Chapter 15 Hestia #2
I sighed, suddenly plunged back into thoughts of having to return to it, of dealing with Cal again. As Jesse leant over, brow creased, my phone buzzed. Confused, knowing it was only set to vibrate with calls, I turned it over to see ‘Diane’ on the screen.
Cal’s mum.
‘What the hell?’ I muttered, shooting Jesse an apologetic glance as I picked up, holding it to my ear as our bill arrived.
‘Hi Diane,’ I answered, passing my wallet to Jesse, which he promptly pushed away. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Oh, hello love,’ she said, a quiet, underlying tiredness in her tone immediately setting me on edge.
We’d always got along, even during the time Cal and I were falling apart.
‘It’s not great news, I’m afraid. Cal’s .
. . unwell. He’s been admitted to hospital again.
’ She paused for a second, her voice cracking.
‘It all happened last night, when he was alone. His new friend found him.’
I froze, thinking – knowing – why.
‘Shit. Is it the same as before?’ I asked, Jesse now watching with concern.
‘Yes,’ she choked as I closed my eyes, leaning on the table.
‘Not quite as bad, but . . .’ She seemed to gather herself, exhaling deeply.
‘Hestia, I don’t want to have to ask this of you, but I think he needs help – with the business, at least. I knew he wasn’t coping, but .
. . I’m not sure he can do it without you.
He fell out with Blake last week and he took off – it sounds like things have been too much.
I know how hard you’ve both worked for it.
I just thought you’d want a chance to fix things before it goes too far. ’
I swallowed, feeling Jesse’s hand on my arm.
‘Okay,’ I whispered, ‘I’ll see what I can do. Is someone with him?’
‘I’m here right now,’ she said, sighing. ‘Taking turns with his . . . friend.’
‘Becca, by any chance?’ I asked, remembering the phone call, how hard I’d been on him.
‘I’m sorry, love, yeah, it is,’ she replied, further sadness in her tone.
‘It’s okay,’ I lied, leaning into Jesse’s touch for a moment, the realization sinking in. ‘I’ll let you know when I’ve made plans.’
We hung up and I swore under my breath, Jesse waiting until I looked up at him.
‘Long story,’ I clarified. ‘I’ll tell you in the truck.’
Back outside and climbing in, my head began to spin in the sudden quiet.
Launching into an explanation, I included the last time Cal had landed in hospital after a huge bender, taking so many pills that the doctors hadn’t known if he’d wake up with any kind of brain function.
Jesse’s face darkened, one hand gripping the steering wheel as the implication dawned.
‘So . . . you’ve got to go home, for your business? For . . . him?’ he questioned, bowing his head for a moment.
‘I think so . . . unless there’s a way I can convince Blake to come back and run things, but it sounds like Cal’s fucked that up too.’
He swore, his whole upper body tensing.
‘Will it be temporary? You can come back here, right?’ he checked, turning to me. There was no disguising the pain in his eyes.
A sense of hopelessness washed over me at the awful inevitability of what was now playing out.
‘Maybe,’ I said, barely able to tolerate the desperation that widened his eyes. ‘I’m not sure how, without losing the studio. It’s everything I’ve worked towards . . . but I . . .’
‘Hestia,’ he murmured, leaning over to me, his hand brushing my neck, along my jaw. ‘I can’t lose you. Not so soon, please.’
I nodded, biting my lip, unable to see a way out.
‘I was always going to have to go back,’ I replied, lifting my hand to cover his.
‘I know, but . . .’ His brow furrowed as he struggled with the words I knew were there, waiting to be said. ‘Things have changed,’ he added, looking into my eyes, a sense of urgency building. ‘I hoped – maybe with some more time . . .’
I nodded, a numbness building in my chest, trying to block out the creeping dread.
‘Let’s go back to the ranch,’ I suggested, my voice flat. ‘I’ll make some calls, okay?’
He stared at me for a moment longer before setting off, a new kind of silence gathering between us as we headed back.
A couple of hours later, with calls made and no solution in sight – Blake point-blank refusing to help, thanks to Cal’s behaviour – I wandered back out of the house. Jesse, unable to bear the waiting, had headed down to the cabin to help Cole.
As I walked down the drive, I knew I’d decided.
What I had to do, what needed to be done.
I stopped, knowing that if I didn’t arrange it now, I might back out later.
A quick search on my phone confirmed flights out to Denver tomorrow evening, a whole host of connecting flights back to London between that evening and the day after.
My stomach lurched at the thought of leaving – of Jesse.
‘Oh hey, cowpoke,’ Bailey called, tilting her hat against the bright sunlight as she led Dunkin out. ‘You noticed how that wild horse of yours has turned into everyone’s favourite?’
I forced a smile, focusing on Luci – the original reason I’d stayed for longer in the first place – and remembering just how far she’d come in that time.
‘Yeah, she’s a charmer,’ I said, shaking my head as I approached the corral. ‘Starting to feel guilty about the name now.’
Bailey snorted.
‘You know, I’m not sure she’s even been broken yet. She’s pretty young, and those assholes that had her before you didn’t do fucking squat, other than hurt her.’
‘Does that mean she can’t be ridden yet?’ I asked, more aware than ever of how little I really knew about horses, despite all the other stuff I’d done since arriving.
Bailey nodded, running her hand down Dunkin’s previously injured leg, clearly checking for something.
‘Yeah, makes it hard to justify keeping them on here, you know? Everyone’s got to earn their place. Breaking horses is hard work.’
I bit my lip, almost afraid to walk back into the barn, knowing how Luci would greet me; that now, with what I had to do, the trust she’d put in me was worthless.
‘Hey, do you remember the friend you mentioned before – the one at the horse shelter?’
Bailey’s attention snapped back to me, frowning as she stood up.
‘Rosie? Yeah,’ she nodded. ‘She’s Dee’s cousin, actually.’
I nodded. Dee was yet another person I would have to say goodbye to.
‘I was wondering . . . maybe we could give her a call? I think I’m going to have to head home sooner than I thought. I don’t want Luci to be a burden to Lottie and Lil, especially if she can’t be ridden.’
‘You are? Oh, shit,’ she replied, walking Dunkin over to where I leant against the fence. ‘I mean . . . yeah, I can give her a call. That sucks, though. Does Jesse—’
I nodded quickly, looking down at my well-worn boots, scuffed and softened into the most comfortable things I owned.
‘Can you stay for the rodeo at least?’ she asked, her voice lowered. ‘Damn, sugar. We’ll miss the hell out of you.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, remembering the flight times, knowing which one I could book. ‘Unless . . . is me being there just going to distract him more? Maybe it might be better to stay away?’
She shook her head, holding my gaze.
‘He’ll be able to focus better with you there,’ she said quietly, digging the toe of her boot in the dirt. ‘When the only person you can think about is elsewhere, somewhere you can’t go . . . that’s the most difficult thing in the world.’
Her words sounded as though they came from experience, a sadness creeping in that I suspected wasn’t directly related to me and Jesse.
I sighed, adjusting my hat as she gave me a look of understanding.
‘I can’t bear it, Bailey,’ I admitted, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the fencing.
Somehow it was easier to admit it to her, as the person I knew the least well, next to Cole.
‘I feel like I’m torn right down the fucking middle.
But maybe . . . maybe this is better for Jesse.
To happen now, I mean, before we go any further. ’
I didn’t mean the words, I knew I didn’t.
‘Sugar, I’m not sure there’s much further to go?
’ she questioned, a sad smile growing. ‘I mean, I’ve noticed how much you guys light each other up, but it’s deeper than that, isn’t it?
I don’t want to interfere, but you should know that in all the years I’ve known Jesse, since high school, I know for damn sure he’s never looked at anyone the way he does at you. ’
Another twist in my gut, the words landing so close to home that I almost flinched.
‘I’m going to see Luci,’ I murmured. ‘Would you call Rosie? See if we can visit her tomorrow, maybe? Or even a phone call if not.’
She nodded slowly.
‘’Course. You need anything else, just holler.’
I walked slowly into the barn and picked up Luci’s brushes from a shelf.
‘Hey, baby girl,’ I whispered as I let myself into her stall, her liquid black eyes studying me for a moment before she nuzzled my arm.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered, unable to stop the tears as they came, running unchecked as I started brushing her, hating myself all the more as she leant against me.
The person she trusted most in the world.
Getting ready to leave her.
Leave a whole world behind, including someone who’d come to mean everything.