Chapter 26
STELLA
I hoped he wouldn’t make me ask again.
Thankfully, he didn’t.
He slipped his hand inside my underwear, sliding his fingers down until he found the slick wetness between my thighs. As he dragged his finger along the seam of me, we both moaned.
There was no way I was in Hell, because this was too perfect. This wasn’t a punishment. This was a reward. He eased one finger in, and I squirmed above him. I grabbed his shoulders, my eyes wide, only to close them when he added a second finger, fucking me slowly with his hand.
‘Is that what you needed?’ he murmured. ‘Is that it all it would’ve taken for you to be this pliable in my hands on day one? I would’ve fucked you with my fingers a long time ago if I’d known this would be the reaction.’
I pushed my hips against his palm with his next thrust, and shuddered, murmuring something incoherent about torture. This was the best kind of torture I could think of.
He picked up speed, my core tightening around him. I didn’t want to come anywhere other than around his cock, not when we were finally so close, but just one wouldn’t hurt, would it? Just one, while I let myself go, shattering on his fingers.
‘Come for me, Bambi. I’m right here. Just let it all go, and show me how pretty you look when you come.’
I moaned, a vice grip on his shoulders to keep myself upright through the building pleasure.
He moved his fingers harder, faster, and I wasn’t sure I was even in the same realm any more.
I opened my eyes, desperate to see his perfect face.
My orgasm crashed into me, a tidal wave I couldn’t stop, and I trembled and swore while he held me.
He didn’t stop, fucking me slowly with his fingers, taking me through every last drop of my pleasure.
Every part of my body was soft, pliant. I’d never felt so at peace.
He materialized a blanket out of nowhere, laid me down on the grass, removed the rest of my clothes – and his – until we were both bare, exposed beneath the sun and moon, fighting for space in the false sky.
He was flawless, every part of him carved of marble, perfection created from brimstone.
I reached my arms above my head, enjoying the way the stretch went through my entire body, and a thousand emotions rushed through his gaze.
I watched each one, raising my hand to rest gently on his cheek.
He whispered something I couldn’t quite make out.
He trailed his soft hands down my shoulders, pressed kisses across my sternum, my soft belly, my thighs.
I wanted to memorize every touch he gave me, every gentle caress, just in case I was dreaming, so that I could replicate this dream tomorrow, and the next night, and every night until I ceased to exist.
I tangled my hands in his hair with a quiet moan as his kisses dipped lower, and lower still, until he gripped the flesh of my thighs in his hands.
‘Damien,’ I murmured.
He lifted his head up, his gaze barely lucid. I put that look there. ‘Bambi?’
‘I feel like it’s always been you.’
I needed to tell him how I truly felt. Needed to get the words out, let them be free, if only for tonight at least. Tonight, I’d speak my truth.
Until he whispered back, voice filled with reverence and something close to gratitude, ‘Stella, I think I only exist because of you. For you.’
His words filled me with shock. Satisfaction. The purest form of joy I could imagine.
Before I could respond, he pressed a light kiss against my clit.
I cried out, rocking under his hands, and he gripped me tighter. ‘Shush, be still. I’ll give you what you need.’
His tongue swept through my desire, and I couldn’t stop the moan from leaving my lips.
He pressed my hips down flat as he alternated licking and teasing my clit with fucking me with his tongue.
‘You taste exactly like I imagined she would – like perfection, like a dream,’ he murmured, his words captivating nearly as much as his worshipping did.
He alternated driving me to the brink with ludicrous words of praise.
His tongue drove against me.
‘I could go down on you for an eternity.’
A kiss.
‘You’re my new favorite meal.’
He sucked my clit into his mouth, and I nearly broke.
‘I have been desperate for you since the first time I laid eyes on you.’
A tightness built deep in me, my release rising up once more. I cried out beneath him, moaning, trying to move my hips against him, desperate for more friction, more something, but he kept me flat as he licked and sucked.
‘You’re close, aren’t you, love? So close.’ Another swipe of his tongue, and I cried out, lost. ‘But you’re not coming yet, no. The next time you come will be around my cock.’
Please, I wanted to say. Please. Fill me.
Fuck me. Make me whole. I pulled his shoulders up, wanting to see him, to look him in the eyes.
His eyes were wild in the best way – wild for me.
Finally, I got the words out. ‘Please. I need to feel you inside me. I feel like I’ve waited forever, and it’s driving me crazy. ’
He laughed quietly, pulling away slightly. ‘Stella, you have no fucking idea.’
I pulled him close, desperate for him to be closer, inside me, until he was finally pressed against me once more, notching his cock at my soaked entrance.
‘You’re sure?’ he whispered.
I nodded frantically. ‘Hurry.’
Except he had no plans on hurrying. He was determined to torture me, I was sure.
He sank his cock into my wet heat, slowly, luxuriously, inch by inch, his moans and mine mingling in the late afternoon, until finally, he was fully inside me.
I was stretched in the most delicious way, and I never wanted it to end.
‘Fuck, Stella,’ he swore. ‘You feel so damn good. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do this.
How am I supposed to move on from this?’ He was rambling, unable stop the words from spilling out as he began to thrust into me.
Deeper and harder, both of us wanting to blur the lines between where I ended and he began.
I rocked my hips against him, meeting him each time he thrust into me. Every inch of him was pleasure and pain. ‘Damien, I— You— This—’
‘I know.’ He arched his hips to hit a spot that made my moans turn into the gentlest sighs and cries. ‘This is all I’ve ever wanted from this forsaken life. This. You. Us. I never want to leave this sweet pussy. I’m going to stay here forever. Going to fuck you forever.’
I want the same, I thought. Don’t ever leave.
The moon and sun bore witness to our words, taking in everything and saying nothing. The most real moment of my life, set beneath something artificial.
But it was going to end too quickly, and I needed to do something. I pushed at his shoulders, until he realized what I wanted, rolling us over until I sat up, straddling him. From this angle, he was even deeper. Bigger.
I blinked, steadying myself on his chest, my hips moving mindlessly, seeking their own release as I struggled to find control. Damien blinked up from underneath me, spellbound by my every move.
‘Yes,’ he murmured. ‘Show me how you take control. You’ve always had it.’
He was the first person to ever give me back control of my life, as I stumbled along, lost, desperately trying to find my footing again. He gave it to me, in every way he could, and every way he shouldn’t.
‘Oh. Oh. Oh!’ He pressed his hands into my hips, helping me along, never once taking his eyes off me.
I began fucking myself in earnest, chasing my release, circling my hips, lifting myself up and driving myself back down on his cock.
With every passing moment, I gained confidence in my movements, desperate for us both to find release.
I could feel my orgasm building, and Damien wasn’t far behind, driving up into me every time I sank down. My eyes fluttered closed as I began to lose control, and I wanted us to fall over that edge together. He was losing his rhythm, close to breaking.
Pleasure rocked through me, filling every cell in my body as my orgasm tore through me.
‘Good girl,’ Damien murmured as I moaned, rocking harder into me. ‘Good fucking girl.’
Then he stilled, calling my name as he found his own release before I’d even stopped trembling.
He gripped me so hard, I was sure I’d have bruises, the pleasure rolling over me in waves. This was what this life was all about.
This moment, right here.
I leaned forward, and he reached for me, pressing me down to him as we laid on the soft blanket in grass, breathing slowly. I rested my hand on his cheek with the lightest touch, and he laid his hand on top of it, keeping me there.
The stars had never seemed so close. I reached out with one hand, half-expecting to be able to grab one, store it in a jar on my shelf. A memory of tonight of the gentle, reverent way he touched me.
‘Stella.’
I rolled onto my side, resting my hand on his face. He leaned into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment.
‘What are we going to do?’ I murmured.
‘I’ll figure it out. Trust me.’ Damien looked so sure, I wanted to believe him.
I must have been lost in thought, because his finger and thumb were on my chin, dragging my attention back to him.
‘What are you thinking?’ he whispered.
I offered a small smile in return. ‘You really should learn to read minds.’
‘Believe me, I’ve never wished I could as badly as I have since you came home.’
Home. Huh. The word left a gentle warmth in my chest.
‘I just…’ I glanced up at the stars again, easier than staring into his eyes when confessing truths.
‘I need something to believe in, Damien. Anything. Because you keep telling me to believe, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe in any more.
’ I tossed my hands out to the stars, my chest heaving.
I was certain I was going to split into two pieces if the words sticking to my chest weren’t said.
‘This life has chewed me up and spat me out, and the whole time, people told me to keep smiling. To keep looking on the bright side. And I have, I really have. But I’m tired.
I’m tired of having to keep it all together when every time I glue myself back together, another piece gets broken off.
I’m more glue than person at this point.
So if you know what I’m supposed to believe in, if you have a real answer for me, please, I’m all ears. ’
I sucked in a deep breath, and rested my head back on the grass. When I looked to the side, Damien was watching me with his dark eyes, picking me apart.
The truth bubbled to the tip of my tongue before I could stop it. ‘I don’t know if there’s anything left of me worth saving.’ Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried my face into my hands, the tears I had been keeping in finally escaping.
Damien pulled my hands away from my face.
Grabbing my chin between his fingers, he dragged my face up to look into his eyes.
‘You believe in yourself, Stella. You’ve gotten yourself this far, haven’t you?
You’ve survived things that people far weaker than you wouldn’t have even attempted.
But you’re still here, and Grace is still here, and this world is a far better place with you in it.
I’m living proof of that. Life threw everything it had at you, and yet you still show up every day with a smile on this pretty face of yours.
’ He wiped away the silent tears streaming down my face as I watched him, captivated, unsure where he had been keeping all of this.
‘And when you’re tired, and don’t think you can believe in yourself for a moment longer, then you believe in me.
I’ll carry you when you’re tired. I’ll pick you up when you fall.
I’ll protect you with every bone in my body.
I just ask that you don’t lose hope in the world you’ve put so much effort into. ’
‘I think…’ I trailed off, trying to find the words I was looking for. ‘I think that’s what upsets me the most. My life was supposed to be over when I got here, and instead, I feel like it’s only just started, and now it’s being ripped away from me right as I’m finding my footing.’
‘I’m pretty sure that goes for anyone, whether you’re in Hell or not.’ He smiled, lines creasing around his eyes. ‘Right when you think you have a handle on things, everything changes.’
He stared into my eyes, and I found words, impossible words, on the tip of my tongue. They were right there. I just had to tell him. He’d understand them all, even if they weren’t the right ones.
But I didn’t speak them aloud. I didn’t want to. Because for the first time in my life, I wanted something to be absolutely perfect.