Chapter 44
Hayes
The boys run out of the locker room into the sunlight, and I can’t help but recall the last game I played with Langston. There was excitement buzzing in the air then, just like now.
Tanner is at the front of the line, running out with his team and ready to take them to victory. He looks strong and healthy, but all it takes is one hit.
One hit, and his world changes.
But I can’t help him, and the people who should be helping him won’t.
Worry settles into my stomach as we take the field. Campbell slaps me on the shoulder. “He’ll be okay.”
I told him about the meeting with Tanner’s parents. He’s also worried, but he’s more optimistic than I am. He never worries about things going wrong.
Me, on the other hand—I’ve lived days of everything going wrong. I know what can happen in the blink of an eye.
Lives change within seconds, and decisions are made that you can’t take back.
Needing to take my mind off the worry, I search the crowd for my girl and find her right where she said she would be—in the same place she sat when she cheered me on in high school.
My chest squeezes at the sight of her. She looks perfect in a Benton Falls Giants jersey and red hair falling down her back. I could take in this view all day. But then she catches me staring, and it only gets better. With a little wave, she spins around, lifting her hair, and my last name is on her back.
It nearly brings me to my knees.
One day, I’m going to convince her to make it her last name, too.
She turns back around and cheers as the announcer starts to announce the names of our players. I throw her a wink and bring my attention back to the field.
The captains are on the field, flipping the coin, and Tanner throws his arm up in the air when we win the toss.
We are playing one of our bigger rivals, and there’s a lot of pressure to win this game. We’ve been on a winning streak, and the town has taken notice.
Before we walked out of the locker room, I made sure they knew that winning or losing this game doesn’t determine their worth.
I’ll remind them after the game, too.
The captains hustle back to the sideline, and the defense gets ready to take the field.
Tanner stands beside me, his helmet on his head, waiting for his turn to be the hero.
I turn to him and look through the slots of his face mask. “I want you to play smart. Don’t make any stupid decisions out there that will get you hurt. Do you understand me?”
He nods his head. “Yes, sir.”
“Good,” I say, slapping his shoulder pads.
The defense has stopped the other team within minutes, and our offense runs out.
Tanner lines up behind the center, clapping his head and yelling, “Hike.”
My stomach stays in knots as I watch the ball reach his hands. He pulls it up to his shoulder, looking for an open receiver, and when he finds one, he lets the ball fly. The receiver catches it with ease and takes off running down the field until a defensive player catches up with him, tackling him to the ground.
The crowd cheers, and I take a breath.
One play safe, a hundred more to go.
I may have a heart attack from stress by the time this game is over.
We continue to move the ball, and the crowd goes wild with every yard we gain. And I hear MJ yelling the loudest each time, above the crowd.
Every once in a while, I chance a glance up to where she’s sitting. There’s happiness in her eyes and a grin on her face. She’s having fun.
At first, I worried about pushing her into this, but I meant what I said. I think she needed to come here to heal, and with her mom sitting beside her in the stands, she’s healing in a lot of ways.
The minutes tick down, and with each one, we are closer to ending this game without an injury. My body starts to relax, and I settle into the game with my players.
The game stays close, with each team trading touchdowns, and by the time we are in the fourth quarter, the score is tied.
I called a time-out, and now we are in the huddle. We have three minutes left to score. If we can drag out this drive and score, we can prevent the other team from taking possession.
“Alright, boys, this is your time to shine,” Campbell says from the other side of the huddle. “Go out there and hold your line. We’re going to run the clock, which means keeping the ball on the ground. Hold onto the football.”
Campbell’s speech ends, and eleven sets of eyes swivel my way. “Remember what I said—win or lose. You are more than this moment. It won’t define the rest of your life.”
The boys offer sober nods, and then we break the huddle. Campbell and I step back onto the sideline while the boys take their formation.
The ball is snapped, and Tanner hands it off to the running back, who takes off. He makes it five yards before he’s brought down.
Slowly, we march the ball down the field, eating up yard by yard until there are seconds left on the time clock, and we have twenty yards to go.
I study my play sheet in my hand. They expect us to pass. They are waiting for it, so that’s why we aren’t going to.
“Tanner, get over here,” I yell, watching the play-clock.
There’s time.
Tanner rushes over, and I grab his helmet, pulling his head down to mine.
“This is your moment, kid. We’re going to run a fake. You’re fast. I’ve seen you run at practice. Fake the hand-off and run for your life.”
“You got it, Coach.”
With one last slap to his helmet, he takes off at a sprint to his team. He relays the play, and the team lines up.
Seconds tick down on the play clock, and just before the time is up, the center snaps the ball straight into Tanner’s hands.
He fakes it to the running back, then tucks it in his arms. His feet move quicker than I’ve ever seen him move, running down the sideline and finding gaps while his teammates block for him.
Behind me, the crowd is on their feet, going wild, while my heartbeat thunders to the rhythm of their cheers.
I hold my breath, waiting as Tanner makes it to the ten, the five, TOUCHDOWN.
He crosses the line.
And at the same moment, I see it coming—a big defense linebacker taking one last chance to make the play. His body is already in motion when Tanner crosses the plane. There’s no stopping it, and Tanner doesn’t see it coming. The lineman’s helmet collides with Tanner’s from the side, knocking his head to an angle that makes me sick to my stomach.
The crowd goes quiet, and I throw my clipboard to the ground, rushing to Tanner before he’s even hit the crowd.
He’s still—unnaturally still.
What have I done?
______________________
I hate the hospital.
I don’t have to come here often for my job, but when I do, I keep my eyes on the floor and avoid looking around.
Sitting in the waiting room of the emergency room, I do the same.
I’m leaning forward, elbows on my knees, staring at the ground. MJ sits beside me, tears streaking down her face. I should reach out and comfort her, but I can’t bring myself to move. I’m stuck in a memory of the past—reliving my worst nightmare.
After Tanner was hit, the medical staff rushed out with a stretcher and a neck brace. They didn’t want to jostle him too much based on the injury he sustained. We’re looking at least another concussion—if not more. The doctors are doing testing now.
I can’t get this sick feeling out of my stomach that I should have pushed harder—done more for him. We wouldn’t be sitting here if I had.
“Hayes,” MJ says my name, but my head feels like it’s underwater.
I can’t breathe.
I haven’t been able to breathe since I watched that lineman’s helmet slam into Tanner’s.
The memory keeps playing on replay in my head, and I can’t turn it off.
“Hayes. It wasn’t your fault.”
They are the words that pierce through the water, bringing all my emotions to a boiling point.
Shoving out of my chair, I tower over her.
“It is, MJ. It is my fault. I called that play. I knew if he took one more hit to the head, we could end up here, and I played him anyway. This whole time, I’ve been telling him that football isn’t everything, and I played him anyway.”
MJ looks up at me, her bottom lip wobbling.
“What do you mean you knew one more hit could land him here?”
My chest feels like it’s caving in.
I’ve messed up once again.
I never ended up telling MJ about the physicals. I was going to, but after I realized Tanner’s parents wouldn’t listen, I didn’t want to worry her.
And that’s exactly what she would have done.
But now we are here, and it will look like I lied to her.
“Listen,” I say, pushing my fingers through my hair, “about a week ago, I brought your dad in to do some physicals for the boys. I did it for Tanner because I thought if your dad found something, his parents would have to listen. But it didn’t go the way I wanted. Your dad made sure they knew that the next injury could be worse if Tanner took another hit to the head. But since nothing was wrong with him then, he couldn’t technically advise against playing.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She swallows, pain flashing in her eyes, and I would do a million things differently just to avoid this moment.
Why hadn’t I just told her?Because I was stupid. That’s why.
“I know that your relationship with your dad still isn’t great. I thought I would save you the heartache—especially after I found out that Tanner’s parents still weren’t taking his headaches seriously. I didn’t want to worry you.”
She stands up, forcing her way into my bubble. There’s a brokenness on her face that I put there. “And what now, Hayes?”
“I’m sorry. I thought—I thought I was protecting you.”
“How are you going to protect me now? I could have done something. We could have come up with a plan. You pushed me out. I thought we were over that.” Huffing, she wraps her arms around her middle. She looks like she’s trying to hold all her pieces together. I want to reach out and hold them for her, but I don’t think she would let me. So, I shove my hands in my pockets and pray I have the strength to keep them there. “We’ll talk about this later. Right now, we’re here for Tanner. But we will talk about it because, Hayes, we’re doing things differently this time, which means we talk. You don’t get to push me out. I won’t let you.”
Relief causes my shoulders to sag from a fear I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding on to. “You’re not going to run?”
She looks me in the eyes when she says, “No, Hayes. I’m not running.”
“Thank you,” My voice is a gruff whisper against the noise of the waiting room.
“Mallorie Jade.”
We both turn our heads to look at the person who called her name. Dr. Harrison is walking toward us, a somber look on his face.
I scratch the back of my neck, bracing myself for what he has to say.
“Dad,” MJ says, “what are you doing here?”
“Your mother told me what happened after you dropped her off at the house. I came straight here. I’ve been overseeing the imaging for Tanner. I figured you would like to know that he is awake and alert.”
“Thank goodness,” MJ sobs, falling into my chest.
I wrap my arms around her, thankful for the chance to hold her.
“Thank you for coming, Dr. Harrison,” I say, stretching out one of my hands to shake his while still holding his daughter.
He takes it and meets my gaze. There’s acceptance in the way he looks at me, and when he looks at his daughter, that look turns a little sad.
“It was my pleasure.”
Dr. Harrison might struggle at being a father, but he’s a good doctor—the best actually. It gives me a little relief that he will take care of Tanner personally.
“Can we see Tanner?” MJ asks, looking up at her dad.
He nods. “He was asking if you were here. His parents are with him now, but they agreed that you could come back and wanted me to fill you in on his condition. We will keep him overnight for observation, and he will likely go home tomorrow. There’s no bleeding on his brain or any other major concerns, but with his history, I would feel better watching him.”
“We understand, sir,” I say, following him through the halls that lead us to Tanner.
We stop in front of a room at the end of the hall, and Dr Harrison says, “He’s in there. I’ll give you some time. Let me know if you need anything.”
Then he disappears down the hallway.
The room is dark when we step in. Eric stands with his shoulder against the wall, looking bored. Josephine is sitting in a chair in front of him, talking to someone on the phone, and Theo sits beside his son’s bed, a look of pure terror on his face.
Tanner hears us step in and turns his head toward us.
“Coach. We won.”
My stomach threatens to revolt.
“I think we have bigger things to worry about than a game, Tanner.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, but it’s still cool we won.”
Theo turns his head from his son and looks at me like he could run through me.
I’d let him if he tried.
MJ steps forward beside his bed, ignoring his mom and stepdad, and leans down. “How are you feeling, kid?”
One side of his lips lifts in an attempt at a smile. “Like I got trucked by a linebacker.”
“Well, kid,” she says, holding his hand, “you did. That hit was nasty.”
Theo speaks up, “And it will be the last one he takes.”
Tanner’s head whips toward his dad, wincing in pain from the sudden movement. “What? What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. Son, you are putting your life at risk, and I won’t allow it anymore. My lawyer filed for emergency custody. It was granted this morning.”
“What?” Josephine screeches, finally looking up from her phone. “Hilary. I’m going to have to call you back. Yes, we’re still on for brunch tomorrow. Goodbye.”
She ends the phone call and stands up, glaring down at where Theo still sits in his chair beside their son’s hospital bed. “Who gave you permission to file for emergency custody?”
The condescension in her voice is so thick I’m not sure how it doesn’t choke her. But Theo doesn’t mind. He just snorts and stands his ground.
“Contrary to what you think, Josephine, I don’t need your permission. All I needed was a signed letter from Dr. Harrison explaining the situation with Tanner and your decision to let him play, and the judge agreed that you were putting him in danger. Now, I have custody, and you no longer have a say.”
Josephine’s face turns white, and Eric steps up behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “I want to see the court order.”
“Hey,” MJ says, stepping in. “maybe we should take this outside and let Tanner rest.”
Theo ignores her and shrugs. “That’s fine. It’s in my truck. But it doesn’t change the fact that Tanner will no longer be playing football.”
“And don’t I get a say in this?” Tanner asks, rage burning in his eyes.
“No, son, you don’t. You’re not making good decisions for yourself, and your mom has allowed that. She’s manipulated you into believing that you can only be loved if you win a stupid game, and I’m sorry I let you stay in that situation for so long.”
“I hate you,” Tanner screams. “I hate all of you.”
I step up from where I’d been standing by the door to attempt to calm him down. “Hey, let’s talk about this.”
“I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to talk to any of you.” He’s hysterical at this point, and I worry that he’s going to make himself sick. He’s already been puking from the concussion based on the bucket that’s sitting beside him, ready for when he needs it.
Dr. Harrison steps in the door, a look of concern on his face.
“Folks. I’m going to have to ask you to step out. Tanner, you need to calm down and rest. That’s the only way you’ll get better.”
“Coach, tell him he can’t make me quit.” Tanner’s voice breaks, begging me to make Theo change his mind, but I can’t—I won’t because he’s a father trying to save his son.
“I can’t do that, Tanner.”
He doesn’t have to scream to get his next words across. “Then I hate you, too.”
I open my mouth to say something back, but I can’t get the words out.
What I want to say is, “Join the club because you can’t hate me any more than I hate myself for putting you here.”
But I don’t.
Instead, I close my mouth and dip my head, willingly accepting what he’s saying.
“Tanner Sylvis, how dare you scare me like that,” a young voice says from the doorway, and when I turn my head, there’s Bella, decked out in her band uniform and glaring at Tanner.
Tanner groans, throwing his head back against the pillow.
“Nope,” Dr. Harrison chides. “Young lady, you have to leave. Everyone get out so my patient can get some rest. You can argue somewhere else. I will call security if I must.”
“Josephine,” Theo says, standing from his seat. “Follow me to my truck, and I’ll give you your copies of the paperwork and our next court date. Tanner, I’ll be back. Try to get some rest.”
Tanner ignores him, and I see Theo try not to let that affect him.
Instead, he dusts off his pants and leads Josephine and Eric, each with varying degrees of anger on their face, out of the room.
Stretching my hand toward MJ, I wait for her to take it, and when she does, I turn toward Bella. “Come on, Bella. I’ll walk you out.”
“She can stay,” Tanner says from his bed. “She’s the only one who hasn’t betrayed me.”
Bella looks at me, and I nod.
The kid could use a friend right now. I just hope that one day, he realizes that I’m doing what’s best for him.
I won’t see him lose his life too.