Chapter 14 Jacks
Jacks
I’m sitting on my bed on this fine Thursday afternoon regretting everything I’ve ever done when Grant walks in. I peak over at him and he has this weird ass look on his face.
Oh God, what did he do now?
I was building up the courage to text Claire, but this seems like it needs my attention first. Plus, it’s not like Claire would text me back. Or maybe she would.
I have no idea, but I’ve been giving her some space for a few days. I also yelled at Grant for spilling that tidbit of information, and when he asked why, I had to explain the whole fake dating thing to him.
Suffice it to say, it’s been a weird few days.
But I’m glad someone besides my parents knows now.
I love going to them for advice, but I trust Grant to give it to me straight and not get my hopes up for things.
I know I fucked up, and I regret not telling her about my feelings at the start, but nothing I can do will change anything now.
I just have to hope that our time together—even if it was fake—was enough to at least have Claire consider something, anything.
But this was fast. I know it was fast and so does she, and I don't want to scare her or make her second guess herself.
I want this. I want us.
But she might not, and if she chooses to go that route, I have to be okay with it. I know I’ll respect any decision she makes because I’ll always remember the time we spent together, even with how short it was.
Claire won't leave my mind easily, and I’m okay with that.
Grant has now encased himself underneath his sheets.
He definitely fucked up, and I’m going to try my hardest not to laugh at whatever he tells me.
Hads has been giving him a run for his money, and I enjoy seeing this side of Grant.
It makes me feel a lot better about being a whipped fucker for Claire.
I guess we’re in a similar situation, and that thought makes me laugh.
I don't think Hads and Claire know how powerful they are if the two of us are this distraught over them. It’s hilarious.
I go over to Grant’s bed and yank the covers off his body. I stare at him, while waiting for him to explain what the fuck he’s annoyed about.
“That was mean. I’m cold now.”
“What’s your deal?” I ask him, knowing that he’s probably going to deflect.
“My deal? What are you talking about? My only deal right now is that I'm cold!” He tries to dramatically grab the sheets from me, probably to hide under them again, but I stretch them further away so he can't. “Rude.”
“Dude, you're sulking right now.”
“I am not sulking. Sulking is for sad people, and I’m not sad.” Yeah, totally. Because every time you come in here, you do this. I’m sick of the deflection, so I rip all of his sheets clean off his bed in one swoop.
“That was for lying to me.”
“Dude! I just put those back on my bed! I’m making you put those back on.” I will not be doing that.
Grant tries to reach for his sheets that I’m holding, but I’m too quick for him. “No, not until you tell me what your deal is right now.”
He sighs heavily before he finally tells me. “Hypothetically, I may have kissed Hadleigh, and she may or may not have slapped me for it.”
“You did what?” Did he just say he kissed her? Oh, this is hilarious.
“This is all hypothetical, of course.”
It’s very clearly not a hypothetical. “So, you didn't kiss Hadleigh, and she didn't slap you?”
“Well, no, those things did happen, but the situation I’m talking about is hypothetical.”
Fuck, I can't take this kid anymore. I release his sheets before I leave the room. It’s funny to me how hard he’s chasing after this girl but he’s making all the wrong moves to do it. Then again, I haven't done much better.
“Where are you going?”
“To sign up for therapy, just hearing about your life is making me want to speak to someone.”
“You're totally putting my sheets back on for me later!” he yells to me and I just shake my head at him.
But as soon as his situation melts into my mind, I feel jealous. Grant kissed Hads. Grant was able to kiss the girl he likes just because he wanted to.
I hate all of this waiting, but Claire needs space. She needs to make the decision on her own terms, and if I can give her one thing, it’s that.
I’ve never loved someone else, and I’ve never felt that someone I was interested in me loved me.
But it felt real. Claire and I. It felt real to me the whole time, and I think it did for her too, at least toward the end.
Being with her made me feel like I was whole.
She made me feel like I deserved to feel how I did forever.
I’ve never had that before—being with someone who felt like I was coming up for air for the first time. God, this girl has fucked my head up, and I don't even care. I don't care that we’re in a weird gray area right now.
I could plan some sort of rom-com worthy big gesture, but I think I’m just going to keep going on the route that I’m on. No matter how long it takes, I’m going to give her space.
In the long run, everything might work out. But for now, I’m waiting.
I’d wait forever knowing that she could eventually want to be with me.