Chapter 40 – Kendall
The walls were closing in on Kendall. Guilt and regret lived inside of her, but after her talk with Mortician, a sense of vindication, too. If only for a little while, she’d been enough. Even if Mortician was too drunk to remember their lovemaking.
It didn’t matter. She remembered. She also recalled the hell Johnnie had put her through for weeks. The accusations. The forced sex. The lies and the drama.
The solace she’d found in Mortician’s arms gave her the strength to endure a little longer.
Yet she needed to confide in someone. Roxy hadn’t confronted her and that too stole some of Kendall’s peace.
But her predominant emotions were aimed at her husband.
Remorse and shame. She couldn’t believe she’d actually slept with another man, even if that man was Mortician.
She’d cried herself to sleep in an unfamiliar bed, surrounded by peeling paint and a moldy smell.
This morning, she’d called Ella and asked her to see the kids off to school, only then realizing she hadn’t told Ella she was leaving.
A knock sounded on her door and she glanced up, knowing it was Meggie and debating on answering.
She’d given Meggie the address to her motel, the same one where Molly had been found, but Kendall was so frightened of what Meggie would say.
Undoubtedly, she knew. That was the only reason she insisted on a visit.
“Kendall?” Meggie called. “Are you awake?”
Biting her lip, Kendall turned and glanced at the door with hope, then wilted again. She couldn’t bear Meggie’s judgment.
“I know what happened, love,” she confirmed quietly. “Christopher told me.”
Of course Outlaw knew. Mortician was his best friend and Outlaw had found her underneath the tree. He’d probably checked the cameras and put it all together himself. He must be so disgusted with her.
“I just want to check on you.”
Not wasting another minute, Kendall hurried from the creaky bed and stumbled to the door. The moment she unlocked and opened it, Meggie held out her arms.
“Oh, Meggie,” she said, bending and embracing her friend. “What have I done?”
Meggie hugged her. Tightly. Warmly. With the kindness and understanding of a sister.
Kendall guided Meggie in, then locked the door. They walked to the bed and sat next to each other. Meggie grabbed Kendall’s hand.
“I’ve never been in your position, sweetheart, so I’m afraid anything I say will sound oversimplified or dismissive. Why don’t you talk and I listen?”
“What can I say? I betrayed my husband.”
“Your husband betrayed you months ago, Kendall. Maybe not with another woman but with deception and manipulation.”
Meggie didn’t know the half of it.
“Bailey devastated Mortician,” she continued.
“He loves her, though. Because of me I made him betray her.”
Hugging her, Meggie pulled Kendall close and urged her head onto her shoulder. “You didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do. Get that out of your head. He had free will and he used it as he saw fit.”
Kendall still wasn’t convinced that she wasn’t a dirty cheater.
“I’ve been planning to leave. It turned into more than just threats of divorce,” she admitted, revealing her trips to Nampa, the offer she’d made on that house, and her meetings with Anne Phillips.
She stood, pacing as she talked, appreciating that Meggie didn’t interrupt her.
“But Johnnie warned me if I left, he’d use my depression and suicide attempt against me,” she finished.
“Then never let me see the kids. My children are everything to me. I can’t lose them. ”
“My only suggestion is talk to Christopher.”
“What can I say to him? I’m humiliated enough.”
“Maybe he’ll convince Johnnie to leave. Somehow.”
“Your jokes aren’t helping, Megan Caldwell,” Kendall said with a nervous laugh, not liking her ominous tone.
Meggie sniffed and folded her arms. “Why should we lose you and keep him? You belong with us. You want us. You need us. You’re ours.”
“Even if I’ve corrupted Mortician?”
“Stop it this instant! Johnnie manifested what happened by constantly opening his big, stupid mouth. You didn’t corrupt Mortician and you gave Johnnie just what he deserved. He has emotionally cheated on you for years.”
With Meggie. Wilting, Kendall plopped next to Meggie again. The room was just a little box, not big enough to contain the magnitude of her problems.
“I’m sorry, Kendall. I’m so sorry I had any role in your pain.”
“It isn’t your fault,” she said dully. “You love Outlaw.”
“About the only person who can’t see how much you love Johnnie is that raging idiot.”
“We had gotten to a good place until…” Voice trailing, she made an arc with her hand.
There was no need to mention Bash. Both she and Meggie knew that was when things began unraveling in everyone’s lives.
“I just wanted my Johnnie back. I guess you think I’m a fool, considering all Johnnie has done to me and everyone else. ”
“What I think isn’t important, love,” Meggie said gently. “But, for what it’s worth, I know what it means to so completely love a man. Christopher is my everything. Johnnie is yours.”
“Shouldn’t that be was?”
“It should be whatever you want it to be.”
“I don’t know what to do—”
“Come back home. Today. Tomorrow. Whenever you’re ready.
Send Johnnie back to the club, wait a week, then file for legal separation.
If he wants to save the marriage, he won’t take any further action.
He can’t bar you from this house because he’ll already be out of it.
Maybe Rory will find a room at the club, but Mattie, JJ, and Blade will be here.
They’ll see him every day if they choose to. ”
“That’s a sound plan.”
“You will have the house and the kids, and we’ll have you. Your marriage will be in your hands. Meanwhile, you can come to terms with you and Mortician and Johnnie can either straighten up or lose you.” She cocked her head to the side. “But I have a question.”
“I’m listening.”
“Do you want to have an affair with Mortician or was this just two people who love and respect one another coming together in a time of need?”
“Mortician is a very, very, very, very good lover.”
“Better than Johnnie?” Meggie said, laughing.
“No.” Kendall grinned. “Maybe a little. Slightly. That bitch is a lucky woman.”
“Bailey’s in rehab, Kendall. Ease up on her.”
“Fuck her. Do you know she threatened to call the cops on Mortician?”
“She did what?”
Kendall nodded and told Meggie what she remembered of Mortician’s story, the bits and pieces that had slowly come back to her over the past hours.
“I can’t believe Bailey would put him at risk like that.”
“She’s lost her fucking mind,” Kendall fumed.
“Omigod, poor Mort!”
“I know Johnnie put a lot in Bailey’s head, but she’d already started to treat Mort like shit and used Harley as an excuse.”
“Coming from a woman who had a father who put the club before her—”
“That’s not a fucking excuse, Meggie. Roxy adores Bailey. And if you’re about to say, Mort did the same, Outlaw is in the club and you are his priority.”
“There have been times when club business came first. What Christopher wouldn’t do is put the wives of his friends before me. However, sometimes Mort advises us instead of being with Bailey. Of course she feels unimportant to him.”
“Boo. The reasonable Meggie sucks. She’s too forgiving.”
“I’m not excusing her threat to have Mortician arrested. I’m just saying I understand why she started to spiral. But me, CJ, and Mort were her favorite targets. Had I extended kindness to her, she would’ve rejected it. Anyway, you still haven’t answered if you want to sleep with him again.”
“I can’t allow myself to go there,” Kendall whispered, the light moment evaporating. “Johnnie and Mortician are brothers. That would start another battle within the club. One that Mortician couldn’t win because, as far as everyone’s concerned, I’m Johnnie’s woman.”
“Whatever you do, I’ll support you.”
“Roxy wouldn’t.”
“Bailey’s her daughter.”
Tears rushed to Kendall’s eyes. “Do you think she hates me?”
“Have you called her or spoken to her since you left her house?”
“No.”
“You’re in a state today, love. Call her tomorrow—”
“Maybe you and I can have coffee with her tomorrow—”
“It has to be really early,” Meggie interrupted. “Christopher and I are leaving for the cabin tomorrow afternoon.”
“I forgot. When you return, then.”
“I might come back Saturday. It’s Axel’s birthday. I feel so bad about being away. I’ve never missed my children’s birthday. Rebel is planning a party for him at the club, but—”
“But nothing. Stay at the cabin with your husband. You deserve the break. Axel understands.” Kendall settled an arm around Meggie’s shoulder.
“You’ll make it up to him. Or I can dress and we can go to Portland and buy out the stores.
With every gift you buy, leave him a short, personal note, telling him how much you love him and wishing him happy birthday. ”
“Jo is coming home Monday, so we can also pick out more baby clothes for her.”
“So that’s a yes?”
“Yep.”