Chapter 1
Chapter One
ARIEL
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
There are times when you’re having an amazing day, and there are others where you feel like your back is up against the wall.
I’ve been trying to keep my life together as best as I can, but sometimes it’s hard.
The man I come home to every night has a temper most days, which makes it very hard for me to feel comfortable in both my home and within my skin.
I’ve always wanted to leave him, but every time he says he will hunt me down and find me.
The reality of our relationship is that I may never have the chance to leave.
Today is one of those days that I know he will come home and take his anger out on me.
As we’re sitting here at the casino, he is gambling away his money and losing every bit of what he brought.
I try to stop him, but that just causes him to get more pissed off.
He always says, "Ariel, when I'm doing my business, leave me alone. "
It frustrates me that he embeds this notion into my brain, but always makes me come with him to the events he’s at.
I’m truly getting tired of it. I have to hide who I really am when I’m around him, because he refuses to let me speak, drink, or do pretty much anything I want to.
He’s never put his hands on me in public, even when he itches to do so.
Instead, he waits until we get home or are behind closed doors to hit me and grab me harshly.
I’m tired of the fingerprints, hand marks, and bruises of all stages of healing that cover my arms, wrists, and neck.
People have to be concerned sometimes when they see me in long-sleeve shirts during the summer, but they look the other way.
They have to know there are pieces of me that are broken, but with Noah having some power in the town, people just don't care. I need someone to rescue me from the pain that I have faced over the past year. I want to run away, but I don’t know if I will be protected enough to not be found by him.
He’s always threatened that if I run away, he'll find and kill me.
I still have so much life to live that I can't be subject to death.
How am I supposed to hide my fears?
How am I supposed to hide my concerns?
How am I supposed to live at all if I can’t be myself?
These questions that swirl in my head have me at such a loss.
I want to be the strong woman and say “fuck him,” but I don’t even know where I would begin with that.
Maybe tonight we can go to the bar we always pass by, and hopefully I can find some healing there.
Whenever we drive past it, there's a shit ton of motorcycles outside of it.
I don't know if we would get turned away or if they will allow us to come in. All I know is, I just need someone to see the pain I’m going through.
Acouple of hours later, he’s finally done gambling away his money and is ready to get out of here.
I get a small allowance from him, so I hope I can convince him to allow me to use my money at the bar.
He’s such a helicopter partner, but my goal is to get away from him for a slight moment tonight if I can.
"Hey, babe. Can we maybe go to the bar down the street? I think a drink could be good after the long day we've had," I say in a low tone.
He hesitates for a moment, like there’s something wrong with what I just said.
“I guess we can go for a little, but there better not be any funny business when we’re there. If I catch a whim that you’re doing anything you shouldn’t be, then it’ll be your last time out in public. Do you understand?”
Fuck. I can't be stuck indoors for the rest of my life. I'm not someone who does well without fresh air or being locked in a home I hate being in, in the first place. I guess I need to be on my best behavior, because he’ll put actions behind his words.
"Yes, Sir. I understand."
Once we get into the car, we head to the bar that’s not too far away from the casino.
We can see the motorcycles lined up outside.
So, I have a feeling we might not be wanted here, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
I’ve had dreams of being saved by someone who is big, bad, and rides bikes, but I’ve never gotten close enough to carry out that escape.
Maybe tonight reality will hit, and I can finally find the person who sees me at my worst. I just need to get Noah away from me long enough to find that savior.
As I sit here in the car, worried about what's going to happen the moment I step out of this car, I can feel a panic attack coming on. My heart rate begins to pick up, and I start to tremble. I don't understand why this is happening, because it was my idea to come in the first place. Maybe I’m too lost in my head about things going on and how I’m supposed to be on my best behavior.
"What are you waiting for? This was your idea to come in the first place. You'd better get your ass out, or we can go home right now."
After a couple of deep breaths, I'm finally grounded, and I'm ready to go in.
“I’m sorry. Let’s get a drink, I’m not ready to go home just yet.”
I’m shocked my last comment didn’t cause him to question me because he normally would have something to say about me not going home, especially because that’s where I am ninety-nine percent of the time, anyway.
I don’t know why my brain keeps spiraling everywhere, but when he opens the door to the bar, I know shit’s about to be real.