Forty-Four
CHAPTER
Hopeless.
This was hopeless.
All afternoon, I had been trying to give Zathrian the handkerchief I made him. Every time I tried, he was pulled away on important matters.
At breakfast, he was pulled away for a meeting with Viotto.
After breakfast, he was in meetings up until lunch that I couldn’t interrupt because they were ‘regarding important matters that I do not need to worry about’.
At lunch, he was pulled away into the city of Polaris for whatever reason.
After lunch, he had a meeting followed by a public appearance as well as a speech regarding advancements and improvements for the upcoming city renovations.
And this afternoon, he was pulled away by Viotto. Again!
It was hopeless.
Letting out an exasperated sigh of defeat, I slumped into the bench. The handkerchief was in my hands. I sat there, staring down at it.
Why is this so hard?
Why couldn’t I just tell him how I felt? It wasn’t like he would reject me. Every morning when I woke up, he smothered me in cuddles and kisses, and he did the same thing every night when I fell asleep in his arms.
He loved me.
I knew he did.
The Bond was there all hours of the day.
The warmth and sense of longing he felt for me whenever we were apart was the same that I felt, always.
He sent warmth through the Bond regularly and never left me wondering if he was thinking of me or not.
At least, until recently. Lately, he had been so busy.
Time kept ticking by and he couldn’t stop and enjoy the moment.
He was too worried about the future to focus on the present, and what was right in front of him in both a literal and metaphorical sense.
“Starshine!” Zathrian called out enthusiastically.
I nearly jumped out of my own skin when I heard his voice. Quickly, I hid the handkerchief, turning in the direction of where I heard him.
Was he looking for me?
I squinted, peering across the courtyard. Perhaps now was my chance. I quickly rose to my feet, rushing toward him. The stride in my step was twice as big as what they were on a regular day. I was nearly out of breath, and just about to close the distance between us.
“Zathrian!” I called out with a smile.
His arms were wide open. I rushed to him, hugging him tightly.
He hugged me in return, his hands gliding to my shoulders.
Zathrian’s thumbs gently kneaded the flesh on my shoulders, rolling through the soft fabric of my dress as he gazed down at me affectionately with those dazzling blue eyes of his.
“Do you have a minute? It’s important,” I said hesitantly, despite how urgent it really was to me that I told him.
I had to. I couldn’t keep putting it off. My heart was going to explode just standing here.
“I am so sorry, Aerilyn, I really am. Whatever you need to tell me is important but, you are going to have to tell me later. Mateo and I have business at the Mountain that we can’t be late for.” He kissed my temple.
Mateo looked at me apologetically. “But Zathrian, it’s really important. Please, it will only take—”
“I’m sorry, I really have to go. We are already late as is.” He stepped back. Mateo opened the pouch of stardust and before I could get in another word, they were already gone.
“—just a moment,” I sighed.
Defeat and disappointment washed over me in a tidal wave so large it was almost suffocating. I was drowning despite standing on dry land. Shadowy tendrils nearly manifested around me, but I managed to suppress them.
It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Another time, surely. If I kept telling myself that, then maybe I would believe it.
Another exasperated sigh parted from my lips.
This really was hopeless.
Hearing footsteps, I turned to see Akira and Celeste looking at me the same way Mateo did. I shook my head, turning in the opposite direction before making my way down the moonstone path, not wanting to talk to them. I would much rather be alone.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe he would reject the Mate Bond.