Chapter 19 Lucas
LUCAS
Holding Jenny through the afterglow of frankly incredible sex is quickly becoming my favorite pastime. Maybe second favorite, after making her come so hard her brain turns off.
Point is, this has to be what heaven is like.
Holding my girl close, strands of hair tickling my nose, her heartbeat slowly returning to normal where she’s pressed against my chest. Lazy fingers moving over warm skin, half-formed words mumbled as we slowly come back to the world. It’s damn near everything I’ve ever wanted
“What news did you have for me?” I ask, remembering that she came here to tell me something, not just to get fucked stupid.
She laughs, bright and easy, and waves her hand in a vague gesture toward where our legs are tangled together. I take it as a sign to share my own news while she catches her breath.
“I can’t believe we celebrated before I even told you,” I joke, chuckling affectionately and tracing my fingers over the line of her hip. “Think I could convince you to go for round two after I spill the beans?”
Her nails scratch lightly down my side and then back up over my stomach as she hums out a curious little noise. “Did you finally learn to saddle your own horse?”
I chuckle into her hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head before answering her.
“I know how, you brat. Tony just does it for me to save time in the mornings.” She giggles breathlessly when I dig my fingers into her ribs in retaliation.
“No, I took your advice and started thinking about what I want out of life.”
The smile pressed against my shoulder widens, and Jenny scoots a little closer, affection practically radiating off of her. What I would give to have this every day for the rest of my life.
“Yeah?” she asks softly.
“I was just thinking through a million different possibilities when I got an email, and it felt like a sign. Just one of those gut instinct things that feels right, y’know?
” She doesn’t say anything, so I barrel on, eager to celebrate with her properly.
“There’s a college a few counties over that reached out to me about coaching for them.
It’s nothing big league, but I wouldn’t have to put any strain on my leg, and I’d still get to be involved.
I’m going to give Everett my resignation once they figure out a start date for me. ”
How’s that for taking control of my life? I haven’t felt this proud of myself since I got accepted to play for Utah.
“I—What?” Jenny sounds absolutely shocked, the hand on my side falling still. “You’re joking.”
“Dead serious,” I say quietly, smiling up at the ceiling. “I’m grateful that Everett put up with me for so long after Dad died. I know I’m not the best man for the job, and I don’t want to weigh everyone down while I try to figure shit out.”
I actually hesitated when they reached out to me, even though it’s the opportunity of a lifetime. The thought of leaving the ranch sits sour in my gut, but it just isn’t the place for me. And to be fair, it’s not the cattle I’ll miss, it’s the girl in my arms.
Still, I can’t rely on Everett’s generosity forever.
I need to start moving forward with my life, not just drifting along.
After that big conversation Jenny and I had, I started thinking about ways to feel less lost, and this job feels like a good step toward that.
Besides, it’s only a two hour drive. It’ll be easy as anything to invite Jenny to swing by and visit me.
Maybe I can convince her to stay the weekend sometimes.
It’s a pipe dream, but I might be able to talk her into giving this thing between us a real shot now that we’re not states apart.
I rub my hand down her arm, pulled out of my daydreams of getting to keep her in my life by the tension cording her muscles.
I shift back to catch her eyes, my smile faltering and falling away when I’m greeted by hollow eyes and a blank, frozen expression. It’s a far cry from the celebratory squealing I was half expecting.
“Jenny?” I ask. “I, uh, I think this is where you’re supposed to tell me you’re proud of me?”
It comes out more like a request than the joke I planned for it to be. She stiffens further beside me, and I have a split second to realize that none of this is going to go how I planned before she shoves me away.
“Proud of you?” Her words sound hollow, like I’m looking at a shell of the woman I know. She looks… She looks hurt. “You—you fuck me while telling me I’m yours, and then you expect me to be proud of you when you tell me you’re leaving?”
Well, when she puts it like that, I sound fucking cruel. I wasn’t saying all that just to leave her high and dry, I was saying it so she’d give me a chance to prove I mean it instead of throwing everything we have away like she did last time.
“Jenny, Jesus, no—”
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” she hisses.
She springs out of my bed, hysterical laughter bubbling out of her mouth as she shoves her unruly hair out of her face. Her eyes are blown wide, and she looks everywhere but at me, gaze never settling on something for more than a few seconds at a time.
“Seriously, just give me—”
“You better shut the fuck up if you know what’s good for you, Cross.
” She cuts me off ruthlessly as she snatches her clothes from where they went flying and yanks them back on, careless of the way the seams stretch with how hard she tugs.
“I thought you were better than this. I thought you fucking changed, but you’re still the same cowardly piece of shit you were back in high school. Al would be ashamed of you!”
Those words hit me like a punch straight to the teeth, leaving me breathless as agony tears through me, soul deep. I shove at my bed until I can sit up, baring my teeth at her in unrestrained fury.
“Don’t you dare bring him up right now,” I spit. “Let me fucking explain myself!”
“There’s nothing to explain! You used me, just like last time, and I was stupid enough to let you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I shout as she throws pillows out of the way in search of her shirt. “Could you fucking communicate for once instead of treating me like a human punching bag? Calm down and talk to me! Or at least listen to what I’m trying to say!”
She laughs again, bitter and broken at the edges, and finally meets my eyes. The pain I see reflected in them is a mirror of my own, and I realize, just moments too late, that she’s not angry. She’s scared.
She thinks I’m breaking things off and leaving, and she’s fucking terrified.
Oh, fuck.
I couldn’t have read this more wrong.
“You’ve never once thought about how I would feel when you made your decisions!
You left for Utah without mentioning it once, ditched me here and forgot all about me until you had to come back.
And then I became convenient again, so why not have a little fun, right?
” Her voice is pitchy and swinging between hysterical and heartbroken as she shoves her feet back in her boots, forgoing her socks entirely.
“Same thing, different fucking day, huh? It’s always about you, everything’s always about you!
You couldn’t care about me if I paid you to. ”
Panic grows in my throat, my chest tightening as I fight to draw air in.
I shake my head violently, but she’s not looking at me, already searching for her shirt.
She’s obviously desperate to get out of here, and I know that if I don’t clear up this clusterfuck of a misunderstanding, she’ll never look my way again.
“No, no, Jenny, I swear, that’s not—please, just listen—”
“Shut up,” she snaps, her voice ragged with pain.
“I’m not listening to a goddamn thing you have to say.
Did you ever even care about me, Lucas? Even a little?
” She yanks her shirt out from beneath the kitchenette table, fury written clearly in the pinch of her brows, and doesn’t give me a chance to say anything.
“Don’t answer that. We both know you were just getting your dick wet.
Congrats, asshole. Well fucking played.”