Chapter 30 Hell
Raf helped me as far as the washroom door before pausing. “Wait here.”
I turned to the sofa and slumped down into it with a huff. “Where exactly do you imagine I am going to go?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I will not be long.” Before I could think of another retort, he disappeared into the hall carrying the empty bathing pail. I stared after the door that closed behind him and the twisting in my stomach morphed into rioting butterflies.
This was absurd. I had fought monsters. I had survived the caves, and marched willingly into the fractured mind of a madman.
Yet somehow the prospect of one overly polite blacksmith helping me bathe had my heart attempting to claw its way out of my chest.
Ridiculous. It was a bath, not a marriage proposal...
Although I would very much prefer the latter.
I froze at the insanity of the thought. Absolutely not.
Heavy footsteps sounded beyond the door.
I shifted from side to side, hugged a pillow to my chest, straightened my nightgown.
Anything to appear normal. Anything to hide the fact that I was sweating, and my heart had decided to relocate somewhere near my throat.
The doorknob jiggled, and I tried to fix my eyes on a spot on the wall, anywhere but on him.
He kicked the door open and carried two pails of steaming water in.
“Only a moment longer, I will be right back.” He slipped behind the door to the washroom. I heard logs being arranged in the fireplace, towels rustling, glass bottles and soaps clinking together on a tray.
Raf reemerged, crossed the room and offered me his hand. The other held out invitingly, silently ushering me inside. I did not move.
“Can you stand? Or do your legs feel weak?” He bent to pick me up from the sofa and I pushed him away.
“That is not the problem.” I stood and walked to the tub. Careful not to let him see that my legs were trembling. Truthfully, every muscle in my body ached.
He blinked at me before following. “...Then what is?” he asked, stepping into the washroom.
I gestured to the tub, then to him. His brow scrunched. “You, Blacksmith. You need to turn around.” He did so immediately. Pulling a stool from before the vanity and situating it so that he would face the wall. He sat with his hands folded in his lap and did not move.
“Do not turn around.” I warned.
“I was not planning to.” He chuckled. I waited for a moment before sliding my nightgown down my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor.
“If you so much as glance over your shoulder, Blacksmith, I will hit you with the wash basin.” I quickly lowered myself into the tub, the flower petals and bubbles hiding my body. I watched him for a long moment. He truly wasn't going to look.
“Understood.” He laughed. He had not so much as shifted in his seat. I let out a long sigh as my muscles relaxed, and pulled the ribbon from my hair letting it fall into the water. My eyes fell closed for a moment, and when I opened them they drifted to Raf.
“You can stop sitting so stiffly.” I whispered absentmindedly.
“You told me not to move.” His voice was quiet, matter-of-fact. “I did not want to make you uncomfortable.”
I sighed, “...I did.” Then I poured a pitcher of water over my head, “But you can relax. You do not need to be a statue.” I dunked the pitcher and poured the warm water over myself again. “This is unnervingly quiet.” I sank further into the tub. “You are allowed to speak, you know.”
“I know.” He laughed quietly. “I was simply trying to think of something to say that would not earn me a wash basin to the head.”
The silence stretched between us for a long moment.
I groaned at the pain that had not quite faded behind my eyes.
“Would it be alright if I turned around?”
I did not answer him. “I do not intend to look or do anything untoward. I just want to try something, a trick that usually helps me.”
“Fine.” I grumbled. “Do not look at me though.”
He only laughed, and I frantically pulled the flower petals over me to ensure he would not be able to see anything.
The wooden legs of the stool scraped against the floor as he dragged it behind him and placed it at the head of the tub behind me.
He sat and placed his hands on either side of my head.
“Is this okay?” He did not move a muscle until I nodded slightly.
Then he began to massage circles around my temples, increasing the pressure with each pass.
My eyes grew heavy and fell shut as his hands moved skillfully through my hair, massaging the base of my skull, then my neck.
I had not realized how tightly I had been holding myself together until his hands coaxed the tension free.
A small satisfied moan slipped from my lips before I could think better of it.
Raf did not stop, he just laughed. Humiliating.
“I um…” I cleared my throat, “I was wondering if you would do me a favor while I rest?”
“Anything.” He said it too quickly, without a thought.
“We will be needing more space, there is no question about that. Which means we will need to build a bunk hall of sorts, or a dormitory, where all of the newcomers can stay.”
“I was thinking the same.” His thumbs continued their slow circles against my temples.
“Liv and Ezra call this place the Sanctuary.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “Perhaps it is time it became one.”
He pressed his thumbs into the base of my neck, and the last of the tension melted away. “What is the favor?”
“There will not be enough time for me to rest, train the girls, and travel into town.”
I drew a slow breath. “Would you go speak with Elsbeth for me? We will need supplies... and more hands willing to build.”
I sat up slightly, and he placed his hands in his lap, scooting back a little on the stool.
My body missed his touch the moment it was gone.
“Of course, Elsi is always happy to help.” He smiled. “That will give me time to check in on my brother as well.”
“Your brother? You have spoken of him before. Tell me more about him.” I rested my hand on his where it sat in his lap, careful not to rise above the water and expose myself.
“There is not much to tell.” He smiled to himself.
“He is five and ten... and he is remarkable.”
His fingers squeezed mine gently, though not consciously.
“He is everything I could hope for in a brother, strong, resilient. I have cared for him since our parents succumbed to their illness. Truthfully, he scarcely needs me anymore. These days I mostly visit to make certain he has not found a new way to get himself into trouble.”
His fingers loosened around mine. “He is clever.”
He chuckled. “Unfortunately, he also inherited a stubborn will and a temper large enough for three men.”
A full-bellied laugh escaped him and his eyes warmed even more.
The love he carried for his brother shone so brightly that I found myself smiling before I even realized I was doing it. Something inside me warmed.
I pulled my hand back quickly. “Only people you trust.” I cleared my throat loudly and looked away. “No one else, if this place is to become a sanctuary, Stanhope mustn't find out about it.”
His smile faltered. Something in his eyes dimmed. “I know. I will help you get settled, and then I will leave.”
“I can handle it from here.” I nodded toward the door. “You can leave now.” He hesitated and then stood with a sigh. His shoulders slumped slightly and the joy I had seen moments ago was hardly there.
“Oh,” I shot out just as the door began to close behind him, “Be careful, Blacksmith.” His eyes warmed slightly and a smile spread across his lips. Then, with a curt nod, he turned and left. The room felt colder in his absence.