Chapter 25 #3
“We can’t, Donovan. I’m seven years older than you. I won’t ever let Sasha go. That’s not fair to you.”
“I’m an adult.”
“Barely,” he scoffed, shaking his head a little.
“I also don’t expect you to let Sasha go.
It wasn’t a breakup where you went your separate ways, D.
You lost her in a tragic way. She will always be a piece of you, I told you that,” I murmured.
“Besides, who am I to judge? You know I’m dating five other guys and just lost Slash, right?
You think I’m ever going to let him go?”
“We can’t,” he said tightly, and I reached out to take his hand, giving it a small squeeze.
“We don’t have to. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. If you need a hug, I’m here.”
“Christmas was so special with her,” he whispered, holding my hand when I went to let go.
“Stay for lunch. Josie would love you to be here, and so would we. Open your presents.”
“I can’t. I need to go,” he said as his voice broke, but he still didn’t move.
“Come here,” I offered, tugging on his hand slightly to encourage him up the bed.
“My shoes—”
“I don’t care. Come here,” I said firmly, waiting for him to shuffle up the bed before I pushed him back down on it and curled into him, sliding an arm around his waist to cuddle him.
His body was tense for a second, his fight or flight kicking in, but after a moment, he relaxed a little and put an arm around me, tucking me against him more as we laid there in silence.
His chin rested above my head as he let out a shaky breath, and I pressed my cheek against his chest as I got comfortable.
His breathing evened out after a while, his hold on me loosening, telling me he’d fallen asleep. I didn’t dare move, not wanting to disturb him if he hadn’t been sleeping a lot lately, and despite feeling a little wired, I managed to get a little shut eye too.
Diesel
It had been a long time since I’d woken up in someone’s arms. Confusion hit me when I stirred, but then I realized I was still in Rory’s room and she was tucked against me sleeping.
A mix of panic and peace hit me at once, making me want to bail, but enjoying it too much to ruin it.
I couldn’t be with her, but I couldn’t force myself to move.
My fingers lifted to her hair, stroking it and savoring the feeling washing through me. This was what I missed the most. The soft touches and the cuddles.
She nuzzled into my chest and I brushed some hair back from her face, staring down at her.
I could never love her with my whole heart because Sasha would always hold a piece of that, and that wasn’t fair to her.
Did that make me a coward? She was right, she could love five guys and knew exactly how I felt since she was loving someone who had been taken from her too, but she loved so damn easily. There was so much to go around.
Me though? I wasn’t sure if I could start over like that.
How did someone go from building a future with their soulmate, to asking someone their favorite color again? How did you learn to be intimate with a person after having that with someone else?
It was obviously possible, but I didn’t know if it would be possible for me.
Could I even be intimate without thinking of Sasha?
I was lying in bed with Rory, thinking about someone else, and that cemented the fact that I couldn't do this.
Mind made up, I very carefully extracted myself from her and slipped from the bed, grabbing the presents that Josie had given me before quietly leaving the room.
I almost jumped out of my damn skin when I tripped on Skeeter, who was sitting against the wall just outside the door.
“Don’t do that,” he warned, staring up at me.
“Do what?”
“Sneak out on her. She’s not asking you for anything, just tell her you’re leaving. She’s been worried about you, and that’s the longest she’s slept since the accident. You too, probably.”
“I can’t be what she wants,” I said weakly, and he rolled his eyes.
“She doesn’t want you to be anything. That girl in there cares about you. You don’t have to promise her a thing, but at least tell her you’re leaving.”
“I don’t want to wake her up. Why are you pushing this so much? She’s your girl,” I said with confusion, making him smirk.
“Yeah, she is, but it’s obvious she’s healing parts of you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to find some peace, D. You don’t want to admit it, mostly because it probably terrifies you and makes you feel guilty, but she’s that peace.”
“She’s eighteen,” I said for what felt like the millionth time, and he gave me a dirty look.
“Stop reminding me. Open your presents so you can thank Josie. If they’re anything like what I got, you’ll feel like an asshole for not saying anything.”
I moved to sit beside him, holding one of the presents to start opening them, finding expensive cologne in it. There was a baseball cap and jeans, a few new shirts and a belt, and I almost dropped it when I opened the last present to find a brand new phone.
“They don’t release until March,” Skeeter said with a chuckle. “We all got one. She got me an Xbox too.”
“I can’t accept this,” I scoffed, holding it up to read the box. “Skeet, this is—”
“Over the top? Too expensive? I’m aware, but if you say no and upset Josie, I might actually kill you.
You should have seen her this morning under the Christmas tree, man.
She was so happy to spoil everyone. Be uncomfortable silently for her sake,” he said sternly, telling me he was serious about killing me.
“She didn’t have to get me anything, it’s not like I’m dating Rory. You guys make sense, but not me,” I said dryly as I eyed everything.
“Pretty sure we’ve all unofficially been adopted.”
“The guys would have a field day with this,” I huffed, hearing a soft curse and footsteps in Rory’s room before she appeared, almost tripping on us.
“Oh, I thought you left,” she said, relief on her face at seeing me.
“Oh, he was sneaking out. I foiled his plans,” Skeeter grinned, and I had no idea how to react when she sat beside me and leaned into me, inspecting my presents.
“You guys are going to smell so good. Josie is great at choosing cologne,” she stated, grabbing mine and opening it, not even hesitating to spray a little on me and lean in to smell it. “Oh, that's good.”
“Stop sniffing him, weirdo,” Skeeter scoffed, taking the small bottle and smelling it. “It is nice though.”
“Oh good, you’re awake,” Josie exclaimed as she appeared at the top of the stairs, making me realize we’d been curled up with the door open for anyone to see. “Are you staying for lunch, Diesel? I’ve made plenty.”
Rory eyed me, waiting for my response, and I hated how she deflated when I shook my head.
“Sorry, not this time. Thank you for the presents,” I said with a small smile as I stood, collecting my things and looking down at Rory. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, making me feel like an ass, but she said goodbye and got to her feet too, heading back into her bedroom.
Josie gave me a little hug, telling me Merry Christmas before moving on to poke her head into Caden’s bedroom.
“I’ll walk you out,” Skeeter murmured, motioning for me to start walking.
Part of me considered staying, but I wanted to go home and eat my frozen meal with Sasha like I did every other year.
“If you get lonely later, we’ll be here,” Skeeter said as we walked outside to my truck, where I put my presents in the passenger seat.
“I know. Thanks. Sorry for—”
“Stop apologizing. I don’t like sharing her, but you’re not some piece of shit off the street who’s looking for a quick fuck.
Do I love the thought of you with her? No.
Kind of want to punch you a little still, but you two just slept for five hours straight.
You need each other right now, and I understand that.
I can handle you having a cuddle if it means you rested,” he answered, patting me on the shoulder.
“You’d better talk to her later like you told her.
I don’t want to have to knock your teeth out for making her worry. ”
“I will, I just need some space to think. I tried explaining it, but I don’t think I said it right without hurting her feelings,” I sighed.
“I’ll talk to her. You go, tell Sasha I said Merry Christmas. Give Slash a beer for me too.”
Leaving was so fucking hard, especially knowing that Rory was trying to discreetly watch me from the window, but I’d seen her.
Today, I’d take my food to sit with Sasha and Slash. Tomorrow? I’d deal with that when it got here.