
As much as she wanted to text him and say she changed her mind, she refused to let him or anyone else pressure her.
Just more proof that she was mean and evil.
She tipped her head back, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall again.
The door opened and Rebel straightened, swiping at a stray tear, expecting her little brother.
Instead of Axel, Diesel walked outside. They regarded each other.
He stood directly underneath the beam of one of the lights right outside the door, allowing her to see the sadness in his gray eyes.
They were normally stormy and intense, but pain and wariness filled them.
He stared at her, waiting, still wanting her to give in.
Pressing her lips together, she shook her head, capitulating a fraction so he’d leave her in peace.
He shoved his fingers through his dark hair, perpetually tousled. Sexy. Even when it was freshly cut.
She’d dreamed a lot about Diesel, touched herself to those waking fantasies. Touched herself in ways no one was ever supposed to see.
“Say something, Rebel.”
She shook her head, wishing Axel hadn’t called the one person she didn’t want to see. Her nostrils flared and tears stung her eyes.
“It’s my birthday,” he told her. “Always a cause to celebrate in our household. Please…” He closed his eyes. “Talk to be. it won’t be the same if you don’t offer me greetings.”
Hating the pressure he was putting on her, she glowered at him. It wasn’t Diesel’s birthday. It was break Rebel down day. First Kaia and now him.
He looked at her again, his expression open and vulnerable. “I’ll only turn thirty once. If you don’t say anything to me ever again, I’m begging you to wish me well on this birthday.”
Diesel begging her or anyone else should’ve been a win. He was so fucking arrogant, Rebel was surprised he was even able to say that word. It just left her sadder.
As much as she’d hung onto his every word mere days ago, she felt nothing but a deep emptiness now. She was wrung out with the ashes of life as she’d known it, smoldering at her feet. In five months, her worldview had altered ten times over.
In November, she’d almost lost her mother and little sister.
At the beginning of December, she’d lost one of her best friends to bitchery.
Mid-December, her perception of her father was forever altered.
In January, she saw two men killed.
In February, her brother, her beloved CJ, was overdosed.
Days later, her twin had a complete mental break and almost killed her.
Two weeks ago, Momma and Daddy seemed headed for divorce.
Last week, Diesel broke her heart.
Two days ago, Ryan broke her spirit.
Tonight broke her. She felt alone and lonely, as if she had no one in the world. Except that wasn’t true. She didn’t have Rule, but she had CJ and Axel. She didn’t have Diesel, but she had Kaia. And she had her mother even if she didn’t have her father.
Diesel tipped her chin up, but she lowered her lashes, refusing to look at him.
“Rebel, sweetheart, please—”
She couldn’t take it anymore. The hoarse desperation in his voice cut through her.
She knew how it felt to want grace and mercy, and have it denied to her.
Rule preferred to have killed her before he offered her any compassion.
“Happy birthday, Diesel,” she cut in quietly, lost. It didn’t matter.
She wouldn’t, couldn’t, forgive him. His betrayal went too deep.
If only he’d understood why she was so hurt and angry, but he didn’t.
As long as he didn’t understand, he’d do it again.
Maybe not that exact thing, but something equally as bad or worse.
“I’m going home.”
“Come back inside and tell me happy birthday in front of everyone.”
“No.”
“You’re too young to be so fucking obstinate.”
She glared at him. “And you’re too old to be so fucking inconsiderate.”
“Relationships don’t work however the fuck you have them in your fucking mind.”
“Are we in a relationship?”
“As brother and sister.”
“I told you happy birthday, Diesel, so fuck off.”
“If I walk back in that fucking clubhouse without you, then fuck you. You think you have all the fucking answers. Well, you don’t. You’re a fucking kid. A spoiled fucking brat. There’s no fucking relationship that works the way you have it in your fucking head.”
She tossed her hair, so tightly wound she felt as if she’d burst. “And yet you’re the one begging me to fucking talk to you. It must work my way.”
He stiffened.
“Fuck you,” she snarled before he spewed more venom. “I’m telling you this again. Hopefully this time, you hear me—”
“Rotten little demons aren’t known for good advice. You included, since whatever you say goes in one ear and out the other.”
She flipped him off, so fucking fed up, but Jana needed someone to get through to this dickhead.
“You shouldn’t want anyone to lie down and let you walk all over them for your fucking amusement,” she said for what felt like the thousandth time.
“If that’s what you like in a partner, not only aren’t you the man I thought you were, but you aren’t the brother I saw you as.
You’re nothing but a worthless motherfucker. ”
Her words hurt him. She knew by the way his entire body deflated and how bleakness flickered across his face. But then his gray eyes frosted and his lips tightened.
“You’re nothing but a lying cunt,” he snarled, low. “You swore to me a few fucking days ago that even if you didn’t like my actions, you’d always like me. That I was stuck with you.”
Rebel gaped at him, then cackled. “You’re definitely Christopher Caldwell’s raggedy son, fuckhead. He thinks he can do and say anything he wants without ever apologizing,” she said darkly.
“Don’t deflect—”
“You’re insane. You couldn’t have taken my words to you—heartfelt and truthful by the way—to mean you had permission to do any fucking thing you wanted to me. You aren’t that fucking dense.”
He clenched his jaw, glanced away, and thought for a moment, then smirked at her. “Are you sure you want to leave Kaia with the club girls? He was dancing with one of them when I walked outside.”
That was information he could’ve kept to himself and another reminder of why not talking to him was best.
“I don’t care. I trust him,” she insisted, stepping around Diesel and hoping he wouldn’t follow her.
Of course, he did.
Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. Yesterday, when she’d spoken to Ryan, she’d been at peace.
Even earlier this evening as she’d chosen her outfit for the party, she’d been okay, then couldn’t bring herself to give Diesel the painting.
She couldn’t pretend she could overlook his actions just because it was his fucking birthday.
She’d also been so incredibly annoyed with Jana.
Out of sheer bitchery, she’d left her alone. And so had Diesel.
At least he’d had the decency to stand by Jana’s side when Tabitha arrived, but it hadn’t been for Jana. It had been for him. He despised his wife. He’d had to choose between respecting Jana and humiliating Tabitha, so he’d went with what was most beneficial to him.
After all of that fuckery, he’d still left Jana alone the moment Axel’s antics got Tabitha to leave. The club girls were already tearing Jana apart among themselves.
Rebel wanted so badly to leave Jana to them. Although she hadn’t defended her, she’d done the next best thing. Given Jana the gift she’d purchased for Diesel.
Heidi and the rest of them made a whole production of giving Diesel presents and big ole kisses.
Jana had looked so wistful and hurt and Rebel knew Jana hadn’t had money to buy anything for Diesel so she couldn’t have purchased a gift.
Instead of chopping the painting into small pieces and using it for kindling, Rebel thought she’d found the perfect solution.
Instead, watching Jana give Diesel the gift Rebel purchased for him devastated her a little more.
It was as defining a moment as Rule’s attempt to drown her.
“I’m sorry, Rebel,” Diesel said as she arrived at the gate that opened onto the forest trail. “I didn’t mean to call you names.”
“Fuck you. You said them and you say them whenever you’re angry. You mean it.”
“Do you mean everything you say in anger?”
“Sure do.”
“So you think I’m worthless?”
“Think about what the fuck you did and then tell me if you see yourself as worthy.”
“I’m worthy of Jana.”
“Good for you and her that her fucking standards are so low. Yours too, fuckface. Otherwise, you’d do fucking better.”