9. Mags
9
MAGS
We drive in comfortable silence out of Anchorage. Knowing the man beside me as well as I do, I'm respecting his need for quiet contemplation. He'll open up and talk through his feelings when he's good and ready.
It’s how he's always been. Red is a thinker—overly so at times—but he's always been open and honest with me. We're each other's person. We lost Anna together and bonded over that. Now I can't imagine a time when he won’t be in my life.
It’s because I know him so well that I made plans for us today. I suspected he’d need a distraction from Wyatt’s departure and since we’re not headed to Ninilchik until tomorrow, that gives us a free afternoon to explore.
With that in mind, before we left the city limits, I asked Red to stop at a diner I’d looked up before we left for the airport. Telling him to wait in the truck, I ran in and grabbed a lunch order for us before hitting the road again.
“Are you going to tell me where you’re takin’ me, darlin’?” Red asks, his gravelly voice breaking through the quiet.
"We've got the rest of the day free, and instead of doin' nothin' and thinkin' too much. I thought we could get some fresh air, find a nice spot, have some lunch, and just be for a bit. What do you think?”
His warm eyes meet mine across the truck. “How is it that you know me so well?”
“Maybe it’s got somethin’ to do with the twenty years we’ve known each other?” I reply with a ‘duh’ tone.
That gets a lip twitch. “Could be. Damn, that’s a long time now, isn’t it? Are we gettin’ old or is the life passin’ us by?”
“Who knows, but what I want to know is how on earth have I put up with you for this long?”
Red chuckles, shaking his head. “Cheeky.”
I grin widely. “Always. Just the way you like me.”
“Thanks, darlin’,” Red says softly. “I knew it would be hard puttin’ my boy on that flight but damn … it’s like I sent half of my heart away.”
Reaching out, I touch his bicep, but as soon as I do I have to stifle a gasp because there are tingles shooting up my fingers. It’s so jolting that I have to pull my hand back.
Red looks down to where my hand was and his brows pinch, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Needing to move on, I keep talking.
“I know how it feels. Been there, done that, and wrote the book–so they say. I can't imagine havin' to do it again. Lucky for me, Char's not goin' anywhere so I won’t have to. The trick is to focus on the fact that you’re sendin’ your kid out into the world to make their mark and you’ve done it knowin' you’ve done everythin’ in your power to prepare them for it.”
His eyes flash and he lets out a relieved sigh. “That’s exactly it. I’m proud, but worried. Happy he’s happy, but nervous as hell.” He glances my way. “So, you’re tellin’ me this feelin’ is normal?”
“Oh yeah,” I reply. “Doesn’t mean it’s easy though. Now you’ve got the dreaded wait until that first call. Just hearin’ their voice or gettin’ a text will put you at ease again.”
Red chuckles. “The wait you say? Sounds like datin’.”
I shrug. “Haven’t done it for a while, but I assume so.”
“Hmm,” he says, rubbing his chin. “It’s not like you’re short of offers. I’ve seen you get flirted with at the diner. And the bar too, come to think of it.”
"Men shootin' their shot and wantin' a good time instead of a meaningful one is not somethin’ that’s ever interested me, Red. Besides, are you forgettin’ that I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to romance?”
He falls quiet again, long enough that I think the conversation is over.
I look out the window as we round a bend in the road and spot the sign for the Blueberry Loop trail. “This is our stop,” I tell him, pointing ahead.
Following my instructions, he pulls the truck into a small dirt and snow-scattered parking lot before turning the engine off and leaning forward to get a better look at our surroundings. “You’re takin’ me on a hike?”
“Yep. Some peace and quiet, a bite to eat, small talk if you want—or not. Just wanted a way to help you clear your mind for a bit, and maybe distract you from that ‘wait ’ I told you about.”
Red stares deep into my eyes, doing it for so long that I start to waver in my belief that this plan was a good idea. That’s until a slow-growing smile appears, transforming his face and for the first time in what seems like ages, I get a glimpse of my carefree, happy best friend I used to know. The one that part of me thinks Red himself had forgotten was in there.
“Sounds like a mighty good plan, darlin’. Thank you. I think this is just what I need.”
I let out a big breath I didn't know I was holding as I watch Red hop out of the truck and come around to open the door for me.
And I do it ignoring the unusual thump thump thump of my heart when my gaze meets his.
The crisp mountain air reminds me of home as we begin walking along the trail. The thin layer of snow under my boots is just enough to let out a satisfying crunch with every step.
I marvel at the changing colors and the longer we go, the better and clearer the view gets. Then I spot Denali in the distance, and the scene laid out in front of us is so serene, so breathtakingly beautiful that I have to stop moving and give myself a moment just to take it all in.
Red walks beside me the whole time, his hands tucked into his pockets as he keeps a watchful eye around us. Every now and then, he steals a glance my way and grins at me. It’s amusing but it’s also kind of cute. Most importantly though, he seems lighter, freer. That’s what I wanted to happen by bringing him here.
It’s moments like these that make me grateful for our decades of friendship and the ease with which we can just be ourselves around each other. There’s never been any pressure or meddling thoughts, we’ve always been able to be with one another. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We reach a fork in the path and a sign showing us which way to go. One loops around and leads back to where we started. The other would take us on a side trail to a knoll that will give us the best view on the whole trail. To me, it's a no-brainer, and without saying a word, Red waves out his arm to the knoll path. "There's no point comin’ all this way not to see the best view up here. It won’t be as good as back home at Bull Mountain, but I bet it's still worth seein’.”
This is an experience, I think to myself as we continue walking until we reach the top of a small hill. If I thought the view of Denali was good earlier, it’s nothing compared to the uninterrupted picturesque landscape laid out in front of us now.
“Never seen anythin’ like this. It’s beautiful ,” I whisper in awe.
“Me neither.” Red moves next to me and reaches for my hand, a buzzing under my skin intensifying as the warmth of his skin seeps into mine. My heart starts to do that weird staccato beat again and out of instinct, I pull my hand away, the strange feelings disappearing as soon as I do.
I catch Red staring at me with a strange expression on his face before he quickly clears it. “Do you want to eat our lunch up here?”
“Seems as good a place as any, right?”
“Right,” he replies, his voice tight and strange. What’s goin’ on right now?
Red spreads out a blanket he grabbed from the back of his truck and gestures for me to sit down. That’s when I start pulling out the lunch order from the diner. First there are a couple of club sandwiches with roast turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato & mayo on rye. Then a taco salad to share–because I couldn’t stop myself from ordering it–with iceberg lettuce, olives, ground sirloin, Cojack cheese, and salsa.
“Damn this looks amazon’. Smells good too,” he says.
I arch my brow, shooting him a glare. “You better not say this is better than my food back home or else I’ll steal your keys and make you walk back to the motel.”
He holds his hands up in surrender, feigning innocence. “I wouldn’t dare do such a thing.”
“Better not,” I mutter.
He chuckles and digs in, unwrapping one of the sandwiches and taking a hearty bite. “So good,” he says, meeting my narrowed eyes. “Definitely not as good as yours. Nothin’ touches your cookin’, darlin’. Why do you think I’m always at the Hog?”
“Free food?”
He swallows his mouthful and barks out a laugh. “I always pay my way.”
I smirk. “I know. But sayin’ it was totally worth the look on your face.”
“I go there for good food and good company.”
“You’ve got that on the ranch.”
“You’re right, I do,” he replies, putting the remaining half of his sandwich down on the blanket. He digs into the brown paper bag from the diner and pulls out the two bottles of soda I’d put in there, handing one over to me. “But sometimes bein’ surrounded by loved-up couples gets a bit much, you know?”
I nod. “Oh yeah. I live with Char and Austin, remember? I love seein’ my girl happy, don’t get me wrong. But it’s also a reminder.”
“That’s exactly it,” Red replies. “Knowin’ they’ve got it and I don’t have it anymore. It’s just…”
“You need a break now and then.” I can totally understand where he’s coming from.
“Exactly. The bonus of havin’ a best friend who’s good company and owns a diner is that I can escape and catch up with her, all at the same time.”
Ah, now the truth comes out. “So, it is the food,” I tease.
Red meets my eyes and stares at me. “It’s you too, darlin’. You know that.”
Nodding, I smile. "Yeah, I do. The feelin’s mutual. I figure it's a stage-of-life thing too. Like I love seeing my family and friends happy and the mountain has brought a lot of love into all of our lives. But that’s not us anymore.”
He chuckles. “That damn matchmakin’ spirit. I swear I’ve never been to more weddin’s in my whole life.”
“Truth!” I hold up my Coke to touch the bottle to his.
Comfortable silence fills the air between us as we finish our lunch, the only sound being the light breeze rustling the trees around us. It’s surreal and peaceful, and it makes me realize how lucky I am to have the life I do and the people I love and care about in it.
Red lets out a content sigh and leans back on his hands, gazing out at the vast view of the mountains and land in front of us. “Do you ever wish you could just freeze time? Even just for a little while?” he asks, surprising me.
“If it meant we could stay up here and escape real life for a spell, definitely.”
His gaze turns curious. “Real life? What’s that?”
I chuckle and straighten. “Two days ago, I was knee-deep in invoices and orders and had a layer of grease coverin’ me.” And avoiding letters delivered by interfering ducks. “Now, I’m here with you sittin’ on a knoll watchin’ over God’s country. This can’t be real life.”
Red reaches over and jabs a finger into my arm. “Ow! What was that for?”
“Did that feel real?”
I scowl and rub the spot where he poked me. “Of course it did. What did you do that for?”
“This is real, darlin’. Maybe as real as it gets.”
Tilting my head, I stare at him as he stares back at me. The longer we sit there with our eyes locked, the more I notice my body is tingly, my skin feeling tighter and tighter. Even my heart joins the party as it beats wildly against my ribs. What’s going on?
“Maybe life is always real. it’s what we make of it and do with it that’s important.”
“You’re right, Redmond. That’s some pretty sage advice there,” I reply, trying to get my body back under control.
Red laughs and my head snaps his way. “What?”
“You said I’m right. Can’t remember the last time you admitted that. I think I might need to memorize this moment for future recall.”
“Ernest Bartholomew Grayson. Take that back!” he growls, making me snicker.
Here’s the thing. Red hates his legal name with a passion. It’s got nothing to do with a bad experience or his parents. Nothing like that. He simply hates the name and has done so since he was old enough to know it.
As the story goes, he was born with the same name as his father but didn’t like being called ‘Junior’ by everyone. So, when he started kindergarten, he saw a red crayon and liked it so much, he decided he wanted ‘Red’ to be his new name. From that day forward, he made everyone call him that. It took his parents a little while to come around to the idea, but eventually the name stuck. The rest is history.
What has given us many laughs over the years has been all of the different names people have come up with. At Bull Ranch, the men and their partners even started a sweepstake about it. But as far as I know, it’s only me, Red, Wyatt, his parents, the bank, and God above that know the truth.
“You did not just full name me for no good reason, Margaret Lucille Gallagher
I gasp. “You just full named me! ”
A sexy smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. Sexy? Where did that come from? “Whatever you can do, I can do better,” he shoots back.
I try to out-stare him, I really do. But before too long, his twitching lips set me off. I start laughing which sets Red off too.
Shifting closer, he wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. Tilting my face up to his, I meet his eyes just as he dips his chin down, bringing us a lot closer than either one of us intended.
But being this close to him seems to make my body malfunction. Suddenly my nerves misfire, my heart stutters, and the world around me grinds to a halt. As if taking a mind of its own, my gaze drops to his lips and my breath catches in my throat, and I find myself leaning in a little bit closer. For the first time ever, I wonder what it would be like to kiss my best friend.
Red’s eyes are so soft and warm, and I don’t miss the moment he realizes the position he’s in and who he’s in it with. Then, as quick as it happens, we both jump apart from one another as if we’ve been struck by lightning.
This time the silence is far from comfortable, the air crackling with unspoken words and unrealized desires. Heat rises to my cheeks, and I quickly avert my eyes, focusing on the remnants of our lunch instead. Anywhere but at him. I don’t know what just happened–or almost happened–but whatever it was, it’s rocked me.
Red clears his throat, his voice coming out rougher than usual. "Well, I guess–uh–I guess we should get goin’," he says, the hint of a nervous chuckle in his tone. "The sun'll set soon, and we’ve still got to walk to the truck and drive back into town.”
“Yeah,” I rush out, grateful for the distraction.
We pack up our things, barely speaking and avoiding each other’s gaze as we move around the clearing. Once everything is packed away in the backpacks, I take a deep breath and steal one last look at the mountain, my mind still whirling. What the hell just happened, Anna? I ask the universe silently, hoping that wherever she is, she doesn’t really have a voodoo doll with my name on it.
What was I thinking ? And why now?
"Time to hit the road," I say, my voice coming out too loud in the quiet of the mountains. That’s when I finally work up the courage to look over at Red again.
I find him already watching me, his eyes flickering with something unreadable before he nods. “Thanks for today. It was a good distraction.”
“Anytime,” I murmur as he waves his arm out for me to lead the way. Next time I’ll try not to lose my mind and contemplate kissing him. That will be a good start.
Walking side by side to the truck, my only hope is that Red can forget all about it and we can enjoy the next two weeks together. Better still, we can make sure we don’t have any more awkward almost-moments again.
What I can’t get out of my head though is why it almost happened, and why I’m suddenly disappointed that it didn’t…