Chapter 25 #2
“That’s the problem, he wouldn’t. I know you’ve got the right intentions, but Diesel’s complicated.
If you push, it could cause him to spiral.
It might have been twelve years since he got high, but the temptation never goes away.
He’s always one bad day away from shoving a needle in his arm.
You’d never forgive yourself if you pushed him to that point, and watching him get sober the first time was fucking hard enough.
I promise he will talk, just in his own time,” he murmured, leaning over to give me a kiss.
“Are you still too sore for me to rail you? I’m starting to feel like I’ll die if I don’t get to shove my cock in your tight little cunt. ”
“Skeeter Maddox,” Josie scolded as she walked back in, apparently hearing our conversation.
“I’m a man with needs and a terrible addiction, Josie,” he sighed, leaning back and draining his coffee cup.
“You will not talk like that in my kitchen,” she tsked, shooing at us. “Go and watch Christmas movies with the boys or something.”
“Ugh, pass,” I grumbled, getting to my feet. “I might go and watch something else though. Coming, Skeet?”
“Apparently, I’m not allowed to come,” he muttered under his breath as he followed, finding the guys in the theater with the Xbox on the massive screen. His mood soured slightly when he noticed Tyler was gaming online with Marco, but he dropped down on one of the couches and eased me onto his lap.
The guys all took turns playing, minus Skeeter, and I had a little nap once I was comfortable.
I dreamed of the crash like always, the fear fading every time Slash showed up to save me. Sometimes he was in the car with me when I crashed, his face covered in blood when I woke up to find him dead beside me.
I woke with a scream when the dream turned into one of those where Slash died, and it took a minute for me to take in the scent of Skeeter, the feeling of his arms around me as he gently stroked my hair.
I was shaking, my cheeks wet with tears as his voice reached me.
“I’ve got you.”
“Slash—”
“I know, baby,” he mumbled, keeping me close until I’d calmed down enough to pull away myself.
Lukas appeared with a glass of water, squatting in front of us to offer it to me. My hands shook, and he insisted on holding the glass so I could take a sip.
This had been happening a lot lately. The nightmares jolting me from sleep and causing nausea to swim through me.
At least my body didn’t hurt so badly now because the first few times were painful.
The guys stopped fussing once I was sitting up and my breathing had slowed, and thankfully, dinner was ready so I could get out of the awkward silence.
We sat around the dining table as Karl served the best Greek-style chicken and salad that I’d ever had, then Josie told him to go home to his family and we’d clean up when we were done.
Surprisingly, Lukas and Jensen jumped at the chance to help Josie clean up when we were finished, and I was already asleep in the theater room between Skeeter and Tyler by the time they were done.
“Good morning! Merry Christmas!” Josie exclaimed as I walked into the living room the next morning freshly showered and feeling like I’d gotten a decent sleep for once.
Tyler and I also possibly had a bump or two of powder prior to that, but that wasn’t the point.
“Merry Christmas,” I smiled, accepting her hug on my way to the couch, sitting next to Skeeter.
I watched the guys tearing open presents on the floor like they were little kids, and Skeeter gave me a look, seeming to think the whole thing was ridiculous.
“Come on, you too,” Josie said brightly, motioning to more presents under the tree.
“Us, what?” I frowned.
“Open your presents!”
Discomfort hit me, glancing at the pile and trying to see my name from my spot. I’d told her not to, I was used to not doing this.
She must have gotten tired of waiting because she grabbed some presents and carried them over, handing one to each of us.
“Start there.”
Skeeter looked confused, glancing between the present in his hand and Josie. “You got me a present?”
“I spoil all my kids, so there’s more than one,” she chuckled, motioning for us to hurry up as she went back to the tree to grab more.
It was like Skeeter had never received a gift before, picking at the paper carefully as if it was going to explode in his hands, and I turned my focus to mine as I opened it.
It started with little things, like the mascara I liked and some new jeans. Then it turned into new headphones, the type I never would have been able to afford, a new laptop, and a new phone that I was pretty sure hadn’t even released yet.
Skeeter looked awkward as he took in his gifts. He also had new clothes, cologne, a chain necklace that I thought would suit him, and he also had a new Xbox and phone.
“Josie—” he started, but she shushed him.
“I know you can probably get your own things, but I did this for me. It makes me happy to buy you all things. Just say thank you and move on,” she scolded lightly, leaning down to give him a one-armed hug. “Merry Christmas, Skeet.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, glancing at his gifts like he couldn’t believe it. It was overwhelming for both of us, and I honestly didn’t know what to say other than thank you.
There was wrapping paper everywhere, the guys having the time of their lives as they checked out their new things, and I felt bad for not getting Josie anything. I hadn’t even thought about it, not used to celebrating it.
She made waffles and pancakes for breakfast, shooing us all away once we’d eaten so we could set up our new things, and I could tell Skeeter was a little excited about the Xbox.
“You taking it home or leaving it here?” I asked as he followed me into my bedroom.
“I'll take it home. If I play here, I usually just use one of the guys’,” he replied, placing his gifts on the floor out of the way. “Is this phone even released yet?”
“Not until March,” I chuckled, sitting on the bed as we opened our phones to set them up.
“She didn’t have to get me anything,” he grumbled. “She didn’t even know I was going to be here today.”
“She would have brought it to you. She’s a pretty cool mom like that,” I smiled, lying back as the phone powered on.
It was quiet for a while as we got the phones up and running, and when we plugged them both in to charge properly, Skeeter sighed.
“You want to tell me why you’re doing blow for breakfast?”
“Huh?”
“Your pupils are fucked.”
“It was just to wake myself up a little, that’s all,” I shrugged, his hand cupping my chin to force my eyes to his.
“Is this becoming a regular thing? I’ll cut Ty off if the pair of you start going off the rails. It’s meant to be for when you’re partying,” he warned, and I pushed his hand away.
“I’m sleeping like shit, Skeet. I just wanted to be awake and present for today. It’s not like I do it all the time,” I argued, and he gave me a firm look.
“Keep it that way. If it becomes an issue, you’re done. Understand? I’m all for doing a line or popping a pill when you’re having fun, but if you start taking shit to make yourself get through the day, then that’s a problem.”
“It’s one time,” I scowled, making him nod.
“Good.”
Caden called him to check out one of the new games he’d gotten, and Skeeter gave me one more glance before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
I took the time to set up my laptop, not really understanding why I needed one when the other one she’d given me for school was still working fine, but it ran a little faster and looked sleeker.
I was halfway through installing everything I needed onto the laptop when the door opened and Diesel stepped inside, looking uncomfortable with his arms full of presents. Josie must have bombarded him at the door, I’d seen a few under the tree with his name on them.
“Hey,” I said as I pushed the laptop packaging off the bed so he could sit next to me.
“I’m sorry,” he said without moving from the doorway, not looking at me.
“Come sit. I shouldn’t have come and invaded your personal space like I did, so I should be the one who’s sorry.”
His gaze finally lifted to mine, and he scowled. “I’m not angry with you, you did nothing wrong. I liked you being in my house.”
“Then why have you been avoiding me?” I asked dryly, his eyes dropping again.
“Because I liked you being in my house. No one’s allowed there, but it was nice when it was you, and that can’t happen.”
“You were drunk, D. What happened—”
“You’re barely eighteen. Whatever the fuck that was can’t happen again,” he said sharply, and I nodded.
“That’s okay. I don’t expect anything from you. Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” he parroted, glaring at me. “I should be asking if you’re okay. I shot at you, practically forced myself on you, held a gun to your head, threw you out, and then someone attacked you and put you in the hospital.”
“You didn’t force anything on me,” I bit out. “I’m the one that should have pulled away, knowing you were drunk. If anything, I took advantage of you. I kissed you back.”
“I can’t believe I fucking did that,” he growled, placing his unopened presents on my desk. “I need you to stay away from me until I get control of whatever is going on inside me. Please.”
“You don’t need to do that. You were upset, I know that. We can just—”
“I didn’t kiss you because I was fucking sad. I kissed you because I wanted to, and now I’ve done it, it’s all I can think about,” he answered bitterly, raking a hand through his hair. “If I don’t put some distance between us, I’m going to want to do it again.”
“If that’s what you want, then I understand. I wasn’t exactly mad about it though,” I replied, some of the tension in his shoulders leaving.
“What?”
“It was a nice kiss. I only pushed you away because if that had gone further and you weren’t thinking clearly, you’d hate me for it. And I’m with the guys, so conversations need to be had first.”
He hesitated before moving to sit beside me, keeping plenty of space between us.