21. Cas
CAS
“You know, I really thought your exile meant you’d be further than half an hour away,” Adrian says when Nathan opens the front door.
I pop my head over the arm of the sofa, where I’ve been lounging and playing with my new phone.
Adrian’s striding in as if he owns the place, Niall following at his heels.
“It’s further than we should be,” I grumble, shuffling onto my knees on the sofa.
Adrian flaps a hand in my direction. “I mean, obviously it’s not ideal. Could be a whole lot worse, though. I’m sure if Declan had even a modicum of influence beyond his own lands he’d have banished you all the way to England.”
Niall lets out a long sigh. “Ades, sometimes it’s okay to not say every thought that passes through your mind.”
“My sweetie, my heart, my darling,” Adrian says in a voice as thickly sugared as chocolate. “We both know that would be impossible. Also, Nathan always wants to hear my opinions. Don’t you, Nathan?”
My alpha grunts a response that could equally be interpreted as an agreement or a rebuttal and comes to settle beside me on the sofa. I shuffle over, snuggling close.
“Oh, before I forget!” Adrian says, unzipping the rucksack that Niall placed on the floor beside them.
“Eden snuck this to me and asked that I return it.” He whips out a bundle of pink fabric and holds out the blanket I’ve grown so fond of.
I’d thought it was gone forever, left behind in Declan’s house and probably chucked out with everything else.
My throat feels thick when I take the blanket, thanking Adrian. The fleece is still soft, despite all the tears I cried into it. Lifting it to my face, I inhale deeply.
Woodsmoke and wildflowers. Kato and Nathan. Both their scents intermingling along with mine. I tuck the blanket around myself, wrapping it the way I wish Kato’s arms were.
Adrian gives me a nod, and understanding passes between us.
Although I’m no natural-born omega like him, there’s something in the comfort of scent that’s unique to omegas.
I never relied on it so much as a beta, never needed it so much.
Another thing that’s changed about me. A change I don’t hate, either.
“Tell Eden we appreciate it,” Nathan murmurs, reaching out and running a finger along the blanket.
“’Course,” Adrian says lightly. He’s perched on the arm of Niall’s chair, somehow making the precarious position look relaxed.
The last time I saw the couple properly I’d been imprisoned in Declan’s spare bedroom, freaking out about possibly being pregnant. It’s been a long, long week since then. The reason why Niall is here today—sneaking to meet us right under Declan’s nose—might change everything.
If I am pregnant, I’ll be far enough along that Niall will be able to tell for certain.
I cling to Nathan like it might make this easier. The reality, however? A tiny part of me is scared he’ll never forgive me for taking his and Kato’s lives, if the worst happens.
Because it would be my fault. Unintentional, sure, but neither of them is to blame for mating me. My warning meant nothing, in the end. Pheromones. Rut. Heat. Shifters are beholden to our natures.
And you can’t fight nature.
I only realise I’m clutching my stomach when I notice Niall’s eyes on me.
“Just tell me,” I say.
He taps his nose, a thoughtful look on his face. “Your scent’s throwing me off.” His gaze softens. “You don’t smell pregnant to me, but I’ll need to examine you again to make sure. I wouldn’t want to make the wrong call. Not when it’s a matter of—”
He doesn’t finish, so I do. “Life or death.”
Niall’s chin dips in a brief nod.
“Do you want to use the bedroom for privacy?” Nathan asks me. Always looking out for everyone else, as usual. My alpha really is a secret softie. Less secret to me, though.
Before the others came, Nathan had, on my instruction, given Niall some details about my past. No names, no specific details, just enough that he could properly evaluate me.
How I wasn’t really an omega and that the womb I carry is synthetic, how the pheromones my body emits are unnatural and dangerous.
It’s nothing Niall can’t talk about in front of everyone here.
“Do it here,” I say. “Now. Let’s get it over with.”
Niall approaches us with a small degree of caution. “Don’t go all growly alpha on me when I touch him,” he says to Nathan.
“You’re doing us a solid. I’d never,” Nathan says.
The quirk of Niall’s lip says exactly how much he believes him. When I let my hands fall away from my stomach, though, his humour fades.
“It’ll only take a few seconds,” he promises. “I’ll place my hands under your jumper and touch your lower abdomen, if that’s okay.” He waits for me to nod my approval before he does just that, his hands chilly compared to my heated skin.
I study his expression as he presses gently here and there on my body, but the beta must be a damn good poker player. Nothing on his face gives him away, until—
He takes a stuttering breath. “You’re not pregnant.”
I blink. Then blink again.
“Are you sure?” Nathan asks in a voice smaller than I’d have ever thought him capable.
Niall smiles, his eyes warm. “I’m certain. There’s no sign at all. Not one. Never been more sure of a diagnosis in my life.”
“Thank fuck,” Adrian says, sounding like the air’s been punched out of him.
I’m still reeling from the knowledge that I’m going to live.
“You’re not pregnant,” Nathan says slowly.
“We didn’t kill you. Shit.” I turn, pressing myself into the centre of his thick chest. The rise and fall of it is so pronounced I feel his every exhalation.
I close my eyes against the rush of emotion, light-headedness looming as the weight I’ve been carrying is lifted.
“It wasn’t you,” I say, my words muffled into Nathan’s soft flannel. “Even if I was pregnant, it wouldn’t have been—”
Nathan grips my chin. Firmly but with care, he angles my face so I meet his gaze.
“You weren’t the cause of this. I don’t want to ever hear you blame yourself again, okay?
Kato…” He pauses, his pain and regret clear.
I know how he feels. Even the mention of our absent mate’s name has an ache building in my sternum.
I clutch the blanket, fingers straining from the pressure.
Nathan swallows, throat bobbing. “Kato and I couldn’t fully control ourselves. That’s on us.”
“I ought to point out that it’s only the fault of the person who did this to Cas,” Niall says. “None of you had any real choice in the matter.”
I offer him a wobbly smile. “Thank you.”
“I owe you one,” Nathan tells him.
“No matter what Declan says, you’re still pack to me. It’s what we do.”
Guilt smacks me in the face. What Nathan has given up for me. His separation from his pack. And from Kato, specifically. I sometimes think, even if I hadn’t found myself on the outskirts of their lands, if I’d not gone into heat and had them mate me, they might have ended up together regardless.
They’re like a pair of magnets. Pushing each other away before turning around and sticking together like nothing can get between them. Nothing except me, of course.
And Declan’s stupid ruling. The next problem in our thankfully shortening list of problems.
Nathan seems to be missing Kato even more than me, despite the impossibly large, empty space in my heart that Kato should be occupying.
It’s evident in everything Nathan does, from the way he cooks far too much food at every meal—two alpha portions with plenty of extra protein—to the way he often takes lengthy pauses after speaking, as if waiting for a response that isn’t going to come.
Even the way he holds himself is like he’s expecting someone to brush against his side at any moment.
They may call me their little ghost, but Kato’s the one haunting us.
Adrian perks up from where he’s lounging in the armchair. “Now that we know you aren’t going to die, are you going to offer us tea?” he asks.
“No,” I say primly, burying my face in Nathan’s neck. Maybe I should be nicer to him, given how he brought the blanket and how he and Niall are risking Declan’s wrath by being here, but I don’t particularly feel like playing host right now. I think I’d collapse if I tried to walk on my wobbly legs.
Nathan chuckles, nuzzling the top of my head. “You know where the teabags are, brat.” For a second, I think he’s referring to me, but when Adrian huffs loudly and stomps over to the little kitchen, I realise that of course it was directed at him instead. I’m no brat. I’m Nathan’s good boy.
“So,” Adrian says over the sound of filling the kettle, “has Nathan showed you his toy chest yet? What about his wardrobe? He’s a right freak.”
“Oi!” Nathan shouts right back at him.
Adrian doesn’t bother turning around when he shrugs, his bony shoulders hiking up to his ears. “It’s not an insult. I’m a wee bit freaky too, amn’t I, Niall?”
Niall nods with a fond smile. “You are,” he confirms.
Despite my mood I laugh, trying to muffle it in Nathan’s beard.
It’s overgrown at the moment, another sign he’s having a tougher time with the separation from Kato than he’s letting on.
He’s not forgotten his lemongrass beard oil, though, so it’s soft when I rub my face against it, spreading my scent all over him.
Nathan pets my head, ruffling my hair. I let out a pleased sigh and revel in his touch, silently thrilled about how overtly affectionate he is in front of company. Declan’s pack aren’t as free with their touches as I was with my parents; it’s a relief to know that Nathan is.
When Adrian returns with mugs of tea for himself and Niall and settles back onto the chair, Nathan asks the burning question. “Have you seen Kato yet?”
I turn to study their faces. Niall’s is carefully blank once more. Adrian isn’t as controlled, though, giving the game away with a grimace. “I…have,” he says slowly.
“I’m sorry,” Niall offers immediately. “We didn’t come here today to be the bearers of bad news.”