Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
NASH
J osie’s little arms were wrapped around my neck as we watched the girls drive away. “When Mommy home?” Her small voice whispered as she buried her head in my neck.
“She’ll be awhile, but don’t worry, I’ve got you.” I turned, and we went back into the house, and I stared at the paper on the counter. Fallon’s list was a mile long. What time to feed Lottie, what foods Josie likes and doesn’t like. Things not to do, which includes anything fun. What was I supposed to do, just sit and stare at her while Fallon was gone? Grabbing the list, I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage. Josie was my daughter too, and I was going to get to know her without a list.
“Gran’s here.” Julie shouted as she walked through my front door. She beamed and Josie went running to her. Julie had spent much of every day getting to know Josie, holding Lottie, and making sure Fallon knew she was where she belonged. “I’m sure you have chores to do, Nash. I can take over.” She looked up at me, smiling.
“I go, Nas?” Josie asked, sitting up a little straighter.
“Of course you can. Are you done with your breakfast?” I looked behind me and sure enough, her plate was empty. She beamed, and I wondered what her life for the last two years was like. I’ve avoided asking Fallon questions about the man she’d been with, but I needed to know if he’d hurt Josie, because if it’s a yes, I’ll leave tonight and kill him.
Grabbing the towel, I wiped my hands and headed for the door. Getting Josie into a pair of hand-me-down coveralls that our neighbor had given me, I zipped her coat up, got her hat and mittens on and she was ready to go. I wished I was as happy to go out and do chores. “All right, we’re gone.” I called to Julie.
“Bye, Gans.” Josie called as she walked out ahead of me. Closing the door behind us, she wrapped her hand around my finger before looking up at me. “Hat pease.”
“Seriously? What am I supposed to wear?” She took her beanie off and handed it to me. “I don’t think that will fit, little one.” Laughing, I let her hand go, put her beanie back on, and put my cowboy hat on her head. Thankfully, the cold had broken overnight, and we’d be working in the tractor most of the morning.
“Well, look at the two of you,” Kipp said as we walked into the barn .
“Unc Kipps, I work today.” Josie said as she puffed out her chest, my hat wobbling on her head.
“Do I have to pay you too?” Kipp asked as Josie went running to him. He swung her up and twirled around with her kicking up the dust from the straw.
“Yes.” She giggled before hugging him.
“I’m going to go broke.” He shook his head. “Is Mom with Lottie?” He asked as he settled Josie on his hip and she squirmed until he set her down and she went running off to find Cooper, who was hiding in one stall at the end of the alleyway. Their laughter filled the empty barn when she found him and Kipp and I both looked.
“No, we just left her in the house to fend for herself.” I deadpanned. I watched his face go from happy to outraged and then look like he was ready to punch me. “Yes, your mom is here. She’s going to get her quota of cuddles today, I think. Just wait until your baby shows up. She’ll be wanting to move back in with all these babies in this yard.” I laughed.
“Don’t even think about it, because I know she will.” Kipp took off his gloves, and we talked for a bit. There wasn’t any awkwardness or hate, we were just normal, making plans for the day. Keeping an eye on Josie, I groaned when she flopped down in the clean straw to make a straw angel. Thankfully, not much of her hair was out of her beanie. It wouldn’t be too hard to pick the straw out of it.
Josie and I worked away all morning and only stopped for lunch. I hauled hay out to the far pasture and suddenly the little chatterbox at my side slumped over and her head rest on my leg. Taking off my jacket, I placed it over her and kept on working. It was certainly better than falling asleep in the back window, like I used to do. I swear I still had a sore spot on the back of my head from when Dad didn’t warn me he was shifting and I’d smack my head against the glass. It was a wonder it never shattered, since everyone liked to tell me how hard-headed I was.
With the day done and, the girls fed. I flopped down on the chair and listened to Julie singing to Josie. “Nash, Lottie’s in her crib fast asleep, Josie’s had a bath, and she’s in bed waiting for you to tuck her in.” Julie’s quiet voice filtered through the room from behind me.
“Does it get easier?” I asked, letting my head flop back onto the chair.
“You got a two-year-old instead of a baby. There’s a big difference when you two can’t learn together from day one. There’s a lot of wins here today, son, and when you aren’t so exhausted, you’ll see them.” She’d moved behind the sofa and put her hands on my shoulders. “I’m going home.” With a gentle pat and reassuring smile, she was gone.
“Nas,” Josie’s little voice whispered. Getting up off the couch, I walked to the hallway where Josie was half hiding behind the wall hugging a stuffed horse.
“What’s wrong, sweets?” I asked as I knelt down beside her .
“Miss Mommy.” Tears formed in her eyes and I bet this was one of the first nights she’d been put to bed without Fallon.
“I know baby, I missed her for a long time too, but she always comes back.” Lifting her, I tucked her into my arm and looked at her as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Want me to sing to you?” Her nod against me was everything in the world that I’d ever wanted. Reaching for the guitar, I walked into her room.
“All right, here’s the deal. You crawl into bed and stay there, and I will play until you fall asleep.”
“Deal.” She grinned. Tucking her in, I sat at the other end of the bed and started playing softly. I hadn’t played since Fallon had come back. It felt good to be holding this old six string. The quiet notes filtered through the small room and I sang along. A little George Strait was always a good option.
Josie’s eyes were locked on my fingers strumming the guitar, and I watched as her eyelids grew heavy, as if she’d been hypnotized until one last time they didn’t pop open. This was so comfortable. I didn’t want to stop until I knew she was asleep. About twenty minutes passed, and I eased off the end of the bed, gently kissed her head and turned out her light.
“Fallon, what time did you get home?” I said as I walked into the hall and found her sitting on the floor, knees tucked up to her chin, and her arm wrapped around her legs. Pulling the door shut, I took one last look at Josie and smiled .
“Not long ago. I used to dream about you playing, you know.” My heart squeezed, and I turned and walked away from her, but I heard her get up and she followed me. “I’d dream I was sitting on the tailgate of your truck, watching you. Some nights were so real, but when I tried to reach out to touch you, I’d wake up or the dream would flit away.” Her voice trailed off, and she was staring at my guitar.
Choosing to ignore her words, I looked at her and she seemed relaxed, for the first time since she’d come home. “How was your day?”
“It was fantastic.” She sighed as she flopped down onto the couch. “I don’t know the last time I was that carefree. Knowing the girls were safe and looked after, I could just have fun.” She lifted her head and looked at me. “I missed the girls though. My arms felt empty without Lottie in them all day.” Fallon smiled and for the first time in a while I saw a sparkle in her eye.
All day, the one thought I’d tried to push away gnawed at me, and while I wanted to respect Fallon’s healing, I needed to know. “Did your ex-husband ever lay a hand on my daughter?” I turned away from her gaze and stared out the window into the darkness. I could feel it creep into my soul. It had been a long time since I’d had these dark thoughts, but my mind went over all the ways I would torture the man.
“No, Andrew was a shit husband and an awful man, but he never laid a hand on Josie.” Her voice trailed off and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shift. Turning to look at her, the soft expression on her face was gone, and it was replaced, but something I’d never seen from her before. “If he had Nash, I would have put him in the ground myself. I took all the angry outbursts to protect her.” Her eyes were full of rage, but it wasn’t directed at me. She went quiet but never broke eye contact with me.
“Thank you for protecting her,” I said as I stood. I needed to go to bed before I did something I wouldn’t regret.