Chapter 17 Eris #2
Rayzor was still omnipresent. Talking to the kids, sent them groceries and did everything they wanted him too. He was respecting my wishes and not coming when they called, so I didn’t have to see him.
That didn’t stop him from sending flowers and gifts for me. I was spending my morning burning everything he sent. I didn’t want a damn thing from him. That’s how much he irked me. Kids aside, I was still hurt he lied.
Time slipped away from me when a chime came at my door. It was Suki. I’d been ignoring her since the cookout. She hurt me bad. Both her and Rhea. Everybody was hurting me, and it put me in a bubble.
“I know you see me. I love you, E.”
She held up a bottle of tequila and wine, along with food and a smile. She was on my shitlist, but I admit, I missed my girl.
I opened the door.
“I know you’re not fucking with me and if you were anybody else, I would’ve let you be, but I love you, girl.”
“What you want ,Suki?” I retorted with a roll of my neck and hands on my hips.
“Oop, bitch. You didn’t come to play.”
I waited.
There wasn’t anything for me to say. She walked on eggshells.
Much like how Erin did the other night. I turned into something that made people scared once I was annoyed or pissed.
That’s why I try to remain positive because that other side of me was horrible.
However, my feelings towards Suki and Rhea were warranted.
“Yeah, I popped a lil’ shit but not how you think. Rhea was in her feelings about you and Rayzor. All I said was I didn’t want you going headfirst in it because Rayzor’s a different kind of nigga, not like Phil.”
“I can handle myself. Y’all do know that, right?”
“But the blogs,” she pointed out.
“Fuck them blogs,” I slurred. “Why the hell do y’all treat me like I’m the scorned one that always needs babysitting? Yeah, my baby daddy is a real fuck nigga, but damn, it ain’t like I’m marrying Rayzor’s ass either.”
“I… I know.” She sulked. “I just want you to be careful, E. You’re my girl. Hell, I’m rooting for your happily ever after. My bad for even talking about the shit with Rhea behind your back. It wasn’t even like that on my end though.”
Suki’s always been the one I could count on to keep it real with me. Rhea too, but I was wrong. I knew they meant well. They thought I was fragile, but I’m strong too.
“It’s not even that I’m mad you spoke on me behind my back. It hurt to hear it coming out of her mouth while we’re arguing. That’s a punch to the gut.”
“And you know she didn’t mean it. She just wanted you to hurt because she’s in her feelings.”
“No. She meant every fuckin’ word. That’s not hurt. She’s been wanting to say all that shit before Rayzor came into the picture. Just needed a reason.” I turned on my heels, heading for the kitchen. “Come on, let’s drink this tequila. I need it.”
After countless shots, celery sticks and Rotel dip, I was good, tipsy and in my fucking feelings.
“Be Careful” by Cardi B blasted loudly on the TV, speaking to my heart.
I was one bottle in, standing in the living room swaying from side to side, rapping lyrics bar for bar.
My fucking heartache. I couldn’t lie.
“He’s supposed to loved me. He lied to me. I thought we had something real.”
Suki slowly approached me, rubbing my back.
I shrugged her off. Not wanting pity. I needed to vent without judgment.
“What happened?”
Tears blurred my vision.
“He couldn’t even keep it real with me. Not after being so real,” I mocked.
She looked at me with worry.
“I’m sure whatever it is, he had good reason. Rayzor don’t give off the liar type.”
“Oh yeah? So, tell me why did he keep him being in the streets away from me when I asked him before?”
Her quick gaze to the floor sobered me up.
“Suki!” I yelled.
She walked over to the coffee table, poured another shot and downed it.
“That wasn’t my business to tell,” Suki confessed, shocking me.
“How the hell not when your niece and nephew be with this man? What if some shit happened?”
“It didn’t though,” she exclaimed. “Rayzor loves you and the kids too much to let something happen.”
“That’s not the point, Suki. Damn. We just got back cool five seconds ago and I’m gon’ let your ass go again.”
“Hoe, first off, I’m not going nowhere. I let you get in your feelings before and stay there because I knew what happened was fucked up, but we’re family. We talk out our problems.”
I felt defeated as I flopped on the couch next to her.
“Why couldn’t he have just told me?”
“Because that man loves you and wanted to protect you. Is it a crime to keep the two lives separate?”
“He lied to me though.”
“I wouldn’t call it a lie. He protected you,” she explained. “I know you’re pissed, but I respect what he did. You and I aren’t the same… I love me a good hood nigga. Ride me ‘round the trap, bae. I’ll hold your gun and everything.”
I tried to hide my laughter.
“That kinda shit gets me wet. You’re a good girl, Eris. He loved you enough to make the choice for you not to have to be involved in that lifestyle.”
“Yeah, make excuses for him.”
“That’s one thing I don’t do. I’m telling you the truth. You’re just in your feelings right now but when you’re alone, you’ll think about it and know I’m right.”
“I don’t want to think about this right now. I had my moment and it’s time to boss the fuck back up.”
“So, you’re about to be outside later?” she asked with hiked brows.
I was single and kid free. Why not?
“You know what? Hell yeah.” I twerked.
“That’s what the hell I’m talking about.” She ran her hand through my hair. ‘But first, we need to get this head together. You’re almost looking like what you been through.”
“Don’t play with me.”
“What? I said almost. You’re still fine, friend.”
I packed a bag with outfit options for tonight before leaving, riding in Suki’s car instead of mine. I didn’t want to do anything but show up and show out. We were getting car service later so it’s up tonight.
Suki had in a variety of artists playing.
We rapped and sang our hearts out. I felt good.
Sometimes you never know how being alone handling emotions and feelings can be until you’re with others.
Suki has always been my girl. Don’t let me stray too far.
Always made sure I kept my head on right because we’re all the strong friends, but I was different.
Carrying a different load that took more than me to carry it, but I do it.
We made a stop at her shop to get my hair together.
The door chimed and Rhea meekly walked in.
“She’s closed,” I told her, rolling my eyes.
“She told me to come.”
“Then I’ll leave. Call me when she’s gone.” I started to get up from the chair, but Suki had a damn grip on my hair.
“Bitch you rode with me.”
“You set me up?” I asked.
“I’m not gon’ keep doing this shit with y’all. I told her to come because we need to hash this shit out. We’ve never gone this long without kicking it. E, you and I made up. It’s only right y’all do too.”
“You, I understand. It’s fuck this bitch for real.”
“Wow, so you’re just going to call me out of my fuckin’ name like that?”
“You fucked that up when you came at me sideways then tried to drag Suki into your shit.”
“Eris, please,” she scoffed.
“Then explain to me what the fuck did I do that made you switch up on me?”
“You moved too fast, and I had a time digesting it,” she explained. “That’s my fault. You’re in love with him, but how you can love someone that fast? Do you even truly know him?”
“I don’t say that when you bring new niggas around.”
“I don’t love none of them though, E. That’s the game.”
“Rhea, you’re lying now because who was that nigga at the cookout?” Suki interjected.
“I mean, that’s different,” she argued.
“How? Is that your man?” I asked. “Because we’ve never met or heard about him. How long have y’all been together?”
She got quiet because she knew we called her hand. Rhea loved throwing stones from her glass house. I kept it real. I pass judgement on my girls like they do me. That’s what helps a friendship grow. That’s how you keep order. But don’t say one thing about the next when you’re doing the same thing.
“Y’all got me, alright. Look, I don’t want you getting caught up in his lifestyle.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m sure you know that he doesn’t only box. Rayzor has a reputation.”
“So, to try to make up with me, you still haven’t offered an apology. Then you proceed to air out his dirty laundry to make your claim.”
“No, it’s not even like that. I want you to know that you’re my girl. I’m not going to turn a blind eye when you need to be in the loop.”
“Hold on, bitch, are you throwing shots at me?” Suki snapped.
“Like I said, I want you in the loop but from your expression, I can tell you already know about Rayzor’s other side quest.”
“Bitch, that’s far from a side quest, that’s the main plot,” Suki interjected. “That’s how he ate, still eat and will possibly eat for a good minute if he never touches another ring again.”
His street lifestyle was a sore spot with me.
“Yeah, well you ain’t gotta worry about me and how I feel about Rayzor’s street life because we ain’t together no more. And no, I don’t wanna talk about it. Yes, I’m fine. Get the details from Suki because I know her loudmouth ass gone tell you anyway.” I sat back.
Suki gawked.
“Girl, don’t act. I don’t mind you telling her.” I smirked.
“Seriously, E, I’m sorry about y’alls breakup,” Rhea apologized.
“No, you’re not, and that’s fine because I went in headfirst.”
She ran over to me, throwing her arms around my neck.
“I was wrong. I didn’t want to mess up anything you had going on. Only trying to protect you.”
“And I appreciate that.” I hugged her back. “I didn’t like the delivery.”
“I missed you, Eris.” She hugged me tighter.
“Missed you too.”
Suki joined in, pushing us all forward.
“See, this what I do it for. My girls. We can’t be going out sad like that.”
We laughed.
“Right,” I said as the hug lingered a few seconds more before we released one another.
Suki turned up the music and Rhea went to her mini bar in the salon, pouring us up some drinks while Suki got on my hair.
The energy took a minute to shift with me but once it did, everything was fine. Me and the girls caught up as much as we’d allow. They didn’t bring up Rayzor. In fact, we stayed away from the men’s subject.
It felt good catching up and getting back in the mix with my girls.
I had an epiphany sitting there thinking about who I was before Rayzor. Not that he dimmed my light, but at least I wasn’t drowning my sorrows in liquor to get over heartbreak. I needed this to remind me who the hell I was.
The club
We arrived at the club. The lines were crazy, but I used my charm to get us in. I knew I still had it but wanted to see it work in person.
“You still got it. A man can’t stop shit that’s God given,” Suki chatted.
We got us a free section and invited some of our girls to come too.
The men were panting for our attention.
Suki invited a few over, and they came with bottles. Our section was packed.
All eyes were on us.
The TV’s played videos in the background. Wall to wall people. It was hot, and the energy was insane. The music ranged from all artists, never leaving a dull moment to think.
I let go– standing on the couch, yelling loud and rapping lyrics. The night numbed my pain, making me enjoy every minute of fun. I was in a flow state, ignoring my feelings.
“Ohhh shit, it’s the Champ y’all. Rayzor’s in the mothafuckin’ building,” the deejay announced, and everything felt like it moved in slow motion.
He swagged in, spotlight on him.
He wore shades and dripped in all- black.
I rolled my eyes, it caused a tear.
“Damn. Her cups empty, what y’all waiting for?” Rhea snapped on the guys.
One of the men rushed to pour it for me.
“Here you go, beautiful,” he complimented, but my focus was on Rayzor as he sat across from us in another section with a bitch on his arm.
My stomach palpitated a bit.
“Niggas, ain’t shit!” Rhea yelled.
“But hoes and tricks,” I added, pulling myself out the darkness.
The girl had the nastiest BBL. Overly caked up makeup. It was a downgrade from me. I won’t yuck nobody’s yum, even if they’re my ex.
“I know the fuck he didn’t. Let me go and tell his ass about himself. Trifling ass nigga. Haven’t even been single five minutes and already got hoes flocking to him,” Suki said fiery, almost leaping from the section at him.
Reaching out, I grabbed her arm. “For what? He’s single.”
“Out of all places and days he just so happens to show up here when you’re here? No, friend, that’s foul.”
“That’s a single man. Let him do him. I’m gon’ do me.” I winked.
Suki studied me for a moment with squinted eyes.
“Oh, you’re playing the game.” She grinned.
“Touché.”
I grabbed her hand, pulling her to me and throwing my arms around her neck.
“I love you, Suk.” I giggled.
“Love you too.” She giggled. “You feeling good, huh?”
A Chester-Cat like grin spread wide across my face. “How you know?”
“I just know.” She laughed. “Come on, let’s dance.”
It didn’t matter if it was techno music, I was popping my ass and damn near did a headstand enjoying myself. The songs changed, the tempos moved through the crowd. The strobe lights flickered, changing colors, giving it a rave feel, but the energy was just as magnetic. I felt good.
I was ignoring Rayzor’s presence even with him staring a whole into my head. He could kiss the very ass that I had bent over popping it for a show. I was having me a time.
The music abruptly stopped.
“Aye, if I don’ stuck my dick inside you and you out here on the mothafuckin’ floor dancing like a single bitch, stand the fuck down before I air this bitch out,” Rayzor’s voice boomed through the speakers, leaving the club quiet.
Everyone looked around. There was legit a section of women on the floor.
That shit was comical, yet embarrassing. I knew Rayzor got down like that, he’s a celebrity, and a man, but to see it in person was wicked.
“Oh, hell naw!” Suki yelled out.
“If your name ain’t Eris, then move the fuck around!” Rayzor barked.
The herd of people moved, leaving me standing under the bright spotlight. I felt exposed and naked, but I wasn’t backing down.
I did a 360o, coming face to face with Rayzor.