Chapter 43 JR
JR
Slamming the door to my truck, I walked up to Lizzy’s house, wiping my boots on the mat before knocking. I didn’t bother waiting for her to answer since she was supposed to be on bed rest.
I watched as she quickly slipped back onto the couch, covering herself up as she pretended she hadn’t been ignoring the doctor’s advice.
“Caught red-handed,” I smirked.
“Don’t you dare say a word. I’ve been good, but there’s only so long I can sit on my butt. Besides, I needed more snacks,” she said, pointing to the table that was already filled with every kind of snack in a grocery store aisle.
When I didn’t come in further, she sighed. “You’re leaving.”
“Yeah. I went ahead and talked to your brothers. They’re going to fill in for me.”
“Perfect,” she muttered. “So, everything will be screwed up.”
“It’ll be fine. I went through everything. They know how you want things done.”
She nodded, but biting her lip, I knew there was more she wanted to say.
“You’ll be fine.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about.”
Quirking an eyebrow at her, I walked over and took a seat beside her. “Really?”
“I’ve made peace with my situation.”
At my pointed look, she rolled her eyes.
“I’m working on it, which is more than I can say for you.”
“There’s nothing for me to work on. There’s only one option, and that’s for me to remove myself from Josie’s life.”
“Did you ask her how she felt about that?”
Huffing, I dropped my gaze. “It was pretty damn clear. She didn’t even put up a fight.”
“Did you ask her?”
“Lizzy—”
“Men are all so pigheaded. So, you’ve decided what’s best for her, and you didn’t even think to find out what she needs.”
“I nearly got her killed.”
“But you saved her.”
Like any of that mattered. “Just because I came in at the last minute and kept her from being gutted doesn’t mean I should be with her.”
“You love her, JR.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m no good for her.”
Lizzy grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. “JR, you can’t walk away, not without finding out what she wants. That’s not fair to her.”
“You didn’t see her in the hospital.”
“No, but I know her. She’s probably the most positive person I know.”
“And that should make me feel better?” I snapped. “She’s positive, so she’ll bounce back?”
“No, I just mean that she sees things in a different way than most people.”
Shoving to my feet, I paced her living room. “You don’t get it. I don’t want her to look at me like some savior. I did this. My life put her in danger. Can’t you see that?”
“I do.”
“Well, then?”
“But I also see that you’re not the same man who walked into my bar that first night. Then again, you tried to save me from Austin when he was drunk, so maybe you’re exactly the same man you were then.”
“I can’t keep her safe!” I snapped, finally getting to the heart of the issue. “What if he’s not the last person to come after her?”
“What if you ask her?”
“Ask her what? To take that chance? She’d have to be insane!”
“Or in love with you.”
I’d already bared my heart to her. I’d told her everything about me and she asked me to stay. Look at how that turned out. She ended up in the hospital anyway.
“Go back to her.”
“I can’t,” I snapped.
“No, you won’t because you’re afraid. But if you love her, you’ll do her the courtesy of finding out what she wants. Not everything is about you, JR. She should be able to make the decision about whether or not she wants you in her life.”
“I told her I was leaving and she said nothing!” I repeated. “That’s my answer.”
“No, that’s you demanding you get your way because you’re a stubborn man. She’s hurting, and instead of talking to her, you decided to walk away. What did you think she was going to do?”
Maybe she was right. Maybe I was being an ass about the whole thing. But I couldn’t stand the thought of her getting hurt because of me.
“Go back and see her. Otherwise, I don’t accept your resignation.”
“If I leave, you don’t have a choice.”
“Did it sound like I was asking?” she snapped.
It was kind of adorable how this little blonde woman could boss people around with just a smile and a little attitude. I doubted there was even an ounce of anger in her.
“Fine.”
“Good,” she grinned.
Turning for the door, I walked out, dialing Michael immediately.
“Yeah?”
“Your sister is getting up and moving around.”
“Goddamnit,” he hissed. “I’ll be right over there.”
I hung up and got in my truck, turning toward the hospital instead of the highway out of town. I wasn’t as sure about this as Lizzy was, but a small part of me hoped that there was still some part of Josie that wanted me.
Even if I was bad for her.
I was just pulling into the hospital when my phone rang. It was Lizzy.
“Yeah?”
“I take everything back. You’re fired.”
“You’re welcome,” I chuckled, then hung up the phone.
As soon as I shoved the door open, my laughter died on my lips. This was it. My last shot at redemption. My last chance to have even an ounce of happiness in my life. And if she even hinted she might not be through with me, I would be a fool to walk away.
“Here goes nothing,” I muttered.
Heading up to her room, I was surprised to find Sawyer in there in a wheelchair, laughing and teasing her. Pressing up against the wall, I listened in, not ready to reveal myself yet.
“Well, look on the bright side. This time, it’ll be you drowning in your relationship sorrows while I hold your hair back as you puke.”
“How is that a bright side?” Josie asked.
“Maybe it’s not, but it’s a nice change of pace. Hey, did I ever tell you that Scarlet tried to get me to have a three-way with JR?”
He shivered visibly, and I wholeheartedly agreed with the sentiment.
“That’s disgusting.”
“No kidding. Doesn’t she know that a three-way always involves two chicks and one man?”
“That wasn’t what I meant,” she huffed, wincing as she held her side. “Don’t make me laugh.”
“Laughter is the best medicine.”
“Not when every inch of your body hurts.”
“Hey, I took a bullet. You were just punched a few times,” Sawyer teased. “I have an actual hole in my body.”
“You have one in your brain also, but that hasn’t stopped you from living your life.”
“Ooh, now things get mean. See, I knew you couldn’t always be the nice sister.”
“I’m cranky,” Josie muttered. “I just want to go home and have some tea.”
“Well, you get to leave tomorrow. I’ll make sure everything’s ready for you.”
“With your one arm?”
He flinched back. “Of course not. I’ll play the sympathy card and make everyone else do everything for me.”
“Just don’t let any of your friends go through my drawers.”
“Hey, I make no guarantees.”
Deciding I’d been snooping long enough, I knocked on the door and entered, waiting impatiently to find out if she’d kick me out. There was no immediate reaction like I’d hoped for. She didn’t seem pissed at me, but she wasn’t smiling either.
I wasn’t sure that boded well for me.
Sawyer turned himself toward the door, pretending he was running late. “Gee, look at the time. I gotta…go get that colonoscopy.”
Josie shot him an evil look as he wheeled toward me. Maybe that meant Sawyer was on my side.
“You hurt her, I’ll kill you and stuff your body in a drain pipe.”
Then again, maybe not.
“How are you feeling?”
A huff of laughter slipped from her lips. “Do you really care?”
“Of course I do.”
“Yeah? Could have fooled me. That disappearing act you pulled says otherwise.”
“Josie—”
“Save it,” she snapped, hissing in a breath.
Rushing forward, I gently eased her into a more comfortable position, peeling the front of the gown down to examine the cut on her chest. Red and inflamed, it looked worse than yesterday.
“Have you been putting the salve on your chest?”
“They told me not to.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not their kind of medicine,” she muttered, rolling her eyes as much as her bruised face would allow.
That was just fucking ridiculous. I trusted Josie with her medicine more than any doctor. Searching through the drawers, I found the jar and gently applied it, berating myself for not only leaving her alone, but also for the condition she was in.
“I’m sorry I walked away,” I said quietly.
“I expected nothing less.”
Those words alone cut me deeper than anything else she could have said. I was that predictable. She knew that when it got hard, I would cut and run. It didn’t matter if I thought I was doing it to protect her. I had done exactly as she expected.
How could she ever trust me?
“I thought you wanted me to go,” I said, berating myself for making it sound like I was making up excuses.
“JR, I told you once, I’m not interested in trying to fix a man.”
“I know, and that’s not—” Sighing, I took a seat, looking her straight in the eyes. “I’m gonna fuck up, Josie. I know it’s not fair to ask you to stick around and put up with my bullshit, but…”
I swallowed hard around the words. I was terrible at laying everything on the line, at saying what I felt. And even worse, that dead look in her eyes just made it harder to be vulnerable.
But I had to.
“I’m asking you to forgive me. I’m asking you to stick by me even when I screw up.
I know I don’t offer a lot, and I know that I bring a shit ton of baggage that you’d probably rather not deal with.
But I swear to you, I will never run away from you again.
I might go for a drive to clear my head, and you might have to kick me in the balls every once in a while to put me in my place, but I’ll stay through it all. ”
Not a single breath passed through my lips as I waited for a reaction from her. The shimmer of tears in her eyes was her only reaction, and that scared me more than anything. She was the one good thing in my life, and if she kicked me to the curb, I just didn’t know how to keep moving forward.
“JR…I want to say yes,” she whispered. “I want to tell you that I believe you and we can take this chance—”
“Then say yes.” My breath rushed out of me in one painful swoop. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. My chest felt like it was caving in on me, and moisture filled my eyes for the first time since I was a kid.
I was fucking crying.
“I love you, Josie.” Blinking back the tears, I met her gaze.
“I know I ran. I was so fucking scared when I saw you lying in this bed, knowing it was all my fault. My choices put you here, and…I can’t take it.
I can’t see you like this ever again. But I can’t live without you either.
I can’t wake up every morning, knowing I’ll never see you again.
I swear to you, I will do anything. I will make you tea every morning. I’ll get a different job. I’ll—”
“Shut up, JR,” she cried. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
I was on my feet a second later, gently pressing my lips to the only spot on her lips that wasn’t damaged by my stupidity.
I sucked in a shattered breath and smiled down at her. “Does that mean you forgive me?”
“Yes, but I have conditions.”
I would do whatever it was. I didn’t care what the conditions were. “You name them.”
“First, I get to call you whatever names come to mind at any given time. I can’t believe your mother gave you two letters for a name. It’s just insane.”
I nodded, biting back my smile. “Fair enough.”
“Second, you will accept all milkshake sneak attacks with grace because I’m sure they’re coming.”
“I sort of expected that.”
“And third, the next time Sawyer falls in love with a woman and she breaks his heart, it’s on you to take him to the bar and get drunk with him. I don’t think I can do it again.”
“It’ll be my top priority.”
“Then I accept.”
“Now, just a minute. I have a few conditions of my own.”
The shock on her face was priceless. “You have conditions?”
I nodded in all seriousness. “First, you will accept all my help until you’re fully healed, and only I can decide when that is.”
She rolled her eyes, but I continued.
“Second, I will handle everything at the apothecary shop. You will boss me around and yell at me when I do something wrong. I will deliver your orders and sit through tea and scones with Mrs. Bailey while you’re at home recovering.”
“Seriously?”
“Ah!” I cut her off. “And third, you will yell at me as much as you need to until you fully trust me, because I know it’s going to take a lot for you to put your faith in me.”
“JR—”
“It’s my final stipulation,” I said quietly. “I need to know I’ve earned your trust, and the only way to do that is for you to be completely honest with me.”
“Fine.”
“Oh, and one last thing—”
“You already said my final stipulation. You can’t add another stipulation now.”
“I can and I will at any given time. It’s my right as your—manfriend.”
“My manfriend?”
I nodded, unsure of what else to call myself. “I want you to live with me so I can wait on you hand and foot.”
“I’m not sure I can take that much smothering,” she grumbled.
“Then live with me because you want to. And because Milo won’t visit me unless you’re with him.”
“So, you finally admit that you love him,” she grinned, wincing as her lips split.
“Careful,” I murmured. “Don’t damage those perfect lips.” I ran the tip of my finger along her lower lip. “Take pity on me, and say you’ll move in with me.”
She sighed softly. “Well, I guess, if it’s what’s best for Milo.”
“It really is.”