Chapter 26 – Jana
Kaia: Hey. I’m checking on you. I hope you found something to smile about today.
Jana glanced around the lonely treehouse, searching for something that would cheer her up, but finding nothing.
Jana: Not much. Diesel has forgotten me again. I haven’t seen him since Sunday afternoon.
Once Rebel and Meggie went to LA, Diesel disappeared too.
Rebel’s absence left Jana even lonelier.
She’d thought about visiting Mattie, maybe telling her they were related, then changed her mind.
She also thought about calling her parents, uh, Amy and Sue, and revealing she knew the truth. But she didn’t want to stir the pot.
Miserable, she glanced at her phone again.
Kaia: He’s a fuckhead.
She frowned. Diesel was far from a fuckhead. He was the best thing that ever happened to her.
Jana: He isn’t. I just wish he was more attentive. Any ideas?
Admitting that to anyone, other than herself, sent guilt through her. She knew Diesel had a lot of responsibilities.
Kaia: Tell that motherfucker to spend more time with you.
Jana:
Kaia: You deserve better treatment. He won’t give it to you unless you stand up for yourself and demand it.
Diesel told her to stand up to him as well. But suppose she said the wrong thing and he walked away from her? If he’d really wanted her to be confrontational, he would’ve told her to change before he proposed. He’d taken her just as she was and always came to her rescue when she was most in need.
Kaia wouldn’t understand any of her reasoning, so she wouldn’t try to explain. She changed the subject.
Jana: How’s Reb?
Kaia: Evasion doesn’t help, but I get the message. Rebel is Rebel. Beautiful and sassy.
Jana thought about Diesel’s birthday party, when Rebel had been the center of attention among her brothers and cousins. Kaia.
Jana didn’t know if Rebel’s confidence grew as she got older or if she’d been born that way.
Jana: She is both. I wish I could be like her.
Kaia: She’s one of a kind. Besides, if you’re happy in your own skin, you wouldn’t mind being you.
Jana: I guess.
Kaia: I know.
She didn’t really know who she was. She enjoyed the attention she’d gotten from Diesel, Torrin, and Narci because it made Diesel notice her.
She liked how Kaia made her laugh and worried about her.
Most of the time, though, she didn’t like herself.
She’d been looking forward to being Rebel’s big sister, but Rebel didn’t need her, and protected Jana from everyone.
Although she thought Rebel was a little harsh with Diesel most of the time, she still stood up to him on Jana’s behalf.
Jana: Are you having fun?
Kaia: A lot. The more time I’ve spent with Rebel these past couple of days, the more I realize how much I really like her. I’m so scared she’ll find out about Saturday night…I fucked up, Jana.
Jana: She’s young. She must understand that men have needs. I have sex with Diesel, and I know he looks at other women.
Kaia: Yeah, if only.
Jana: ?
Kaia: Nvrmind.
Jana: Are you still coming to the volleyball game Saturday?
Kaia: That depends on if Rebel’s going.
Jana: She said she was. You already accepted. B4 she did.
Kaia: Then I guess I will be there.
Jana: Remember how you told me you could get weed for me?
Kaia: I was halfway joking, but I remember.
Jana: I don’t have money, but I’m willing to pay you another way. Even better if you can get me coke. I need something. I’ll do whatever you want.
Kaia: Uh, I thought you were a recovered addict. Or recovering? Or…?
Jana: I’ve never been to rehab. Please don’t tell anyone. Diesel doesn’t want anyone to know.
Kaia: That motherfucker is playing with fire.
Jana: He’s protecting me.
Kaia: Not if your addiction is this bad. You just offered to fuck me for a blunt. I don’t have a pipeline to more than that. I won’t even get into the coke. Be careful. Dealers might take pussy from you and then still target you because you haven’t given them cash.
Jana: I suck good cock, especially for drugs. They may beat me but they’ve never come after me afterwards.
Kaia: WTF? Are you fucking serious? Read what you just wrote to me. Better yet, TELL Diesel you want drugs. If he cares about you, he’ll get you help.
Jana: He does. He let me do coke Saturday night.
Kaia: Jesus Christ.
Jana: Please don’t judge me.
Kaia: I’m not. I feel sorry for you. Nothing I say will help you. I’m not a professional. Just do me a favor. Don’t go anywhere alone with Rebel. If you’re targeted, I don’t want her hurt. Diesel can gamble your fucking life. I refuse to be as careless with Rebel’s.
Jana: I understand.
Kaia: Yeah, later.
Jana held her phone, waiting for another text from Kaia, but after five minutes, she realized he wouldn’t write anymore.
She’d never risk Rebel. As her stand-in big sister, it was Jana’s job to protect her.
Even if they were out together, and Jana somehow scored drugs, she’d find a way to keep Rebel safe.
Sitting on the sofa in the living room of the treehouse, Jana stretched out. She really felt as if she’d jump out of her skin and—
A key turning in the lock reached her and she shot into a sitting position, then glanced over her shoulder.
A huge bouquet of rainbow roses greeted her before Diesel lowered the vase enough for her to see his stormy gray eyes.
“Are those for me?” she asked.
Diesel closed the door and turned the lock, then walked over and held the roses out to her. “Who else would they be for, sweetheart?”
Her heart fluttering, she took the roses and set them on the coffee table. “They’re so beautiful.”
“As are you,” he told her, prompting her to turn.
Digging in the pocket of his jacket, he fished out a small box. “I know things don’t replace me spending time with you, but I just haven’t been able to face you after Saturday night. No, after Sunday.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Both days.”
Jana frowned. “You did nothing wrong, though.”
“I did a lot wrong, sweetheart.” He grabbed her hand and raised it, then laid the box in her palm. “For you.”
Smiling hesitantly, Jana untied the bow and opened the box, revealing a sparkling diamond bracelet. She gasped.
“I’ll keep it with me, Jana.” Diesel lifted the jewelry out of the box and clasped it on her wrist. “I don’t want you to trade this in exchange for drugs.”
“You bought this for me?” It looked so expensive. “Why?”
Diesel hugged her, then brushed his lips across hers and took her face between his hands.
“Because you’re a jewel and I’m lucky to have you,” he said fiercely.
“We have a lot of family birthday parties coming up. Rebel’s is always extravagant.
We’ll be going to family dinners. I don’t want you to feel lesser. ”
“This feels like a dream.” Jana threw her arms around Diesel and hugged him tightly, falling a little more in love with him. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“It’s the opposite. I’m lucky to have such a brave, beautiful woman as mine.”
“I love you so much.”
He cleared his throat and averted his gaze. “I love you, too,” he told her, so quietly she almost missed the words. “I want you happy, but that can’t include drugs anymore. That was so fucking wrong of me.”
“Can it include threesomes?”
He laughed. “As long as I’m with you.”
“It doesn’t have to be with a man. It can be a club girl.” She smirked at him, testing the waters. “As long as I’m with you.”
Shock flitted across his face, then he nodded. “Yes, ma’am. I talked to Aunt Meggie.”
“About?”
“When she’s inviting Amy and Sue over to see how the wedding plans are progressing. I want you in rehab but before you leave, I want you to be my wife. I owe you that much.”
“So they know about my addiction?”
“I’ve convinced them you’ve been to rehab. I told Uncle Christopher you had a relapse because of me.”
“Why won’t you tell them the truth?”
“I don’t know where you scored your drugs from.
If you have outstanding debts. I…” A pained expression crossed his beautiful face.
“I keep you in the treehouse so you’ll be safe.
They’ll be safe. If they think…Uncle Christopher knows about the drug trade.
He has his family. Aunt Meggie. Rebel.” Clenching his jaw, he glanced away.
“He’d send you to rehab immediately. And I need you.
” He hung his head, so he missed the way Jana pressed her hand against her heart.
“I need to keep you close to me, now more than ever, so I can stay grounded. Even if you refuse to tell me when I fuck up, I think, I know, your presence will remind me of what I have to lose and…and…”
Jana found his rambling so out-of-character. Yet, he’d felt close enough to her to allow her to see that side of him. “Oh, babe,” she whispered.
He closed his eyes and heaved in a breath. “I need you with me, Jana. Your presence will…it’ll keep me focused so I don’t make terrible decisions and fuck up the rest of my life. If I lived much longer after…I’m sorry.”
“Oh no, babe! No. You have nothing to apologize for. I’ll behave and be the best wife to you.” A thought occurred to her and she cocked her head to the side. “How long will I be in rehab and will you be okay with me gone?”
“For as long as it takes. I might come with you.”
Jana lifted her brows. “You’re going into rehab?”
“No. I’ll have an apartment close to where you are.”
“Portland isn’t—”
“I’m thinking about patching out and relocating. I can’t…my little sister hates me. She refuses to forgive me. No matter how many times I apologize.”
“I adore Rebel, but her lack of charity is on her. You’ve done all you can. Don’t leave everything you hold dear because she is holding a grudge.”
“She’s important to me. She…I…She thinks I’m nothing but a liar. She calls me a psychopath.”
Indignation stirred in Jana’s gut. “She has a lot of nerve, disrespecting you like that. I will have a long, forceful girl talk with her.”
Diesel turned and snapped his brows together. “With Rebel? You against her?”
“To defend you.”