Chapter Twenty-One
Juliana was almost giddy after what she had transpired between her and Jude. He hadn’t said the words, but she knew things had changed between them, in the best ways. She tried to keep from watching the clock, eager for him to return for dinner.
She sighed and stared at the embroidery in her hands. It was the best she could come up with to pass the time while she waited. He should arrive in a couple of hours, if she was lucky.
“My lady, you have a visitor.”
She jumped, not realizing Drummond had entered.
“Lord Demming,” Drummond said.
Juliana set the embroidery aside. “Send him in.”
She rose, ready to greet Nate. He strode into the room and took her hands in his. “I hoped you wouldn’t mind me calling. I had to get the details of what occurred after I left earlier.”
Laughing, she motioned for him to take his seat. “Not at all. I’m glad you did. I am going crazy watching the clock. You are a welcome distraction.”
“Happy to oblige, my lady. I must say, I did not know your gentleman friend was society’s favorite rake. I am sure he is delightful,” Nate said, casting her a knowing glance.
She sighed. “Indeed.”
Drummond must have requested tea on her behalf because a maid came in with the tea cart, then departed. Juliana poured out for each of them while Nate selected a couple of biscuits and placed them on a small plate.
“Your gentleman didn’t seem to appreciate my presence here,” Nate said once they both had their tea.
“I’d never known him to be the jealous type, but I believe his affections are strong.” She paused, contemplating if she would speak her thoughts and hopes with her friend. “Actually, I believe he will propose this evening,” she said, unable to stop her wide grin.
“That is wonderful news. I am so happy for you, and I hope we can continue to be friends.”
She patted his arm. “Of course, Nate.”
Drummond entered the room holding a missive. “My lady, this arrived for you.”
Juliana took the missive from him and eyed it in her hands.
“Do you mind if I read this?” she asked Nate, not looking up from the missive.
“Not at all. Go right ahead.”
She broke the seal and began reading to herself.
Juliana,
After all that has transpired between us, I believe it is best that we no longer see each other. You deserve a better man who will give you the life you deserve.
I had purchased all of Gordon’s debt markers. I have written my solicitor, Henry Foulis, to ensure you have full access to them if you need them. He is aware that if Gordon should do anything to upset you, the debts will be called in.
I hope one day you will see that this is for the best.
Sincerely,
Jude
The tears formed heavy in her eyes with each word that she read, and by the end they had begun streaming down her cheeks.
“Juliana, are you all right?” Nate asked.
She closed her eyes and dropped her hands to her lap with the missive. The tears steadily and quietly fell.
“Juliana?” The concern in his voice was evident.
She passed Nate the missive, unable to speak at the moment. Once he read it for himself, he gasped.
“I can’t believe that bastard,” Nate said. He folded the missive and sat it on the table next to the chair, then leaned forward and took her hands in his. “All will be well, Juliana. I’m so sorry he has hurt you so.”
She blinked away more tears and drew a deep breath. “I told him I loved him, Nate. I’m such a fool.”
“You are no fool. He is the fool. He doesn’t deserve you. You will find a man worthy of you, or even decide you wish to remain unwed. You are a strong, wealthy woman.”
“I hadn’t realized how badly I wished for children until I imagined myself building a life with Jude. I must marry to have children, but I can’t imagine letting myself love a man the way I love Jude. I still love him, Nate.”
Nate squeezed her hand. “I would issue a challenge to the bacon-brained man if I thought it would take away any of your pain.”
“Please, no. I don’t wish to see him dead at the hands of my friend.”
He handed her his handkerchief, and she used it to dab at her eyes.
“You will find the match for you,” Nate soothed.
She shook her head. “I shall never love another. So if I wish for children, I have to marry another man I don’t love in that way.” She closed her eyes, the sadness consuming her at the loss of the dream she held in her heart for her life with Jude.
“If you decide one day that you wish to marry for children, I would be honored to marry you, Juliana. I would attempt to give you children if you understand my meaning. If you are agreeable to a similar arrangement you had with Edward,” Nate said.
She knew it was the pain talking and the shock of the situation, but she needed something to look forward to.
She needed something to distract her from Jude and how he had broken her heart.
Juliana would never love another the way she loved him, so what was the point of trying?
If she wanted children and a husband who wouldn’t take her money and control her, Nate was her best chance.
“I accept,” she said.
“I wasn’t asking you to accept such an offer right now. Take some time with your thoughts. There is no need to hasten things.”
“I mean it. I accept,” she said, again.
He assessed her, tilting his head to the side. “Let us both think about things. This is a surprising revelation for us both, as I didn’t come here to propose. We’ll keep this between us for now, and we can continue to discuss the matter over the next few weeks.”
She just wanted to be done with it and not think about how her heart had shattered into a million pieces. She wasn’t certain it would ever be whole again.
Juliana drew a deep breath. Nate was right.
She was being rash and needed to think more about the situation.
Everyone in her life would think she was insane if she jumped right into marriage with Nate.
Although she was ready to jump into marriage with Jude, they may have found her just as insane if their friends knew about their time together.
Juliana fought the tears that threatened to fall again. “You are right. There is no need to hasten things. I appreciate the offer. I will continue to give it thought.”
“His letter mentioned Gordon’s debt markers. So I take the man is under the hatches?”
She nodded. “Yes. With the knowledge of his bed partners and control of his debts. I shall soon be rid of him.”
“I shall be happy to stand by your side if you need support when you face him.”
“I appreciate that. I shall let you know.” At least if she lost Jude, she still had Nate as a friend whom she could talk about all of her troubles with.
“I have an appointment. Will you be all right on your own?” Nate asked.
She nodded. “I shall be fine. I should like to be alone with my thoughts.”
He brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. “You only need to send me a note if you need me to come by. Otherwise, I will visit you in a couple of days and see how you are faring.”
“Thank you, Nate.”
He strode out of the room and Juliana picked up the missive again, rereading it several times.
Something about it didn’t sit right with her.
The missive didn’t even sound like Jude.
The words couldn’t be from the same man who left her chamber that morning.
Something was amiss, and she needed to know what it was.
Venturing to her chamber, she selected a bonnet and pelisse. Fortunately, Bonnie was in her chamber. It would be best to bring Bonnie with her, since anyone could see her entering Jude’s home. She hoped Bonnie accompanying her would dissuade any gossip.
“Bonnie, will you escort me on a stroll?” she asked.
“Of course, my lady.”
Bonnie handed Juliana her reticule. They departed the chamber and exited the townhouse after telling Drummond where they were going.
The pair walked in silence as Juliana attempted to gather her words and what she would say to him when she faced him.
If he thought he could get away with sending a note and never facing her, he was mistaken.
Once she reached his townhouse and knocked on the door, Abbott greeted her.
“I would like to see his lordship. You can tell him Lady Gordon is here, and I won’t depart until he sees me.”
Abbott frowned. “My lady, his lordship isn’t here.”
“Is he truly not here, or is he just avoiding speaking with me?” she asked, unwavering in her resolve to face Jude for herself.
“Truly, my lady. He departed for his country estate almost an hour ago.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “Do you expect him to return in a couple of days?”
He shook his head. “I don’t believe so, my lady. He wasn’t certain when he would return.”
She noticed the empathy in the man’s eyes, and she knew he had already shared with her more than he ought.
“Thank you for telling me so,” she said.
“You are most welcome, my lady.”
She turned away from the door and started back down the road.
The tears almost entirely blocked her vision, so she blinked to allow them to fall.
He ran away. He couldn’t even face her and explain why he said the things he did.
How could he do that to her? She had never misjudged someone as badly as she had misjudged Jude.
“Are you all right, my lady?” Bonnie asked.
“I’m fine. Thank you, Bonnie.”
She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin.
It was for show, because she didn’t feel the confidence she portrayed on the outside, but if she played the part, she might one day feel it.
As much as she wanted to give Jude a good set down, she wouldn’t attempt to lie to herself about how much she loved him.
Because she did. She loved him to the depths of her soul and she knew she would carry it with her forever.
Once she had reached her home again, she departed to her chamber, locking the door behind her.
She wished to be alone with her thoughts.
Throwing herself onto her bed, she buried her face into her pillow.
She released the sobs that she held within her body.
She wept into the pillow, which still smelled like him, until she couldn’t cry any longer and her head hurt.
Juliana sat up and massaged her temples. Sighing, as she wasn’t certain what to do next. The season held little appeal any longer. She wasn’t in the mood to attend balls and routs while she mended her broken heart.
There was always the option to marry Nate, which would be a compelling option if she might have children to focus on. She knew that love would never be in her future after what she experienced with Jude.
She needed to talk to one of her female friends about everything, but none of them knew about Jude.
Marina. Marina knew she was considering Jude. She received a letter from her yesterday that she delivered her baby boy, Arthur, named after her brother. Juliana hadn’t yet penned her response.
Hopping down from her bed, she ventured to her private parlor. She took a seat at her writing desk and grabbed a piece of parchment. Dipping her quill in ink, she worked on her missive to Marina.
Marina,
Congratulations on the birth of your son.
I am sure Evan is over the moon. I am not surprised that he fussed over you the entire time and made good on his promise to be with you when your babe was born.
I am sure you can expect that for the next several weeks.
I can’t wait to meet little Arthur. I am just thankful that you are both doing well.
I know you are quite busy with your son and husband, but I am desperately in need of your counsel.
I was a fool, Marina. I took your advice and pursued the arrangement with Jude, and I fell in love with him.
I thought he might feel the same, but he has ended things and left for the country without so much as facing me.
I had allowed myself to imagine what a life with a husband and children would be like again, and now I am left feeling adrift. I don’t know what to think or do now. Please tell me what to do.
Yours,
Juliana
She reread her words and then sanded the letter before sealing it.
Departing from her room, she walked the missive downstairs herself and put it in the tray to have it posted.
Marina was one of the most opinionated people she knew.
Juliana had no choice but to mend her broken heart by retreating from society while she awaited Marina’s response.