Chapter 26
Tobias
It’s well after midnight when I gently open the door to Sebastian’s tour bus and climb on. My body is teeming with so much fresh energy that my steps are a little sloppy; I nearly topple up the stairs and catch myself at the last second.
Good job, Kaseilon.
The lights are off, aside from the emergency ones along the floor, but I can see well enough to make out Joseline’s form on the couch. Her soft snores are the only sounds in the room, and I stop a few feet away, allowing myself to look at her for the first time in days.
Even in the dark, she’s a fucking goddess, the thin blanket clinging to her perfect curves. Being close to her all week without saying a word has been difficult—more difficult than I would have thought possible—but this was the deal.
No attachment.
No consequence.
The photo of us from the club circulating doesn’t help a fucking bit either. Every time I open my phone, it’s there, staring me in the face, reminding me of what I can never have. I’ve considered deleting my socials more than once this week, at least until the whole thing blows over.
And it will blow over.
Eventually.
But the attention is lingering far too long.
Keeping my distance from Joseline is the best thing I can do for her at this point, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed her energy deteriorating.
With each passing day, the aura that normally radiates from her diminishes a little more.
Anxiety and fear pour off her, even in sleep, and my stomach sours.
I can’t imagine how it feels to see someone you love on death’s doorstep, living in constant paranoia and fear, but it’s clearly doing a number on her health.
As far as I know, she hasn’t left the bus all week, aside from meeting the food delivery drivers that have brought her meals. And even those have started coming less frequently.
Did she even eat today?
I don’t know why that’s the first thing I think of, but seeing her this way leaves me unsettled.
Her health shouldn’t concern me. After all, I’ve taken more care of her than I should have up until now, and my priority is keeping her fragile human friend alive. But I don’t like seeing her this way.
Knowing there isn’t much I can do to help, I step over and crouch next to the couch, mentally tracing her stunning features. Her brows, her adorable nose, her plump lips. Images of her hotel room flash to mind, and my lips ache to feel hers, but I shove the feeling down, locking it up tight.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It seems no matter how much distance I keep, or how much I try to fight the feeling, there’s an invisible pull always dragging me closer. Something I can’t control or explain forcing me toward her, compelling me to give up my attempts to stay away.
I’ve been strong, abstained as well as I can, but rather than getting easier as the days go by, it’s gotten harder.
What I wouldn’t give to run my hands along her curves, to squeeze her delicious thighs, to palm her perfect ass.
The armies I’d slaughter to have her writhing beneath me again, begging for my cock.
Fuck.
I shake my head and the images from it. Now is not the time to be lusting after a human.
Not now, not ever.
Falling for humans never ends well, as our lead singer has clearly shown us.
Not wanting to disturb her, I reach to brush my fingers gently over Joseline’s shoulder. It’s the most contact we’ve had since she fell asleep on my chest, and my body aches for more. Denying myself the gratification, I send a tiny bit of energy down my arm, through my fingertips, and into her.
She stirs a bit before settling. It’s not much, but the renewed energy slices through the anxious cloud hovering around her, and that’s good enough for me. A little pick-me-up that will hopefully have her feeling better when she wakes.
I stand, my eyes lingering on her for another long second, before I turn away.
Sebastian’s form in the doorway shocks me so badly that I backpedal. He’s leaning against it with one shoulder, arms crossed over his chest.
“How long have you been standing there?” I whisper harshly, my skin flaming.
“Long enough.”
My jaw hardens at the thought of him watching me with Joseline, fire licking through my veins. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Of course not.” He clearly doesn’t believe me.
Dickhead.
With a huff, I storm past him into his bedroom without a word and pass my collected energy onto Niki.
As we’ve been doing for the past several days, I give her just enough to keep her comfortable, but not enough to wake her.
At the rate the fetus is absorbing everything, it would take far too much energy to keep her conscious, and we don’t want to stress her out with the constant fluctuation.
Her body is under enough strain as it is.
Besides, we need to save our power reserves for when it really matters: when and if she tries to birth the baby.
When I turn to leave again, Sebastian is blocking the door, watching me intently. I can feel his judgement weighing on me, which only stokes the anger in my chest.
“You can lie to yourself, Kaseilon, but you don’t have to lie to me,” he says softly.
“I’m not lying to anyone,” I grit through my teeth before shoving past him, shoulder checking him for good measure.
My eyes flash to Joseline once before I’m out the door, stomping back to my own tour bus. Annoyingly, I hear a door open and close behind me, and I know Sebastian is on my heels.
“Fuck off, Acherith,” I say without looking back. The last thing I need is his goddamn condescension right now, especially when I’m doing everything I can to keep his mate alive.
“Kaiselon.” The bark in his voice has me stopping in my tracks and clenching my jaw so hard my teeth ache. I whip around, angry heat licking through my veins, and let him catch up. “I wasn’t trying to piss you off, I swear.”
“Then why can’t you just leave me alone?” I glare at him through the holes in my mask. “Go away and let me do the job you’ve asked of me. I don’t need your opinion about anything else.”
A lesser demon would have let me walk away, but not Sebastian.
He moves closer, staring me down in a brutal challenge of stubbornness.
I almost wish he’d hit me so I could take out some of my frustration on him, but a tiny voice in the back of my mind reminds me that we’re in this together.
Fighting won’t solve or change anything.
“Because I care about you, Kaseilon,” he says, not breaking eye contact. “And I see the way you look at her. Why are you making yourself miserable by staying away?”
Yeah, getting punched in the mouth would have been better than being asked that question.
“Why are you making it your business?”
He hesitates, shifting in the dark before replying. “You’ve done so much for me, for us,” he explains slowly, moving back a little to give me space. “I just want you to indulge yourself. Allow yourself the happiness that we were denied in Hell.”
“A human will not make me happy,” I spit out carefully. “I’ve seen what can happen when we get too close to them, and I’m not interested. Besides, don’t you think she has enough on her fucking plate without getting more caught up with demons?”
He doesn’t answer, so I keep going, the words spilling out before I can stop them.
“I will cause her nothing but grief and pain, Acherith.” I gesture toward the tour bus where Joseline is sleeping.
“What kind of life can I possibly give her? We all know our days are numbered with this band. One day soon, we’ll have to step away, and then what?
Will we have to stay hidden forever? She’ll never want that. I’ll never want that for her.”
The revelation of my own words shocks me, but I try to keep my emotions level. I don’t want Sebastian to know he’s gotten under my skin more than he already has. The fucker knows me better than anyone else, so of course he knows exactly what to say to get to me.
“You know, we’ve had a very similar conversation before,” he muses, looking off into the distance as a police siren wails somewhere in the city. “I asked you what you would do in my shoes, and what was your answer?”
I glare at the side of his stupid face, wanting to kiss it with my knuckles. “Well, I’m not asking for your opinion.”
“I know. You’re too stubborn for that.” His red eyes snap back in my direction. “Which is why I’m giving it to you anyway. It’s okay to admit you’re afraid of happiness, Kaseilon. But are you staying away because you don’t think you deserve it? Or because you’re afraid she won’t want you?”
“Fuck you.” My hands clench into fists as I turn my back on him. “I’m being realistic.”
He scoffs. “You’re being a dick and you know it.”
I keep walking toward my bus, hoping he doesn’t follow, but I can hear him call out over my shoulder, “It’s not the latter.”
I’m seething as I rip open the bus door, trying not to slam it and wake up Emrys, but it’s all I want to do. When I lay down, I’m still reeling, adrenaline pounding through me as I contemplate Sebastian’s words.
He’s wrong.
Joseline agreed to a one-night stand for a reason; she isn’t interested in anything more. And that’s fair. Her best friend’s life is on the line because of a demon.
Why would she want to risk ending up in the same position?
She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t want me.
She can barely tolerate me.
Rolling my eyes, I pull out my phone to wind down, and the first image that pops up is the one of us together. It’s gotten more comments since this afternoon, and as I stare at us together, I can see what all the hype is about. She really does look incredible grinding up against me.
She was so happy, so carefree that night. A powerhouse of wit who kept me on my toes and was begging for my cock by the end of the night. Such a stark difference to the woman I saw today.
A weight sinks in my chest and realization dawns on me, clearer than ever: I miss her fire.
I miss her bratty mouth and the way she challenged me. Hell, I miss the way she got under my skin and made me question my sanity. I miss it all.
Selfishly, I want it back, even if it’s just for a little while.
But what can I do?
I open my browser and begin to search things absentmindedly, my thoughts consumed by Joseline.