Chapter 48 – Rory
“You know what I’ve realized,” Ryan started in the ensuing silence of Mattie’s departure, walking to Rory and clamping his hand on his shoulder.
“My dad is so content and Uncle Christopher is so effective because of teamwork. I always looked at it as if it diminished Dad, so whatever role I played would diminish me, too. Until a crisis comes and everyone bands together. Have their voices heard. That carries weight and makes them important, even if it seems they play a minor role.”
“You as sage is a new concept,” Rory said, chuckling.
“It’s better than you as a Johnnie apologist, evader and denier,” Ryan retorted.
CJ turned a disapproving look to Rory—the ones he usually directed at Ryan.
“I’ve already apologized,” Rory reminded them. “That must mean something. CJ’s here.”
“It doesn’t mean what the fuck you think it means, dickhead,” CJ snapped.
Grant rocked on his feet and Ryan’s lips tightened.
“I-I tried to tell you, CJ,” Rory started with hesitation.
“About my sister, Harley, and Mattie?”
“Ryan was involved, too,” Rory cried, having no good response or excuse to CJ’s question as the doorbell rang again. “He’s back in your good graces.”
“He’s remorseful for what he did,” CJ pointed out. “You aren’t.”
“How do you know what I am? You won’t talk to me. You hate me, remember?”
“I don’t hate you, but I sure the fuck don’t trust you.”
“I was the one who asked DeLuca to help with Molly. Doesn’t that account for anything? There are gray areas, CJ. Everything isn’t black and white. People aren’t built that way.”
“You and that fuckhead sure aren’t. You don’t have goddamn gray areas. You two motherfuckers are vile, pitch black, and spineless.”
Rory deflated and his shoulders slumped. “I don’t know how else to ask for forgiveness. You won’t let me prove how sorry I am.”
Rubbing his eyes, CJ shrugged. He looked as if a great burden overwhelmed him. Once, he would’ve talked to Rory and told him whether it was more than the lateness of the hour. It was a school night and close to nine. CJ had been up for at least fifteen hours.
“What can I do, CJ? I’ll do anything for you to forgive me. Just name it.”
“Why don’t you start by apologizing to me?” Rebel said from the hallway as she walked into his room, slower than normal.
“Hello, death warmed over,” Ryan greeted.
“Hello, desiccated cretin,” Rebel returned.
Ryan smiled. “You look better. You’re even walking better. How are you feeling?”
“The pain isn’t as bad,” she said and made her way to Rory’s bed, the closest available seat. She sat, leaned, and grabbed her brother’s hand, tugging him to her and forcing him to sit. “I can’t stay long. Kaia’s waiting for me downstairs.”
“Mattie texted you, didn’t she?” CJ asked.
“And Momma…Momma talked to me last night before I went to sleep. She wants you and Rory to make up. I think she misses him.”
CJ sidled a glance at his sister. She nodded, then gazed at Rory with meaning before looking at her brother again as if she sent him a message.
She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You forgave me when I was a complete bitch. You forgave Harley when she was a complete bitch. And you forgave Ryan.”
“No ‘when he was a complete bitch’, Reb?” Ryan almost sounded disappointed. “You’re slipping.”
“You were a motherfucker, which we’ve already established,” Rebel said, then waved at Grant. “Have you come to your senses, doofus?”
“I take it you mean about the meth lab?” Grant asked, more of an interested spectator than an active participant.
Rory wasn’t even sure why he’d come.
“What else can I mean?” Rebel lifted her head. “Your plans are so fucked up.”
“I know,” Grant admitted. “I’m still here, aren’t I? Dad planned to disown me.”
“So, brother, you’ve found two loyal lieutenants in Grant and Ryan.” She thrust her chin toward Rory. “What about the third?”
CJ looked at Ryan and Rory, then lowered his gaze.
“It’s okay.” Rebel looped her arm through CJ’s. “I would love to be in my room, going over my checklists and being miserable, but Momma wants you and Rory to make up,” she reminded him. “If you can’t do it for yourself or Rory, do it for her and Aunt Kendall.”
Rory was missing something. Every time Rebel mentioned Aunt Meggie, CJ heaved in a breath. “It won’t be the same if CJ doesn’t do it for him and me.”
“When you’re ready to apologize to me and Harley, you know my number,” Rebel said because CJ remained silent. “I might forgive you, though that depends.”
“On what?” Rory asked, lasering CJ and trying to will his forgiveness telepathically.
“Your allegiance to the actual desiccated cretin,” she said. “Uncle Johnnie.”
That’s my dad was on the tip of Rory’s tongue, but he didn’t trust CJ or Ryan not to hit him. “I don’t want him to die.”
“That motherfucker should be roasted over an open spit like a rotisserie chicken,” Rebel snapped.
CJ frowned.
“But I understand the world would be a bleaker place for you if he wasn’t in it,” Rebel said.
“That’s the problem, though, Rory. You chose Uncle Johnnie over decency.
As awful as Ryan’s actions were, he had a reason.
Yours was protecting a man who has betrayed your mom, the club, and everyone for a very long time. ”
Tears filled her eyes, and Rory had never felt lower.
“Don’t cry, Reb,” Ryan said, frowning. “I can handle a lot from you, but not…don’t cry,” he repeated.
CJ put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.
Her sniffle broke Rory’s heart. His visit with Derby soothed something inside of him. The man had shown Rory amazing grace. Rory could do the same toward his cousin. If she hadn’t started speaking again, he would’ve begged her forgiveness.
“I asked Bishop to take me to the clubhouse because Axel would not let me be. The clubhouse was a mistake. I just want to be…never mind…”
Dropping his arm, CJ narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but she continued talking.
“You were one of us, Rory. Until you became one of them,” she spat.
“There shouldn’t be an us and a them, Reb,” Rory told her. “We all want the same thing.”
“Do you?” she scoffed. “You want whatever your father does. It isn’t peace. It’s control, especially of my—”
“He doesn’t want control of Uncle Christopher. He wants peace.”
Rebel gave him a putrid look, a sound of tearful annoyance escaping her.
“I was going to say my mother, fuck face. He wants control of Momma. Everything else is collateral damage. He hates me because I look like her. He ruined every fucking thing because he’s always seen my father as inferior.
Well, look around you, fuckhead. The next fucking time you see him tell him, he wouldn’t be anything without Big Joe Foy, Christopher Caldwell, Lucas “Mortician” Banks, and Megan Foy Caldwell.
Big Joe and Daddy made the fucking deals, got the medical lab and hydrogrow business off the ground; Uncle Mort funded upgrades and projects, and Momma took money Big Joe left her and made money for us.
She cleaned that money and shared it with everyone, including him. ”
“Sometimes, it feels as if I’m the only one Dad has in his corner.”
“Whose fucking fault is that?” CJ asked.
“His,” Rory said miserably.
“Ding, ding, ding, ding,” Rebel chimed, clapping. “You finally got it right.”
“But…the more time I spend with him…” Rory sighed. “He’s just rubbing off on me. The more I act like him.”
“Simple,” Rebel snarked. “Whatever you think that motherfucker might do, you do the fucking opposite. Problem solved. Because, motherfucker, he would’ve pulled the same bitch move that you made with Mattie tonight.
You’ve barely spoken to her in days and you had the fucking gall to ask her to come in here and save your raggedy ass from CJ. A classic fucking Uncle Johnnie move.”
“She told you?” Rory gasped, embarrassed that he’d been caught, though CJ had already figured it out and didn’t react.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Rebel asked resentfully.
“Mattie thinks everything she does upsets someone. You know why? Because of Uncle Johnnie. She’s very upset.
She was also worried that CJ would hit you.
I had to ditch my plans for the rest of the night because of you, who still hasn’t fucking apologized to me. ”
Rory went to her, kneeled and hugged her neck. “I’m sorry, Rebel. I shouldn’t have hidden the secret. I shouldn’t have looked at the videos…”
She pushed him away and started to cry in earnest, covering her face and sobbing as if her heart had broken. He’d never seen Rebel so emotional. Her pain compounded his shame and regret.
CJ hugged her, allowing her to cry in misery, in a way a big brother was supposed to act, when he, as Mattie’s big brother, had abandoned her because she’d defended Mom.
Combing his fingers through his hair, Ryan blew out a heavy breath. Her tears affected him, too.
“I want Momma, CJ,” Rebel said. “Call her and ask her to come home. Please? I shouldn’t have said I’d be okay. I’m not.”
“At least let them have tonight, sweetheart,” CJ said, stroking her hair. “They may not even have reception wherever they’re at. They need time together.”
“Didn’t you tell me you had more shopping to do?” Grant asked.
Rebel buried her face against CJ. “I don’t feel like ordering anything,” she said, her voice muffled.
Rory understood the horror on their faces at her announcement. Rebel loved shopping.
“Everybody knows how I look under my clothes,” she cried. “No wonder Diesel…and Kaia…” Her crying morphed into fresh sobs. “They think I’m gross.”
“That’s the last fucking thing you are,” Rory blurted, before he thought better of it.
CJ growled, Ryan rolled his eyes, and Grant shook his head.
Remembering he was still on his haunches, Rory got to his feet and raised his hand in supplication. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Who else saw the stupid videos?” she asked, not raising her head.
“No one at the club,” Ryan said hesitantly.
“As far as you know,” Rebel replied. “But tonight Torrin confronted me about Diesel and…and Diesel slept with a sixteen-year-old and…and…and Kaia likes Fia. She’s never made a video and had everyone see. Despite how much I hate her.”
Rory exchanged glances with the guys. Not only did Fia have a video, but it was with Kaia.
“Rebel, Fia fucks every dude who wants her,” Ryan said. “Out in the open in the main room.”
“Rebel?”
“What, CJ?” she asked tiredly, sounding so defeated.
Rory did that to her. Shamed her, made her cry, and took away her spirit.
“What the fuck did Torrin tell you? I’m not even commenting on that fuckhead sleeping with an underaged girl.” CJ thought for a moment. “When did Axel start pestering you?”
“About 5.” Rebel pulled away and bowed her head. “He’s never done that to me. Usually, he gets an update and waits until the next day to ask for another one. Diesel was the one who suggested I go to the club.”
CJ’s nostrils flared and rage flickered across his face.
“I’m tired,” Rebel said. “Of everything, playing on repeat in my head. I’m tired of believing they don’t think I’m gross because that’s what they said and then having proof that they’re lying.
I’m tired,” she repeated. “I have to take the sedative because I can’t sleep.
Every time I close my eyes, I see that man.
I see the water over my head and…and…I see myself sinking into the murkiness. And, now, I’m behind on my lists.”
“Why don’t you hang out with Mattie and we’ll come back and get you in an hour?” CJ suggested. “I have something to do.”
“What’s that? I just want to go home. Kaia’s downstairs and—”
CJ got to his feet. “We have something to do for Axel’s party, bae. We’ll take him with us. I won’t be long. I promise.