Chapter 45
Hayes
It’s Saturday morning after the game, and I’m sitting in the middle of the football field, thinking about the events of last night.
The field is quiet, and I hate it.
Over the course of the last few weeks, Tanner has been at every Saturday practice, not missing one since that second week. His and MJ’s laughter and chatter filled my silence as Tanner slowly started to warm up to us.
Now Tanner isn’t here, and after the long night, MJ is sleeping in.
And the silence pierces my ears.
I needed that boy to come into my life more than he needed me. He helped heal me. He gave me something to fight for again.
And yet, I left him more broken than when I started.
There must be something fundamentally wrong with me.
“I knew I would find you here.” Campbell’s voice echoes over the loudspeaker.
I look up at the press box. Campbell is hanging out the window, waving like a crazy man.
At least his loud mouth will be able to fill the silence.
Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yell, “I thought you were on duty?”
With the grace of a baby giraffe, he climbs out the window and marches down the bleachers, all while yelling, “I am. Someone called in a well-check for you.”
I stand, dusting off the dirt from my pants, and meet him at the bleachers. He’s wearing his uniform with a ball cap covering his eyes, so I can’t tell if he’s serious or not.
“Oh, yeah? By who?”
“Silas. He said, and I quote, ‘there’s an oversized toddler pouting on the football field instead of getting his life together and finding God. Somebody might want to check on him’—end quote. So here I am. Checking on you.”
“That man needs to mind his own business,” I grumble.
Campbell stares at me, blinking like I’m slow to catch up. “Maybe. But is he wrong? You do act like an oversized toddler sometimes.”
I snort. “Says the man that steals other people’s food.”
He doesn’t even bother looking sheepish. “Hey, a man’s got to eat.” His hands tuck under his vest, face losing its humor. “In all seriousness, Hayes. I’m here to check on you. We’ve been friends a long time, and I know where your head went after last night. You’re blaming yourself for what happened, and that’s just not true.”
“Yeah, man, it is. I shouldn’t have let him play,” I say, gritting my teeth and looking out over the field.
A hard shove at my shoulder catches me off guard.
“Dude. What was that for?” I ask, bringing my attention to my best friend.
But it’s not my fun-loving, go-with-the-flow best friend standing beside me. Campbell’s furious. Red heats his cheeks, and his fists are clenched at his side. I wonder if he’s going to take a swing at me.
“I let him play, too. I knew everything you did, and I let him play, too. But guess what? I don’t blame myself. Do you want to know why, Hayes?”
I give him a sharp shake of my head, still reeling from the fact that he shoved me. “Because I’m not God. I can’t know everything that’s going to happen. I’m not in control. Bad things happen because this is an evil world, man. But I can’t take responsibility for things I can’t control. You’ve got to learn that. And as your best friend, I thought you were, but here we are again, in the same place we were when Langston died.”
My jaw pops. “I am not back there again. Drop it.”
His eyes narrow. “No. You’re right. You aren’t back there yet. But that’s where you’re heading if you don’t get out of this mind space. And do you know what happened the last time you tried to pick up the guilt that God wanted you to lay down?”
“Drop it, Campbell,” I bark.
This conversation is taking a turn that I don’t want to go down.
His laugh is gruff, and he reaches out and shoves me again. “Make me, Hayes. Get some of that anger off your chest and make me. Because if you don’t, you’re going to lose MJ again, and you were an insufferable jerk the first time you shoved her out.”
Anger blinds me.
For one brief second, I blackout, and when I come back to the light, Campbell is lying on the ground from where I tackled him.
“Dude,” he grins, some of his anger still shining in his eyes, “I knew you still tackled like a girl.”
Growling, I shove off of him, raking my hands through my hair. “Do you ever know when to shut up?”
“Nah. It’s part of my charm. But I’m serious, man, don’t follow paths you’ve already been down. Forge a new one. It’s past time you forgive yourself.”
The shrill ring of my phone in my pocket interrupts before I can tell him to mind his business again.
Still glaring at him, I fish it out of my pocket and shove my finger over my lips like I’m quieting a toddler.
Theo’s name lights up my screen.
Last night, I grabbed Theo’s number before we left the hospital, and I texted him this morning.
Tanner was being released, and Theo was taking him home to rest.
My heart slams against my rib cage as I imagine every scenario of why Theo is calling, and none of them are good.
Sliding my thumb across the screen, I lift my phone to my ear and say, “Hello.”
“Is my son with you?” Theo doesn’t bother with niceties.
And I steady my breath, trying to calm the panic that his words bring.
“No. Why?”
“He’s missing.”
______________________
After I filled Campbell in on what was happening, I tried calling MJ several times, but it kept going to voicemail. Campbell said he would drive to her house to let her know while I headed to Theo’s.
Now, I’m pulling into the driveway and cutting the engine before I’m fully in park.
Lily’s car is already here. I called her on the way to tell her about Tanner. She was there last night as the game administrator when Tanner took the hit, and our guilt might as well have been twin mirrors. I could see it written on her face, so I figured she would want to know he was missing. Plus, the more heads we have in figuring out where the kid could have disappeared, the faster we can find him.
Theo slings open the door as I bound up the porch steps.
He’s a disheveled mess with whiskers that are a little too long on his face and a coffee stain on his white t-shirt. Lily stands in the doorway behind him, looking out of place, like she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know,” he says, pulling hard at the roots of his hair. “Last night at the hospital, I didn’t sleep at all. I stayed up all night counting his breaths. The nurses tried to urge me to get some sleep—said Tanner would be fine—but I couldn’t make myself. I was afraid if I took my eyes off of him, I’d lose him again. When we got home, I must have been more exhausted than I thought because after I got him to bed, I sat down on the couch, and I must have fallen asleep. I was out for an hour at most—and when I went to check on him, his room was empty.”
Theo’s sob is so heartbreaking that it snaps me into action. It takes a lot to make a grown man cry, and I think I’ve underestimated this man’s story.
My police training takes over, and my fear takes a backseat.
There’s a grieving parent in front of me right now, and my own hysterics won’t help the situation.
Lily steps up and places her hand on Theo’s chest, and even though the guy towers over her, he drops his head down to rest on her collarbone.
“Hey,” Lily says, awkwardly patting his back, “We’re going to find him.”
For one second, I let her offer him comfort, and then I take charge.
“Theo.” His name comes across as a demand, gaining his attention. He lifts his head, not bothering to wipe away the tears staining his face. “I know that you’re scared for your kid right now. But I need you to focus. Have you called Josephine and Eric to see if he’s there?”
He glares at me. “Of course I have. I’m not an idiot. I called them before I called you.”
I ignore the attitude and focus on the answer. “Do you know of anywhere else he might go? Anywhere else he would feel safe?”
His eyes tear up again, and he looks past me off his porch. “I don’t—I don’t know, man. I haven’t been allowed to know my own kid. Josephine’s money made sure she got custody, and she kept him from me. There was nothing I could do. It’s why I called you—you know my kid better than I do.”
The words twist his mouth, and I can see how much they hurt him to admit.
So, I don’t push.
“I might have a few ideas.”