Chapter Thirty-Six
After I have my apology confessional scripted out, I show it to Blue. Unable to help myself, I added some colorful commentary about how reality shows treat their contestants and crews.
“While I appreciate you fighting the good fight,” Blue says, “let’s keep this focused on your making amends, not stirring more pots.” I open my mouth to object, and he adds, “There’s plenty of time for that after the season is over. We don’t want to dilute the message.”
I nod reluctantly and cross out what I’m sure Andrew would call my most rabble-rousing parts.
Blue takes pictures of the script so he can find matching footage, and then he leaves.
My mom starts helping me do my hair and makeup while Matt goes down to the beach to location scout and find the best light.
If I wasn’t so grateful for their help, it would be amusing how seriously everyone is taking this.
Especially when my mom comes back from her recon mission and starts talking like a Navy SEAL. “The coast is clear. Let’s move.”
My mom and I sneak out of the shack and hustle down to the beach to meet up with Matt. Blue told us the crew will be shooting the new arrivals by the pool, so we should be safe at the beach for the next couple hours.
When Matt sees my long, floral dress and light makeup, he gives my mom an approving nod.
“She looks good. And yet still like her. Nice work.” Then he shows us his shot list. “It’s better to have different backgrounds for different parts of the confessional.
It helps to break up the narrative and keeps it visually interesting.
” He sounds so professional that I wonder if I’ve been underestimating him his entire life.
I smile at him. “Thank you, Matt.” I look at my mom. “Both of you.”
My mom beams with pride, then quickly recovers. “Don’t get all emotional again. You’ll ruin your makeup.”
Over the next hour, I learn a lot of new things from my brother.
Like what a “walk-and-talk” is. He has me walk along the shore while talking directly into his iPhone camera.
It makes me feel like I’m speaking only to Javier when I explain that I really care about him as a friend and feel horrible for misrepresenting my feelings for him.
It must come across as heartfelt as I meant it to because I notice my mom wiping tears out of her eyes as she watches us.
Then we shoot my apology to Ciara. Matt insists that the ocean should be behind me for this because it adds gravitas. After I speak sincerely into the camera, whatever I’ve done must meet Matt’s standards because he shouts, “Moving on!”
We change locations to film the part of the script I wrote for Madison, with the Malibu pier behind me in the distance.
No matter where we go, my mom hovers nearby, constantly fixing my hair and complaining about the wind in between takes.
I just shrug because honestly, as long as I don’t have to wear those damn fake glasses anymore, I’m happy.
Eventually we get what we need without hair covering my face, and we pick up a few other sound bites that Matt says he needs for voice-over. Finally, Matt directs me to sit in the sand so I can talk about my connection with Andrew.
“Actually, scooch a couple feet to your right,” Matt says while looking at the camera screen. “I want the dunes in the frame. They’re moody and evoke romance,” he says seriously.
I have to bite my tongue not to laugh. Despite our détente, I can’t help but tease him. “Did you learn all this that time you were a background extra on a Nickelodeon show?”
Matt laughs, but then admits, “I’ve been taking some classes.”
“Really? Where?”
“UCLA extension. Kind of like a continuing ed sort of thing.”
“That’s great, Matty.”
Matt shrugs, and it’s weird seeing my cocky brother act self-conscious for once. “It’s not like I’m going to film school or anything. Just a couple of production and directing classes.” He pauses for a beat before adding, “I guess I just want people to take me seriously for once.”
This hits me hard because I realize I’m part of the problem. “I’m sorry if I’m one of the people brushing you off as unserious. For what it’s worth, I think you have a real talent for this.”
“Thanks, Grace. That means a lot.”
Then I shudder. “Yep, still can’t get used to the whole apologizing to you thing.”
He laughs. Then I look over at my mom, who is discreetly snapping pictures of us.
“Mom!!” we both shout.
“It’s for my scrapbook!” she shouts back, unapologetically. “When I start scrapbooking.”
Matt and I shake our heads at her. Then I take a deep breath and try to compose myself.
This last part is what I’ve written for Andrew, and I want it to be perfect.
I close my eyes and picture his signature smirk.
It gives me butterflies just thinking of it.
It’s crazy how strong my feelings for him are when we’ve known each other such a short time.
Ironically, now that I’ve lost him, I can fully admit that I’m not ready to let him go.
Directing me, Matt says that the most important thing I can do is to be vulnerable.
Great. That feels about as natural as a tree frog in a pond.
But I want Andrew to know I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, so I crumple up my script.
If I’m going to let down my guard, I’m going to talk from the heart.
I open my eyes, take another deep breath, and try to win him back.
When we’re done filming, my mom sneaks back to her car, Matt and Blue start working their magic in the editing trailer, and I go back to hiding in my shack of shame.
The next three hours are the longest of my life.
I spend it texting with Cassie, pacing around the shack, and trying to remember the scientific names of all the insects I can find in the shack.
The highlight of my afternoon is finding a scarlet velvet ant, dasymutilla occidentalis.
The low point comes every time I think about Andrew.
Which is often. One of the PAs delivers food for me but leaves it outside the door, refusing to get anywhere near my “stomach bug” germs. Apparently the on-set doctor told everyone I’m contagious.
When Blue covers his tracks, he really covers them.
As I eat my cantaloupe—because of course it’s cantaloupe—I start to wonder what kind of debauchery everyone is getting into up at the mansion.
Blue told me that today there are new arrivals and more team competitions that involve couples’ yoga and a sexy limbo contest. While I’m grateful I don’t have to participate and humiliate myself on national TV again, I do miss the feeling of camaraderie with the other contestants and the pride I felt when I did something outside of my comfort zone.
Finally, under cover of darkness, Blue and Matt sneak down to my shack. “I can’t believe you guys were able to put this together so quickly,” I say as I pull them inside.
Matt queues up the video on his phone and says, “I wish we had more time, but for having no budget and sneaking B-roll—”
“He’s being modest,” Blue interrupts. “It’s fucking great.”
“Let’s let Grace be the judge of that,” Matt says as he hits play.
My face immediately fills the screen. Wow, it’s weird watching yourself. That’s what my voice sounds like?
But my self-consciousness fades as I watch how sincerely I address the camera.
“Hi, I’m Grace Lambert. You might know me as the Sexy Scientist, but please never call me that. I have a confession to make: I didn’t come on Love Shack for the right reasons. For starters, I didn’t come here to make friends. And yet I did.”
As I talk, the video cuts back and forth from me doing my confessional on the beach earlier today to footage of me laughing with Madison and Ciara in the pool. “I met two of the best friends a girl could ask for.” Then the video cuts to footage of us dancing together at the Angels and Devils party.
Matt edited together several close-ups of Madison for the next part as my voice-over continues: “Madison is one of the most compassionate, enterprising, and kind people I’ve ever met.
She has single-handedly started an amazing nonprofit that combats cyber-bullying.
” Then the video cuts to cute footage of her slow-dancing with TC.
“And she deserves to win the show. Not just because she shares her big heart with everyone she meets, but because she put it on the line for love.” The montage changes to a close-up of Madison and TC cuddling.
“And it actually worked. So please vote for her!”
Then the video switches seamlessly to footage of Ciara looking fierce in the sexy obstacle course.
My voice continues to narrate: “And then there’s Ciara, who taught me so many important lessons about confidence, the color pink, finding power in who you are, and not worrying about what others think.
Except I am worried about what she thinks.
I’m worried I ruined our friendship and broke her trust.”
Matt’s phone screen is now filled with a close-up of me in front of the ocean as I earnestly say, “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ciara.
I never meant for it all to unravel like this, and I promise I have a good explanation.
If you’ll give me the chance to meet up and tell you everything, I’ll do all the tequila shots you want.
” I laugh when I see that Matt has included footage of us clinking shot glasses together at the bar.
I look up at Matt and Blue, who are watching over my shoulder, clearly proud of their work. If my wet eyes are any indication, I am too. And I have to admit, the ocean did add gravitas.