Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NASH
T he day was long. Being up half the night hadn’t made things easier, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Making sure Fallon got some rest was all I was concerned about. “Are you coming for supper?” Kipp asked as we left the barn.
“Nah, I’m going to head to the house. Make sure everything is good and go to bed.” I took my hat off and ran my hand through my hair. “I was up most of the night, letting Fallon get some sleep.”
“Daddy duty, hey?” He arched his brow.
“Shut up.” I slammed my hat back on my head, rolling my eyes.
I’d been an asshole when Nora and Cooper showed up and Kipp spent so much of his time with the little boy. So it was only right that he was going to get me back for it.
“Hey, you want us to take the girls for a bit to give you guys a break? Nora would love to spend the evening cuddling Lottie.” Kipp asked.
For a brief moment I wanted to say yes, but the reality would be then Fallon and I would be alone. “Be alone with your sister? I don’t think so. Thanks for the offer, though.” I slapped him on the back and turned to head home.
The light glowing from the house was what I had always wanted, and the woman I’d always dreamed of was the reason for it. Opening the door, I was hit with the smell of fresh bread, the giggles from Josie and Fallon singing.
Walking through the living room, I saw the coffee table covered with papers. Grabbing them, I read them over and it was the registration forms for Lottie’s birth. It was all filled out except for the father. That line was blank. Well, not blank. There’d been a line where it looked like Fallon had started filling it out, but stopped.
“Mommy spin faster.” Josie laughed, and I tore my thoughts away from the forms. Moving into the kitchen, I leaned against the door frame and was surprised to see how spotless it was.
“Nas, Nas, Mommy.” She wiggled down and ran over to me. Her tiny arms wrapped around my legs, and I leaned over to pick her up. “Hi Nas.” She looked up at me, her eyes full of happiness and her messy face grin moving closer to me and she painted a kiss on my cheek .
“Well, my girl, how was your day?” I asked, holding on to her tightly.
“You squeezing me.” She giggled and I let my grip go slightly. My heart hammered in my chest, and suddenly it was all too much.
“I’ll be back.” Turning away from Fallon, I wasn’t sure if I should kiss her or yell at her. Pressing a kiss to Josie’s head before I set her down.
“Nash,” Fallon said, with a pained look on her face. She’d expected the yelling and I wouldn’t contribute to more tears on her pretty face.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back, Toots. Just going to do some thinking.” She nodded, but there was still hesitation on her face as I left my house.
“Hey where are you heading?” Griff called from the barn. Of course, I couldn’t get out of this yard without someone seeing me.
Waving him off, I reached the door of the truck. “I need a bit of space just for a few hours.”
Leaning against the truck, he looked at me and even in the fading light, I couldn’t miss his concern. “Want me to go with you?”
“No, I'm good.” Shaking my head, I climbed into the truck.
“Call if you need a ride.”
“I’m not going to get drunk. I just need a minute.” My friends knew me, but they hadn’t seen me out of sorts like this for a few years .
“Call anyway.” He said as he slapped me on the back before walking into the main house.
The drive to town was quiet. Even the radio irritated me, so I’d turned it off. Pulling to a stop in front of a house. Taking a deep breath, I got out of the truck and went to the door. At one time I would have just walked in, but I wasn’t sure where I stood anymore, so I knocked.
“Well, Nash, this is a delightful surprise. Come on in.” Wanda smiled at me and pulled me into the house. “It sure is cold tonight. You all make it through the storm, okay?” She asked as she reached to take my coat. The concern in her eyes was comforting, and I thought back to all the years I’d had with my mom and realized she never cared or asked questions like Wanda did. My mother never cared about anyone but herself.
“Thanks Wanda, yeah, we managed to sneak through unscathed. Umm, is my Pops around?” I could hear the television blaring and figured he was. He could wake the dead with the volume of whatever he was watching. It was kind of nice that some things didn’t change.
“He is. Come with me.” She nodded, and I kicked my boots off. I wasn’t going to track dirty boot prints through the house.
“Fred, Nash is here to see you,” she basically sang as I followed her into the living room.
He turned and his frown changed to what looked like happiness. “Well, son, this is a surprise. ”
“Got a minute? I need to talk to someone.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans, unsure of what I was supposed to do. Did I sit? Did we stand across the room from one another? My father and I had drifted apart since I’d left with the private security business, and that was my fault. It was easier to be gone and avoid the issues that were happening in his life with my mother.
“Absolutely, have a seat.” He pointed at the sofa across from his chair.
“Can I get you boys anything to drink? Beer, coffee?” Wanda stood behind my dad, her hands resting on his shoulders.
“Coffee sounds great, darling,” Dad said, looking up at her and smiling.
“I’ll be back.” She patted his shoulder and left the room.
Turning the chair, he looked directly at me, like he was taking stock of the man before him trying to realize that he wasn’t a little boy anymore. “You being here looking like you’ve been dragged through the mud must mean the rumors around town are true.”
“Rumors?” I asked, leaning back into the couch cushions.
“The one about Fallon Miller being back.” Crossing his arms, he waited for me to answer.
“Yeah, she’s back.” He wasn’t one to dance around a subject and I’d come here to talk about this, so why did I want to keep her being back to myself? I didn’t want people talking about her, but they were and would be for a long time to come.
“And how is she?” His quiet question was filled with concern.
“All right.” What was I supposed to tell him? “She showed up during the blizzard last week.” Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and let my head fall into my hands and sighed.
Wanda quietly came back into the living room and set the tray of coffee down. “I’ll let you two talk.”
“No Wanda, stay. You’re part of my dad’s life. This will affect you as well.” She glanced over to my father, who nodded and she took a seat beside me, poured the coffee and handed the mugs around.
Holding the warm cup in my hands, I stared into the dark liquid. “She’s got two kids, the second born out at the ranch the night she showed up. Dad, she had a black eye and a split lip.” I looked up at him and while he’d never been an angel, and he had a tendency to be inappropriate when he talked to women, but he’d never lifted his hand to one.
I saw his jaw clench and his knuckles go white around the coffee he held.
“Her oldest, Josie, is mine.” I looked up and watched him process the information that came spilling out of my mouth.
He arched his brow, and his eyes began to twinkle. “Are you telling me I’m a grandpa?” Wanda reached over to him and he took her hand .
“Yes, sir, I am. She’s two.” Watching the grin cross his face made me smile. I had a daughter, and I was proud of it.
“Do you have a picture of Miss Josie?” He leaned forward in his chair as I dug the phone out of my back pocket. Scrolling, I found one I’d taken of her in the barn this morning and handed it to him.
His expression changed and a smile bigger than I’d ever seen appeared on his face. “How did you not know the second she walked into the house? She looks just like you when you were little Nash.”
He handed the phone to Wanda, and she looked at Josie and then at me. “Yep, no doubt there. I’ve seen a lot of kids look like their parents over the years, but Nash, she’s a carbon copy.” Wanda laughed and handed me back the phone.
“So what’s the trouble?” Dad asked, shifting in his chair. I scowled at him, and he chuckled. “One thing hasn’t changed. Over the years, when you’ve got something on your mind, you need to talk it out. I’m guessing Kipp isn’t an objective party, and I’d have to lump Julie in that category, so that leaves me.”
He wasn’t wrong. It’s how I processed, and I needed to make sense of my conflicting feelings. But he’d been the first person I'd thought to come to. How could I be so angry and happy with the same person at once? “I missed two years, Fallon’s pregnancy, seeing my daughter take her first breath. Her first steps, her first word. ”
I couldn’t sit, my legs were going to bounce off my body. Standing, I walked to the fireplace, where photos of me were on the mantle. They'd been on the fireplace at my house and now they were here, minus the ones with Mom in them. “Josie was living in a house with a man that would hit her mother.” My voice cracked, and I took a deep inhale as I tried to calm my emotions.
I didn’t hear him get up, but his hand landed on my shoulder and I blinked back tears that were forming. “Let it out, son. You can’t bottle everything up all the time.”
“Dad, I have a daughter I didn’t know about and I didn’t keep her safe. She calls someone else Dad.” The tears fell, and he pulled me into a hug. It was the first time he’d hugged me in years. The first time I’d been vulnerable enough to let him.
“Boy, there’s nothing you can do to change the decisions Fallon made. Lord knows we all make stupid decisions in this life, but the next one you have to make is what you’re going to do about it.” He wrapped his arms tighter around me. We stood in our silent embrace, and I heard Wanda leave the room.
“So, what are you going to do?” He patted my back, and we let go of one another. Moving to the couch, we both sat down.
“Fallon’s with me at the house. Josie’s in my old room,” I said as Dad smiled again. “It will be her room forever. ”
“What about Fallon? Obviously there were feelings there.”
“I don’t know Dad, she’s going through a divorce and just had a baby a week ago.” Wasn’t it a little soon to be thinking of what would happen between us?
“Are you still in love with her?” He leaned forward and arched his brow.
“How did you know?”
“Nash, you don’t hide things well. You’ve looked at her like she hung the moon since she turned legal age, before that she annoyed the hell out of you and you let her.” He shook his head, and I was somewhat shocked he even noticed. “Give the woman some time and then go after her. You were meant to be together. When she turned twenty-one, Miller and I had bets on how long it would take for you to marry her.” Dad leaned back into the couch, letting his gaze drift off into the past. He and Kipp Miller Sr. had been the best of friends and it only made sense that Kipp and I had the same relationship.
“Wish we could have seen how that bet turned out.” I tried to smile, but everyone still missed the giant of a man.
“Well, the money is in a safe place and I haven’t lost out yet.” My father grinned.
“Come out to the house soon?” I saw a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. He hadn’t set foot in that house since Mom left. “I’d like you and Wanda to come meet the girls. And spend Christmas with us. We have a lot to celebrate this year. It will be just like old times.”
“What night do you want us there?” He glanced over at Wanda who’d come back into the room. The both had huge smiles on their faces, and I started feeling like maybe I had a family again.
Leaving town, I passed Jake Gordon’s place. It was too late to go talk to him. I'm sure his girls would be sleeping, but I needed to call him.
The phone rang a few times, and he answered it. “Hello.” He said politely, just like he always did.
“Hey Jake, it’s Nash. I’m sorry to call so late, but I’m worried about Fallon.” The words tumbled out of my mouth and I was sure I hadn’t even taken a breath.
“Worried about what?” There was no friendly discussion, no catching up, just right to business.
“How do you know if someone had postpartum depression?” I pulled over at an approach and closed my eyes as the silence hung like a cloud over the phone call. “I mean, I get she’s had a lot happen in a few weeks, but she’s not herself. There’s no light in her eyes, Jake.” Letting my head rest on the back of my seat, I exhaled loudly and slowly.
“Nash, I’m glad you called. I have to be honest and tell you I can’t discuss things with you regarding Fallon’s care, but I will make a call in the morning.” His tone was concerned and I could read between the lines that he was worried .
“Thanks Jake, I appreciate it. I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.”
“Just watching sports highlights pal, nothing too exciting.” He chuckled. We’d all gone out a few weeks ago to celebrate the end of his marriage, but I really should be checking in more often.
“When this is all sorted out, you should bring the girls over. I’m sure Libby and Skyla want to use the arena to practice.” His daughters were learning to barrel race and winter was hard on little girls’ dreams of flying around barrels in dirt, so we kept the arena open for anyone who needed it. “Maybe we can even get Fallon to teach them a few things.”
“I’m sure they’d like that. Let’s see how things progress and then we’ll make a plan. Postpartum is scary Nash, I won’t sugarcoat it, but we’ve got her. She’s exactly where she needs to be.” We chatted about nothing for a bit longer and said our goodbyes. It was like a fifty-pound weight lifted off my shoulders after talking to him.
Kipp and Nora were in their own world. Julie was just happy Fallon was home, so it was up to me to make sure she was looked after. It was something I should have done a long time ago. Even if I was late being the man I needed to be, I was him now.