20. Nathan #3
I pick up one of the longer lengths of pink ribbon and get to work, twining it around his forearm and down to his skinny wrist, leaving enough dangling to tie it off.
I repeat the process on his other arm, my thumb rubbing gentle circles into his skin before I cover it with the silky ribbon.
His pale eyelashes flutter as I tie his wrists together, one hand on top of the other, another perfect bow to match the one around his neck.
“How does that feel?” I ask, running a finger along the ribbon.
He flexes a little, barely enough to ruffle the ribbon. “Secure.”
“Mm-hmm. Just tell me if it starts to feel too tight.”
He nods, eyes slipping shut as I move down his body. I kiss down his chest, leaving tiny red bruises to mark my progress. His breaths become heavy, his stomach sucking in and out as I dip my tongue into his navel before reaching the scar on his lower abdomen. I flick my gaze upwards, meeting his.
“Do you mind if I touch it?” I ask gently. “I’ll ignore it if that’s what you want. It doesn’t hurt, does it?”
He takes a beat then shakes his head, a tiny movement that barely even moves his hair from its halo around his head.
“Can you tell me in words, please?”
His lips move, pursing into a considering bow to rival the ones made by the ribbons. “Touch it,” he whispers. “It doesn’t hurt. I don’t feel anything there.”
I brush a finger over a raised knot of skin at the very edge of the pale pinkish scar.
As I trace it with a careful finger, I lock gazes with Cas.
He’s watching me through heavy eyes, showing no sign of discomfort.
I replace my finger with my lips, pressing soft kisses along the scar.
“Every single part of you deserves my attention,” I tell him.
No ifs. No buts. All of him receiving the love he deserves.
He swallows, the ribbon at his neck bobbing along with his Adam’s apple. “Thank you, Alpha.”
His words almost split me in two. “You don’t need to thank me for doing exactly what a mate should do.”
His fingers flex above his head. “I know. I wanted to, anyway. You deserve that too, Nathan.”
Fuck. Here he is, lying naked with only ribbons to cover him, yet I’m the one feeling utterly exposed.
He can see me like few others can—the way Kato sees me.
He’d know what to say to Cas in this moment, some comment that would break the odd tension that’s descended over me.
Because I don’t know what to say. I’m not used to this.
“Keep going, Alpha,” Cas says, his voice quiet and encouraging. It’s not a plea, either. He’s simply giving me permission to focus back on him, where I’m more comfortable.
Someday, I might be okay with being the object of attention. Today is not that day—not when I’m already in my head about Kato.
So, I pick up another thick ribbon. Pushing Cas’s legs close without being completely restrictive, I loop the ribbon under and over them both, anchoring them together.
He’s still got a bit of movement, but the sensation he’ll get is the same.
I see how it affects him when he realises both his arms and legs are tied.
The trust he has in me right now has my chest swelling with pride.
Everything Cas has gone through could have made this impossible. I’d have been more than content to only do things like this with Kato. And who knows—Cas might not want to do anything like this ever again. That would also be fine.
Except, now I’ve seen his expression of rapture—eyes loosely shut, mouth parted, flush staining his cheekbones—as he’s lovingly restrained in silk and bows, I doubt he’d want to go back.
He’s been self-soothing with the ribbons up till now, tying them around himself as if they’ll hold him together when he feels like he’s falling apart.
I won’t let him fall apart or do it alone. We’re in this together. Him and Kato and I, whenever and however we reunite, will face our pasts and future as an unbreakable unit. I’ll make sure of it.
“The next time we do this,” I say, the conviction in my voice stronger than I expected, “Kato’s going to be with us. He’s going to help wrap you up for us. He’ll be teasing you the entire time and you’re going to love it.”
Cas’s eyes stay shut as he nods frantically. “Yes, Alpha. I want him here.”
“Me too. He’ll be missing his little ghost, I’m sure,” I say as I pick up the final length of ribbon. I grasp the delicate material just a little too tightly, crinkling it.
“You too,” Cas says. “He misses you too. I can feel it. I know he does.”
I shuffle up on the bed. “You can feel him?”
Cas’s eyes crack open, his pale lashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. “A bit?” He doesn’t seem so sure now. “Not as much as I do with you.”
“But?” I prompt, sensing he has more to say.
“The…longing I feel for you isn’t just mine. It’s more. You’re right here, so why would I miss you? So it has to be Kato, right?”
My stomach twists. “He’s hurting for us.”
“He’s safe, though. Isn’t he? We’d know otherwise.” He nods, more to himself than me. “Yes. We’d be able to tell. When I was feeling floaty I swear I could sense him.”
I caress a finger across Cas’s jawline. “Aye?”
He hums in assent, closing his eyes again and stretching, exposing his adorned neck. “He’s there. Definitely.” He lets out a long sigh. “Have you any more ribbons for me? I want to feel him some more.”
I press my lips to his forehead. “I do. This last one is going somewhere special, though. I’ll need to lift you up a bit.”
He cracks a suspicious eye open. “Where?”
I snake a hand down to his hips and along his pelvis. “Here, if you want.”
His tongue darts out and licks his lips. “Yes, Alpha.”
I chuckle. “You know what it does to me when you call me ‘Alpha’ like that.”
“Like what?” he asks innocently, a pleased smile tugging at his lips.
I don’t dignify his sass with an answer. Instead, I get into position down the bed and prop him up half in my lap, bound legs dangling over one side. He melts into me, boneless. It makes wrapping the ribbon like makeshift underwear far easier than anticipated.
Finally, I lay him back down on the bed, his arms stretched out above him.
He looks like those paintings of Saint Sebastian—thankfully sans deadly arrows.
I run a finger under each ribbon that winds around him, checking their tightness.
I doubt they’ll even leave a mark on him, given their width and the manner I’ve wound them around his limbs.
The only mark he needs right now is our mating bites.
His body seems so lax that I picture him becoming one with the mattress, being swallowed up by it and disappearing forever. The image—though ridiculous—has me grasping hold of his ankle, tethering him to me.
It makes me think of how Kato had clung to him when I first carried Cas back to the village. I press my fingers into the places Kato did, hoping that somehow it’ll reignite our numbed connection.
It doesn’t.
I consider our next move as I sit at the foot of the bed, watching Cas. I think he might actually have dozed off. So I let him sleep and think about tomorrow.
Once I talk to Adrian and Niall, I’ll figure out how to get to Kato.
Fuck knows how it’ll go, but I can’t sit on my hands any longer.
I didn’t want to take unnecessary risks—it’s not just my life on the line.
But if the last few days have taught me anything, it’s that a life without Kato in it isn’t worth living.
Cas and I work well together, but it’s not the same.
Kato brings out a side of Cas that I can’t, adds a levity to every situation that I can’t. He’s hot-headed and quick to react, but his vibrance is undeniable, his energy unmatched. Having someone to challenge me like he does feeds my wolf in a way I didn’t think possible.
I stare down at my little sleeping mate and sigh wistfully. Soon, I tell my unhappy wolf. Soon we’ll have them both again.