Chapter 12 Jacks
Jacks
I’m walking back to my dorm after my class just ended and I can't stop thinking about my car.
Correction, I can't stop thinking about what happened in my car two days ago.
Two goddamn days. And all I can think about is the way she fucking tasted.
I practically memorized the way her mouth felt, the curve of her jawline, and every fucking freckle on her face as she looked at me with those blue eyes that I want to drown myself in.
I truly haven't been able to focus the past few days.
All because of what Claire and I did that night.
She fucking kissed me. After we had a really nice dinner and danced in the rain together.
Oh, and after I punched her shitty ex-boyfriend for running his mouth and trying to keep his leash on Claire.
That guy is a fucking asshole. I’m normally not one for violence, and I knew Claire could handle herself when it came to him. But when he started saying that fucking sentence, something in me just snapped.
He doesn't get to talk about her like that. He doesn't get to talk about my girlfriend like that, not if I’m around. Even if we are technically fake, she’s still my girlfriend to everyone else.
Are we though? Fake? I knew it wasn't fake for me since the beginning—I hoped it would become real—but I’m starting to think it’s not so fake for her either.
For one, she broke the rules. Our rules.
And she kissed me. It’s been a struggle for me only being able to kiss her on the cheek because the first time I did, I felt like I got lit on fire.
I feel like I’m screwed. When I actually tell Claire how I’ve felt about her after all this is over, she’s probably going to hate me.
This whole fucking situation is so out of the ordinary, and I hate that I can't talk to Grant about it. Not that I could lately because of how busy he is throwing parties just to see if Hads shows up. It’s very obvious, at least to me, that he loves the girl. Anyone with eyes could tell.
I finally reach my dorm, and when I get inside, I plop onto my bed, feeling defeated and confused.
I mindlessly reach for my phone so I can call my parents.
They know about this whole situation but I haven't updated them in a while, and I could use some advice right now.
They pick up on the third ring, and I see their faces fill up the screen of my iPhone.
“Hi, honey!” My mom smiles at me.
“How’s it going, son?” My dad waves at me from the background and then turns to continue doing whatever he was doing.
“Hi, guys.”
I’m from North Carolina, so I’m not too far away from home, but I still find myself missing my parents a lot.
I’m an only child, so it’s been weird for them too.
They tell me all the time how quiet it is all the time, and part of me feels bad, but the other part is glad to get some space. “Dad, how’s the Firebird?”
“It’s getting there. It’s taking a little longer than I thought because I can't find some of the parts I need, but it’s keeping me busy.”
“That’s good, not the parts things, but that it’s coming along.
” My dad loves fixing up old cars. He’s done it ever since I was a kid, and I think he was secretly hoping that I’d like doing it too, but I got my mom’s hobbies—romance books and romantic comedy movies.
He was never disappointed in me though, he knows cars are like rocket science to me.
I’m clueless when it comes to anything involving cars, but I still ask him about it and let him explain things to me because I like hearing how passionate he is.
“So…honey. How is everything?” I can tell from my mom’s tone that she’s really asking about how my own personal movie is going.
I don't really know where to start, so I just tell them everything that’s happened in the past few days.
By the time I’m done, my dad has officially moved into the frame, and my mom has a huge smile on her face.
“You guys need to back up from the camera. You look strange.” I laugh at them trying to crawl through the screen, and they move the phone back.
“Honey, she kissed you. I think that answers all your questions. She clearly doesn't think it’s fake anymore…” My mom trails off as she looks over at my dad.
“Yeah, but how do I bring this up? We need to talk about it, but I don't know how to do that without telling her that I’ve liked her this whole time. She just got out of a relationship, and I don't want to make things weird or just be her rebound. I want something real.”
“J, just have a conversation. It might be hard, but this girl seems special to you, and I know if I was you, and your mother was Claire, I’d not stop until she knew how I really felt.
Just trust your gut and trust that she’ll listen to you when the time comes.
Even if you have to give her a little space, which she might need, trust that it will all work out.
” My dad smiles and raises a wrench at me before heading back to the car.
“Jacks, honey, that was good advice, but you definitely don't want to scare her away. Only you will know when the right time to talk to her about this is. Don't rush it. Sometimes you have to enjoy good things while they last, because one day you’ll long for more of those moments. But please keep me updated. It’s cool being able to experience a rom-com in real life!” My mom smiles.
“I will. I love you guys.”
“We love you too, honey. Don't forget to tell Grant that we say hi!”
I laugh before answering. “I will.” Grant’s mom is like my second mom, and vice versa.
My mom hangs up the phone and I have to say that I do feel a little bit better about this whole thing.
I’m glad I was able to talk it out loud with people.
My head was going crazy with all this information just floating around in there.
I grab my bag from the floor and am pulling out my homework to do when Grant walks in to our room. He looks…weird.
“Are you okay?”
“Jacks, don't ask me that right now.”
I sigh heavily, knowing that my homework will have to wait. “What happened?”
“It’s Hades and Ryan.”
“What about them?”
“Get comfy. I have a lot to say.” I do as he says and settle in as he jumps onto his bed and starts talking.
Whipped motherfucker.
Claire
“Guys, none of this is helping!” I yell at my two best friends while they laugh their asses off.
“I gotta say, I didn't see this coming.” Sara laughs.
“I mean, he’s hot, and he’s nice. It was inevitable.” Jess shrugs.
“UGH!” I say as I slump down onto my bed. It’s been two days since I made out with Jacks in his car, and I’ve been spiraling ever since. I told these two that it’s starting to feel real to me, and they just started laughing at me. “You guys are supposed to help me, not laugh.”
“Why do you need our help? Just tell him!” Jess says to me.
“I can't! Do you even hear yourself? That sounds insane! Jacks is going to think I’m the craziest girl in the world.”
“Yeah maybe, but you're the one who told us that he kissed you back, so it seems like he’s feeling the same thing that you are babes.” Sara tells me, and damn she’s not wrong.
“But how can I jump right into something with Jacks when I just got out of a three-year relationship with someone I thought I loved? Isn't that too soon?” God, I’m so confused.
Part of me is scolding myself because of course this would happen to me.
Of course, I would fall into something real with a guy I only promised to fake date to make my ex feel like shit.
And it worked for a second, but now, it’s too much, too complicated.
How do I trust that Jacks is in this? How do I trust myself?
How do I trust that he’s not going to just up and leave in the future when he eventually falls out of love with me?
“Shouldn't this be the time where I focus on myself and heal and all that shit?”
Sara lifts her hand up to silence whatever Jess was about to say. “Claire, listen. I’m going to say something that’s going to be hard to hear, but you need to hear it.”
“Oh, shit.” Jess leans back against her chair.
“You were mentally checked out of your relationship with Clay for months. You knew it was hanging on by a thread, so you did what you were supposed to do as a girlfriend, but I think deep down you knew where it was headed. You probably healed from that way before he even broke up with you. You were pissed, rightfully so, but for once you decided to give it back to someone—enter Jacks.”
Damn, she might be right. I was obviously surprised that night when Clay broke up with me, but I didn't cry or anything. That came a few days later, and even then, I felt okay.
“Babe, all I’m saying is, give yourself some time to discover what you feel, and talk to him about it.
He’s been clear from the start, but maybe give it a few seconds to actually become something without the idea of Clay in your head.
” Sara smiles at me, and I roll my eyes because she’s got a point.
I need to just let Jacks and I be. I need to talk to him about all this, but I’ll do it when I’m ready and when things feel more developed.
I don't want to jump head first into this without truly knowing how I feel. And part of me feels like I need to hit the brakes. It’s too soon for me to be feeling like this.
It’s too soon to think about starting up a relationship with someone I barely know, and am currently fake dating.
It would be too messy, and I don't want to be like Clay—moving on fast after I just went through a break up over a long relationship.
Everything I’m feeling lately has felt so big, and I need to calm down and think before making any life-changing decisions.
“Okay. That sounds good,” Jess and Sara smile at me, before wrapping me in a hug. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too,” they mumble.
“Do you guys want to watch Jacks’ game next week? It’s a home game, and I’ll be photographing it, but you guys can still watch.”
“Ooo! Maybe we can all come back here after and drink?” Jess beams at us.
“I love that plan. Claire, ask Jacks if he’s down. I have to go to class, so I’ll see you guys later,” Sara says as she breezes out of the apartment.
I look over at Jess. “Study date at the library?”
“I’m down. I could use some coffee.”
I always feel better after I talk to my girls, but I need to learn to trust my own feelings without being scared that I’m in the wrong.
I’ll trust myself again, and I already know that I can trust Jacks. I just hope he feels any semblance of emotions that I do, or this could get messy really fast, and I could find myself in the exact same position that I was when I started this whole thing.
But how do I know that it’s real? How do I know that my feelings are true and not just me projecting things that I want in a relationship onto Jacks?
I’m so damn confused.