Chapter Thirty-Six #2
The video then transitions to me walking along the beach as I tell the camera, “I also didn’t come here to make a connection with any guys.
And yet I did.” It cuts to footage of Javier and me laughing by the pool as my voice-over says, “Javier, you make me laugh, you’re so incredibly kind, and you always put me at ease.
You are one of my best friends on the show . . .”
Matt now appropriately cuts back to the close-up on me as I somberly say, “But unfortunately, that’s the only way I see you.
As a friend. It was unfair of me to lead you on just because I needed something else out of the show.
You deserve to find the most wonderful person, someone who loves you as hard as you love everyone around you.
I hope you too will give me a chance to explain this all in person. ”
Fuck, this is harder to watch than I thought. I pause the video for a minute to compose myself.
“You okay?” Blue asks as he hands me a tissue from the pocket of his cargo shorts. I wipe my eyes and nod. Then I take a deep breath and hit play on Matt’s phone.
The video of me sitting in the sand in front of the dunes pops up. I watch as I look straight into the camera and speak from the heart. “And lastly, I didn’t come on Love Shack to find love. I didn’t even think that was possible on a reality show.”
When the video cuts to footage of Andrew handing me the vegan granola bar, my breath catches. It’s jarring to watch this intimate moment unknowingly caught on tape. It’s also heartbreaking to see once again how handsome he is.
“While you haven’t been introduced to him, America, I finally met someone who I’d like to date in the real world. This is Andrew.”
My voice-over continues over background footage Blue somehow found of us laughing by the pool, flirting inside the mansion, and sneaking glances at each other on the beach.
“I’ve never been in love, so it’s hard for me to substantiate my hypothesis, but I do know I’ve never felt this way before.
I’ve never met someone who makes me laugh while also challenging me and at times pissing me off.
Who makes me feel safe but also flustered because he’s so handsome.
He’s not just easy to talk to, but he’s forgiving when I say things that maybe I shouldn’t.
And most importantly, I trust him with my vulnerable, inexperienced heart. ”
When the video cuts back to me sitting in front of the dunes, both the digital me and the real-life me have tears in their eyes.
“Andrew, I’m sorry for screwing this all up.
I might be worse at dating than I am at obstacle courses.
But if you have feelings for me too and can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d love to finally talk without having to dodge the cameras. ”
I gasp when I see the next video clip. It’s B-roll of Andrew bringing me ice. His eyes are full of concern until they meet mine and he smiles. It’s not just any smile. It’s a smile that lights up his whole face. I turn to Blue. “Is that really the way he looks at me?”
Blue nods, smiling at me. “Once you two stopped fighting all the time. Adorable, huh?”
I wipe a tear away as I watch the end of the montage.
On-screen, I’m sitting in the sand as I look into the camera and say, “I made a lot of mistakes on Love Shack, but I also learned a lot about myself. And especially about the kind of person I am and want to be. And unfortunately, some of the decisions you saw me make on TV don’t reflect this.
And while, legally, I’m not supposed to comment further, I will say that while reality shows aren’t real, my commitment to standing up to injustice is.
Thank you for your support on the show, America, but if you really want to support me, keep rooting and fighting for the underdog.
” I stand up, dust the sand off, and say, “But now it’s time for me to go back to real life . . . So, sorry, Love Shack, but I quit.”
Matt calls this my mic-drop moment, which he accentuates by playing the iconic part of the B-52s’ song “Love Shack,” when they say, “You’re what? Tin roof rusted!” Then he ends with footage of me walking off into the sunset by myself. I gotta hand it to him—it’s a strong finish.
“Sooo?” Matt prompts. He sounds nervous, as if my approval means a lot to him. Instead of answering, I launch myself at him and pull him into a hug.
“Thank you so much,” I whisper. Then I grab Blue and pull him in too. “Thank you both.”
“Don’t thank us yet,” Blue says. “We still need to sneak you out of here and make sure Shantae plays it for everyone at the theme party tonight.” Blue motions to my messy suitcase, and I quickly start gathering up my things. “Seriously? You had three hours, and you didn’t pack?”
Blue shakes his head at me while Matt asks, “What’s tonight’s theme?”
“Picture a casino . . . but sluttier,” Blue says with an eye roll. But I can tell it’s killing Matt that he can’t go.
As I shove last night’s clothes into my suitcase, I ask, “We’re still doing the coordinated launch, right?
” I sound like a participant in a military coup, not a repentant reality show contestant.
Neither is a title I ever thought I’d hold, and I can’t help but shake my head at the absurdity of the situation.
“Yep,” Matt says, snapping out of his casino party reverie. “Blue will forward the video to Kristina right after Shantae shows the contestants.”
“I’ll make it seem like we all got it at the same time,” Blue confirms. “I’ll also send it to Ciara and Andrew.”
Matt nods. “And once Kristina has it, Blue will text the family chain so everyone can post it on their socials, and I’ll add it to all of your accounts.”
“Wait, there’s a family text chain? And Blue’s on it but I’m not?” I scoff. Blue pats my head patronizingly.
Just then it sinks in how public this all is, and I start to have second thoughts. “Do we really have to post it on social media where everyone can see it? Why can’t we just send it to the people I have to make amends with?”
Matt and Blue exchange exasperated looks. Matt turns to me. “Grace, you know how important visibility and awareness are for us right now. The more people we drive to your page, the more people we can hit up for donations. And America loves a redemption story.”
I roll my eyes. I’ve certainly learned a lot about “what America loves” this week.
“Plus,” Blue adds, “we need a grand romantic gesture to win Andrew back. Just telling him you like him isn’t grand.
You need to think bigger. Like public-declaration-of-affection bigger.
” Even his saying that makes me break out in hives.
But I guess going out of my comfort zone is one way to prove how sorry I am.
I sigh and put my faith in my family and my blue-haired friend. “Okay, let’s do this.” And with that, Blue heads off to find Shantae and Matt sneaks me and my one suitcase out of the “Love Shack.” As we drive away, I take one last look back at the mansion and sigh. “Well, here goes everything.”