44. Lavinia
FORTY-FOUR
LAVINIA
“So, this is Roman’s apartment.” Jules turns in the stool and looks around the living room. “I don’t know why I expected it to look like a frat house.”
“Roman’s very particular,” I say.
Jules strokes Salem’s back. He’s the only one of the kitties who doesn’t mind visitors. Buffy is friendly enough, and Sabrina flat out hisses if you get too near her. “He’s not going to be upset having me here?”
“No, you’re my best friend.” I sound confident, even as I wonder if I should’ve asked Roman about her coming over.
I pick up my phone. After practice, he went to play with Tyler. I love how seriously he takes his role of being a person Tyler can trust. Roman doesn’t see it, but Tyler looks at him with devotion.
Lavinia
Jules is at the apartment.
Roman
Our apartment? You don’t need my permission to have friends over. You don’t even have to tell me you have friends over.
I blink down at his message. I don’t live here. I’ve spent every single day here over the past week and we’ve had sex on every surface, but all my stuff still lives at the apartment I share with Jules.
“What’s wrong? He doesn’t want me here?”
I show Jules the message, and she wiggles in delight. “You have to love a man who knows what he wants and goes for it. It’s refreshing.”
“It’s also terrifying. Like more terrifying than the time you convinced me to go on a cemetery tour with you on Halloween.”
Jules rests her chin on her hand, elbow braced against the counter. She watches me with a soft, knowing expression. “I like this.”
“Like what?” I push a wayward curl behind my ear.
“Watching you fall in love with a man who works hard to deserve you,” she says.
I freeze at her words.
Over the last week, my mind’s been shying away from the idea, even as I fall deeper. It’s like being in a haunted house. I know something is going to jump out at me if I continue deeper into the house, and I still can’t stop myself from going in.
Being in love requires fragility and vulnerability. Each time I’ve been vulnerable, the door’s been slammed in my face.
“You don’t think it’s too fast?” I ask, looking down at the task at hand. I’m making dinner for Roman and me. Roman is always the one who cooks, and if he has a game, then he meal preps for me. It’s the sweetest thing ever. Tonight, I thought I’d surprise him with dinner.
Jules frowns. “How can it be too fast when you’ve wanted each other your whole life?”
I open my mouth to reply when there’s a knock at the door. Putting down the bowl and spoon I’m using to mix the sauce, I go to open the door, thinking it’s probably Kita. She’s taken to knocking ever since she walked into the apartment two days ago and found Roman and I undressing each other.
I’m surprised when I find my brother standing in the hallway.
“I was visiting Ford,” he says, a little defensive.
“Well, now you can visit me. Roman isn’t here, he’s off meeting his mistress,” I say. Drew balks at that and I laugh, ushering him into the apartment. “I’m kidding!”
Jules makes a sour face when she sees Drew and I roll my eyes. Whatever issues these two have, I keep myself out of them. From what I understand, neither party has done the other wrong. They just don’t seem to like each other.
Drew looks around the apartment suspiciously, as if he’s expecting to find something that he can hold against Roman.
“Do you want water?” I ask, opening the fridge and holding out the bottle. Drew takes it off from my hand, twisting off the cap.
“He’s got you locked away here, cooking for him,” Drew grouses.
“I was literally at your house yesterday and had dinner with you,” I remind him.
He makes a grumpy noise, drinking his water. Jules and I exchange a look which seems to say that Drew will always be Drew.
Lavinia
Drew is here now.
Roman
Get him out of there.
Lavinia
He’s your brother-in-law.
Roman
What a horrible thing to realize on this otherwise wonderful Wednesday.
I giggle, putting the phone down.
“How’s the team getting along with Roman?” I ask. I want to know if they’re being nice to him.
Drew shrugs, his eyes focused on Sabrina, who’s curled up into a perfect roll by the terrace windows. “We’re getting along.”
I look at Jules and we both roll our eyes. Typical Drew answer.
“Give me the details. Why haven’t you invited him to team dinners or anything else you guys are doing?”
Finally, Drew looks at me. “It’s not up to me.”
“Drew!” I groan. “You’re their captain. You have some sway.”
His eyes grow flinty. “Maybe I don’t want to have sway.”
I throw a piece of broccoli at him, which he catches before it hits him. “Can you please be a little nicer?”
“Yeah, Andrew. This is your brother-in-law we’re talking about,” Jules says.
Drew’s face twists like he’s going to throw up. Jules and I laugh.
As I finish cooking dinner, I try to convince Drew to persuade the guys and invite Roman to join their group chat and whatever activities they’re planning.
Roman is going to be here soon, and I still have to finish the entire set-up, which Jules helps me with. I hug her and Drew goodbye and take a quick shower, excitement bubbling in my chest. Every moment I spend with Roman is exciting to me, so I’m not surprised I can barely contain myself.
I feel more like myself than I have in years. It’s like I’m finally happy with where I am in life.
“Do you like it?” We’re standing inside the media room which has been turned into a pillow and blanket cave. I’ve laid out the blankets on the floor and used the couch to create a cover.
My hands are behind my back as I wiggle my shoulders, unable to stand still. “I thought we can have a movie night like we used to.”
A fissure of doubt runs through me the longer he stays quiet. He was quiet at dinner, too. He told me it was the best meal he’d ever eaten–which I know is a lie because he’s a much better cook than I am.
“We can do something else if you want. This was probably a stu–”
Before I can finish my sentence, Roman snags his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. He kisses me roughly and with so much force it knocks the breath out of my lungs. My body bows backwards as Roman’s curves over mine.
“No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” His words are whispered on my lips, and I breathe them in.
My heart aches for him. Roman is safe and gentle, a silence that wraps around you and never feels lonely. He doesn’t ask for more than a person is able to give. He’s a memory you hold close and smile at when you’re lonely. The world feels less heavy when he’s looking at you.
He’s the most beautiful part of everything perfect in this world.
I hate that no one has ever seen all of him and I’m grateful that he’s choosing me to share himself with.
“What movie are we watching?” He straightens us and pulls us onto the floor of the blanket cave, settling his back against the couch. He pulls me against him until my back is resting on his chest.
“You can pick.”
Proof that Roman’s really the perfect man for me because he picks New Moon.
“Jules never watches these movies with me,” I tell him as the opening sequence plays.
“Are you team Edward or Jacob?”
“Edward, of course. Once you go ice dick you never go back.”
Roman’s laugh fills my ear, his body shaking against mine. I pull the blanket over us, burrowing deeper against him. I want to capture this moment forever. I reach for my phone and when I turn it over, I see that it’s dead.
“For someone who uses her phone all the time, I sure do forget to charge it a lot,” I mumble, throwing it up onto the couch.
“Use mine.”
Roman hands me his phone and the screen lights up, showing a picture of us moments before we kissed on my almost wedding day. My life’s turned upside down since then. I can’t imagine being married to anyone other than Roman.
I tap on the screen. “Oh, it’s locked.”
I start to hand it back to him, but instead he says, “0425.”
My thumb hovers over the screen as my heart pounds. I press the numbers on the screen and sure enough, the phone unlocks.
“I know you want my brother to like you, but don’t you think it’s a bit much having his birthday as your passcode?”
“I figure he’ll go easy on me if he finds out I’m secretly obsessed.”
All jokes aside, “Why do you have my birthday as your phone code, Roman?”
Roman’s eyes meet mine in the camera, his chin resting on my shoulder.
“Why’s it a surprise? You consume me, Lavinia. I’ve never claimed to be anything other than utterly obsessed with you. I think about you all the time.” His presses a kiss against my neck. “You’re my favorite person in the world.”
I press the button and capture the moment forever, so even when our memories start to fade we’ll always have something to look back on and remember.
You’re my favorite person in the world.
“You’re my favorite person, too,” I say, and press the camera button, capturing Roman’s smile and the look in his eyes.
I twist around to glance at him. “Can I ask you something?”
In the dark, it’s hard to see his eyes. “You can ask me anything.”
“Will you tell me about your parents?”
His eyes shutter, and for a long moment, I think he’s not going to say anything. I’m not entirely sure why I asked, either. I want to understand him better, know all of him the way I know myself. So much of his life is a mystery to me.
“You don’t have to,” I whisper. Behind me, Bella is going to celebrate her birthday with the Cullens, but I can’t look away from Roman.
Roman closes his eyes, and I resign myself to never knowing. Which is fine because I know enough to understand that they’re not good people. You don’t actively ignore your parents if you had a loving childhood.
“As a kid,” Roman begins, “I used to wonder all the time if I did something wrong. If there was a reason my parents were fighting, or my father was yelling at my mother, or why my mother was passed out on the couch.”
I hold my breath, afraid to make a noise or move.