Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
FALLON
J ake had assured me it would take a bit for my medication to fully take effect, but things weren’t feeling like I was walking through mud up to my hips. It was only about my knees now. Helping Nora plan the dance had taken my mind off a lot of things, and Nash had been amazing over these last two weeks. It was like he was born to be a dad, and both girls were more comfortable around him than I’d ever imagined.
As music floated through the barn, my heart was light. Our neighbors and community members danced, laughed, visited and sang along during the Christmas carols the band played. The weather might be cold and blustery outside this barn. Inside was warm, cozy, full of love of community and Christmas spirit. “Do you have a spot for me on your dance card?” His voice sent shivers down my spine. Even though he’d stepped up as a dad, we’d been avoiding one another as much as we could after our kiss, but it made me ache. I wanted Nash back. That thought scared me, and made me wonder if we could, in fact, put the past behind us and once again pursue something with each other.
“Your name’s the only one on it,” I said as I turned and smiled at him. He brushed his hand down my arm and took my hand, leading onto the dance floor. I didn’t care who gossiped, and I didn’t care who gawked at us. Tonight it was just him and I. He spun me around the floor like he had when we were younger and just like then I felt like his arms were where I was supposed to be.
The song ended, and we clapped for the band. “Mommy, you dance butiful.” Josie said as she smiled up at me. “Nas, dance me, dance me.” She jumped up and down, grabbing for his hand.
“Why don’t the three of us have a turn?” Nash looked over at Fred and Wanda, who had been watching both girls. Wanda waved us away like we were being a pest.
The music changed, and I would have known the song anywhere. When You Say Nothing At All played over the speakers and Nash held me tightly with one arm and Josie in the other as we swayed in the corner of the dance floor. “Remember the last time we danced to this?” He whispered in my ear.
“How can I forget? We’re staring at the result of that night.” I looked up at him and there wasn’t a hint of regret on his face. He smiled at Josie and kissed her cheek. She put her arm around his neck and kissed his cheek beaming.
“We need to try to explain it to her,” I whispered as the song ended. We’d been here three weeks, and she hadn’t asked about Andrew at all. It wasn’t fair to Nash to do all the things he did as a father but not be called Dad, when that’s what he was.
Before he could say anything, Griff came looking for him. “Hey man, sorry to break up this moment. We need some help in the bar.” Griff tickled Josie, and she giggled and reached for him.
Griff took her without a second thought, and Nash kissed my cheek. “Thanks for the dances.” He winked and the two men walked away with Josie.
Kipp’s strong voice carried over the speakers as he auctioned off some of the items donated for Nora’s fundraiser. If I closed my eyes, I could swear it was my dad standing up there. If I opened my eyes and squinted I could believe it was actually him.
I remembered events like these when I was younger. Our ranch was full of community members, having fun, barn dances and life being easy. When Dad died, so did Mom, but seeing her here laughing with her friends made me wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed? Would Nash and I have half a dozen kids? Would he sneak me to the horse barn and make love to me while people were dancing in here?
An arm wrapped around mine and I looked over to Nora, who’d come out of thin air, almost. “Do you need anything?” She smiled and peaked over the stroller as Josie and Lottie slept soundly.
“No, I'm good. I was thinking about taking the girls to the house to bed, but I got distracted. He’s so much like Dad.” My voice trailed off as I followed her gaze to the front of the barn.
“I wish I’d been able to know him.” Nora whispered sweetly, before ripping her eyes from Kipp and looking at me.
“He would have loved you.” I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “You put Kipp in his place and Dad would have gotten a kick out of it every time.” Taking a shaky breath, I looked over at my soon-to-be sister-in-law. “I lost all this time and messed up my life so badly.” A tear ran down my cheek. Blinking, I looked around the barn and saw Nash in the bar with Griff, Linc and Ryder laughing, pouring drinks and pretending they knew what they were doing.
Nora’s arm tightened around me. “Why don’t we go put the girls to bed and we can have a quiet drink at the house?”
“No, this is your night. You need to be here. I will just head back to Nash’s. I think I’ve had my fill of the party. It’s been wonderful, just like things used to be.” I smiled at her and couldn’t believe how full my heart was after this evening.
“My part is pretty much done. I’ll tell him I’m tired and he will insist I rest.” Nora smiled sweetly. Nodding in agreement, I watched her send a quick text. In between auction items, my brother looked at his phone and then at the back of the barn. He didn’t have to search for her. He’d known exactly where she was, and he nodded. Another pang fluttered in my heart, realizing he’d finally found everything he’d dreamed of.
We walked silently to the house, and I put the girls down in the empty room. “Here, I thought you might need this.” Nora was waiting with a glass of wine poured. Pulling out the chair, I sat across from her and we sat in silence for a few moments.
“Can I ask you a question?” I ran my finger around the rim of the wineglass. There had been so many questions when I’d come home, but no time to ask them.
“Of course,” Nora said, lifting her glass of water to her lips.
“How did Kipp handle finding out about Cooper?” Relaxing back into my chair, I waited for her answer. I watched her face. She looked thoughtful, but also unsure as to how she should answer.
“It was a very different situation Fallon, Kipp had eight months with Copper around all the time. So when we found out nothing changed, he had already started calling him dad because we’d gotten engaged, so it felt natural. Are there problems with Nash?” She sat up a little straighter, and something deep within me told me if I asked, she’d go and whoop Nash’s ass.
“No, he’s fantastic with Josie, which I never doubted, but how do I trust that he won’t change his mind?” The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them.
Silence hung in the kitchen for a moment before my soon to be sister-in-law answered. “Because he’s a man that will put family above all else. He knows the pain of a parent walking away, even if it was as an adult. He’d never put his child through that.”
“I know.” I whispered.
“He’s also still head over heels in love with you.” A voice came from the doorway of the kitchen. Looking up, I saw one of my oldest friends.
“Kristin.” Jumping up from the table, I threw my arms around her. “I didn’t think I’d see you till the new year.”
“Well, I had to come back for a wedding.” She looked over at Nora and smiled. “I’m the maid of honor.”
“I’d love it if you stood up with me, also Fallon.” Nora quickly added. “I’ve been trying to find a way to ask you, but something always seems to interrupt us.” I glanced at Kristin, who was smiling from ear to ear.
“Oh, no I couldn’t.” Shaking my head, the last thing I needed was a pity wedding party invitation.
“Yes you can. It’s going to be amazing. We’re going to the city on Monday. Leave Josie with Nash and we can have a girls’ day out.” Kristin said, giving me no way out.
“I’ll have to talk to Nash before I say yes.” But for the first time in years, I was excited about something. I’d never had many friends in the city, so I didn’t fit in. I was too country for the people Andrew worked with, and their wives were less than thrilled to have to spend time with me.
“Talk to me about what?” His low voice cut through the air like a knife. I stepped away from Kristin and handed her my wine glass.
“Well, Nora asked me to be in her wedding party, and they’re going to look for dresses on Monday. Do you think you could babysit Josie?”
“No.”
“No?” the three of us said in unison. I frowned, and Nora stood from the table and took slow steps toward Nash.
He held his hands up in surrender. “I will parent Josie, I won’t babysit her, and the answer will always be yes when you want to go someplace. What about Lottie?” Nash moved around and Nora and walked to the space between the island and my chair.
“I’m not comfortable going without her, I don’t think.” I shook my head. It was just easier to take her with us. He frowned slightly and crouched beside me.
“How about I ask your mom to come over for the day? She can cuddle Lottie, and you can have a free day.” Nash’s voice dropped a few decibels, and I wondered if I was the only one that heard him.
“Really?”
“Really.” He smiled, and I flung my arms around him. He stiffened slightly before wrapping his arms around me. “Thank you.”
I’d let my mask slip again. The anger I’d held for the last three years was easing. I wanted to hate him, but what he’d done since I’d arrived had been nothing but show me his level of commitment. Could I forgive him? Had he been right?