Chapter 43 – CJ
Puffing on his cigarette, CJ glanced at the dark emptiness below him, high above from the pedestrian deck at Turn Creek Bridge.
He didn’t have a change of clothes to dive nor did he want to ruin Mom’s leather seats.
Dad would have a lot to say about that. Besides, he wasn’t sure how the water might affect him. At least the pain was receding.
The sun had set about an hour ago. Without lights on the bridge, it was dark. He couldn’t even see the water. Maybe he’d talk to his parents and ask them to meet with the city managers. Safety should be a top priority. However, it was rare he was here this late, so maybe it didn’t matter.
His date with Harley crossed his mind. Overwhelmed, he leaned against the deck wall and thought of both Harley and Skye. He cursed. Winced. Fucking blushed because he wasn’t sure what to do.
He puffed again, tired. He had homework.
And if he didn’t get home soon, his mother would be frantic.
However, he needed time to himself to think.
The house was always a beehive of activity.
Once he got to his room, he’d have privacy.
First, though, he’d need to greet Mom and Dad.
Or text him if he wasn’t there. Axel would have comments.
He’d probably have to eat supper with the family.
He…
Light cut through the darkness, bouncing off the steel beam, then his head. He squinted at the brightness and glanced over his shoulder.
The light disappeared long enough for Ryan to turn it toward himself and reveal his identity.
CJ took a drag of his cigarette and released the smoke around the words, “What, Ryan?”
“What the fuck do you mean ‘what’, cuck?”
“I mean what are you doing here?”
Ryan leaned against the deck wall, right next to him, smelling of grass, sweat, and musk. Smelling of football. “You go missing for fucking hours and you don’t expect Uncle Christopher to tap Satan himself to search for you, fuckhead?”
CJ straightened, alarmed. “I expected him to think I was at practice.”
“Apparently, he’s been calling you and you haven’t responded.”
“I forgot my fucking phone at home.”
“When you realized that, you should’ve found one of us or gone to the office so someone could bring that motherfucker to you and avoid situations like this.”
Scowling, CJ pitched his cigarette into the water, thinking of Skye. Thinking of his pettiness. “Maybe I need time to myself.”
“You have a big ass house you can hide in, beta. Don’t be a whiny fucking baby.”
“Fuck off,” CJ scoffed, glad he’d come to his fucking senses.
That bite helped things along. What girl gave a blowjob if she didn’t know what the fuck she was doing?
The heat of embarrassment rushed through him.
Thank fuck Ryan had turned off his phone’s flashlight.
“You don’t understand the fucking gauntlet I have to go through—”
“Poor, poor CJ. He has to go in his fucking house when there’s a pool house that’s like a mini apartment. Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopher wouldn’t disturb you and they wouldn’t allow anyone else to do so either. They just want to make sure you’re safe. Stop being a selfish, spoiled prick.”
“I fucking resent that.”
“Do you really think I give a fuck, cuck? Sure don’t. I’m not here to baby you. You don’t want to talk to me?” He paused a moment. “I don’t care about that either. I’ll let Uncle Christopher know you’re safe.”
CJ wanted Ryan to walk away. Yet…he couldn’t. He’d been the petty, unfair one. Not only to Ryan, but Skye and Harley. “Wait, Ryan. Don’t…fuck…stay.”
Silence ensued, the awkwardness because of CJ’s shitty mood.
“How’d you find me?”
A lighter flicked, the flame flaring and lighting Ryan’s cigarette. “You know, fuckhead, you have too much of a conscience to be like me.”
“What the fuck’s that’s supposed to mean?”
The cherry glowed bright red in the pitch black. Ryan blew smoke in CJ’s face.
He coughed.
“Exactly what I said, beta. I know you were at Skye’s place. Grant went there. She had a very interesting story about going down on you and biting you since it was her first time doing oral.”
CJ’s mouth fell open. “She told him that?” he gasped, appalled. No, fuck. Beyond appalled. Outraged. Disgusted. “Why the fuck would she open her fucking mouth…pause,” he snapped at Ryan’s roar of laughter.
“Apparently not wide enough.”
Blindly, CJ threw a punch, not appeased when Ryan grunted but didn’t stop laughing. “Stop with the fucking jokes, asshole.”
“Nope.” This time, Ryan turned his head to release the smoke. “This will live in infamy. Thanks for taking one for the team, bro. I will keep her mouth away from my cock.”
“You still plan to sleep with her?”
“Nope. I plan to fuck her, leave, and sleep in my bed.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“You didn’t want Skye until I told you I did, so who exactly is the asshole between us? Get off your high Caldwell horse and look at the fucking man in the mirror, dickhead.”
Motherfucker had a lot of nerve. “Rise up from the shit you’re mired in and stop fucking over girls. You promised you were changing.”
“What I did to Molly, Harley, Rebel, and Mattie is completely different from wanting to hook-up with Skye, CJ. They’re not even remotely the same.
Learn to pick your fucking battles. I will regret my actions with them for the rest of my fucking life.
I don’t know how to make it up to them, but I sure the fuck won’t spend my days locked in a box for something I can’t change, despite how sorry I am.
Life doesn’t work like that. This life doesn’t work like that. ”
“Club life has nothing to do with you wanting to fuck Skye.”
“No,” Ryan agreed. “I want to fuck her for the same reason you do. She’s a hot girl and I want to be with her.”
“You just see her as a notch on your belt.”
“At least I’m honest about it. No, I’m honest about sex in general. I don’t need feelings involved. You’re acting like it’s the end of the fucking world.”
“It isn’t only because of her,” CJ gritted, because Ryan, forever an unfeeling asshole, didn’t get it.
“It’s because of Harley, too.”
He still didn’t get it. “And you, fuckhead.”
“Please, motherfucker. It’s because of you.
You’re above such pettiness. You aren’t me.
You’re disappointed in yourself. Aunt Meggie expects better from you.
Insert any holier-than-thou statement that pleases you.
When I wouldn’t care if you had fucked her.
I’d congratulate you and ask how good she was.
It’s nothing but sex, CJ. I’m not competing with you for her.
You want her? You can have her. But I will fuck her.
She isn’t Molly. Or Harley. I will never let another girl get close to me like that. ”
“You were an asshole to both of them.”
“I could’ve treated Molly better. I wish I had. But I’ve done a little soul-searching, too.”
“You’re a month from seventeen. What type of soul-searching do you need to do?”
The cherry made an arc as Ryan flicked the cigarette away.
“Forever a blind mouse. I traumatized four girls and almost got Molly killed. Watching Diesel interrogate a motherfucker and throw him into the fucking crematorium before telling me if I ever hurt Rebel that would be me is an experience I never want to repeat.”
Period. The end. Exclamation point. There was nothing to add to that since words wouldn’t ever compare. CJ hadn’t lived through Diesel’s form of torture and just thinking of it sent chills down his spine.
“I could’ve been seven and I would’ve searched my soul, your soul, and the soul of a motherfucker on a street to never face Diesel’s wrath.
I had to see the suspicion and the pain in my mom’s eyes, while she wondered if I had anything to do with what was going on.
With her history. My dad still barely talks to me, so what the fuck do you mean what type of soul searching should I do? ”
“You’re more afraid of Diesel than my dad?”
“Yeah, CJ. I’ll take a bullet to the head any day over Diesel’s crazy.
If he were the enforcer, I’d actually pity our enemies.
He’s a straight-up sadist. But you know this already.
At this point, you’re talking about him just to talk.
It hasn’t sunk in yet, despite the thousand times it’s been said? ”
CJ thought of Rebel, and how she felt. Or had felt.
For a while, she’d hated Diesel. Dude was over-the-top when he felt wronged.
No, all the time. His intensity was just too much for Rebel, no matter how CJ might’ve felt a few weeks ago.
Hopefully, Diesel married Jana, and Rebel and Kaia worked out.
“You talk about my soul searching? What about your existential crisis? You’re caught between wanting to be like your dad and wanting to be that kid that clung to Aunt Meggie.
What about just being you, CJ? You won’t please everyone.
You can’t please everyone. I like you. That should be enough.
You don’t have to martyr yourself on my behalf, you dumb asshole. ”
Since CJ couldn’t see Ryan, Ryan couldn’t see his flare of surprise.
“Yeah, cuck. Easton called Uncle Christopher. Dude wants you and me to battle it out for quarterback.”
“I beg your fucking pardon?” How the fuck had Ryan discovered so much information while CJ escaped for time to himself? “Who told you that?”
“Easton, fuckhead. Grant isn’t the only one looking for you. Your dad called in the cavalry.”
“Fuck,” CJ huffed.
“Yeah, the golden boy is missing.”
Ryan’s amused tone pulled a smile from CJ.
“You know how they say the grass is always greener on the other side?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I was in my fucking feelings about having to compete with you for the top spot, knowing you’d win.
Then when Coach Yancy said I’d still have to battle it out but with Davy Marksum, I regretted the fuck out of my resentment.
He’d pummel me just to show his strength, even though he’s a shoo-in.
You’d give me a fair shot and that got lost in… ” He sighed. “The past.”
CJ winced. “I’m sorry—”