Chapter 42 Josie
JOSIE
Everything hurt.
My face felt like it had been through a meat grinder, and my chest burned. It took a minute to remember what happened, but when it came rushing back, the terror returned at full force.
“Josie?”
Grandma’s face appeared above me, the worry creasing every line of her face told me I must look horrible.
“Gran—” Speaking hurt too damn much, and tears pricked my eyes the longer I looked at her.
“Sweetie, you’re going to be okay.” Reaching for a cup, she poured some water and helped me drink it. “Small sips.”
“Sawyer,” I murmured, hoping she understood.
“He’s doing just fine. Your grandpa’s with him now. He’ll need some time to recover, but the doctor said there’s no permanent damage.”
That was a relief. But there was still someone missing. I could have sworn I heard him talking to me when I was asleep, but he was nowhere in sight.
“Where’s JR?” I croaked out.
“Who?”
My eyes slid closed. The idea of explaining anything felt too taxing. I was exhausted, and every movement just added to the pain.
“The police said your home was broken into. Honey, who would do such a thing? This level of violence—”
“It was my fault.”
His voice washed over me in a comforting blanket. Forcing my eyes open, I met his and something eased in my chest.
“What? Who are you?” Grandma asked.
“JR,” he answered, not bothering to look at my grandma. His eyes were only for me.
“What do you mean you’re responsible?”
“They came because of me,” he said, not answering any further than that. “I’m so sorry.”
His words were aimed directly at me, but Grandma wasn’t having any of it.
“If you’re responsible, then you need to leave—”
“Grandma, can you give us a minute?”
I didn’t see the look on her face, but I knew she wasn’t happy with me. There was a difference between living on the wild side and ending up in the hospital. But I needed to hear from JR and figure out what happened.
“Josie—”
“Please.”
“Alright, but only a minute. And if you hurt her in any way, I will tie you down and chop off your balls while you writhe in agony,” she snapped at JR.
“If I hurt her, I’d gladly let you,” he responded, walking over to my bedside.
As my grandma left the room, I focused on JR, unsure of what to say. He stood there for a solid minute, not saying a thing. Finally, he pulled out a jar and sat down beside me on the bed.
“I made this for you,” he said, removing the lid. “I’m not sure it’s as good as you would make it, but I followed your recipe.”
The smell of herbs hit my nose immediately, and as he dipped his fingers into the concoction, his eyes slid over my chest.
“I can do it,” I said, my voice still gravelly.
But as I tried to sit up, I winced at the pain shattering my body. I had blacked out several times as that man beat me. My ribs were sore and my stomach ached from how many times he hit me.
“Lay back down,” he snapped, his frustration bubbling up. Carefully, he slid the gown down my body, his eyes turning lethally dark as he took in the massive amount of bruising.
Very carefully, he applied the ointment, his eyes laser-focused on the task at hand. “This never should have happened. I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” I whispered.
I didn’t know what else to say to him. Telling him this wasn’t his fault wouldn’t do a damn thing. I knew that much about JR. After hearing all the shit he’d been through, there was no way he wasn’t blaming himself for this.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about any of it at the moment. I knew I was in pain, but I also wanted him beside me. I was safest with him.
At least, that’s what my heart was telling me.
Time would tell what my brain said as the fog of pain cleared.
After he was done, he eased the gown back over my body and took a seat beside me. “I cleaned up the house,” he finally said. “I’ll pay for any damage.”
“JR—”
“I’m leaving,” he said, his eyes meeting mine in a fierce gaze.
Not knowing what to say, I just stared at him, but inside, the thought of him leaving terrified me.
“I never should have— Being with me will only put you in danger.”
He’d told me all about his life. I knew what he had done, but he’d also made so many changes to his life, whether he believed it or not. He wasn’t the same man, and that much was clear to me.
“So, you’re just leaving?”
“I’ll only hurt you.”
I wanted to tell him to stay, to tell him I needed him, but my brain was so muddled not only with pain and confusion, but everything that had happened was still too fresh.
“Where will you go?”
He seemed surprised by the question. “I’m not sure.”
Nodding, I let my eyes slip closed. Exhaustion was creeping up on me, and staying away for this conversation—just to hear him tell me goodbye—wasn’t something I was interested in.
“Take care of yourself, Josie,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead.
As the door swung shut, I gasped at the pain I felt in my chest. It wasn’t from the cut or the bruising. It was from the pain of him walking out the door. He was leaving me because he didn’t think he was good for me, and there was nothing I could say to convince him to stay.
He had to realize that on his own.