6. Mags
6
MAGS
As Charlie and Austin drive up to the house at Bull Mountain to drop me off, I get a sense that something is not right.
It might have something to do with the fact that Dee’s pet sow, Miss Piggy, is guarding the porch, Cora’s dog Bruno is sitting in the bed of Red’s truck, and Landry’s goat Nelly is blocking the path to the barn. Or maybe the fact that wherever I look, there are no humans to be found.
“Somethin’s not right…” Austin says ominously.
“Yeah, Duck Norris is missin’. Which means trouble is afoot,” Charlie muses. “He’s the leader of the Bull animal pack. If he’s not here, I’d bet my money on Doofus instigatin’ somethin’.”
“He’s never done me wrong before,” Austin replies, actually sounding disappointed in the waterfowl devil incarnate.
“Maybe it’s because you’ve moved out and he no longer gets his early mornin’ snack from your cabin?” Charlie replies.
I sigh at my future son-in-law’s optimism. “Austin, are you forgettin’ that he somehow broke into the attic of my house, rifled through packed boxes to find a letter he had no business findin’, then got out of my house again and delivered it to you. And before doin’ all of that, he somehow got from the ranch to town with one leg and crossed eyes. It’s a miracle that bird even exists, let alone survives all the damn trouble he causes.”
As we get out and take in the scene in front of us, I’m left wondering what else we might find—and where we might find the rest of the family.
Relief fills me when Red steps out onto the porch, but just like us, he stops to take in the massive pig-sized obstacle blocking the steps in front of him.
He scratches his head in confusion. “I’d come down to greet y’all, but there’s somethin’ in my way.”
“Seems you’re not the only one not wantin’ Wy to leave,” I tease, earning a smirk in return.
"At this rate, we'll never hit the road. We've got a schedule to keep remember."
“Er—Red Grayson,” I say, quickly catching myself from full naming my best friend. “You don’t have to tell me to be on time. I’m not the one bein’ barricaded in by Miss Piggy.”
Red looks over to his truck where Bruno sits up, looking between the four of us suspiciously. “When did Bruno get here?”
“Not sure. He was on the tailgate when we arrived. I figured this was the Bull Mountain animal pack’s farewell party for Wy,” Charlie answers.
Red’s frown deepens. “Somethin’s not right.”
"Why do you say that?" Austin calls back.
"And why are we shoutin' at each other? Do you want us to come there?" Charlie yells.
“This is ridiculous,” Red grumbles. “I’m comin’ to you.”
I bite my lip and try not to laugh as Miss Piggy grunts and moves every which way, thwarting Red's attempts to get off the porch.
“Pig, so help me. If you don’t move that rump of yours, it won’t be turkey we have for Thanksgivin’ this year. It’ll be all the different dishes we can make from pork! ”
The hog oinks loudly in response, seemingly understanding Red's threat—likely in protest—and shuffles aside, taking her time while doing it. Finally, she allows Red to make his way down the stairs, which he does with a deep scowl.
"Finally," he mutters, joining us by the truck. Bruno hops down and dutifully sits as close to Red’s booted feet as possible. Another uncharacteristic move. Nelly Nosey Parker appears unphased by the drama and stays sentry in position, blocking the path to the barn.
"What the hell is goin' on? It’s like the animals have all lost their damn minds." Red surveys the scene, shaking his head.
“I’m not sure, but I suspect they’re all up to somethin’,” Austin replies.
Red shoots him a ‘ you think ?’ look before a startled quack in the distance grabs our attention.
“I vote we follow the duck calls,” I suggest. “Whenever there’s trouble around this mountain, there’s always one duck in the middle of it.”
“You’re right. Let’s go,” Red responds before walking toward the path that Nelly is still ardently trying to block.
“Baaaaa.”
“Nelly, darlin’. C’mere, sweetheart,” Charlie coos, stopping in front of Landry's gorgeous orphaned goat and bending down to pet her.
“Baaaaaa?”
“Yes, honey. You’re OK. You’re the good girl out of the bunch, aren’t you." Charlie continues to rub behind her ears.
“Baaaaaaaaaa,” Nelly bleats, leaning into my daughter’s touch.
“Now, you’re goin’ to let us pass so we can find out what Doofus is up to?"
“Baaaaaa! Baaaaaa!” But instead of stepping aside, she turns around and walks ahead, leading us toward the barn and in the direction of the delinquent duck. Good goat.
Red falls in step next to me. “Sorry ‘bout the detour. We should all be back to normal programmin’ once we find everyone else and my keys.”
My eyes snap to his. “Your keys?”
“Yep. They’re missin’. I’m hopin’ Wy has them otherwise…”
“Oh, he won’t have them. I’m bettin’ the animals do,” I tell him.
Red’s brow lifts. “You think?”
"It's mighty suspicious that all of the animals on the ranch who—by the way—already think they’re humans, are not only all together in the one place, but also seem to be in the mood to disrupt well-laid plans. C’mon, Red. I know you’re a smart man…”
He looks to the mountain’s twin peaks before huffing out a breath. “Dammit.”
His exasperation makes me giggle. I turn backward to find Bruno and Miss Piggy trotting along behind us, confirming my gut feeling. It’s quite funny that today, of all days, they decide to try and stop one of us from leaving the ranch.
“This has the mountain spirit’s name written all over it,” I murmur to myself.
Red casts a sideways glance at me, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern. "You reckon we're in for some sort of surprise?"
“I’d bet my last dollar on it,” I say just as we reach the barn.
The quacks are now louder and more urgent. Nelly leads the way ahead with a determined stride, her white coat shimmering in the sunlight. If I was the crazy type, I’d almost be worried we were all being led into a trap. An animal takeover, Duck Norris style.
The rest of the animals run around us and follow behind her. It’s once we’re through the barn doors that we interrupt a standoff in progress.
I stop dead in my tracks when I spot Rhett, Wy, Toby, Landry, Cora, Dee, and Star all standing in a circle, their hands in the air, and all of them vying for Duck Norris’s attention. The menace himself sits on one of the roof beams with Red’s truck keys hanging off his one leg. I do notice that there are two Bull Mountain residents who are not here, but given the current situation unfolding right now, I don't mention that fact. At this point, they still might be our only chance of survival.
“Quack.”
Cora stamps her foot. “Dickward, if you don’t come down here right this instant, I’ll?—”
“You’ll what, Princess? Climb the roof again?” Rhett teases.
She growls under her breath. “Cowboy, that was a one-time thing. He had my pie!”
"One where he almost broke your neck," Rhett shoots back.
“Come on, Duck Norris,” Dee says in her Australian twang. “Come down and we’ll help get them off your leg.”
“Quack! Quack!”
“What if we promise not to look up Duck recipes ever again?” Landry offers.
“Unlimited blueberry pie for life,” I call out, upping the ante.
Proving the bird is not only smart but he does understand humans too. He tilts his head my way. “ Quack?”
I smirk. “Knew that would tempt you, you crazy bird.”
“Quack! Quack! Quack!”
That’s when I spot Leah and Colton sneak out from the back of the barn, apparently undetected by the duck—so far, anyway.
Colt lifts his hand to his lips when the others sense his presence.
Leah just covers her mouth, stifling a giggle if her dancing eyes are anything to go by.
Colt slowly, quiet as a mouse, climbs an old wooden ladder that is leaning against a post, bringing him closer to where the bird's perched.
“What’ll it take, Duck? You can’t stop me from leavin’ and besides, I promised you, I’m comin’ back in three months,” Wy pleads.
The duck opens his beak to no doubt quack again but clamps it shut, shaking his leg a little and making the keys jingle. It’s as if he’s taunting us.
Then, surprising everyone , he flaps his wings and flies down to the ground in front of Red, lifting his head and locking eyes with him–well, that’s what I assume but who knows when his gaze points in two directions.
Red squats down and holds his outstretched palm out to the bird. When the duck drops the keys out of his beak and into Red’s hand, a huge sigh of relief fills the barn.
“Good duck. Thanks for keepin’ my keys safe there,” Red says with a smirk as he stands up straight again.
The duck gives a final indignant quack before waddling off to join Miss Piggy, Nelly, and Bruno, who have all been watching the whole scene play out with great interest.
“Now, I think that’s enough excitement for one mornin’, don’t y’all?” Red adds, causing a chorus of laughter to fill the air.
“I think I might even miss the little feathered menace,” Wy adds.
Red scoffs. “Don’t tempt fate, kid. That duck is more trouble than he’s worth.”
“Well, y'all have to promise to not do anythin’ to him till I get back. He may be trouble, but he sure is entertainin’.”
“That he is,” Toby says, hooking his arm around Wyatt’s neck and pulling him in before walking ahead of us.
We all make our way out of the barn and back toward the main house where Wy and the other men are closing the truck’s tailgate and saying their goodbyes to him.
Meanwhile, Red walks slowly by my side, seemingly giving his son time with everyone.
He looks over with a grin playing on his lips. “That was quite the start to the mornin’, wasn’t it?”
I bump him with my shoulder. “Wouldn’t expect anythin’ less from this ranch. If you’re not careful, those animals might attempt a coup. I’m not sure they’re entirely… animal.”
That makes him chuckle. “Yeah, well now that the excitement’s over, we can hit the road. You ready for our very first road trip together, Mags?”
“Are you ready to put Wy on that plane?
He stares at me for a spell, and in that time I see a myriad of emotions cross through his gaze. When it finally settles on happy, I know we’re good to go.
“Yeah, I think I am. What you said, about trustin’ in the man I’ve raised, the one you’ve had a part in raisin’ too? That hit home.” His eyes drift over to the truck again where Lee and Colt are hugging Wyatt. “So yeah, I’m ready. I’m glad you’re comin’ with me though.”
His trademark honesty never fails to bring a smile to my face. “What are we waitin' for then? Let's go."