8. Keondra Daily #3
“Maybe we should stop while we’re ahead.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“If kids are something you want, and we decide to take this further, that’s something I can’t give you.”
Realization set in. Silent tears stained Colony’s mocha cheeks.
Making my way over to her, I draped my arms around her neck, and she buried her face into my chest. I silently prayed over her while she released her pain.
With her line of work, I could only imagine how painful it was for her.
She carried it so well, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t heavy for her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered against my chest.
I kissed the top of her head. “Don’t apologize, Colony.”
“That’s another hard topic for me to talk about, but after witnessing how you are with Kehlani, the thought kept crossing my mind.
I know y’all went through some tough shit, but it’s plain as day that you have more than enough love to give.
” She leaned back and looked at me. “I’m really feeling you, Keondra.
This wave we’re on is nice, but I wanted to be up front with you.
I’m not sure if you’re feeling what I’m feeling, and I know it’s soon, but I can see a future with you. I can see this going somewhere.
“Before we got too deep, I wanted to be real with you. I know for some people, children are a deal breaker. I’d never want to be the reason something in your life isn’t fulfilled.”
Gently, I kissed her lips. “Like I said, I’m not pressed about it.
Kehlani fulfils something in me that doesn’t need replenishing.
Would it be nice to have another child? Yes.
Is it a deal breaker? No. A deal breaker for me would be a woman not loving Kehlani.
Any relationship I step into, she’s at the forefront of my mind.
Before we even started this, you loved her.
Your intentions with her have been pure, so it makes it easier for me to take these steps with you.
“I’m with you, Colony. I can see us taking strides to be in this for the long haul.
Our values and needs align. We vibe well, and the sex is .
. .” I let out a low whistle, picturing her legs wrapped around my face again.
“All in all, we’re not stopping anything because you wouldn’t be able to give me a child.
Maybe that’s a reason God blessed me with one ahead of time.
Maybe that’s the reason He allowed you to fall in love with her before we ever connected. Everything happens for a reason.”
The topic at hand was sensitive, and I was glad Colony felt comfortable opening up to me.
I wanted to know more, but I wasn’t sure if digging any deeper would help.
I didn’t know if she would be triggered, or how it would affect her, so I’d follow her lead.
I’d allow her to speak more on it whenever she was ready.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Colony wrapped her arms around me and admitted, “I’m glad I shared that with you. You don’t know how much better I feel talking about it.”
“And I’m glad you shared it with me. I can imagine it wasn’t easy.”
“It wasn’t, but it was needed.” After a few slow, deep breaths, she explained, “I had fibroids. They did my body wrong. I was tired of being in pain, and after a while, I had no choice but to have a full hysterectomy. The decision wasn’t easy, especially at the age of twenty-five.
Everyone who knows me knows I’ve always loved kids.
I’ve always wanted a big family. Biologically, it wasn’t possible.
With Center of Love, I’m able to claim all the kids as mine and send them home at the end of the day. ”
Colony giggled, which made the air around us lighter. She seemed at peace with it, and that was what mattered the most.
“Damn, Colony. I’m sorry. I hate you had to do something so life changing just to relieve yourself from pain.”
“It is what it is. I accepted it long ago. God gave me many children in a different way. The only thing I can focus on is being grateful to still be here and spread the love I have to give.”
“That’s the best way to look at it.”
Getting to know Colony was easier than I thought. In the beginning, I found myself overthinking. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, and deep down, I’d trained myself to think the worst. My mindset was if I prepared for it that it wouldn’t affect me as much if it did happen.
Demetria made me like that.
I no longer wanted her to have that hold on me.
The feelings I’d harbored for her over the years prevented me from living life.
It prevented me from exploring my options and finding love, all because I never again wanted to experience the pain she’d inflicted on me.
I never wanted Kehlani to experience it, but Colony .
. . Colony gave me hope. In the short amount of time we’d been talking to get to know one another, she’d made a huge impact on me.
Colony was slowly but surely working her way into my heart, tearing my walls down, and all I could do was pray she didn’t fuck me up along the way.