Chapter 46
Mallorie Jade
21 years old
Hayes’s phone is ringing for the third time in the last hour. Langston’s name lights up his screen, and Hayes hits ignore once again.
I love my brother, but I don’t know how much more I can take.
Since his accident, his drinking has gotten worse. He’s not even bothering to hide it from Mom and Dad anymore—not that I’ve spoken with either of them since the day at the hospital.
I’ve ignored their calls, too. But they’ve sent a hundred texts that somehow place me at the center of all Langston’s problems.
“Do you want to answer that?” I ask, sitting on my couch beside Hayes.
“If I wanted to answer it, I would have,” Hayes says. His voice is tight as if he’s trying to control his anger, but I don’t know what he has to be angry about.
“Okay, Hayes. You don’t have to bite my head off.”
He sighs, rubbing his hand over his face.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just under a lot of stress right now.”
“And you think I’m not?” I move away from him.
Instead of staying in the dorms this year, I’m renting an apartment. It’s made it easier to keep my relationship with Hayes a secret—what little relationship that’s left.
Things have been strained between us since Langston’s injury. Hayes is busy prepping for the NFL, and I’m here, trying to survive school and my brother. Hayes is moving forward, and I’m stuck where I’ve always been—in Langston’s shadow.
“Can we not fight? I came here to spend time with you. All we do anymore is fight.”
The words are bitter, and I can’t help but feel the same way.
I’m tired of fighting. If we aren’t fighting over Langston, we are fighting over football, or our futures, or literally everything else.
I’m exhausted.
“Then maybe we should call it quits. We’re clearly not working. What’s the point?” The words burn my throat. I don’t mean them, but I can’t take them back.
Things have changed between us, and I feel like I’m bleeding out with no one to stop it.
Hayes scoffs, standing up and running his hand through his hair. “Because I love you, MJ. That’s why.”
I don’t look at him. Tears sting the back of my eyes. “Then why haven’t we told Langston, or anyone else for that matter, that we are dating? If you love me, why are we still hiding?”
He takes a deep breath, trying to gain control of himself, but when he speaks, he sounds like he’s talking to a toddler, not his girlfriend. “We’ve been over this. We even agreed on this. Right now is not the right time for your brother. We’ll wait until he’s doing better.”
I can’t stand sitting still anymore, so I stand up and start to pace.
“I’m not a child, Hayes, so don’t speak to me like I’m one. What if Langston never gets better? What then? Will you continue to hide this relationship forever?” I stop in the middle of the floor and turn toward him, waiting for his answer.
Shaking his head, he steps toward me.
“That’s not going to happen. He’ll get better. He’s just struggling right now.”
“And what if he doesn’t, Hayes? I need you to answer that question because if you can’t….I’m–I’m not sure I can keep doing this with you.”
He’s standing in front of me now, and his hands come up, bracketing my face.
“Don’t say that, MJ. I wouldn’t be able to live without you.”
“Then why are you so ashamed of me?” The question is a broken whisper of the insecurities I’ve dealt with my entire life. I’m not just asking Hayes, but my mom and dad, too.
Why is everyone so ashamed of me?
I don’t know when I started to cry, but Hayes’s thumb swipes across my cheek, clearing the tears from my face. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry. I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you.”
“Then prove it, Hayes. Let’s tell Langston. I don’t want to hide it from him anymore. I think he will be happy for us.”
Hayes wipes away another of my tears, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “I don’t know about that, but if you want to tell him, we will.”
“Tonight?” I ask, hope blooming for the first time in months.
He swallows, and the muscle in his jaw pops before he says, “If that’s what you want. But first, can I take you somewhere?”
I study his face. It’s the same face I’ve loved since I was four, but the innocence is missing. Instead, it’s lined with worries and troubles, and if he were to look at mine, I’m sure he would see the same.
But even though life hasn’t given us the easy path, I don’t love him any less. If anything, I love him more. It’s why I know I won’t walk away even if he chooses not to tell Langston tonight, as he said. I’ll continue to hide in the dark with him for as long as he wants until one day, he loves me enough to step out into the light with me.
“Yeah, Hayes. You can.”
______________________
Langston to the Group: Where are you guys? Let’s hang out.
Langston to the Group: You guys. Pick up the phone.
Langston to the Group: Are you ignoring me?
Hayes to the Group: Sorry. I have to work tonight.
MJ to the Group: I have homework. Sorry, L.
I’m sitting on the bench seat of Hayes’s truck. His arm is around me, and my head is on his shoulder.
I feel bad lying to Langston, but hopefully, it’s the last time. Hayes and I agreed that we shouldn’t tell him over a text. So when we get back tonight, we will go to his apartment and lay it all out for him.
He’ll be happy for us—I truly believe that.
“Where are we going?” I ask, not for the first time.
Hayes turns his head, kissing the top of my hair. “You’ll see. We are almost there. Be patient.”
I look up at him, raising an eyebrow, and he chuckles. “Okay, be as patient as you can.”
“Fine. I’ll try.”
We drive for another hour, and I close my eyes. He hums along with the radio, and I take comfort in the sound.
I wish this were the world we lived in—a world where worries, fights, and the future seem a million miles away—but soon enough, we will return to reality. And I’m terrified it will break us.
Hayes turns on his signal light, and I open my eyes in time to see him merge onto an exit. We are heading into the downtown area of a city, and I sit up straight, trying to figure out where we are. Hayes still doesn’t say anything as he takes turn after turn, leading us to our destination.
“Close your eyes,” he says at last, and I’m hesitant to obey.
“Mallorie Jade,” he scolds, and I give him a bright smile before doing as he asks. “Are they really closed?”
Scoffing, I say, “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
He snorts. “Fine, but keep them closed until I say.”
I salute him, and he snorts again.
The truck starts to slow, and I’m tempted to open my eyes. But I resist the urge and squirm in my seat.
Hayes kills the engine, and I hear his door open. Then he’s taking my hand and guiding me out of the truck.
“If you let me fall, I’ll be mad.”
“I’ll never let you fall, baby.” His voice is in my ear, sending delicious shivers down my back.
I love this man so much it hurts. I’d give him all of me if only he would just ask.
He closes the door, then his arm is on my back, guiding me as we walk. We don’t walk long until he’s holding my arm and pulling me to a stop.
“When you open your eyes, don’t say anything. I want to say something to you first, and I need you to listen.” Nodding, I chew on my lip, nervous now. “Okay. You can open them now.”
My brows wrinkle when I open my eyes. We are standing in front of a football stadium, and of all the places I thought we would go, this is not it.
“What are we doing here?”
The corner of Hayes’s mouth lifts. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist speaking first.”
“Sorry,” I say, pressing my lips together.
“You wouldn’t be you if you did what I asked.”
I shrug, remaining quiet.
His gaze becomes serious as he turns toward the stadium and studies it. “This is my future. It’s where I will be playing next year.”
My head snaps to him. “I thought you were going to New York. What happened?”
He takes his gaze off the stadium and turns toward me. There’s so much love in his eyes when he looks at me that I nearly cry. I thought I was losing him, but he’s looking at me like I’m the best part of his life, and I nearly crumble in relief.
“You. I love you, and I won’t leave you here to deal with things on your own. I asked my agent if it were possible for me to be traded, and he did some digging. I’ll be on the practice team for a while, but it was worth it. You’re my future, MJ, and I need you to know that. I’m not leaving you, and I’m not ashamed of you. I would marry you today if you let me.”
Tears stream down my face.
“Hayes, this is crazy. You can’t change your plans because of me.”
Leaning down, he places his lips on mine in a gentle kiss. “I can, and I have. You’re everything to me, and I’m sorry I’ve made you feel anything less than that. We’ll tell your brother because I want a future with you, MJ, and I won’t let anything stand in the way of that.”
His lips brush against mine again and again, and I could drown in the way he makes me feel loved. The tears stream down my face as we kiss in front of that stadium, and when he pulls back, I say, “I’ve missed you.”
He chuckles. “I’ve been right here.”
“I thought I was losing you.”
“Never, baby.”
I don’t know how long we stay like that, but the sky is dark by the time we get back in the truck to leave.
My heart is lighter as I sit next to him, and as he flips on the radio, I pick up my phone.
I have ten missed calls—all from my parents.
Sooner or later, I’ll have to talk to them, but I’m not ready yet. So, I switch off my phone, and relish this moment with my best friend.