Chapter 36 Josie
JOSIE
There was something definitely wrong with this picture.
I was laying in bed and JR was snuggled up to me. Like…his leg was draped over mine and his hand was resting on my chest.
He wasn’t even groping me.
I laid as still as possible, going over scenarios in my head to explain what happened last night. I was lying in bed, praying I had the strength to resist him, when he pounded on my door.
And this morning…this.
It could really only be a handful of things.
He could be desperate for sex, and therefore, clinging to me in case I try to escape again.
Or maybe his power was out and he needed someplace warm to stay.
Then again, if that was true, where was Alyssa?
Oh, God! Maybe he went to the doctor and found out he’s dying! And I’m the only person he could go to because he needed sexual release as many times as possible before he kicks the can!
Other than those possibilities, I couldn’t think of a single reason why he was still here. Or why he was kissing me like that last night.
His lips…God, they burned over my skin, and the way he held me, it was like he couldn’t get enough of me.
But that was foolish. I wasn’t naive enough to think that JR wanted me for more than sex. He’d made that perfectly clear the last time we were together. No, it had to be the first one. He was just desperate for sex.
Well, I wasn’t about to be buttered up so he could get laid again. If I sat here and thought about it too long, I could convince myself he wanted to move in and get married as well.
Gently lifting his arm, I shifted it to his hip, then grabbed his leg and scooted it off mine. Once I was extricated, I pulled on my robe and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. Only, when I was done, I couldn’t bring myself to go back in the room. Not when I still had so many questions.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Sawyer asked as I walked into the kitchen.
“You’d be rich in an hour.”
Milo jumped up from his bed and raced over, shoving his head under my hand for pets. I took a moment to love on him, then lifted my tired butt onto a stool.
“That bad, huh?” he grinned, sliding a mug across the counter to me.
For the first time, as I stared down at my tea, I knew this just wouldn’t cut it. I needed something stronger. Steeling myself, I looked into my brother’s eyes.
“I need coffee.”
His jaw nearly hit the floor as he stared at me. “What?”
“Coffee.”
At that, his jaw hardened. “What did that fucker do to you?”
He was around the counter and headed for my room before I could get up, but I grabbed his arm and tugged him back just as he was about to bang on my door.
Milo whined incessantly behind me, making it even more likely that JR would wake up.
“Shh!”
“I swear to God, if he hurt you—”
“He didn’t hurt me,” I snapped. “Now, would you calm down?”
“But…you never have coffee.”
“I’m aware.”
“Like…ever.”
Tugging him back to the kitchen, I slumped back on the stool. “He didn’t do anything, okay? He just…stayed the night.”
Milo whined and spun in a circle, staring up at me with worry that I found quite endearing. Somehow, Milo had become more my dog than JR’s, almost as if he had taken my side when JR started being an ass.
“I’m okay, Milo.”
He cocked his head at me, then whined once more.
“Honestly. Sit.”
Grudgingly, my new best friend took a seat, then after a second, laid down in a huff. Smiling, I turned back to my brother.
Sawyer poured the mug of coffee and slid it across to me. “Okay…so, he stayed the night.”
“And he doesn’t stay the night. He doesn’t let me stay the night. There are too many expectations that go along with that. And the things he did last night—”
“Let me stop you right there,” Sawyer cut in. “We may have a great relationship, but even I can’t handle hearing about what he did to you last night.”
“Not like that,” I muttered. “I mean, he was more…sensitive. The way he held me and kissed me, it was unlike anything we’ve had before.”
Sawyer sighed, slumping down on his own stool. “Well, shit.”
“I know.”
“I see why you need the coffee.”
I took my first sip and grimaced. “That’s disgusting.”
“Well, I didn’t add anything to it. Here, let me doctor it up.”
I slid it back to him and slumped against the counter again. “I can’t figure out what it means.”
“Maybe it’s exactly what it looks like,” he said, adding cream and sugar.
“I highly doubt that. No, JR is definitely not the commitment type. Which means he’s just doing this to get his way.”
“I’m sorry, sis. I know that hurts.”
“It doesn’t hurt,” I lied. “I just…don’t want to get attached. I was fine with the whole no-strings thing. I understood it would never be more, and he didn’t have to say a thing. But now…he’s confusing me.”
“And you’re going to end up with your heart crushed,” he added.
“Exactly. I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t deal with a man using me like that and pretending it’s more when it never will be.”
“He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it,” my brother said with a smile.
“So, what do I do?”
“Well, you either tell him this has to stop, or you go along with it, knowing nothing will come of it. You’ll eventually fall hard for him and tell him you’re in love with him, at which point he’ll break things off with you immediately, crushing your soul and making you wish you had never laid eyes on him.
And then I’ll take you to the bar, we’ll get drunk, you’ll sing karaoke, and you’ll wake up feeling sad and miserable, wishing you could go back in time to this moment and kick him out of your bed. ”
I stared at him in awe. “Is that how you feel after every woman you break up with?”
“Pretty much,” he nodded. “It’s a sad and lonely existence, but someone’s gotta do it.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready to have my soul crushed, but I wasn’t sure I could go JR-free so easily. The last week had been hell on me, and just a taste last night was like heroin to an addict.
Groaning, I buried my face in my hands, wondering what the hell I was going to do. This was absolutely gut-wrenching. How did people go through this crap all the time? How did they constantly deal with the pressure that went along with a relationship?
I had dated and even had a few long-term relationships, if you could call them that, but I’d never actually fallen for any of them. They were just flings.
The bedroom door opened and I snapped my back straight, eyeing Sawyer to let him know not to say a word. JR walked out in nothing more than his jeans slung low across his hips, making this whole thing even harder.
“Well, that’s it for me,” Sawyer snickered. “I have to get to work, and you…” His eyes flicked between the two of us. “Well, have fun with that.”
I glared at him as he walked around the counter and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“Be strong,” he whispered before grabbing his things and heading out the door.
“What was that all about?” JR asked, grabbing his own coffee. He eyed my mug warily. “Why are you drinking coffee?”
“Just thought I’d give it a try,” I smiled, hoping it came off as anything other than devastating misery.
“And?”
“And what?”
He tipped his mug toward me. “The coffee?”
“Oh, I haven’t actually tried it yet. I mean, I tried it without the cream and sugar, and I didn’t like it all that much. But this, I haven’t tried.”
I snapped my lips shut and tried to play it cool.
He watched me carefully before snagging my mug and dumping it down the drain. “You shouldn’t have that shit. It’s bad for you.”
Then he grabbed the mug that held my tea and slid it across to me. That should have infuriated me. He just dumped out my drink, one that I was planning on having. But instead, it endeared me to him. He knew how much I loved my tea, and he refused to let me try any of that rubbish.
“What’s going on with you?”
Milo’s head popped up, but he didn’t move any further.
Oh, God. It was that look in his eyes. He was going to question me, and I was going to crumble. There was no other way around it.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you never drink coffee, and you’re being weird.”
“Well, I’ve been called weird my whole life. Why stop now?” I smiled.
But he didn’t smile along with me. Instead, he looked like he was about to dive in deeper.
“Josie—”
I pushed off my chair and headed for my room. “I have to get ready for work. You should probably head home.”
But he didn’t. He followed me into the bedroom and leaned against the doorframe, staring at me as I grabbed my things for the shower.
“Josie, we need to talk.”
“About what?” I asked, averting my eyes.
“I heard something last night, and I’m not sure I have the right to ask you about it.”
That got my attention. “About me?”
He nodded, shifting slightly. “Look…” His jaw clenched hard as he looked away. Wow, whatever this was, he was super uncomfortable.
“Whatever it is, you can ask. I’ve got no secrets.”
“That’s just it. I think you do have a secret.” His eyes met mine again. “I think you’ve been hiding something from the whole town. Something you think you need to be ashamed of.”
Okay, that took me by surprise. “Um…I’m not sure what that would be.”
“Josie,” he murmured, pushing off the doorframe to walk over to me. “You can be honest with me. I know I’m not— I just wish you would be honest with me.”
I stared at him, completely lost for words. “Um…okay? Perhaps if you could clue me in as to the secret I’m hiding from everyone, I would be able to give you the information you need.”
He watched me carefully, like he was worried I was going to snap or run or break down in tears. It was odd.
His whole body tensed before he finally spit it out. “I heard that you were attacked by Austin.”
My jaw slackened at the mention of the incident.
“And I know you think you should feel ashamed or something, but what he did was not on you. I need you to know that. I just—”
A snort ripped from my nose without meaning to. I covered my mouth, trying to hold back the laughter, but it bubbled up anyway. Which didn’t exactly help my situation because JR was watching me like I needed to be committed.
“I’m sorry. It’s very sweet of you to worry about me, but trust me, I’m fine.”
“Josie—”
“He tried. Trust me, he tried, but it was because he was drunk. Gosh, that rumor has been going around for so long, I sort of forgot about it.”
“Then what really happened?” he bit out angrily.
“Relax. It was nothing. We were on a date and he got a little handsy after too many beers. Yeah, he tried to push me down and take off my pants, but I kicked him in the nuts and then beat the shit out of him. He ended up with bruised balls and a black eye.”
“And that’s it,” he said warily.
“Why would I lie about that? Yes, that’s it.”
“Why didn’t you report it? Why didn’t you tell everyone what he had done?”
“Well, because he didn’t actually hurt me. He was drunk and made a fool of himself. And trust me, the next time he saw me, he ran away. He made a mistake, but it’s not like I thought he needed to pay for it the rest of his life.”
He spun away from me, jaw clenching hard as he ran his fingers through his hair. His anger was so high that I really began to wonder if something else was wrong.
“You swear that’s it,” he said to me. “You swear that he never did anything.”
“Yes! JR, he was drunk and stupid, and this was a long time ago.”
“Yeah, but you heard about what happened with him and Bailey. That could have been you!”
Wow, that was a bit of an overstatement.
“First, I don’t know exactly what happened with him and Bailey.
I don’t listen to gossip around town. Yes, I’ve heard rumors, but based on what I’ve experienced, I know they aren’t always true.
Second, am I supposed to have backdated anger toward him?
I grew up with this guy, JR. If I ever felt like I was in danger, I would have said something, but I can take care of myself. I’m not weak.”
He charged me, gripping me by the arms. “It’s not about weakness. He’s bigger than you, and that’s all it takes. If he hadn’t been drunk, what the fuck do you think would have happened?”
I shoved him back a step, getting more pissed off by the second. Milo concurred, letting out a low warning growl. “JR, you need to drop this. What happened is in the past, and that’s where it needs to stay.”
“Yeah? Like you leave your Mom in the past?”
I sucked in a breath at his question, wondering what the hell brought that on. “Excuse me?”
“Do you really think I haven’t heard around town what your mom died from?”
“So?”
“Cancer, right? And now you use all this natural healing stuff and you suck down herbal tea… to what? Do you think it’s going to keep you safe? Is that what this is all about?” he shouted.
“What the hell is your problem?” I snapped.
Whatever this had started out as, he was losing it, and I was not about to become a target for his irrational anger.
“You need to get out of my house.”
“Because you don’t like hearing the truth?”
“Because you’re being an ass!” I shouted. “There’s a difference between letting go of an incident that meant nothing, and knowing that there are certain things that are bad for you, and wanting to live a healthier life, which is all I’m doing!”
“You’re hiding behind your apothecary shop!”
“No, I’m trying to live a better life! And who are you to say I’m hiding?
You don’t share a single thing with me! You don’t talk about anything personal.
I don’t know anything about who you were before you showed up in this town.
Hell, I don’t even know what JR stands for! And you want to accuse me of hiding?”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t you dare fucking say to me that you’re not hiding. The only thing you’re good at is keeping your distance and fucking me. And I think I’ve had about enough of both.”
I stormed past him, shaking off his hand as he tried to stop me from leaving. I headed right to the door and held it open, directing him out like he always did with Milo.
“Get out of my house right now.”
“Josie—”
“I don’t want to hear it, JR! Get the hell out and don’t come back!”
Milo jumped up, growling at JR, who seemed surprised and a little offended that the dog had chosen me over him. Thankfully, he didn’t need a dog bite as further evidence that he needed to leave.
Sighing, he snatched his shoes off the ground and stormed out, not bothering to get his shirt first. Which was fine by me because I didn’t want him in here any longer than necessary.
I slammed the door, shouting in anger as I watched him walk past the house. Just when I thought I was going to get away with only a broken heart, I realized sometimes people could cut you much deeper.