Chapter 13 Jacks #2
Grant’s eyes light up before he nods at us.
“Okay, fine. Let’s go then.” He waves bye to everyone and makes his grand exit.
I wave by to a few people, including Holt, and thankfully we don't see Ryan anywhere.
Grant and him are in some weird love triangle thing with Hads.
I don't know exactly what’s going on, but Grant hates it.
He told me that Hads has been trusting Ryan over him, and I don't blame her because Grant can come on kind of strong and dickish sometimes. I know it’s fucking with his head, and I can't do a thing to help.
Some friend I am.
Claire grabs my hand and steadies my thoughts as the three of us breathe in the winter air. Grant can walk pretty well, he usually handles his alcohol better than I do, but he turns to face the two of us and starts blabbering. “Candy Canes, you look wonderful in that jersey by the way.”
“Thanks, Grant. It might be my favorite thing in my closet right now.”
“Random question, but do you own any pink sweaters?” Oh, here we go again.
“Claire, you don't have to answer that. Grant has declared war on both sweaters and the color pink because Hads was wearing it once.”
She looks at the two of us with a confused expression on her face. “Hads as in Hadleigh Baker?”
Grant smiles at the mention of her. “Yes, that one. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her and all those damn skirts she wears.”
“She’s also your tutor, Grant,” I remind him.
“And?” I hear Claire say from beside me.
“Yeah, Jacks. And?”
“And nothing, isn't that a conflict of interest or something?”
“Sometimes you can't help who you fall for and when. Sometimes it just happens, and it takes your breath away.” Claire says beside me as our hands swing between us. Is she talking about Grant or herself right now?
“Exactly!” Grant shouts. “Thank you, Candy Canes. Jacks of all people should know that, he’s liked you ever since he saw you.”
Fuck. No. He did not just say that did he? I definitely imagined that, right?
Wrong. I feel Claire’s hand tense up in mine, and she releases our hands as we get in front of our building. I’m going to kill Grant tomorrow, and the worst part is that he might not even remember saying that. I planned on telling her that on my own time, but Grant just accelerated it for me.
As we get into the common area of our building, I turn to face her.
“I have some explaining to do, but please just let me do it. I have to get Grant into bed before he does something stupid. So, I’m going to take care of him, and then I’ll explain, I promise,” I tell her, seeing her fiddle with the rings on her fingers. “Please be here when I come back.”
She nods. “I’ll be here.”
I press a kiss to her forehead before dealing with Grant. When I get him to our room, I grab a bottle of water and tell him to drink it. As I’m leading him over to his bed, he looks over at me. “Do you think I’ll ever be good enough for her?”
“For who?”
“Hads. I feel like I keep failing over and over again, and I don't know how to stop.”
That phrase kind of punches me in the chest. I love Grant, I do, and I hate to see him hurting over something like this.
He’s been cheated on before and hasn't really dated in a while, so I know this is a big deal for him—putting himself out there again. “It’ll be okay, Grant. You’re a good guy, it might just take her a second to see that. ”
I don't know Hads that well, but Grant tells me how closed off she is because of stuff that happened in her past too, and deep down I feel like they're both more similar than they care to admit. I get him into bed and throw some Advil on his side table before heading back out to Claire. Fuck, I hope she’s still here.
I push the door open to our common area, and I don't see her for a few seconds. My heart’s beating fast as I start to think that she just left without letting me explain, but a few seconds later, I find her at the vending machine we have in our common room. Every dorm has one.
I wordlessly grab my wallet out of my pocket and throw a few bucks into the machine.
I press A5 and get her a bag of pretzels—her favorite kind.
She’s always snacking on them when I watch her edit her pictures or study.
She reaches down to grab them before planting herself on one of the chairs that sits in the center of the room.
Neither of us has said a word, as I take a seat across from her.
God, where the fuck do I start? What the hell am I supposed to say?
“Was what he said true?” she asks me in a low whisper.
“Yes,” I say, and I see her take a big deep breath probably feeling the weight of what I just said. She knows it’s been real for me the entire time. She knows. There’s no going back now.
“So, when I approached you with my plan…” She trails off, already knowing what I’m going to say.
“Yes,” I whisper back to her. “Look, I was going to tell you, I was. I thought about doing it right then and there when you asked me, but I was too much of a coward to get the words out. I thought you’d think I was insane. As I say that out loud, you probably think I’m insane right now.”
“A little.” She smiles.
“That’s okay.” I smile back at her. “Claire, you’ve been in my head ever since I saw you that first day and fell over on the ice. You did that by the way, your beauty practically pushed me over.”
“Oh, come on, you can’t blame me for that!”
“I can and I will. I’ve fallen over on the ice before, but not since I was younger.”
“Just keep talking, idiot.” She smiles at me again, and it suddenly feels like all hope might not be lost right now. She’s hearing me out, and I could jump up and down because of that.
“I knew you had a boyfriend, so I pushed it to the back of my mind—trying to pursue you and shit. I was too much of a wuss to even say a word to you at the start, so it’s not like anything would’ve happened, anyway.”
“And then I came to you with a proposition.”
“Well, yeah. Freshman year went by, and every time I saw you on campus, I practically stopped breathing.
All of my friends made fun of me because of how scared I was to even try to make small talk with you.
But then you came to me with your plan, and I thought it was a sign from the universe or something.
Obviously, you know what happened. I agreed to be your fake boyfriend and such, but it never felt fake to me.
It always just felt like I was finally getting to know you the way I wanted to, and it felt good being with you, even knowing that you thought it was fake.
I didn't care, Claire. As long as I had a small piece of you, even if it was bullshit, was enough for me.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“It stopped feeling fake to me after that night we danced in the rain, and that scared me, so I didn't bring it up.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling hope bloom in my chest.
“Yeah.” She sighs. “I wish you told me from the start, Jacks.”
“Looking back, I wish I did too. But I can't change that. All I can do is hope that you're not too pissed at me to hear what I’m saying, Claire.” Her eyes meet mine. “I like you, for real, and I don't want this to be fake anymore.”
She sighs heavily and stays quiet for a few seconds. “Jacks you might be the best guy I know, but I need some time to think. It’s only been a few months, and I need a minute to digest all this.”
“Take all the time you need, Claire. I’ll be here or not regardless of your decision.
” I pause before speaking again. “I’m sorry you had to find out from someone other than me, but just know that I was going to tell you.
It all seemed like bad timing, and I wanted as much time with you before I probably screwed it all up. ”
“You didn't screw anything up. I just need to think.”
I get up and sit next to her, a few beats of silence pass before I speak again. “I’ve never felt like this before you. I’ve never experienced what you make me feel, Claire.”
She looks up at me, her eyes teary. “I’ve never felt like this either, Jacks. Not even with Clay, but it’s all just a little fast.”
“I understand.” I press a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s been an overwhelming few months. Just promise me that you’ll trust what you feel. Trust that you know what's best for you, gorgeous.”
She nods at me.
“I need the words, Claire.”
“I promise.” She looks up at me before pressing a light kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you soon, Jacks.”
With that she gets up and leaves me sitting here smiling like an idiot, but feeling like the dumbest motherfucker in the world. I should’ve told her from the start, but something tells me that this isn't the end.
It’s the beginning of something real, and I can't wait to see where it takes us.